Songbird (Songbird, #1)

by Lisa Edward

  On the plus side, the whole episode went by in a bit of a blur—probably because I almost passed out several times from the pain. I also now had a new respect for beauticians, who have to keep a straight face as their clients try to twist like pretzels to get the best hair-removing angles.

  On the down side, every time I moved I stuck to the paper that was laid on the table, and my thighs stuck together when I was eventually allowed to close my legs.

  Finally, that part was over, and I let out the breath I had been holding for nearly forty minutes.

  The facial was relaxing, and thank goodness, uneventful. Tamzin worked her magic hands over my face and down my neck with practiced skill, and at one stage I may have actually drifted off to sleep.

  Last was the eyelash tint. I had tinted my eyelashes in the past, and always liked the fact that you no longer needed to wear mascara every day. I chose the blackest-black dye, and tried really hard not to move while Tamzin painted the stingy ink on my lashes. After twenty minutes of leaving the dye on, she skilfully rinsed the colour off, and held a mirror up for me to see the results.

  She had done a great job on all three tasks, and I thanked her, and promised to come back in about six weeks to do it all over again. Well, the facial and tint at least—the jury was still out on the waxing. I would need to see the results when it wasn’t red and sore.

  On the way home, I called into a candle shop, and picked up some beautifully scented candles, then on the spur of the moment, bought some new linen as well. Most of mine was a bit girly, and although it was my apartment, I wanted Riley to feel at home too, so I bought a set that was more neutral coloured and unisex.

  Everything was set, and I couldn’t wait for Riley’s visit.

  I’d been glued to the photocopier all day at work, so when I finally returned to my desk, I wasn’t surprised that my phone was blinking with a missed call. Riley would usually call just to confirm what flight he was arriving on, so I knew what time to be at the airport and greet my beloved.

  I started listening to the message with a smile on my face, but his voice this time was different. Instead of the usual lilt that set my heart on fire, he sounded distant and distracted. He told me that he wouldn’t be able to make it, something important had come up, and he would be “off the radar” for a few days.

  My smile disappeared as my heart sank. Wondering if that “something important” that had come up affected the entire unit, I quickly called Kelli. She had flown out to Tasmania that morning, and was meeting Cooper there for a family visit. Did he have to cancel his leave as well?

  Damn! I got her voicemail, so I left a message, asking her to call me back when she got the chance.

  I packed up my desk and headed home, disappointment wrenching my heart straight out of my chest.

  I had planned what we were going to do for the next few days, and everything I looked at reminded me that all our plans had gone out the window. From the bottle of Shiraz waiting for us, to the delicious food in the fridge, to the restaurant booking I would now have to cancel.

  I went into the bedroom to get changed, and looked at the beautiful new linen on the bed, and the candles placed around the room that were not going to be lit tonight.

  Needing more than a vague voice message, I sat on the edge of the bed and phoned Riley.

  “Hello,” a female voice answered, and I pulled the phone away from my ear for a moment to double-check I had called the right number.

  “Hello,” I replied frowning. “Who’s this?”

  “Who’s this?” the voice responded smugly.

  I hated her already, after only three words.

  “It’s Tara, Riley’s girlfriend. Who are you, and why are you answering my boyfriend’s phone?” I waited for a good explanation to that question.

  “This is Rebecca, and I’m answering his phone because he’s in the shower, washing that magnificent body of his. He was a little sweaty after his workout.” She practically purred the last part of that sentence.

  Yes, I hated her, all right. I didn’t know what to say. Why was she in Sydney at his house, and was this the important “something” that had come up? Had he ditched me for her?

  “What are you doing there?” I asked, barely audibly.

  “I’m living here for a while; didn’t Riley tell you?” She was so smug I wanted to reach into the phone and strangle her. “Can I leave a message for him?” She was speaking, but the words were not sinking in.

  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. Finally, I managed to answer her. “Yes, you can tell him his EX-girlfriend called,” I said, and I hung up.

  I burst into tears, but my tears of sadness and loss soon turned to ones of anger.

  A million thoughts raced through my mind, but they all came back to the same conclusion: he had been with her all along.

  The more I thought about it, the more furious I got. He had played me, and I had been stupid enough to fall for it. After everything I’d been through with Stephen, I didn’t deserve this.

  I started pacing back and forth across my living room. I needed to speak to him, and give him a piece of my mind. I picked up the phone, and clenching my teeth, dialled his number. Then, as my stomach tied itself in a knot, I braced myself, waiting to hear his voice.

  “Oh it’s you again,” that smug bitch said, and I knew I was going to have to deal with her to get to Riley.

  “Yes, it’s me. Put him on, now.”

  “He’s not here, he’s gone to get some Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. He likes the Chocolate Fudge Brownie flavour.”

  “I know what he likes,” I snapped, even more furious that she was telling me what my boyfriend liked.

  “That’s not what I hear.”

  The tone of her voice was like a slap in the face. What had he been telling her about me?

  “Did you tell him I called before?” I asked sharply.

  “Yep, but he didn’t want to talk to you. I can tell him you’re stalking him, if you like?”

  I hung up; there was no point continuing the phone call. If she did really tell him, then he obviously didn’t want to talk to me. If she didn’t tell him the first time I called, then she wouldn’t be passing this message on either.

  Instead, I opened the bottle of red, and put on my favourite DVD, Somewhere In Time.

  As the bottle of red quickly disappeared, I thought of a thousand things I wanted to say to him, so I sent him a text, and then another, and yet another one, asking him to Skype me.

  Waking up on the couch just as the morning light was beginning to filter in through the partially drawn blinds, I quickly checked my phone. I had sat up for half the night logged into Skype, waiting for him to join me, but he never did.

  There were no messages, no missed calls. I sent him another text, asking him to contact me. I was already beginning to feel like a stalker, so this would be the last message, I told myself. Then I tried calling Kelli again.

  Kelli answered on the third ring in her sleepy voice, and I realised I must have woken her up.

  “Hey, Kell,” I whispered. “Sorry to call so early, but I need to ask you something.” It was early, so I felt like I had to talk quietly.

  “Sure. Hey, how’s Riley? I bet he was excited to see you.”

  Okay, so that answered my question before I needed to ask it. She didn’t know anything about leave being cancelled; she assumed he was here.

  “That’s what I need to ask you about. He didn’t come; he cancelled at the last minute.”

  I waited for her shocked response, but it didn’t come either.

  “It happens sometimes, Tars. Coop’s had to cancel on me a few times. Don’t worry about it.”

  But here was the sucker punch. “I called him, and Rebecca answered his phone, because he was in the shower washing that magnificent body of his after his sweaty workout. She said she’s living with him.”

  Finally, I got the response I had expected from her initially. “What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Hang on.”


  I heard her muttering something to someone, and knew she was asking Cooper if he knew anything about it.

  After a few moments, she was back on the phone. “Coop said as far as he knew, Riley had his bag packed and was looking forward to seeing you. That’s all I can tell you, I’m sorry.”

  I wanted to ask her to ask Cooper to call Riley and find out what was going on, but we had agreed when I had first started dating Riley that we wouldn’t interfere in each other’s relationships, so I bit my tongue, instead just saying, “Thanks, Kell, sorry to wake you,” before hanging up.

  For the rest of the weekend, I was a couch potato. I watched DVDs; I got angry, and ranted to myself like a crazy person. I slept if I could, and I drank more wine. But mostly, I cried.

  I couldn’t believe that after everything Riley had said to me, that he would do this. I had thought he was different. I thought I could trust him, that he would never hurt me. But he was just like every other guy, only after one thing, and when he had gotten what he wanted and was bored with me, he dumped me like a piece of trash.

  But then, why was I surprised? Riley was gorgeous and funny and smart, not to mention an amazing lover. And I was just … me.

  Dragging myself out of bed Monday morning, I couldn’t be bothered with any make-up or doing very much with my hair, before I went to work. I’d had two days on the couch with no word from Riley. He hadn’t called me back or replied to my text messages; I guess that was all the answer I needed.

  Sitting down with Kelli for lunch, I listened as she recapped her weekend in Tasmania, but my heart wasn’t in it. I couldn’t eat, and just the name “Cooper” dragged up thoughts of Riley, and made me cry again. I was so sick of crying.

  Finally, I had to ask, “Have you heard anything about Riley? Did Coop say anything about why Rebecca was there?”

  She smiled at me sadly. “I haven’t spoken to him today, but I’ll call him as soon as I can to find out, okay?” She reached out across the table to hold my hand. “I’m so sorry, Tara. I feel like it’s my fault for introducing you to him. I can’t believe he’d do that, though; he was so into you when he was here.”

  Tears filled my eyes as I shrugged. “Well, he’s not anymore.”

  As the days went by, thoughts of Riley consumed me, and I sank deeper and deeper into a black hole of despair. I told my boss I wasn’t feeling well, and he agreed I didn’t look that great and that I should have the rest of the week off. My gut was telling me it was over, and my heart was beginning to agree.

  I had to face the harsh reality that I had given Riley everything I had, and it wasn’t enough—I just wasn’t enough. He didn’t want me anymore. He would rather be with someone who had cheated on him and broken his heart than with me.

  What did that say about me? What was I worth, if I couldn’t even compete with someone like Rebecca? After all the crap I’d gone through before, I had given him my heart completely, and he had ripped it out of my chest. He had thrown it in the trash, like it was worthless.

  Did he ever really love me, or was I a delayed rebound? They were back together now, and she was living there. Just that thought alone made me feel physically ill. Then I wondered how long she had been living there. Was that the real reason he didn’t want me to go to Sydney? Because she was there the whole time?

  Surely Cooper would have told Kelli, or was their “brotherhood” bond so strong that Cooper would have kept it from her? I had to know, so I picked up the phone and called her.

  “Kell, I know we made a pact not to interfere in each other’s relationships, but I need to know the truth,” I sobbed. “Was he with her the whole time? Was he just using me?”

  Kelli sighed. “I don’t know, Tars. If he was, Coop never told me about it. If I’d known, I would never have encouraged you to see him. I really thought he had feelings for you.”

  Of course she wouldn’t have encouraged me; she knew what I had been through with Stephen.

  “Then what changed? Why is he back with her, after everything she did to him?”

  I could hear Kelli breathing on the other end of the phone as she tried to find the answers I so desperately needed. Finally, the only thing she could come up with was, “I don’t know, Tars, but if I can find out anything, I will.”

  “Can you ask Coop … please?” I could feel the last threads of control slipping away as I spoke.

  “I can’t right now, Tars, they’re on another stupid training exercise, incommunicado, and all that nonsense. They won’t be back for about three weeks.”

  “I have to know now; it’s driving me crazy, Kell. I can’t wait three weeks,” I howled.

  Then I lost it. My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn’t breathe as the tears flooded my puffy face.

  My stomach lurched and I slapped a hand over my mouth as I dashed to the bathroom to throw up. I sat on the bathroom floor with my head resting on the toilet seat, waiting for the next wave of nausea to hit me.

  When I had thrown up everything that was in my stomach and had finally stopped dry-retching, I leaned back against the bath, shaking uncontrollably until the last light of day faded, and the apartment was plunged into darkness.

  When I could finally move again, I crawled into the bedroom, dragged myself into bed and stayed there.

  It was Saturday night and a week since I’d found out that Riley and Rebecca were back together. I needed to get out of bed and out of the apartment. My first thought was to go to Songbirds, but I wasn’t really welcome there anymore. I showered and dressed on autopilot in the first clothes I laid my hands on: faded jeans and a fitted T-shirt. I sat on the couch, contemplating what to do.

  ‘Stuff it,” I murmured to myself. I got up and started walking to Songbirds.

  The Sons were already playing when I entered, and the place was packed. The groupie set was at the front of the stage, as always, trying to grab at Cole, and he was reaching out to them, touching their hands.

  Taking a seat at the bar, I waited for Marcus to come over and ask me what I wanted to drink. He might not want me there as a friend, but surely he would have to serve me if I was a paying customer.

  He came over and started to speak, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw my face.

  “Oh God, Tara, what’s happened?” he asked and quickly came around the bar to stand beside me.

  I tried to hold in my tears, but my lips started quivering and the waterworks started again.

  Marcus wrapped his arms around me, and asked again what had happened.

  “Riley broke up with me,” I spluttered into his chest.

  He squeezed me tighter, burying his face into my hair.

  “Just give me a minute,” I heard a gravelly voice say into the microphone halfway through a song, and the music stopped.

  There were murmurs and a commotion, and then Cole was beside me. He had jumped down off the stage in the middle of their set when he saw I was upset, and was now resting his hand on my shoulder.

  I looked up into his emerald eyes, and he looked genuinely concerned.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Riley …” My voice stuck in my throat. I couldn’t say it again. Telling Marcus had been hard enough.

  “Come with me,” he said, and then half led, half carried me to the back room.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, confused. “You’re supposed to be singing.”

  “It can wait. Tell me what happened.” He was leaning up against the table, and pulled me into a tight embrace so I was standing in between his open legs.

  I buried my face in his chest. “He was supposed to come to see me, but he cancelled his visit,” I said, sobbing, “and when I called, his ex-girlfriend was there. She said they were living together.” I broke down again at the thought of him being intimate with someone else. How could he do that, after he’d told me he loved me?

  I felt Cole’s chest heave, and then exhale. “And what does Hotshot say about it?” He was rubbing my back and stroking my hair, trying t
o soothe my pain.

  “I haven’t spoken to him,” I replied between sobs. “I left messages and sent texts, but he didn’t return my calls.”

  I was crying so hard I had snot running out of my nose, and I fumbled in my pockets for a tissue, but couldn’t find one.

  “Here,” Cole said, stripping his T-shirt off over his head, “use this.”

  “I can’t blow my nose on your top,” I said, screwing up my face.

  “Well, you’ve already cried all over it. What’s a little bit of snot between friends?”

  “That’s gross,” I said, shaking my head. I couldn’t use his shirt.

  He looked down at me. “Nothing about you is gross. Even like this, you’re still beautiful.”

  I wiped my nose reluctantly on his shirt. “I’ll take it home and wash it,” I said, sniffling. “I’m sorry I’m blubbering again. Seems I’m always blubbering about something.”

  He shook his head, and wrapped his huge arms around me again. His bare skin was warm against my cheek, as his heart beat steadily.

  “No you’re not. You only cry when someone lets you down.” He kissed the top of my head. “I thought I would be happy if you two broke up, but I don’t like seeing you like this—it’s not right. Riley’s got rocks in his head for cheating on you.”

  I closed my eyes and exhaled. His words, even just his presence, always seemed to make me feel better. I felt calmer just being held in his strong arms.

  I heard the door open behind us as Jay entered to see what was going on. With the door open, the uproar of the unhappy crowd filtered in. They were chanting, and getting louder as the seconds ticked by.

  “Dude, what are you doing? We don’t have time for this; we’re in the middle of a set.”

  I looked around, ready to apologise.

  “Oh, Tara, it’s you. I thought he’d snuck off for a quick shag.” He entered further into the room. “What’s wrong?”

  I didn’t think I could explain it all again, but I didn’t have to, as Cole replied, “Dumbass boyfriend’s been sticking his dick in another girl.”

  Well, okay, I may not have quite put it that way, but it was the truth.

  I told Cole to go finish his set, and he told me to wait for him to drive me home. We could talk some more later, or he could just sit with me if I didn’t want to be alone.