Surprise, Baby!

by Lex Martin

  By spending time with Kendall, I’ve felt in my bones—not to mention my liver—how far I’ve come from the days of drowning my nights in alcohol. I used to not care, but now I cringe every time I see any of my old pictures. While my hashtags sell clothes, the online life is exhausting bullshit, and I pay as little attention to it as possible outside of business.

  That’s why I’m careful about not taking pictures with Kendall beyond that one post to credit her for our campaign. I’ve said nothing publicly about being a dad, and I’m not making any comments about being the designated driver for the rest of my life. People can believe whatever they want about me, because it only matters that the closest people around me know my real life.

  Taking a sip of sparkling water, I tune back into Josh.

  “Dude, I’m sorry,” he says. “Your parents are twats.”

  “You know as well as I do there’s no way to get them to be decent humans.”

  As much as I wish they would be.

  Josh pushes his glasses up his nose. “You’d think that even if they didn’t like the circumstances of the pregnancy, they’d still like the babies, though. Most people like babies.”

  “They’re not most people.”

  “Dude,” is all he says, but I know he gets it. That I could defend Kendall with all the breath in my lungs and my mother would still be harping about money and inheritance and shit I don’t care about.

  But I can think of no one better it can go to than my children.

  My children, who I already love so much it makes my chest hurt.

  Looking around, I can imagine a wedding with Kendall being just like this—only close friends, only mattering to us.

  If she wanted to get married.

  I haven’t brought it up since she soundly turned down the idea at her parents’ house, and given her immediate rejection of moving in with me, it feels like we’re so precarious. She’s uncomfortably pregnant. She spends all her time at work with Tristan—cue my jealousy—and apparently hasn’t a clue how much I love her.

  And I’m not sure I should tell her. If that’s what she’d want to hear or if it would send her running in the opposite direction.

  We have moments where everything feels good. When she’s in my arms, smelling so sweet, feeling so right. Other times, though, she’s distant and withdrawn, and I don’t know what to do.

  Is that pregnancy? Is she so uncomfortable physically right now and I’m misinterpreting it?

  One thing is certain, I wish like hell I had some experience with a serious relationship. That I understood women better. How to say the right things to reassure her.

  Because clearly I don’t.

  I glance over at her across the room as music from the quartet fills the air. Kendall has never looked more beautiful. She perches on her throne, hands cradling her belly, like a tiny red-headed queen surrounded by presents from her citizens.

  My phone buzzes with a text from Ian. I’m glad his flight is early tomorrow morning. He reminds me too much of who I used to be. Who I’m not anymore. Who I don’t want Kendall to ever see.

  Gonna order pizza for me and the guys. You be back in time?

  Nah, I respond. I want to stay here as long as I can.

  “Thanks for doing this,” I say to Josh. “You guys really went all out.”

  “It’s not often our best friends are having a baby. Or two. I’m proud of you, D-bag. You’ve finally got your life in order. You gonna stop with the twins or try for more kids?”

  The idea warms my heart, but I can’t dream about that right now, because everything is unsettled with Kendall.

  Also, let’s just say the sex has died down. Blame that one on some unfortunate Google search results I conducted after hanging out with Ian. I internally shudder.

  “Earth to Drew,” Josh says, waving his hand in my face.

  “Sorry. Yeah.” My voice sounds creaky. “I want more kids. But let’s get her safely through one pregnancy first.”

  Josh nods, a thoughtful look on his face.

  “Ready to open presents?” Evie chirps from across the room.

  Kendall’s eyes widen, taking in the mountain of pastel-wrapped gifts around her. “Sure.” But she doesn’t sound convinced. Evie hands her the first present, and Kendall starts unwrapping.

  A breast pump. Clothes too tiny for humans. Cribs. Car seats. Diapers. A baby monitor. Some pillow called My Breast Friend.

  Jesus, I’m on a different planet with this baby gear. But I’ll figure it out, I’m sure. About halfway through, I whisper in Kendall’s ear. “How are you doing?” I can’t help but kiss her forehead, my fingers cradling her face.

  “Overwhelmed. The babies are kicking hard. Happy about this party, though.”

  “Can I get you anything to drink?”

  “No, it makes me have to pee every five minutes.”

  I lean down and plunk a kiss on her lips, hoping it communicates what I can’t. “Okay, babe. Let me know. I’ll get you anything you want. Just say the word.”

  My phone buzzes in my pocket again. I fish it out and read Ian’s text.

  Sooooo a few more people showed up. That okay?

  I frown and type, How many people are we talking about?

  The animated dots tell me he’s taking his time to respond. Or composing a novel. Or he doesn’t know how to tell me shit’s going down at my house so he keeps typing and deleting. As I wait, I’m getting grumpier and grumpier thinking my place is going to be trashed, and I’m about to just call him.

  I don’t want to distract everyone from the party, so I try to keep the phone off to the side, but dammit he’s taking too long.

  Kendall glances up at me, and her eyes narrow briefly. Then she straightens up and coos over the next package.

  Finally his text comes through.

  Party-sized. Sadie and the Buchanan twins are headed over. Right now there’s just Fernando. Steve. Ashton. Their friends. Come back and celebrate. Bring your girl. We put in a last minute Elephant’s Deli order for food. And just saying, the GoPuff App kicks ass. Got reinforcements on drink as well as a cigar for you, Daddy.

  Don’t call me Daddy, I text.

  But I’m kinda loving that word.

  I gaze down over my phone at the girl I love.

  Hopefully when it’s quiet tonight, I can get Kendall alone to tell her how much I miss being with her—even though she’s sitting right here.

  As soon as I kick everyone out of my condo.

  36

  Kendall

  My mouth stretches open in the world’s biggest yawn.

  “Sorry,” I say with a laugh as I cover my face with the back of my hand.

  Evie shakes her head as she drives us to my apartment. “No worries, honey. You must be exhausted.”

  She glances in the rearview window where Josh and Drew are following behind us in an SUV loaded down with presents.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  I tilt my head as I wait to hear whatever is on her mind. I’m expecting gossip from this afternoon. Someone’s engaged or got a promotion or broke up. Some tidbit of news I hadn’t heard because I was knee deep in wrapping paper and hugs.

  “Is everything okay with you and Drew?”

  An imaginary bubble inside me deflates. Of course Evie would notice.

  I’ve been in a mad dash to get everything ready at work for my maternity leave, and I haven’t had much time to hang out with her, or anyone else for that matter, in the last few months. But Evie and I have never needed a lot to catch up and be in sync.

  Rubbing my lips together, I mull over how to answer.

  Because on the surface, everything is fine.

  On the surface, Drew and I are doing all the right things.

  Underneath that serene water, though, are too many currents. Too many rough waters I’m not sure how to navigate.

  “I don’t really know.”

  And it pisses me off.

  My resolution this morning to have a heart-to-hear
t tonight resonates in my mind. I need something to eat first, though, before I yack all over my heinous maternity shirt.

  We pull up to my apartment, and as soon as Evie throws the car in park, she reaches for my hand.

  “I can honestly say I never imagined I’d see Drew at his own baby shower. Or that he’d fall for my best friend. Whatever is going on, I really believe you’ll work it out. From talking to Josh, I can tell you Drew is over the moon about the babies. He’s so in love with them.”

  Yeah, but is he in love with me?

  But I can’t tell her what I’ve been quietly obsessing over these last few months because one of my kids gives me a swift jab.

  “Holy fuckkkk.” I reach down and press my hand to my stomach, which clenches so hard, I think I might pee my pants.

  When I open my eyes, I see the concern on Evie’s face.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay. Just a karate kick and some Braxton Hicks contractions. Nothing serious. My uterus isn’t falling out or anything.”

  My door opens, and Drew sticks his head in. His brow is furrowed, the expression on his face so serious, it makes my heart ache.

  He wouldn’t be so concerned if he didn’t really care about me, right?

  I need to talk to him. I’m making myself mental, questioning his motives all the time. Wondering how he feels about me.

  Drew is a good guy. He’ll want to put me at ease. He’ll want to talk.

  I think.

  Evie fills him in on the martial artists duking it out in my belly, and he rubs it sweetly.

  “Poor baby.” He leans closer and whispers to the basketball tenting my clothes, “Hey, guys. Take it easy on your momma. You’re wearing her out.”

  I’m not sure why it happens now. Why tears fill my eyes at this moment instead of at the shower. Maybe it’s hearing Drew say that word.

  Momma. That will be me. I’m going to be a mother.

  I smile at him, and he beams back at me. I lean forward and kiss him, not caring that my best friend is about twelve inches away and watching the show.

  When he pulls back, he has that goofy grin. The one he only breaks out for me. “What was that for?”

  “Just, you know, for being here.”

  “Of course.”

  I’m going to do it. Talk to him as soon as it’s just the two of us. I know it’ll feel good to voice all of my concerns. To hear what he’s thinking. Then maybe we can move forward instead of wading through this weird limbo in our relationship.

  He helps me out of the car and gets me settled on the couch in my apartment before heading outside to unload all of the gifts with Evie and Josh.

  Fatigue hits me so hard, I curl up with a blanket and knock out before they make it back upstairs. I don’t even wake up with them trampling in and out to drop off the gifts in the nursery.

  * * *

  When I finally open my eyes, it’s dark outside.

  “Drew?” I clear my throat. How long was I asleep?

  Instead of Drew’s voice, I’m surprised to hear Evie’s. “Hey, honey.”

  She’s nestled in the love seat next to me. Josh comes in from the kitchen.

  “Hey. Where’s Drew?” I yawn and look around, confused why Evie and Josh are still here.

  “He said he had some errands to run but would be back soon.”

  My stomach sinks. Damn it. I really need to have that conversation with him. And I have to do it before these babies arrive.

  Frustration claws at me, the kind that used to make me aim for Drew’s jugular and ask questions later. While I don’t want to be that person anymore, the one who judges him snidely, I can’t ignore the sense that he’s hiding something.

  “On a Saturday night?” I reach for my phone. It’s almost eight. “Seriously, what does he have to do right now that’s so important?”

  Evie looks at Josh, who shrugs. “He had some friends over at his place and wanted to get rid of them. He asked us to hang out here until he got back.”

  “How long ago did he leave?”

  Josh runs his hands through his hair. “Few hours ago.”

  “He needed a few hours to get rid of people at his condo, which is fifteen minutes away.”

  To get rid of the friends he won’t introduce me to.

  Any sense of peace I’d had this afternoon when I got home from the shower evaporates.

  In its place is doubt.

  So much fucking doubt.

  I’m thinking about those texts he was firing off when we were unwrapping presents that made him so secretive.

  His beautiful assistant Frankie whom I’ve never met before today.

  The fact that he stopped staying overnight or only crashes on my couch.

  That we haven’t had sex—hot, burn-up-the-sheets sex like I’ve been craving—in ages.

  “Can you do me a favor? Can you guys drive me to his place?”

  Josh’s eyebrows pull together. “You sure you want to go there right now?”

  I stare at him.

  “Why would that be a problem?”

  The potential answer makes my heart knock against my ribs.

  Evie stands and slings her purse over her shoulder. “It’s no problem. It’s not like Drew’s hiding anything. I mean, right?” She turns to Josh, who hasn’t budged one inch. He’s barely breathing.

  All at once, he starts to talk. “Drew’s not hiding anything. It’s just late, and he was worried you’d overdone it today and needed to rest.”

  I stare at my best friend’s husband and realize who I’m addressing. Drew’s best friend since they were kids.

  “Josh,” I say slowly, “let me be as clear as possible. If you’re covering for him right now, I swear to God…”

  Evie takes my hand. “Josh isn’t covering for anything. Right, babe?”

  We both stare at him, and he clears his throat. “I promise, Kendall, there’s nothing going on. Of course we’ll drive you.”

  None of us speak on the way to Drew’s. I’m too busy listening to my heart pound in my throat and cringing every time we hit a speed bump that makes my children tap-dance on my pelvis. My whole body has been aching since I woke up from that nap, but I feel like if I don’t do this right now, I’ll be missing some big piece of this puzzle.

  Because I’m not crazy.

  I know Drew has been keeping something from me.

  When we step off the elevator, I can hear the music blasting from his condo.

  Then again, the door is open and people are streaming in and out.

  “Oh, shit.” Josh places his hand on my arm. “Let me go in and find him. You guys stay here.”

  “Not a chance.” I shrug him off and swallow the bile that threatens to push up the back of my throat.

  Each step fills me with dread, like I’m part of a slow-motion train-wreck, but I have to know.

  I waddle through the door but jerk to a stop the moment I cross the threshold.

  People are everywhere.

  Booze is everywhere.

  Beautiful women.

  Everywhere.

  Two of them are half naked on my boyfriend’s couch, gyrating on some guy while he sucks on their tits. Pretty sure that’s a line of coke on the coffee table.

  My hands tremble as I hold them over my belly that spasms. I clench my eyes shut and wait for the Braxton-Hicks contraction to stop.

  Please, please don’t let me find you with another woman, Drew. I swear right now, if you’re cheating on me, I will never forgive you. We will be over from this moment on.

  A cold trickle of sweat slides down my back, sending a chill through me. People are talking, but everything is muffled, like I’m underwater.

  When I open my eyes, my heart is pounding so hard, it matches the bass beating through the speakers.

  As I make my way through his condo, I cover my mouth with my palm to avoid a massive cloud of pot.

  What the fuck, Drew? You promised me you’d changed.

  Fear knots in my throat. Beats against my brea
st. Steals my breath.

  Every worst case runs through my mind.

  Drew drunk and passed out somewhere.

  Overdosed on drugs or booze.

  In bed with another woman.

  I press my hand to my stomach where the babies kick and remind me that I have to be strong enough for them.

  I come to a halt in the kitchen where dozens of containers litter the counters.

  This has been catered.

  Making me wonder if this party was planned and not some spur-of-the-moment thing.

  Betrayal mixes with a hot, thick anger so blinding I could scream.

  Is this what he’s been up to when he leaves me at night? Partying with his friends? Fucking socialites? Lying to my face?

  “Let’s get out of here.” Evie takes my hand, and I shake my head.

  “I need to see this with my own eyes.”

  Even if it breaks my heart in a million fucking pieces.

  People are staring at me. It’s the pumpkin-colored shirt or maybe my cankles or my buffalo ass that waddles. But I feel it. How out of place I am right now. The women here haven’t eaten in the last week. Everyone has perfect hair. Blindingly white teeth. Designer clothes. Or porn-perfect breasts.

  Everyone is Instagram-worthy.

  Everyone except me.

  Maybe that’s why he’s never introduced me to his friends or his parents.

  Maybe he’s embarrassed about me.

  Tears are streaming down my face by the time I step out onto the patio. I’m beyond the point of caring that my emotions are out of control.

  Because this is my worst nightmare.

  That Drew’s still living his old life.

  Behind my back.

  I choke back a sob when I see him. Relieved that he’s not lying in vomit somewhere. Pissed that he’s shooting the shit like this is no big deal. Confused that he can be smiling while my heart is breaking.

  He’s leaning against the ledge of the patio, as casual as can be, laughing with some guys and a few women in slinky cocktail dresses. He has a drink in one hand and a cigar in the other.

  “He’s just talking to some friends,” Evie says quietly in my ear.

  She sounds relieved.

  I would be too if the beautiful blonde with her cleavage on display in that itty-bitty dress, standing next to Drew, wasn’t rubbing his arm.