Songbird (Songbird, #1)

by Lisa Edward

  He went to his bag to grab a clean T-shirt while Jay fidgeted around impatiently. The crowd sounded like they were ready to riot.

  “Cole,” I said, and he looked up. “Don’t put a shirt on.”

  He frowned at me, questioningly.

  “The girls at least will forgive you if you go out there looking like that.” I knew I would.

  He smiled his sexy smile, then nodded before heading out the door.

  I sat in the back room, and listened to the crowd. I could tell the exact moment when Cole got back up on stage—the screams and wolf whistles were deafening from the girls in the audience.

  “Sorry about that, folks,” Cole’s voice boomed seductively over the microphone. “I was getting a little hot up here. Hope you don’t mind.”

  SITTING IN front of the piano at Songbirds, I smiled for the first time in what felt like forever. This place and this piano were my saviours. Sitting here playing was one of the only times I had felt happy since the breakup, and I cherished every moment of it.

  Cole had been particularly great over the last two weeks, since he had found out about Riley. He had checked in on me nearly every night to make sure I was okay, quite often bringing dinner with him. He said he knew I wouldn’t be looking after myself, and somehow he always knew just what I would feel like eating.

  He had even taken me shopping, and trudged around the mall with me, trying to cheer me up with a little retail therapy. He had carried my bags, and waited patiently as I tried clothes and shoes on, even giving his opinion when I couldn’t make a decision.

  It was what I had always thought shopping with a boyfriend would be like. I had never had it with Stephen, and with Riley we were never together long enough to do the everyday things, like shop.

  Cole ticked every box in what I would ever want from a guy, except for one thing: he was caring, thoughtful, and attentive. He was funny and intelligent; he just couldn’t keep it in his pants. I had to stop myself from being jealous when shop assistants flirted with him, and he flirted back. He wasn’t mine, although they didn’t know that.

  My friendship with Marcus was also back on track. It seemed he realised that I needed friends around me, and he rose to the challenge, encouraging me to go into Songbirds to practice again whenever I wanted. I was glad we had survived our little hitch from the previous month, and could now laugh about it. There was no miscommunication now; he was a dear friend, and I intended to keep him close for as long as possible.

  But sitting here in front of the piano was where I felt at peace. I could pretend to be happy to ease my friends’ minds, but when I sat down in front of this piano, I could really feel the troubles of the world fade away.

  I was finishing off my set with yet another song that reminded me of Riley. It seemed every love song reminded me of him, but I needed to get out of that rut. It was my misery, and other people did not need to endure it, so I had made a decision to only sing positive love songs tonight. Of course, singing about love in a positive way didn’t change the constant ache in my chest; it just reminded me of what I almost had but had lost.

  As I sang I closed my eyes, and watched as images of Riley’s beautiful face filtered into my mind as they always did. When the song was over, and I reluctantly opened my eyes again to face reality, I looked up, and standing in front of me was Riley. He looked like a dream come true, but he also looked concerned. His piercing blue eyes were searching my face, trying to read my reaction to him being there.

  My heart leapt into my throat, and my first instinct was to race to him and throw my arms around him, and never let him go, but I couldn’t. I hadn’t heard from him in weeks, and we were no longer together.

  Standing up as casually as I could manage, I walked straight past him and headed to the bar.

  I felt his presence behind me before I felt his hand on my arm. I spun around, suddenly angry that he had turned up after no communication. I didn’t want to talk to him now. I shook my arm free and glared at him, and then stormed off to the back room to get away. Of course he followed me in, and shut the door behind us.

  “Tara, what’s going on?” he asked, as if he didn’t know exactly what was going on. “Coop said you were upset with me, but I don’t know why. I jumped on the first plane I could as soon as we got back from training.” He tried to bridge the gap between us, but I moved away. “Please, babe, tell me what’s happened.” He ran his hand through his hair. “What …” His voice wavered. “… what did I do wrong?”

  Glaring, I strode over to him. “Why don’t YOU tell ME what’s going on, Riley?” I fumed, poking my finger into his chest.

  He looked confused, as if he had no idea what I was talking about, which made me even angrier. Seriously, did he think I was a total idiot?

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Riley. Rebecca told me she’d moved in with you. You were with her when you were supposed to be here with ME.”

  His face dropped, and I sneered at him, “Yes, that’s right, I know all about the two of you getting back together.” I was on a roll now, as my despair over the last few weeks finally turned to anger. “And what makes it worse is you didn’t have the guts to tell me yourself. You didn’t even have the courtesy to return any of my calls or text messages. So don’t you DARE come in here, acting all innocent.” I was on the verge of hysteria I was so furious, but Riley just looked at me, dejected.

  He took a deep breath, then foolishly tried to calm me down by placing his hands on my shoulders.

  I was so wound up by this point that I shoved him away, hard. “Don’t touch me; don’t you ever touch me again!” I yelled, but the touch of his hands on me was enough and I came undone, the tears now rolling down my cheeks.

  “This is ridiculous,” he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Tara, why would you think we were back together? Nothing happened with Rebecca, I swear.”

  I started towards the door, not wanting to shed any more tears in front of him, but he blocked my path and locked it. “You’re not walking out on me; we’re going to sort this out,” he demanded, and leant up against the door. “This is insane. Do you honestly think I would cheat on you, and with her, of all people?”

  The frustration in his voice was evident, but I held my ground. I stood there with my arms crossed over my chest, just trying to breathe as the tears continued falling.

  “So why did she answer your phone, and tell me she had moved in?”

  He just looked at me blankly. Obviously, the fact that I had even called was news to him.

  “And why didn’t you answer any of the text messages I sent you that weekend?” He frowned at me. “Or Skype me when I asked you to? I spent a whole night on Skype waiting for you to call in.”

  He was shaking his head now; the blank look had turned to a fury that rivalled my own.

  He paced up and down the room for a few moments as the gravity of the situation dawned on him, then clearly frustrated, he punched the door—hard.

  “That bitch!” he yelled, shaking his head, before taking a deep calming breath and turning to me. “Tara, I had no idea you had tried to get in touch, I swear. I told you I couldn’t be reached because after I settled them in at my place, I spent the weekend on duty, so I didn’t have to be around her. I left my phone at home, because we’re not allowed to get distracted with phone calls.”

  “So she did move in,” I raged. “She’s living with you.”

  “No,” he said, shaking his head vigorously. “She stayed for a couple of days, and then went back to Patrick.” He ran his hand through his hair again. “How do I convince you that nothing happened?” He pulled out his phone. “Call her, and ask her what happened, she’ll tell you.”

  I pulled out my own phone, so she wouldn’t recognise the caller ID, and punched in her number, although why he even had her number was an issue for me. Then I put it on speaker phone and waited to hear that voice that I now hated so much.

  She answered, and I told her who it was, and after explaining that I had spo
ken to Riley, asked her for her side of the story.

  Riley stood there silently with arms crossed, listening in disbelief as she happily recanted a very different version of events to me.

  “So, what do you want to know, Tara?” she asked smugly.

  “I want to know why you were at Riley’s, and what happened between the two of you.”

  “Well,” she started, “he called me and asked me to come to Sydney, and stay with him, so I did.” She giggled. “He said he missed me, that the girl he had been seeing—I guess that was you—was hard work, and things weren’t working out.”

  I raised my eyebrows at Riley. I could see his jaw clenching in anger, but he stayed silent.

  “So then what happened?” I asked, not wanting to give away the fact that Riley was actually with me, and could hear everything.

  “What do you think happened?” She paused for dramatic effect. “We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, or our mouths, and you know how good he is with his tongue.”

  Wow! Did I really need to listen to this?

  Riley was running both hands through his hair now. I could see he was just about ready to burst, but I wanted him to wait just a few minutes longer.

  “So are you back together or not, ‘cause he said you’re not, and nothing happened.”

  She giggled again. It was like nails down a blackboard.

  “Well, if you call fucking each other’s brains out nothing, then sure, I guess nothing happened.” Then, just to drive her point home, she said, “He asked me to move in permanently, so I don’t think you’ll be seeing him anymore.”

  Riley was furious, and unable to stay quiet any longer. “Now, Rebecca, do you want to tell Tara what really happened?” he fumed. “The truth this time, please.”

  She was silent for a moment as she realised that Riley had heard every word she had said, before back-pedalling, and telling me a story that mirrored Riley’s.

  She had gone to Riley’s uninvited, and begged him to help her. She even confessed that while she slept in his bed with her son, Riley had hardly spent any time there. When he did come home in the early hours of the morning, he had slept on the couch.

  I felt a little better after I hung up the phone, and Riley seemed to think that all was forgiven as I saw him physically relax. But there was still that issue of him lying to me, and choosing her over me that left a bitter taste in my mouth.

  “I’m sorry, Riley, I believe that nothing happened between you.” The tears started again as I realised what I was doing. “But you chose her over me, and didn’t tell me you were seeing her, and that I can’t forgive.” I shrugged. “How can I trust you when you keep secrets like that from me?”

  If only he had been honest, and told me why he wasn’t coming to see me. I wouldn’t have liked it, but maybe I would have understood, but he never gave me the chance. Instead he was vague, and conveniently chose not to tell me that his ex-girlfriend was staying in his apartment.

  I’d already had one relationship built on lies and secrets—there was no way I was going down that path again. Every time I was in Melbourne and he was in Sydney, I couldn’t be wondering if he was spending time with her, even if it was just to help her out.

  “Tara, please, I love you,” he begged. “Don’t do this. I’ll do anything; just don’t end it.”

  He stepped closer and tried to hold my hands, but I pulled them away. “I’ve been miserable without you these last few weeks, not being able to hold you or hear your voice. Please don’t say we’re over.” The tears were now rolling freely down his cheeks as he pleaded with me. “Tara, I love you, please.”

  I shook my head, and walked towards the door. “I’m sorry, Riley, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.”

  I turned back one last time—just one last time to see the face I loved, and it was just in time to see Riley, with his face in his hands, drop to his knees on the floor.

  I DON’T care what anyone says: closure is a bitch. It had been just over a month since I had seen Riley, and ended the relationship on my terms. I had thought I would start to feel better, but that was not the case. I went to work because I had to, I struggled to go to the gym, I played the piano, and I was miserable the entire time. That was my life in a nut shell. Even playing at Songbirds sometimes felt like a chore, as every song reminded me of Riley.

  I was waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel to appear, but it hadn’t, and I was beginning to seriously doubt it ever would. I felt like I was on one of Riley’s training exercises. I’d been mercilessly dumped into the ocean in the middle of the night, and was surrounded by total darkness, just waiting for a life raft to come along and rescue me.

  But the worst thing was that I had not heard a single word from Riley. When I walked out the door at Songbirds, I was positive that he would not accept that our relationship was over, and I felt sure he would try to call me, beg me to reconsider, but not a peep. Not one single missed call or text message, and that was what hurt most of all. I guess he never did really love me, or maybe he had worked things out with Rebecca, and they were living a blissfully happy life together.

  I came so close to calling him so many times, until I deleted his number from my phone so I couldn’t be tempted. If I had just had one call or text from him, I think I may have actually reconsidered. My heart was broken. I was still missing him every second of every day, but obviously he did not feel the same way.

  My friendship with Kelli was showing the strain too. I had made her promise not to mention one word about Riley, and I had asked her not to talk about Cooper, either. I figured if she told me what Cooper was doing, then I would also know by default what Riley was up to. This cut our conversations down by half, and the time we did spend together was often awkward, and sometimes silent.

  Cole, Marcus, and Jason seemed to be the only people that my breakup had not impacted. Jason was his usual self, and we still caught up for drinks at Songbirds or at each other’s apartments. He was patient with me when inevitably every conversation turned to Riley, and offered me his pearls of wisdom when I asked.

  Marcus, too, was great; he always had a smile on his face, and let me work as many shifts as I wanted at the bar to help keep me busy.

  But it was Cole who had become my knight in shining armour, much to everyone’s surprise, and some people’s disbelief. I’m sure they thought he was just trying to take advantage of me—after all, why else would Cole spend any time with me? The truth was, he was a very broad pair of shoulders to cry on, and was one of the few people who could take my mind off Riley and make me laugh.

  I had been in the back room at Songbirds one evening, getting ready for work, when Cole burst through the door.

  He came over and gave me a hug, and a soft kiss on the cheek. “Looking good, babe,” he said cheekily.

  I had stopped crying so much over the last few days, so had taken the time to apply some make-up.

  “You almost look human again.”

  “I almost feel human,” I said, putting on the best smile I could manage.

  “Well, if you want to feel a human,” he said, holding his arms out, “I’m available.”

  I laughed, and shook my head. His sense of humour was still a bit mischievous at times, but that was just him, and it was one of the things I liked about him. He didn’t pull any punches, he called a spade a spade, and if you didn’t like it, well, tough luck.

  “Hey, I’ve had an idea for how I can help take your mind off Hotshot,” he said, sitting down on the table.

  “What? Are you going to offer to bend me over the table like one of your bimbos?” I replied, my arms folded across my chest.

  The corner of his mouth twitched. “Well, I could do that if you like.”

  His emerald eyes were gazing at me like I’d just planted that image in his brain. “But I was actually going to suggest you do some writing with me. Music always helps me lose myself.” He smirked again. “But I’m open to either suggestion.”


  From that night on, every spare evening was spent with Cole either at my apartment, or at Songbirds after closing time.

  Cole was adept on the piano, but he was just as good on the guitar. We would either sit side by side, tinkling the ivories at the bar, or he would play the guitar, which he started leaving at my place, while I made suggestions.

  We were sitting out on my balcony one evening, the fairy lights that were strung around the railing sparkling in the twilight. It was a balmy night, and there was a slight breeze coming in from the ocean.

  “Let’s go for a walk on the beach,” Cole suggested. “I’ll take the guitar and we can sit down there, listen to the waves roll in. Maybe it will inspire us.”

  It sounded like a great idea. The heat was starting to get to me, and my creative juices were definitely not flowing.

  We made ourselves comfortable on the sand, and Cole started playing a piece I hadn’t heard before. It was unbelievable.

  “Just a little something I prepared earlier,” he said with a grin.

  It was beautiful. It had a hint of flamenco to it, and he played with such skill I was speechless.

  Next we went back to the piece we had been toying with, but he added his own spin. Obviously, the change in scenery had worked.

  “That sounds awesome,” I said, amazed. “I can’t believe it’s the same song.”

  I laid back on the sand, listening to the waves and to Cole play.

  “Do you need a pillow?” he asked, looking at me lying on the uncomfortable sand, and stripped off his T-shirt before handing it to me to rest my head on.

  “You just can’t seem to keep your clothes on, can you?” I teased, as I folded the top and placed it under my head.

  “Only when I’m around you,” he teased back.

  He continued playing, and I watched the clearly defined muscles in his shoulders and back flex as he strummed the guitar.

  I hadn’t seen his tattoos up this close before, and I took the opportunity while he was concentrating on the guitar to study them. The design on his arm was intricate, the wings on his back, beautiful. I lightly traced the outline of the wings, and he shivered, as he quickly glanced over his shoulder at me with a grin. But he kept playing, so I kept running my fingers across the top of his shoulders, and around the outside of his shoulder blades.