Outcast

by Adrienne Kress

  “Hello, girls!” My eyes shifted into focus. Speaking of religious leaders…

  “Father Peter,” said Amber, and she smiled brightly.

  Most girls tended to smile brightly when they saw Father Peter. Even me. That moment, watching him skid to a stop on his bike and barely just prevent himself from falling over, he even provoked a small chuckle.

  Poor Father Peter, he was an oddity in the town. After all, there weren’t that many Catholics left. They’d all evacuated once the Church of the Angels got its foothold. Father Peter had been sent to us three years ago. He was young, a little scatterbrained, and he was, unfortunately, pretty good-looking. He had one of those close-shaved haircuts that a lot of guys in school were wearing these days. He also spent most of his time with his shirtsleeves rolled up so you could tell he took good care of himself. Then there was that kind of permanent sad puppy-dog expression he always had, even though he was usually very pleasant, that made him pretty adorable.

  Anyway, I say “unfortunately” because it made him a target of some of the more ambitious girls at school. Now, it wasn’t like they wanted to convert him or anything really, they were too scared of going that far. But the way they teased him and flirted with him, well, let’s just say that poor Father Peter was almost always permanently blushing. The Catholic Church would not have approved of that. If they really cared at all about our town.

  See, Father Peter had been sent here because they couldn’t really be bothered to send anyone with real experience. He’d been fresh out of the seminary when they’d given him his assignment. He’d shown up and then realized he didn’t have much of a flock to tend. He still had a pretty decent setup. A lovely, if empty, church. A little apartment next to it above the ice cream parlor. Another unfortunate coincidence. Girls really like ice cream parlors.

  But he was pleasant about all of it. Took everything in stride, had a good humor about everything, and the town faithfully adopted him. He was invited to dinners several times a week by well-meaning housewives who felt sorry for him. He helped organize town fetes and even had directed the school show last year. He had to keep himself busy somehow, and no one could blame him.

  “You girls off to Lacy Green’s party?” he asked as we met up with him.

  “How did you know?” asked Amber, suddenly behaving very coy.

  “This road doesn’t lead to too many places. Besides, she has one every year.” He smiled and looked at me. “How are you, Riley?”

  “Fine.”

  He nodded. “Good.” He nodded again.

  “You want to come with us?” asked Amber sidling next to him.

  Father Peter laughed heartily. “Thank you for the invitation, but I don’t think it’s really my scene.”

  “You should get to know the youth in your community.”

  “Amber, you make a good point. But I think I’m getting to know them just fine in my own way.”

  “If we brought you along, you’d be the most popular person there!”

  Father Peter laughed again. “Okay, Amber, you’ve flattered me enough. Thank you. I’m still not going, but thank you.” He hopped back on his bike. “You girls have fun!”

  “Thank you, Father,” replied Amber.

  I smiled, and he gave me a wave. As he rode off, teetering a little at the start, I wondered what he must have made of all of this. Our town. Our bizarre circumstances. Maybe he didn’t care. He seemed like the kind of guy who was just happy to be alive, which probably was an important quality in a priest. Still. It must have been hard for him. Deep down.

  “He’s way too cute to be a priest,” said Amber coming back beside me and watching him too.

  “And yet he is. Come on, let’s just get there already.”

  We arrived at Lacy’s fifteen minutes later. Though we didn’t actually get to the house until five minutes after that. Her driveway was huge, lined with oaks that soared overhead. It made you feel like you were walking down the aisle of a cathedral. It curled around and down the hill of soft manicured grass until her house finally came into view. Pristine. White. It was a double gallery home, but twice as big as anything in town. Both verandas on top and bottom were immaculately kept with swirling design features that capped each supporting column. With the sun setting behind it I felt like I was on the set of Gone With the Wind. In perfect Technicolor. You know: As god is my witness, I’m never going to a Lacy Green party again…

  We didn’t go into the house, though, because the party was out around back.

  By the pool.

  Yeah. Pool. I’d forgotten she had one of those.

  11.

  A pool party. Hadn’t known it’d be that. Neither had Amber by the expression on her face. Lacy had conveniently left out that important piece of information.

  There were already around twenty of our fellow classmates there, all in bathing suits. The boys, of course, were acting like idiots in the pool, splashing each other and showing off, doing cannon balls and stuff. Hannah was in there with them too, and Faith.

  The rest of the girls were sitting dangling their feet in the water, giggling when they got splashed, or hanging out by the lounge chairs. I looked over at Amber who looked like she might be sick.

  “Riley, Amber, you made it!” Lacy came skipping over to us in a bright blue bikini with white polka dots. “You both look so cute.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “So it’s a pool party?”

  “Of course, that’s the whole point.” Lacy fluttered her eyelashes at us a few times. “Oh no! You didn’t know, did you?”

  “Nope.”

  “Well, you’ll just have to borrow a couple of my suits.”

  My gut clenched. “No, that’s cool, I’m fine like this.”

  “Me too,” said Amber so softly I was pretty sure I was the only one who heard her.

  “Don’t be stupid! Come with me!”

  There was no arguing with her. I mean there was, but the scene it would have created just wasn’t worth it. Lacy was really good at making fusses. Like when she’d got an A minus on her lab report last year and wouldn’t shut up about it until Mr. Sutherland gave her the full A.

  We followed Lacy through the crowd and got the standard looks of disdain as we marched by. We entered the house into a massive kitchen that looked more like a hotel lobby, walked through it to the front of the house, and climbed a set of winding stairs up to her bedroom.

  “Oh my god,” said Amber.

  “What?” asked Lacy as she crossed the room to her closet.

  “What” was the insane room we’d just entered. Plush and pink, with a queen-sized bed. Even a canopy. It was clear her room was located in the center of the second floor gallery, and you could see the balcony beyond a set of French doors. How Lacy coped with living her life as a Barbie doll I had no idea. Then again, maybe she just had no concept of irony. Or maybe this was all meant to be ironic?

  Amber and I made our way to where Lacy had just vanished into the closet.

  “Oh my god,” said Amber again.

  Lacy’s closet wasn’t a closet. It was a room. It was a room devoted to clothes. And shoes. And accessories. It even had a little alcove at the far end with a deep red chaise longue and a vanity mirror with a little purple seat. The vanity mirror? Had little lights framing it.

  Oh my god, indeed.

  “So,” said Lacy turning to look at us. She scrunched up her face to demonstrate she was thinking. “What are your sizes?”

  “Do you have different sizes?” I asked quickly, so that Amber wouldn’t feel a need to answer.

  She laughed. “Not really. Good point. Look, you can choose anything from this rack. It’s all my old stuff. And there are towels in the pool house outside. I’ll get you a couple.”

  I could hear Amber’s gasp. Yeah, I’d had the same thought too. Lacy clearly wanted us to walk out in front of everyone with no protection. Everyone knew that when going swimming there was nothing more comforti
ng than a towel wrapped around your waist.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “No problem.” Lacy wandered to the door. “You girls get changed, and we’ll see you out there.” She smiled one last time and left us alone.

  “That bitch,” said Amber.

  “Don’t worry,” I said, though I did. I worried greatly. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d worn a bathing suit.

  “You’re lucky,” said Amber as she slowly worked her way through the swimsuits.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I mean look at you.”

  “What about me?”

  “All Lacy has are two-pieces, and you’ve got this awesome flat stomach. I should have been doing crunches all summer to prepare for this.” She pulled out a black sporty two-piece and sighed.

  “Okay, yes, that’s true. But your legs are way skinnier than mine. Trust me, I’m not looking forward to this any more than you are.”

  The thing I didn’t mention to her was the boob issue. See, here’s the thing: a lot of people think having boobs must be awesome. I mean look at all the boob jobs that happen every year. But real boobs? They aren’t fun. If what you’re wearing doesn’t have a waist, you just look fat, and you can’t wear anything cute, ever. You always look strapped-in. Or worse. You see, an adorable little tank top on Lacy would look demure and pretty. On me it would look totally indecent, like I was some sex kitten. Basically, big boobs make people think you’re trashy.

  So me trying to wear one of Lacy’s cute little bikinis was a big joke. I was going to look like some porn star or something. The tears were already making their way into my eyes. But I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t let Lacy get to me.

  Lacy had enough swimsuits to open her own shop. But all of them were pretty flimsy. Amber had already claimed the one sporty one and was trying it on, pulling the bottoms up as high as she could to cover her middle, which seriously was not that bad.

  I made my way through all the suits to the end and then started through them again. I stopped at the red halter one. It had a bit more material than the others, and the tie around the neck was pretty thick. I had an idea. I grabbed the red one, but I took the black halter too.

  I slipped out of my dress and underwear. I could sense Amber watching me, but whatever. The bottoms of the red halter weren’t a problem, they were simple, a little high cut, but they actually made my thighs look a bit smaller. Stupid thighs. Then I put on the black halter. It was pretty small on me, and I tied it really tightly around, so tightly that I could feel the lace digging into the back of my neck. Then I put the red halter over it. This one was way better size-wise, and, thanks to the black halter underneath, I didn’t feel like I was about to fall out of it. I tied this one around my neck too, again seriously tightly.

  “Okay, where’s the mirror?” I asked as I went over to the vanity. I stared at myself and did everything I could not to cry. It wasn’t horrible. But I looked so…so like one of those girls in those men’s magazines. Except I wasn’t doing it on purpose. And I wasn’t airbrushed.

  “You look great,” said Amber, and I believed she thought that.

  “I can’t do this,” I said, and sat down on the little chair.

  “But you look awesome!”

  “I look…X-rated.”

  “No you don’t.”

  “Yes. I do.”

  Amber sat down on the chaise longue, covering her middle with a pillow. We were so quiet that for the first time I could hear the sounds from outside. Everyone laughing and having an awesome time. I could have just murdered Amber for getting me into this situation. Then I remembered how I’d gotten my invite.

  “That’s it,” I said standing up. “Screw Lacy. We’re not going out there like this.” I marched up her closet scanning along the racks as I did so. “Ha!” I found what I was looking for. Oversized T-shirts. They might not be fashionable, but everyone, everyone has oversized T-shirts. Whether for sleeping in, or whatever. I tossed a yellow one over to Amber and kept a white one with some football team’s logo on the front for me.

  Amber grinned, and we put them on. I still didn’t like my legs being that exposed, but I felt way better.

  “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

  We found our way through the house and back outside. There were some snickers from the girls as we passed them again on our way to the pool house. I mean it was pretty obvious we were trying to cover up, but it was better than it would have been if we hadn’t.

  “Hey, Lacy,” I said approaching her.

  She turned and looked at us. “Why’re you wearing my shirts?”

  “That not cool? I didn’t think it’d be a big deal. They’re just T-shirts,” I replied with a laugh.

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Here are some towels.” She pushed two towels over to me, and I grabbed them.

  “Thanks.”

  Lacy didn’t reply, just walked past us over to her friends. Frankly I was relieved she was upset with me now. It meant I might get away without having to have “the conversation” with her.

  “Should we sit somewhere?” asked Amber.

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  We scanned the area. But everything seemed pretty packed. More people had arrived since we’d been up in the closet.

  “You know what? Let’s just lay out the towels here.” So we set up camp just to the right of the pool house and sat down. It was kind of nice finally getting a chance to relax and be the observer, not the observed. Everyone at the party seemed really happy in their little roles. The guys were showing off for the girls; the girls were pretending not to notice. It always got to me that none of them were interested in breaking out of the mold. How they were content to just be “teenagers,” with all the predictable trappings.

  “Ever feel like you don’t fit in?” asked Amber.

  “Every single day.”

  “Well, well, well,” said a familiar voice, “I wear a shirt, and now look what happens.”

  12.

  How did he do that, this appearing act? I looked up and there was Gabe standing a couple feet away in dark jeans and a button-down shirt. I wasn’t even going to bother to ask where he’d got the new clothes, though I suspected my mother was behind it. He was far enough away from us that it didn’t actually look like he was talking to me. But I knew he was. I looked over to where Lacy was sitting to see if she’d noticed his arrival.

  She’d noticed.

  “Ooh, look,” said Gabe. “Cheerleaders.”

  I watched him saunter over to meet Lacy as she rose from her lounge chair to welcome him. He oozed confidence, and I envied that. No one at this party knew who he was, but it didn’t matter to him at all. Then again if I looked that good, I mean, as the girl equivalent, I probably would have oozed confidence too.

  “Who was that?” asked Amber staring after him.

  “No idea,” I replied. My insides felt hollow as I watched Gabe smooth-talk Lacy. They looked so good together, like they’d stepped right off some photo shoot. He wouldn’t be flirting with me anymore, that’s for sure.

  Lacy was laughing now, and she linked her arm in his and began introducing him to the other girls. They were smiling. Some even took off their sunglasses, an honor indeed. Meanwhile activity over at the pool had stopped as the guys noticed they weren’t the center of attention anymore. Lacy gestured toward the house but Gabe shook his head. Then he turned and started to walk right for me, unbuttoning his shirt as he did so. As he carefully peeled it off, I marveled at how tanned he’d become over the course of one afternoon working in the garden—clearly he hadn’t been wearing sunscreen, but I guessed skin cancer hadn’t been as big an issue in the 50s. Stop staring, Riley. But I couldn’t look away, his abs were a marvel, his shoulders, his arms…and I bet he didn’t go to the gym or anything, back in his day. Like Lacy, looking perfect came effortlessly to him. Life so wasn’t fair.

  When he got to the corner of the pool he st
opped for the briefest of moments and tossed his shirt at me. “Here, sweetheart, hold this.” And he gave me one of his quick winks. He kicked off his shoes and then, with a bit of a run, dove into the water. He came up to the surface and pushed his hair out of his eyes. Then he turned and swam over to the side of the pool and looked at me.

  “You wanna come in for a swim?” he asked. I shook my head, but I had to admit that I liked him paying attention to me. I liked the expression on Lacy’s face as she watched him pay attention to me.

  “What’s your name, sweetheart?” he asked, folding his arms on the side of the pool.

  “Riley.”

  “Riley, come into the pool.” He gave me a knowing look. I knew the game he wanted to play. And I really wanted to play it too. Just once, just once I wanted to make Lacy not be the center of the world. And right now, well, right now I knew everyone was looking at me.

  “I…can’t…” I said softly.

  “Riley,” said Gabe. He placed his palms on the edge of the pool and pushed himself up out of the water. He couldn’t have been hotter if he’d done it in slow motion. He came over, dripping water on me. His trousers clung to his body, like they’d been painted on.

  “Can’t be comfortable swimming in jeans like that,” I said quietly.

  “Want me to take them off?” He made to reach for his fly.

  Amber gasped.

  “God no!” I said it quickly, and he laughed.

  “Riley,” he extended his hand toward me. “Come into the water.”

  I looked over at Amber who was staring at me wide-eyed. I knew she wouldn’t have hesitated like this. But she didn’t know him like I did. She didn’t know his tricks. Damn it, stupid Gabe. Why couldn’t I ever feel as comfortable with him as he was with me? Why was I such a baby? I knew deep down what my problem was. He scared the shit out of me with this stupid sex appeal thing he had going on.