Say You'll Stay

by Michaels, Corinne

  Our two-horse trailer is only half full. I have a pretty good idea who Wyatt is planning to load in the other spot, and who will be driving.

  “Good morning, Presley.” Zach’s deep voice causes me to jump as he pops up at my window.

  “Jesus!”

  He smirks. “Ready for our day?”

  “Wasn’t aware we were having one.”

  “I figured you’ve avoided me enough. It’s nice to get out of the office.” Zach slaps the window of the truck and goes around to the driver’s side.

  This is so not going to be good.

  He hops in as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. I’m ready to lose it. How can he be so oblivious? How does he not think we should talk about what happened? I cross my arms and breathe out of my nose. Fine. I can play along.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks as he pulls out of the long driveway.

  I look over as if he’s gone crazy. “For real?”

  “You seem like you’re not happy to see me.”

  “How’s Felicia?” I ask with acid in my tone. I said I would play it cool, but thinking of her makes me stabby. She’s a vile bitch and even if Zach and I never ended up back together, I wouldn’t want her anywhere near him. Her soul is as black as her hair.

  Zach fixes his hat and grins. “If you’d returned my call you would know.”

  “You called yesterday, and I was busy.” The truth is I didn’t want to call him back—I was angry he hadn’t tried to call sooner.

  “I figured you’d call back.”

  “Why didn’t you come by?” I inquire. “It’s not as if you don’t know where I am.”

  He looks over with his eyes blazing. In that glance, he melts me. “I know exactly where you are, Presley.”

  “You still haven’t answered my question.”

  Zach pulls the truck over and turns to face me. “Felicia and I aren’t together anymore. I spent the last few days moving her out and finding her a place to live.” He pauses for a second. “You see, I meant every word I said. But I had to be fair to her, and my coming over to your house after ending a five-year relationship wouldn’t have been. So, you’re in the batter’s box.” He leans back and throws the car in drive.

  I let the information seep in.

  Zach is no longer with Felicia.

  I’m single.

  He drives as I mull over all the insecurities I have and whether I can even think about this. We have no shortage of sexual attraction—we never have. I know we’re compatible. I know we have the ability to love one another, and I realize I’ve always loved him. And if I’m truly honest, I know he loves me. He wouldn’t have left her if he didn’t. He wouldn’t look at me like he does. And he wouldn’t be here right now. Zach has hurt me though.

  But we’re both adults now. Things have changed.

  Hell, I’ve changed tremendously. It’s unfair to think Zach is the same. It’s a lot to consider. My stomach clenches and my heart races.

  He arrives at the gate where we need to enter to ride out to the cattle. As he opens the truck door, I grab his arm. “What’s the count?” I ask, using his analogy. Zach communicates better in baseball terms.

  He smiles as he tips his head. “Darlin’.” his Southern drawl becomes apparent. “There’s no strikes, no outs, and we’re only in the first inning.”

  I cover my laugh with a cough. “You need to work on your game, Zachary Hennington. I’m not even sure I’m going to take a swing.”

  Zach’s eyes brighten as his smile grows. “I’m pretty good at reading the batter, and I think she just might be ready to lift that bat off her shoulder.” He leans close and all but whispers, “Question is, will she get a hit or strike out?”

  I tap my chin. “Hmm. Depends how good the pitch is.”

  “Right down the middle.”

  “What if it curves?”

  He takes my hand in his, yanking me forward. “It’s the perfect pitch, Presley. It won’t sink, curve, or slow down. It’s not even a fast ball. It’s that one pitch that only comes around when the pitcher wants the batter to hit.” His lips are so close. Every part of me tightens as I wonder if he’s going to kiss me. Instead, his mouth goes to the side of my face. “The pitcher is practically begging the batter to take a swing. Take the bat off your shoulder, darlin’.”

  He releases me and hops out of the truck whistling. I sit there frazzled, my breathing heavy. What happens if I strike out?

  A S WE READY THE HORSES, I can feel Zach’s eyes on me. I fight every bone in my body from looking over at him. I have to say something, one way or another, but fear overrides my desires. My heart needs to be protected, and I need to be certain I’m ready to even consider another relationship.

  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want him, though.

  I’ve always wanted him. Now we’re here, all these years later, with a second chance.

  “Zach.” I start to say something . . . anything, but before we can say anything else, Wyatt and the other guys come up.

  “Took you two long enough.” Wyatt smirks. “I thought maybe you’d stopped off for a quickie.”

  Zach glares at his brother, but of course, nothing bothers Wyatt. He’s best left ignored. “And here I thought all the Hennington boys had stamina. Guess you’re the weakest link.” I shrug and climb onto Shortstop.

  The irony is laughable.

  “You make sure you ride Shortstop really hard, but don’t let it get too bumpy.” Wyatt smirks as if he read my thoughts.

  “Jerk.”

  “Been called worse.”

  I hear Zach’s chuckle, and I stick my tongue out at Wyatt.

  “So mature.” He laughs before slapping my horse’s butt, causing him to rocket forward.

  The barrel racer in me comes to life. I lean forward, allowing the speed of the horse to flow through me. My heart rate increases with every step Shortstop takes. I give myself this minute. The wind whips my long brown hair, my smile is wide, and my eyes finally feel like they can see the world again.

  We approach the tree line, and I remember that there’s no way in hell we can fly through there. I turn Shortstop to return to Zach and Wyatt. My chest heaves, yet it feels so good.

  It’s liberating.

  “Nice try on getting the horse to take off.” I smile as I come up next to Wyatt. “You forget I happen to know how to ride.”

  “I figure little by little we’ll get our cowgirl back.”

  “I’m about as back as I’m ever going to be.” I look at Zach as he sits on his horse looking intoxicating. His confidence and ease make his presence known. His eyes don’t stray from me—making me feel like I’m the only person who exists.

  For once, Wyatt is quiet, or maybe we just don’t hear him. Because right now, all that I can see, hear, and feel is Zachary Hennington. I don’t know how I can resist him, if I want to, if I should, but being here right now tells me I know what I’ll do. I think he knows it too.

  “Well.” Wyatt claps his hands loudly. “I’m going up to start, you know . . . working. You two have your silent staring contest and bring up the herd from the back. Vance and I will lead.”

  I draw in a deep breath and nod. “Ready?” I ask Zach.

  Instead of answering, he moves forward. “Take a swing, Pres. What’s the worst that happens?”

  “You hurt me.”

  “I won’t.”

  “I don’t think you will on purpose, but you don’t know what the future holds.”

  Zach lets out one short laugh. “I do though. I know that every part of my future includes you. When you came back into town, it was like my world settled. You were always supposed to be a part of my life, but I wasn’t ready for you then.”

  My heart aches and hope blooms deep within me. Could it really be that we were not ready back then? They say everything happens for a reason, maybe we couldn’t have made it work, and that was our sign. It still doesn’t answer whether I’m ready to open myself up. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
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  “Hey,” he says, drawing me out of my mind. “No answers now. Just know that I’ll wait for you.”

  Zach winks and rides off toward the cattle. I look to the sky and close my eyes. “Why can’t you send me a sign?” I ask whoever is up there.

  I pull the reins tight and head toward the guys. It’s time to work. I have at least nine hours for deep reflection today.

  It takes about an hour to get the cows to actually move where we want. They’re slow today. Bringing up the herd is a little more difficult, but Zach and I work well together. Each straggler gets pushed to the pack, and we find a rhythm.

  I’m grateful for the fifteen or so cows between us. It gives me time to my own thoughts. I wonder if Zach is ready to even take on two boys who recently had their world crushed. They’re not going to be easy to win over. They loved their father very much, and they have a lot of residual issues.

  Wyatt falls back and catches my attention. “I need you over on the left.”

  “Huh?”

  “The left. Zach needs a little help.” He smirks at his own joke.

  Sure, he does. “He’s just fine.”

  “Well, I’m the foreman and I say go on the left.”

  “I’m the owner’s sister.”

  He narrows his eyes. “I’m still your boss.”

  “The hell you are. Why are you doing this?” I ask.

  “Because you’re stubborn. You have a good man who loves you right in front of you. And you’re going to spend the next however many hours talking yourself in and out of this aren’t you.” His brow rises. “That’s what I thought,” he tacks on at the end.

  I sigh. He doesn’t get it. I don’t know how anyone can because this isn’t cut and dry. “So you think letting him push me is the right thing?”

  “I think you’re both scared. He knows that you lost your husband, and you have Cayden and Logan. He’s aware of what all of that means. I made damn sure he did. Did he fuck up when he was a kid? No. He was given the promise of a big ass check and a chance to play ball for his life.” Wyatt stops, giving me a chance to swallow that one. In the back of my mind, I’ve always known that. But the broken woman in me wouldn’t accept it. Wyatt doesn’t know everything. “If you’d rather give another Hennington a chance, I’m always here.”

  “You and I would never work. You know that,” I say gently.

  “I know. You’ll always love Zach, so why are you still over here? Go love him.”

  I wish it were that simple.

  Begrudgingly, I head over to the left. “Wyatt said you needed help on this side.”

  “Did he?” Zach grins. “Sometimes he’s not half bad.”

  “Sometimes.”

  We both move slowly, waiting to see if we get a rogue cow. Zach takes the first step. “There’s a lot we need to talk about. You said some stuff that night when we were outside. I’ve let you have some time, but you can’t keep living like this.”

  My muscles tense as I see where this is going. Talking about Todd’s death is the absolute last thing I want to do. “I’m doing everything I need to.”

  “I need to know where your head is at. You’re lying to everyone, but I’m not everyone.”

  Since I told him the truth, I’ve wondered why. Why would I tell the one person who I really didn’t want to know? Of everyone that I could’ve let it slip to, it was Zach. It made no sense other than that somewhere in my heart, I needed him to know. Maybe I knew he wouldn’t wield the information against me like a sword. Zach wouldn’t judge.

  “No,” I agree. “You’re not.”

  That doesn’t mean I can talk about this. I’ve buried parts of that day so deep, I don’t even know where to find them. Bringing it up, facing it, could wreck me all over again. The nightmares and the visions of my husband are painful. Right now I’m angry. I’ve held on to that feeling to get through the days. To bring back the sadness would be too difficult.

  “All I’m asking is that you don’t treat me like them. As worried as you are about what our future might—or might not—hold, I’m feeling the same shit, Pres. I’m fully aware that I was the one who left. I live with that regret every damn day. But you fucking broke me.”

  I look over with a ton of questions. “I broke you?”

  “Yeah.” He looks heavenward before his gaze locks on me. “I loved you. You were the reason I was taking that position with the Dodgers. I wasn’t doing it just for me!”

  “I know you think that. If I had left that college for you, I would’ve been a fool. People already thought I was for giving up the school I wanted to follow you. I didn’t want to spend my entire life chasing your dreams. There’s no way we could’ve done another two plus years with you traveling, the girls throwing themselves at you, and me finishing school.”

  He rubs his shoulder as he takes a minute to respond. “We could’ve lasted. Or maybe not. We won’t ever know because you didn’t give us that chance. You think I’m the only one to blame?”

  “I have for a long time. I felt like I was dying inside without you. You were such a deep part of who I was that when you left I was empty. Todd was visiting Angie that weekend and he held me while I sobbed. It’s how we became anything. He held together the pieces of me that you destroyed.”

  There’s truth in what he said before. The minute he left—I gave up. I was young and dumb too, and I jumped right into a relationship with Todd. God, I was so afraid of being alone.

  But my life with Todd wasn’t bad. We had love, children, happiness, and I would’ve grown old with him.

  “I would’ve held you.”

  “Not from California,” I remind him.

  “No, I guess not.”

  We fall silent as we ride slowly. There are things that I need to deal with to move forward. Not only with Zach, but in my life. He’s right to be wary. My heart is still heavy with loss but also filled with anger toward so many.

  Our history runs deep, and the scars aren’t superficial. They’re branded into who I am and have shaped the deformity that is my heart.

  I can’t just move on.

  I can’t just forget.

  Then those wounds were reopened by my husband. The man who was supposed to be there through the good times and bad. The vows we took and the life we shared are no more.

  “What are you thinking?” Zach asks.

  “I’m thinking about you, Todd, me, and whether I can move on from any of it,” I say honestly. “There are a lot of things between us. A lot of history, and it’s not as simple as just trying again.”

  He nods. “I didn’t think it would be.”

  “Then what did you think?”

  Zach sighs and stops moving. “Wyatt,” he calls out. “Presley and I will be there in a minute.”

  I look over confused. “We can’t . . .”

  “We’ll only be a few minutes,” he says as he climbs off the horse. He holds my reins while looking up at me. “Come down.”

  His voice is commanding. I swing my leg over, but my other foot gets stuck. I almost fall, but Zach’s strong arms snag me. My hands rest against his broad chest, feeling his heart beat beneath my fingers. We don’t move. Neither of us do anything except look into the other’s eyes. His arm tightens as he holds me even closer.

  I want to kiss him and feel his lips against mine. The battle is clear in his eyes.

  “We’ve kissed twice now.” His voice is low and raspy. “Once I attacked you, then you attacked me.” His brow raises and I smile. “The next time, though, I don’t want either of us holding back.”

  “And what if I kissed you right now?” I ask breathlessly. Every cell in my body is awake with desire. Touching him, being in his arms, is everything I remember. Only he’s stronger, sexier, and right in front of me.

  He grins and moves his head toward mine. “Then I’ll take that as your swing.”

  Can I resist? It’s Zachary. He’s always been a part of my soul. I don’t know that I can walk away—even if I want to. I had lived my li
fe without him once, I’d survive it again, but I think I’d regret not trying.

  “Zach,” I whisper. A part of me is stalling. The other part is asking for him to tell me what to do.

  He leans in closer and my eyes close. But instead of his lips touching mine, he kisses my forehead. “I can’t tell you if you’re ready, Pres. I can only tell you that I’ve always loved you. I’ve always closed my eyes and seen you beside me. It was never over.”

  “What about all the crap between us?”

  “Like what?”

  “Like the fact that I have two small boys who just lost their father. I’m still fucked-up from it. That I have no money and had to move home. I’ve been through so much trauma in the last six months that I can’t sleep. Everything hurts.” My eyes fill with tears. “I’m so tired of hurting. And you scare me. You can hurt me worse than you know.”

  I feel the acceleration in his heart. His blue eyes are soft and warm. “I can’t guarantee that this will work. I would be lying if I said there weren’t obstacles. I know you have Cayden and Logan. I would never try to start something with you if I didn’t want your kids to be a part of my life.” He pulls me tighter. “I’ll be their friend. I’ll let them get to know me and see how not all the Henningtons are idiots.” We both laugh as I shake my head.

  “Well,” I say jokingly.

  “I know your husband died, and how. As for you being broke . . .” He stops for a moment. “I don’t give a fuck. Your lack of money or if you were rich doesn’t hold any weight here. I want to see where this goes, and if it works, I want to take care of you. There’s a lot of shit we have to work through. This isn’t going to be easy, darlin’.”

  Nothing seems to be anymore. “I don’t want easy, Zach. I just don’t want agony.”

  “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”

  “I know you can’t promise that.”

  “No, I can’t. But I can promise that I’m not going away easily. I’ll wear you down, Presley Mae. I’ll remind you that sometimes the reward is worth the risk.”