Elf Mastery

by Bryant Reil

  “Look,” she said, “I guess you're right. I should give people a chance. That's exactly why you should go on this date. You don't think they want to go with you. You're worried it might be uncomfortable. Well, maybe they don't, and maybe it will be, but take your own advice and give it a chance.”

  “Why don't you go with somebody then?” Kyla challenged. “Why do you get to stay home and work on your stupid rabbits?”

  “I...I don't think I'm in the right here, Kyla. I don't think I can fairly defend myself. Maybe I'm wrong, but I still think you two should go and have a good time.”

  Kyla stood up and opened the door to leave. Before she stepped out, she looked back at Eunoe.

  “Well, that's worse than being wrong. It's hypocritical.”

  Kyla's words stung because hypocrisy was what Eunoe hated most about herself.

  ***

  Kyla had no formal wear, but Eunoe made a lovely cream and teal wrap for her. Aspen had her own, dark green with patterns of orange and yellow leaves. They knew of no one to do their hair, and Kyla couldn't do much with hers anyway as it was so short, but still they enjoyed dressing up and experimenting with different styles. Kyla figured that getting ready for the date was more fun than the date itself would be.

  They had never established which boy was on a date with which girl, but Ilian brought a blue chrysanthemum for Kyla and Opin brought a red one for Aspen. These were Elvish symbols which Kyla recognized but Aspen did not. Chrysanthemums were not a lover's flower: they were often given to parents or grandparents, and sometimes mentors or friends. Blue meant Honesty and Red meant Well Wishes. The boys were hinting that they had no romantic interest in the girls. This was offensive to Kyla, but she already suspected they weren't interested. They had even said so. The idea that they weren't even willing to give them a chance, and telling them at the very beginning of a date, was rude. Still, Kyla was determined she and Aspen have fun.

  The boys took them to dinner first. Kyla always ate at the cafeteria, as she had a meal plan, but tonight she was excited to go to the diner by the Pan Center for the Arts. The menu offered a variety of exotic dishes so at least the meal would be interesting, if not the company. The boys were polite but distant. There was a smattering of uncomfortable banter, but this didn't seem unusual as Kyla noticed many of the couples at the diner were similarly awkward.

  Kyla decided to try a naiad dish which consisted of crayfish and boiled snails, which she expected to be hilariously awful but she quite liked it. Aspen ordered o'arka'amingoch, an orc dish of fermented fish. The boys' noses scrunched at the smell and they seemed unable to enjoy their own traditional elf dishes (which Kyla thought was a waste of money, since they could eat it at home). Kyla, accustomed to Aspen's odd diet, felt a smug satisfaction watching Opin and Ilian shifting uncomfortably in their seats and watching the exits, yet smiling and pretending they were having a good time.

  The first surprise of the evening was on the way to Mab Hall for the ball. Saul had managed to find a date. And while he looked dapper in his jacket and combed hair, and nicely trimmed goatee, Kyla was not happy with his choice of woman. It was the demoness she had met on her first day, and had managed to avoid since. She was dressed in a slinky affair which looked like it had tears in it.

  “Hmmm. Looks like the good towels were all taken, huh?” the demoness sneered as Saul led her to walk side by side with Kyla.

  “Hey, Kyla! Aspen! I'd like you to meet Lili. Lili, that's Aspen, Kyla, and...uh...”

  “Ilian.” “Opin” The two boys extended arms and Saul clasped their wrists.

  Lili was her expected darling self. “Yeah I've heard about you two. Lost a bet, I hear. Good luck for you, huh, short stuff?”

  It took Kyla a moment to realize Lili was talking to her. “Yeah, well, winning a bet takes a lot more talent than getting a date with the most desperate guy on campus.” This earned a frown and an elbow in the side from Aspen, and a hurt look from Saul.

  “He's got more class than you. I don't hear him making third-party insults.”

  Kyla scowled. She wanted an opportunity to pull out her vilest language on the demoness, but decided to take the smoother path and forced a smile.

  “So, Ilian, do you have any plans for us after the ball?”

  Ilian looked at Opin. “Uh...no. We're pretty tired and figured we'd call it a night at about eleven.”

  “Sounds wonderful,” Kyla said with a lilt to indicate she was perfectly pleased.

  Lili scoffed. “Yeah, I doubt they'll make it to eleven. Give 'em an hour and they'll be drinking hemlock.”

  “Shut up, you sack of crab-apples.” Kyla said this in the kindest voice she could, for the sake of contrast.

  The demoness laughed and responded with a string of insults so severe it took a minute for everyone to recover.

  Aspen broke the uncomfortable silence. “There's a dwarf following us.” Aspen was looking back at the corner of the arts building, which they had just passed. “He ducked behind the corner.”

  Kyla thought it might be some shy fellow who hadn't got a date, and she might as well invite him along. When she rounded the corner, deep in the shadows, was a short, stout dwarf with a black beard. He looked familiar, but it was too dark to be sure.

  “Hello? Do I know you?” The dark shadows around the dwarf seemed to suck up her words. It was like the opposite of an echo. There was something off about him, and Kyla was sure to stay in sight of her friends. Aspen took a few steps forward, while the others watched impatiently.

  “Hi...uh...Kyla, right?”

  Kyla nodded. It took her a moment to recognize the voice. “Oh! Right! You're the dwarf from the star! Linkin, right?” She called back to Aspen and the others. “It's ok, it's a friend of mine!”

  The dwarf cleared his throat. “Uh, yes. I was just wondering if I could have a private word with you?”

  “Oh, sure. Just a minute, guys!”

  The dwarf leaned in close. His breath smelled – well, it was unpleasant, anyway. “You remember that...uh....that meteor you found at the Station?”

  “Meteorite,” Kyla corrected him. She had looked into it; meteorites were smaller. Saul had insisted it wasn't even a meteorite as that was defined as a stone that flew to the earth through the atmosphere. Kyla argued she had flown it into the atmosphere when she returned to earth on the Steeds of Light, and thus it was a meteorite now, even if it hadn't been when she found it. It was an argument that remained unresolved.

  “Yeah...whatever. Well, you took the wrong stone.” He fished into his pocket and pulled out a small brown rock. It was rough and had many sharp points. “The one you took was...it belongs to a friend of mine. I need to get it back. I brought you the real-er, meteorite, in exchange.”

  “Oh!” Kyla said, trying to hide her disappointment. Her own rock was far more interesting, but she didn't want to claim it if it belonged to someone else. “I can give it back, only I don't have it on me. It's back in my room on the other side of campus. I can bring it to you after the dance.”

  The dwarf was sweating. “I really, really need it now.”

  “Is something wrong?” Aspen appeared around the corner. The dwarf looked up in surprise.

  “Oh! Just talking to my friend here. Military secrets.” He looked at Kyla as he said 'secrets', which made her all the more curious about the stone. Still, she wouldn't betray his trust.

  The dwarf coughed. “Uh...maybe you could bring it to me now. I can't really stick around very long. A lot of spies out, you know.”

  “Spies?” Aspen looked around warily. “I haven't seen anyone suspicious. Except you.”

  “Uh...right. Well...ummm...” the dwarf tugged at his beard as he looked at the sky.

  Kyla put her palms together in an apologetic plea. “I can send it right back up to the station. I'll send it tomorrow!”

  The dwarf looked back into the darkness, and then back at Aspen. “Fine. Fine. Send it right up. There should be a Steed going up in the morning
for a shipment of light. Just toss it in the box.”

  “Will do, caribou!”

  The dwarf gave a quick, half-hearted salute and walked briskly back into the darkness. Lili started shouting at them to hurry up.

  “What did he want?” Aspen asked.

  “Oh...military secret.”

  “I don't like him.”

  “He's fine. Nice guy. Just a little shy.”

  ***

  The ballroom was decorated in an autumn theme, as was appropriate. From one corner a young sylph blew crisp leaves gently across the room and fairies cast handfuls from the ceiling. Aura was in another corner trying to help a gargoyle with a broken oscillator. Kyla hadn't known Aura was involved with the ball. She shouted hello but just got a brief glance and quick wave. Along one wall of the room was a table covered in appetizers and punch. There was lively music being played by a band standing among a set of gourds and hay bales. It was a mixed group, with a couple gnomes, a goblin, and even an ogre playing a large drum. The music was heavy and Kyla could feel it thumping through the ground. She grabbed Ilian's elbow and led him to the dance floor, to which he reluctantly acquiesced. Kyla wasn't sure how to dance to this type of music. Elf music was very melodic, and Kyla could hold her own in a Samiliri or Ali'inai, but she didn't know how to move to this thumping. She decided that a good way to dance to thumping was to thump back, and so she started clapping and jumping and stomping to the beat of the music.

  Someone started heckling Kyla from the crowd. “You okay out there? Looks like you're having a seizure.” It was Lili. Well, Kyla didn't care if she could dance. She was having fun. Ilian, who was dancing only half-heartedly to begin with, gave an embarrassed smile and backed away slightly. After a few more comments from Lili he politely excused himself to use the washroom.

  Aspen left Opin at the punch table and started dancing with Kyla, though her moves were more subdued. With a little encouragement a few more people joined in, and in a few minutes there were so many people dancing that Lili gave up making fun of Kyla, and soon Lili and Saul were dancing themselves.

  Kyla hated to admit it, but they were both really good.

  She and Aspen didn't bother to rejoin Ilian and Opin. The boys refused to dance and Kyla didn't want to stop, so for a long time the boys stood by the snack table and eventually left without a word. Kyla watched them go. It hurt a little, but she was having more fun without them.

  Soon Kyla was drenched in sweat and decided to take a punch break. Aspen joined her at the table, though she didn't eat anything.

  “They didn't like us,” Aspen noted.

  “Yeah. I kinda figured that out. I wanted to cancel the date.”

  Aspen shrugged. “I'm glad we came.”

  There was a blast of air as the doors whipped open and slammed shut again. Eunoe was panting and leaning back against them. She quickly scanned the room and when she saw Aspen and Kyla, ran over. “I need your help!” she said in a loud whisper.

  “What's wrong?” Aspen asked.

  “Well...” Eunoe thought a moment. “Rabbits don't need fertility potions. And...I've decided...they don't need to fly.”

  The doors burst open again, and several people ran in shouting. Opin and Ilian were among them. They were covered in brown pellets, which they were trying to brush off without touching them. Suddenly a wave of white flew into the room through the open doors. The band stopped and everyone fell silent while they tried to figure out what was happening. A horde of flying rabbits swept through the room, circling about and dropping brown pellets. Kyla started to laugh but forced herself to hold it in as she saw the dismay on Eunoe's face. Aura was still in her corner, and had conjured a whirlwind to keep the rabbits away, but the wind was too strong and was blowing rabbit droppings at the crowd. Lili was on fire, which appeared to be intentional, and the droppings sizzled as they struck her. Aspen grabbed a punch bowl, emptied it on the floor, and held it upside-down over her head. “Rabbit droppings aren't going to be easy to wash out.”

  Kyla couldn't hold it in anymore. She burst out laughing. This earned her angry stares from some of the others, in particular Opin and Ilian, but she didn't care.

  ***

  It was a high-spirited evening in the dorms as the girls cleaned up. Lili had stormed home and abandoned Saul, who tagged along to escort Kyla, Eunoe, and Aspen to Haven Hall. Aura showed up later after helping sweep up the ball room with her winds. Kyla and Aspen were laughing and regaling how memorable the evening had been, even though it had been the worst night of their lives. Eunoe started laughing as well though this was interspersed with crying.

  “So you got yourself a date!” Saul told Aspen as he plucked rabbit droppings from his leg fur. “I told you hanging out with Kyla was the way to get things moving. I mean, she makes you look way better in comparison!”

  The laughter stopped and four sets of eye daggers pointed at Saul. He looked back at them uncomfortably. “I mean, you know, when I said you should hang out with Kyla if you want to meet boys. You look average next to Eunoe, but you're pretty hot next to Kyla. You were bound to get some attention!”

  Kyla felt the urge to punch Saul, but Eunoe lashed out with such a verbal whipping that she felt her interference would only offer Saul a respite. He found himself ignored for a few days after, though she occasionally saw him walking around campus with Lili. All in all, Kyla counted this disaster of an evening more memorable than either her trip to the center of the earth or to the stars. It was no wonder, then, in all the excitement, that she forgot her promise to return the stone to the dwarf.

  Chapter Twelve

  Whitehall

  “Hasenpfeffer again?” Saul whined as he and Lili walked past Kyla's table.

  Kyla shrugged as she swallowed a mouthful of soup. “I like hasenpfeffer.”

  “I did,” Saul complained. “I also used to like walking outside. But now I have to wear these because of all the rabbit droppings.” He held up a hoof to show off a dirty leather slipper. He and Lili sat at the next table. They were seeing more of each other. Kyla initially thought that meant they would see less of Saul, but it turned out they were just seeing more of Lili. Kyla was secretly glad the demoness was angry at Eunoe because it meant she wasn't picking on Kyla as much.

  “I didn't come here to do servant's work,” Aura complained. Wind was gusting along the floor and she was nearly opaque. She didn't usually complain about manual labor, but she was ragged from herding flying rabbits and blowing turds into piles for the groundskeepers. The Chief Groundskeeper, for his part, had been pushing for Eunoe's expulsion.

  Aspen was looking at Eunoe with concern. The alseid was expressionless and quiet. She was stirring her soup and scooping it with her spoon only to pour everything back into the bowl. Aspen had told Kyla that Eunoe was terribly ashamed but would not admit it, though it was plastered all over her face and posture.

  “So do you guys want to go to Whitehall with me?” Kyla asked. “Denzig's taking me tomorrow! It'll be so exciting! Have you ever seen a human before?”

  “Yes, I've seen them,” Aura replied. “And I would love to go, but I have work to do!” She glared at Eunoe as she spoke.

  Kyla kept trying to keep the conversation free of friction. “I had human food. Denzig gave me some when I first met him. There was turducken, and lasagna, and my favorite was cheesecake. It was the biggest meal I've ever seen! Humans must be pretty big. They eat a lot, anyway. You want to come, Eunoe?”

  Eunoe looked up from her soup-dropping for a second, then looked back down. “Can't. I'm on probation.”

  “I can't go either,” Aspen added. “Because...you know.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “I'd like to go!” Saul piped up.

  “I thought you were mad at us!”

  “Oh, no no no. I'm mad at Eunoe! I'm fine with the rest of you.”

  “It's kind of your fault, though,” Aspen noted. “You knew this would happen.”

  Lili was casting dirty glares. Kyla
did not want them coming along. “I don't think you can. I mean, how would you hide your horns and legs? And Lili's red skin and tail.”

  Lili sneered. “I wouldn't go with you if I had to take a dump and you had the only roll of toilet paper.”

  “That's...charming. Anyway, you know, I just have to keep my ears covered and I fit right in! I don't know how Denzig does it, being a dragon and all.”

  “Yeah, you're friends with a dragon. Which no one has ever seen. You never shut up about it, but I'm pretty sure you're full of more crap than a troll's chamber pot.”

  Kyla was getting annoyed with the insults, and hoped if she ignored them long enough Lili would lose interest. Normally Eunoe would step in on her behalf, but she was busy stirring and scooping and dripping and not eating her hasenpfeffer. “Anyway, I'll see if I can bring back some cool human stuff.”

  ***

  It wasn't until Kyla was getting ready to leave for Whitehall that she remembered her promise to the dwarf. The meteorite was sitting on her desk for display, surrounded by papers that were weighed down with rocks so they wouldn't blow around in Aura's winds. It was already a week after she had promised to deliver it. She didn't want to get rid of the memory of her trip entirely so she grabbed a blank piece of paper and with a pencil made a rubbing to preserve the squiggly patterns on the surface of the stone. When she was satisfied she grabbed her bag and hat and headed for the Communications building.

  There were no Steeds in the Equinox hangar when she arrived, so she went to the portal room to see if she could find a link to another location. She looked for a schedule or chart but found nothing useful, and was afraid to ask for help as this might mean breaking her promise to not tell anyone about the meteorite.