Liv

by Kelsie Rae

  I feel my jaw drop, shocked at her blunt assessment. I guess I shouldn’t be, since that’s what Breezy’s known for. Her frank honesty.

  I bite my lip again, taking in her statement. I’m not sure I’m ready for how quickly she mentioned the “L” word.

  Luke and I kissed. And it was incredible. I don’t regret it. I would definitely like to do it again and again in the near future. But am I ready to commit to him? Can I commit to him? I’m not really sure. I don’t want to hurt him, and I definitely don’t want to lose him.

  I honestly don’t know what to do.

  Was it wrong to kiss him? It definitely didn’t feel wrong. In fact, it felt right. All kinds of right. So right, that I’m weak in the knees just thinking about it. And this isn’t just some guy. This is Luke. My Luke. My best friend. The Liv Whisperer. He’s the one person I know I can lean on. The one person who is always there for me. Or at least, he was.

  Why did he leave all those years ago? But maybe it doesn’t matter why he left. Maybe all that matters is that he’s here now. And he’s made it clear that he isn’t going anywhere.

  I trust him. I do.

  Adam isn’t coming back. He’s gone, and he would want me to be happy. Luke makes me happy. All Adam ever cared about was that I was taken care of, that I was loved. And Luke loves me. Or at least I think he does. Bree thinks he does.

  My thoughts are swirling over and over in a never-ending whirlpool, so much so that I start to feel nauseated.

  Bree grabs my hand and pulls me toward the bed, effectively snapping me out of my spinning thoughts. She sits next to me on the bed and wraps her arm around my shoulders.

  “Stop overthinking things, Liv,” she commands. “Everything will turn out exactly the way it needs to be.” She rocks me back and forth slightly, her nurturing instincts kicking in. Part of me wants to chuckle at how much she’s babying her crazy friend she hasn’t seen in five years, and the other part wants to snuggle in closer, grateful for her friendship and her stability.

  We sit there for a few minutes before Bree finally breaks the silence.

  “So…” she grins knowingly. “How was it?”

  I laugh before burying my face in the pillow and raising my hand up in the air, giving her a thumbs up.

  She giggles hysterically. “Atta boy, Luke!”

  Luke

  I kissed her.

  I freaking kissed her! I want to pound my fists against my chest and drag her back to the nearest cave like a Neanderthal. It was just a kiss, but it was damn near perfect.

  I hope she doesn’t regret it. Regret me.

  Now that I’ve tasted her, I can’t lose her. No one will ever compare. No one ever has, and I didn’t even know what I was missing before.

  I kissed her.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Liv

  The next morning I decide to face one of my greatest fears and visit Susan. It’s the moment I’ve been dreading for eight months.

  I’m getting ready in the only bathroom upstairs and feel a little guilty procrastinating in such a highly coveted area.

  I hear a gentle knock as I finish touching up my eyeliner. I’ve kept the makeup to a minimum with neutral eye shadow, a touch of liner, mascara, and some chapstick. My hair is in loose waves, hanging just above my shoulders, and I’m wearing a cute maternity dress with tights and knee-high boots.

  I swing the door open, an apology on my lips for hogging the bathroom, when I see a very handsome Luke with his hand raised as he’s about to knock again. He’s in dark jeans and a light gray t-shirt with a zip-up olive hoodie on top. His sweatshirt makes his eyes pop, bringing out their forest undertones. A soft smile graces his lips as his gaze slowly slides down my body, taking in my appearance.

  “You clean up nicely, Liv. I forgot what you looked like without sweats or yoga pants,” he teases.

  I snort and playfully hit him in the shoulder. “Hey, it’s not my fault those are the only things I fit into!” I argue, pretending to be offended. “Five more weeks, my friend. Five more weeks.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You look good, though, Liv. Seriously,” Luke says, lightly grasping my chin and holding my stare until he sees me acknowledge his compliment. A light blush covers my cheeks before I nod slowly, silently accepting his praise.

  “You ready to meet Mother Gothal?” he teases, releasing my chin and stepping toward the stairs.

  I snort, again, and follow him downstairs. “Not really.”

  Luke grabs my scarf from the coat rack near the front door and wraps it around me a couple of times, leaning in and kissing my nose. “Good. ‘Cause there’s no time like the present.” He opens the door and ushers me to his car.

  We don’t say much on the drive over to Susan’s house. We don’t mention the kiss, even though this is our first time alone since last night. I’m grateful he doesn’t bring it up. I’m already sweating enough as it is. I say a silent prayer of thanks to the deodorant gods before wiping my sweaty palms on my dress for the tenth time.

  I practice my slow breathing and silently repeat my speech over and over again in my head.

  Hey Susan! Did ya miss me? Congratulations! Adam decided to give you one more present from beyond the grave. You’re gonna be a Grandma!

  I groan, inwardly.

  Luke pulls into the driveway of Adam’s childhood home, and I begin to feel lightheaded.

  So much for those breathing techniques.

  The house is gorgeous and exactly how I remembered it. It’s a large two-story covered in a classic red brick with a three car garage. There’s a well-manicured front lawn that Susan pays a fortune to be landscaped properly every year; it’s covered with fresh snow for the time being. An elegant waterfall surrounded by classic black pebbles is one of the main focal points leading to the large front door as well.

  Luke squeezes my hand across the center console before bringing it to his lips and kissing the inside of my wrist lightly. Goosebumps break out across my skin. I wish those lips were on mine, helping me forget the foreboding feeling in my gut.

  Not the time, Liv.

  “It’s going to be okay, Sweetheart. Do you want me to come inside with you?”

  I clear my throat, unable to speak, before nodding hesitantly.

  If I can’t find words now, what am I going to do when Susan answers that damn door?

  Luke smiles reassuringly before exiting the car and opening my door. He places his hand on my lower back and guides me up the steps of the front porch.

  I feel like my mouth is full of cotton balls. Every possible scenario is running through my frazzled brain, and not a single one is positive.

  I’m screwed.

  Luke grabs the ornate gold knocker on the heavy oak door and bangs it twice. I rock back and forth on my heels anxiously, more nervous than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

  What if she’s pissed?

  I mean, of course she’ll be pissed. But what if she’s really pissed? What if she throws something? This woman is known for her tantrums.

  What if she yells, and her neighbors all see?

  Don’t be ridiculous, I silently berate myself. She wouldn’t cause a scene like that. What would the neighbors think?

  What if she cries? I almost snort at the ludicrous thought. This woman doesn’t cry. She doesn’t have a sentimental bone in her body.

  I just can’t enter the house. That’s when all hell will potentially break loose, and she might actually kill me. As long as there are possible witnesses, aka nosey neighbors, then I shouldn’t be murdered within the next two minutes.

  I breathe easier. Okay, just no going inside the house. That sounds like a solid plan. I can do this. I can do this. I nod my head reassuringly. Piece of cake.

  We continue to wait not-so-patiently on the front porch, both of us unsure how my little confession will be taken.

  After a minute or so, Luke looks at me, raising his brow and silently asking, “Where the hell is she?”

  I shrug, wondering if
we should just leave and forget about my lapse in judgment concerning telling my mother-in-law about her unborn grandbaby. He raises his hand toward the knocker, effectively putting the kabosh on my moment of clarity. The large oak door swings open and my mouth hits the floor, my eyes bugging out of my head.

  Susan is still in a bathrobe, her hair a disheveled mess, the remnants of yesterday’s makeup covering her face. Her eyes are swollen as if she’s been crying, and fuzzy slippers are covering her un-pedicured feet.

  Never in my life have I seen this woman so unkempt.

  Luke clears his throat as I feel Susan’s eyes zero in on my swollen stomach.

  I bite my lower lip nervously, butterflies assaulting my insides. Actually, these aren’t cute little butterflies, they’re vicious vampire bats attempting to claw their way out.

  I’m so stunned by her untidy appearance that my well-rehearsed speech vanishes into thin air.

  Luke’s hand gently nudges me forward, reminding me of my purpose. I lick my lips anxiously, preparing to talk, when Susan interrupts me.

  “Is it his?” she whispers so quietly I have to strain to hear her. Her eyes bounce between Luke and my unborn baby.

  It takes me a minute to understand her meaning. I wrap my arms around my belly, protecting him from the woman in the entryway.

  “Are you freaking kidding me?” I whisper, astonished.

  I’m used to the misconception. Hell, I expect it under any other circumstance. But I’m absolutely shocked Susan would honestly question whether this baby is Adam’s or not.

  I feel my blood begin to boil as I let her words sink in further, the front porch remaining silent.

  “Are you honestly questioning whether this baby is Adam’s or not?” My voice, along with my anger, rises. “Are you freaking serious?” I yell.

  So much for not causing a scene.

  “Why the hell would I be on your front porch if it wasn’t Adam’s, you insane woman? I almost didn’t come here because of how little we saw eye-to-eye on things, but I thought, ‘Adam would want his mother to know about her grandbaby.’ So I sucked up the courage to come here and tell you that you’re going to be a grandma, and what do you do? You accuse me of cheating on my dead husband!”

  Luke grabs my hips and pulls me back against him protectively. Whether he’s protecting me from Susan, or afraid I’m going to physically assault my mother-in-law, I’m not sure. Regardless, I lean into his embrace, my back to his front, and try to calm down and not have an aneurysm. He rubs my arms comfortingly, and I close my eyes, the anger slowly seeping out of me.

  Now, I feel utterly defeated. I lean into Luke and let him hold me up. I want to break down and cry, but refuse to let Susan see a single tear fall.

  I knew Susan always hated me, but I never thought she questioned the love I had for her son. I breathe in deeply through my nose, releasing it through my mouth as I open my eyes once more and take in my mother-in-law.

  Tears silently slide down her cheeks as she stares at my round stomach. Luke is still standing behind me, wrapping his arms around me protectively and resting his hands on my abdomen.

  I let the image soak in for her, refusing to break the silence. If she’s going to assume I have feelings for Luke, then I’m not going to soften the blow for her.

  After a minute or so, although it feels like hours under her scrutinizing gaze, Susan finally looks into my eyes, remorse evident in hers.

  “I’m sorry,” she apologizes. “It wasn’t fair of me to question you like that. It’s just…” she glares at Luke, “he’s always been in love with you, always trying to steal you away from my sweet Adam.” Susan clears her throat, the look of disdain melting from her features before staring at me sheepishly, her eyes still glazed with fresh tears waiting to fall. “But that wasn’t fair of me to question you like that. To judge your character. I’ve never been very fair to you,” she confesses.

  I’m taken aback by her apology. I was convinced the prideful woman didn’t even know what those words were. I had never heard her utter them in the near-decade that I’ve known her. Part of me wants to smack her for being so unfair with Luke, but I rein in my desire, deciding to focus on her apology instead.

  I silently wait for her to continue, completely dumbstruck by the turn of events. This was not how I was expecting my morning to go.

  She swallows thickly before continuing. “Would you like to go to lunch with me today?”

  I turn to Luke, wondering if this is some kind of trick.

  “I can meet you somewhere. Anywhere you’d like,” she rushes. “It would be nice to catch up, and I’d love to hear more about my grandbaby.” Susan looks as though she might crumble to the hard marble tile covering her foyer if I refuse her invitation.

  I’m not sure why this lunch date is so important to her, but I can’t find the words to decline her offer. Adam would’ve wanted us to get along, and if she’s extending the proverbial olive branch, then I should accept it.

  I nod once, still unable to form words. We agree to meet at noon at a cute little café a mile or so from her house before she hesitantly closes the door behind her, effectively dismissing us.

  Luke and I make our way back toward the car in silence, both of us shocked by how our interaction with Susan went.

  I take a seat on the cold leather and can’t help the question as it slips past my lips. “What did she mean, you keep trying to steal me away?” I ask after Luke starts the engine. I don’t know why her comment bothered me so much, but it did.

  I keep my eyes forward, staring at the dashboard, anxiously waiting for his reply.

  “It’s nothing,” he states, but I can hear the lie on his lips.

  I shake my head slightly, knowing he’s keeping the truth from me, or at least some part of it.

  “Liv.”

  I refuse to look at him.

  “Liv,” he repeats, sternly. “Look at me.”

  I can’t.

  “Listen. You don’t understand part of Adam’s and my relationship. I loved him like a brother, and he was a good guy. A great guy. But he was also a bit of an ass when he wanted to be, and I wasn’t afraid to call him on his shit.” He rakes his fingers through his hair angrily. “He wasn’t good enough for you. And I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

  My eyes narrow at his cryptic explanation.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Liv. I don’t want to do this. Please don’t make me. Just know that we all make mistakes, and that neither of us wanted you to get hurt.”

  I look at him, confused. “Don’t make you do what?”

  He refuses to make eye contact with me, staring at the winding road in front of us. I guess I could blame it on the fact he’s driving and it wouldn’t be safe, but somehow it feels like it’s more than that.

  “Luke. What aren’t you telling me?”

  He shakes his head, turning toward me and pleading with his eyes. “Liv. Just forget it, okay? It’s in the past. Can’t we just leave it there? I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  I can’t decide whether to push him on this, or to let it go. Once things are said, they can’t be taken back. What’s the saying? Curiosity killed the cat.

  I bite my lip nervously. “Can you tell me why she thinks you were trying to steal me away?” I ask hesitantly, hoping I can get some answers without opening Pandora’s Box.

  Luke releases a breath, his tense shoulders relaxing slightly. Apparently, my question is steering him to safer territory.

  “That, I can do.” He smiles tenderly at me, grasping my hand and squeezing it softly. “Adam knew about my feelings for you. Hell, I’m pretty sure everyone knew about my feelings, except you. You might think they’re recent, but they aren’t. I never made a move, as you know, but it always made Adam a little antsy anytime we were together. And anytime Adam felt threatened by someone, Susan would immediately go all Mama Bear on their ass and tear apart anyone who even thought about hurting her innocent bab
y boy.” He snorts the last part, sarcasm thick in his voice as he lets go of my hand and anxiously runs his fingers through his hair again.

  Apparently, we’re circling dangerous territory once more.

  “Susan is a great woman who thought her son could do no wrong. And while he was a great guy the majority of the time, he was far from perfect.” He reaches over and squeezes my hand again, bringing it to his lips and kissing me gently before releasing it and turning on the radio.

  Abruptly, our conversation is over, and I’m left thinking about his cryptic insight.

  I guess we’ll see how lunch goes.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Liv

  I decide to leave my comfort blanket, aka Luke, at home for my lunch date with Cruella. He was nice enough to let me borrow his car and enjoyed teasing me about having to move the steering wheel higher so my belly could fit behind it.

  Bastard.

  I finish parking and make my way into the cute little café called Peggy’s. They serve delicious pancakes all day, and my stomach rumbles as I am daydreaming about the fluffy cakes covered in warm maple syrup.

  Yup. I think I’ll have those.

  I open the door and immediately see Susan sitting at a quaint little table in the corner.

  The restaurant is decorated in a simple French theme. Pictures of the Eiffel Tower hang from the walls, and simple white tablecloths cover the tables. Colorful flowers in crystal vases are used as centerpieces. It’s classy and elegant, perfect for Susan’s taste.

  I take a seat across from her and open my menu. I’m not sure why I’m looking at it since I’ve already decided what I want to order, but it seems like a good barrier between me and the woman across the table.

  Susan folds her menu gracefully and places her dainty hands on top. She’s not the woman I saw earlier this morning who was falling apart, but she’s also not the lady I remember who was always so put together she seemed like a fancy painting.

  Her fingers don’t look freshly manicured, and she’s wearing less jewelry than normal, just a simple gold chain around her long, slender neck and her wedding band. Her hair is showing a little gray at the roots, and her makeup is kept to a minimum instead of the usual masterpiece she regularly paints on a daily basis.