Snapped (Urban Renaissance)

by McKinney, Tina Brooks

  Cojo just stared at me for a few seconds. “You can start with why you felt it was necessary to keep your brother a secret.”

  “Honey, it wasn’t that I was trying to keep a secret; it’s been so long since I thought about my brother that I just forgot him. He dropped out of school so long ago, no one remembers him.”

  “How does one go about forgetting such an important part of his life?”

  “You would try to forget too if you had someone in your life who caused you so much pain.”

  She cocked her head to the side as if she was trying to figure out if I was telling the truth.

  “Gavin was a major pain in my ass when we were growing up.”

  “Most siblings are.”

  “No, you don’t understand. It was more than just being a pain in the ass. He did things, terrible things, and used to blame them on me.”

  “What kind of things?”

  I was trying to gauge Cojo’s tone to see how she was feeling, but her tone was noncommittal. “Damn, now that I’m talking about it again, it sounds stupid even to me. But back then, it was drama city.”

  “Well, you are going to have to make me understand because it feels like you lied to me, and I don’t like the feeling.”

  “I’m telling you, baby, it was an error of omission. I just needed to close the part of my life that involved Gavin.” I got up and started pacing the room again. I knew that I had to make her understand if we were going to have any chance to stay together. “When I was in high school, before I met you, Gavin talked this girl who had a crush on me into going out with him.” Just thinking about it left a sour taste in my mouth. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

  “And?” Cojo still had a hint of attitude in her voice, but I tried not to let it bother me as I continued the story.

  “Well, I guess I didn’t phrase that right. He tricked her into going out ’cause she thought she was going out with me.”

  “Oh, so you got mad? That’s not enough to deny your brother even existed.”

  I ignored my wife’s comments as I got lost in that painful night. “He had been pursuing her for weeks, I later found out. He would get on my computer after I went to work and would speak to her for hours using my login. Hell, I didn’t even know she liked me until after the fact.”

  “Did y’all go to school together?”

  “No, she went to another school. She was a cheerleader for an opposing team who always flirted with me, so I guess that’s why he was able to trick her.”

  “That’s messed up, but why wouldn’t he just talk to her on his own since you didn’t even know her?”

  “To be honest, I have no idea why he sucked me into the whole mess, but it was ugly, especially when the police got there.”

  “Wait, this isn’t making any sense. What did the police have to do with it?”

  “I don’t even know if it was part of his plans, but he took my car and went to pick her up. He wound up running out of gas and they had to walk. Apparently she got pissed, and somehow or another she wound up getting hit by a car. The police thought I had something to do with it because my computer records showed we were corresponding and, according to her mother, she left with a boy named Merlin.” I paused. “And Gavin told the police I caused her to get hit, like he always blamed me for stuff he did.”

  “Oh my God. How terrible, was she okay?”

  I got up and started walking around the room. I didn’t want to admit to her that I saw Gavin push the young lady into the street. “She died, and the only reason Gavin went to prison and not me is because Braxton and Gina stepped up and told the truth. Gina told the police that Gavin had taken off with my car.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, that’s kind of jacked up, but it still isn’t a reason to disown him.” She didn’t appear to be moved by my explanation, and I felt compelled to further explain my thinking at the time.

  “Cojo, that was just the tip of the iceberg. Our relationship was always troubled. He always wanted what I had. If he couldn’t steal it, he would fuck it up so it was taken from me. He competed with me for everything. Most of the time I didn’t even know the competition was going on until I lost whatever it was I wanted. ”

  “That’s not unusual, is it?”

  “How the hell would I know? But things changed when he killed that girl. When he blamed me, I had to accept that my own blood hated me.”

  “Hate? That’s a pretty strong word, and you know words have power.”

  “Cojo, he caused me to get arrested for something I didn’t do. They came down to my job in the middle of the day and handcuffed me. They took me off the clock and kept me there overnight for something I had nothing to do with. I wound up losing the very first job I ever had as a result of his fuck up. And let’s not forget that the girl’s brothers kicked the shit out of me because I couldn’t convince them that I didn’t have anything to do with her death.”

  “That’s unfortunate, but it’s not enough to forget or ignore your family.”

  “Are these the words of someone who just found out she had a family after all these years?” I regretted the words the moment they left my lips. I knew that Cojo was sensitive about her family situation, and I vowed to never use her words against her. I felt like punching myself in the face. “Wait, please don’t respond to that.” I slipped off the sofa and got on my knees. “Baby, I was way out of line with that one. I am sensitive to my family dynamics, but it does not give me a pass to hurt you about yours. I am so sorry.”

  I could tell she was hurt because she wouldn’t even look me in the eye, but that was what my brother did to me. He changed me when he was around. I would do things just to spite him that were normally not in my character. I thought I was done with that when he was finally out of my life. I waited for her to respond to my apology, but she continued to avoid my gaze. A single tear dropped from her eye, and I quickly reached up and wiped it away.

  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

  “Twice in twenty-four hours.”

  Damn, that couldn’t have hurt worse if she’d stuck it to me with the tip of a sword.

  “Ouch.” I had to fix this, but I had no idea how I was going to do it. I got up off my knees and sat next to her on the couch. I held my arms open, not at all sure she would fall into them, but it had always worked before.

  She used to find comfort in my arms, and despite all that had happened, I still loved and worshiped her. She stared at me for a few seconds before she allowed herself to slip into my arms. Her shoulders shook as she wrapped her arms around my waist. I allowed my head to rest on hers. The fact that she was willing to let me hold her told me she still loved me, in spite of our problems.

  She said, “I get it that siblings fight. I get it. I get it that they sometimes feel jealous. I truly do, but because I haven’t lived through that, I can’t help but feel envious.”

  “Baby, I’m sorry. What I said was insensitive. I know you are just getting to meet your brothers and sisters, but to be honest, I don’t think anyone in your family is like my brother was to me. He was and is a rare breed. To this day, I don’t know if he ever found love in his heart for me. I had to divorce him from my life in order for me to go on.”

  “Why?

  “Because I loved him too much to allow him to continue to hurt me, and it was clear to me that he didn’t give a damn about me.”

  Cojo pulled against my embrace. As much as I wanted to yank her back to my chest, I allowed it.

  “Why do you say that?” She cocked her head to the side, and for a split second I began to believe that he had gotten to her enough to turn her heart against me.

  “It wasn’t one action, it was the summation of all his attacks that made me close my heart to him. He didn’t leave me much choice.” I wanted her to sink back into my arms; instead, she lay back on the sofa, deep in thought. On one hand, I should have been thanking my lucky stars that she hadn’t sent me packing, but on the other hand, I missed my wif
e. I’d yet to show her all the pent-up love and frustration I had in my body after our forced separation.

  A red-winged devil flew onto my shoulder and started talking in my ear. She don’t need you like you need her because her needs were met by your brother.

  I gritted my teeth against the visual that played out in my mind.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  COJO MILLS

  Merlin paced and talked. “Sweetie, as I said before, I can’t imagine what life was like for you, but I do care.”

  “Caring isn’t enough. Family means everything to me. You turned on me yesterday without finding out what the circumstances were. That is what bothers me most, because you are my family, and the most important person in my world. I would never do that to you.”

  “I know, sweetheart, and I am deeply sorry. I acted on emotion without any thought. Haven’t you ever felt like that before?”

  He made a good point, and for a moment I just wanted to forget this whole incident had ever happened.

  He said, “So what do we do now?”

  That was a good question and one that I didn’t have an answer to. My heart wanted to hold my husband in my arms and have him make sweet love to me, but I didn’t know how to say it to him. This whole situation was very confusing to me because I never had a problem communicating with Merlin before. In fact, most times I didn’t have to tell him what I wanted; he knew. The silence that followed was irritating and neither of us was strong enough to stop the irritation.

  He took my hand. “I love you, and I want us to work on saving our marriage.

  No sweeter words could have been spoken to me. I was hoping my husband believed enough in our marriage to make it work. I wasn’t wearing silk blinders, thinking that he would not have his moments when he remembered that I’d slept with his brother, but I hoped that our love would prevail.

  “I believe in us.” There was nothing left to say as I melted into his arms. All the pain and anguish over the last twenty-four hours were forgotten. I got to enjoy the feel of my husband’s arms around me, and I was excited about what would happen next. My clit came alive, yet not how it had when Gavin showed up at my door the previous morning.

  “Are you sure?” Merlin pulled me away from his chest and looked me straight in my face.

  I felt so much love for him at that moment it was difficult to speak. After all that we’d been through within the last twenty-four hours, he still thought enough about me to ask me if I was sure.

  “I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.” The lines that had etched his face moments before dissolved, and he stood before me looking like a twelve-year-old child.

  My heart swelled again with love. This was my soul mate and I loved him. He picked me up and carried me into our bedroom, and gently laid me down on the bed. He stretched my arms out, a clear indication that he didn’t want me to do anything.

  “I’ve been waiting for this moment for six months.” His voice was a low growl, and it turned me on just listening to him.

  I tried to keep my eyes open and focused on him, but my mind wandered as he started to strip for me. Since I’d been with both brothers, I couldn’t help but notice that they were both gifted in the drawers. Even though I’d been with my husband before, it had been a minute. But Gavin was freshly painted in my mind. Merlin wore his desert fatigues and a tan wife beater that showed off his pecks, but I wasn’t craving his pecks. I needed him to bring on the dick in spectacular style. I needed him to erase the thought of his brother from my mind and body!

  “You’re taking too long.” I said. I needed him to fill my body so my mind could stop the doubts that were flowing through it. I wanted to make sure that he was still able to fulfill me after I’d had a taste of the forbidden.

  “Girl, I can’t go at this too quick because it’s been a minute for me.” His arms were raised over his head as he was taking off his shirt, but he stopped and his shoulders shook.

  I could tell in that moment he was remembering what I was trying so desperately to forget. That’s when I knew that I had to take matters into my own hands to get our relationship back on track.

  As he stood there frozen in time, I slipped out of my clothing. At first I was going at this with my mind, but now my heart got into it. I didn’t want to lose my marriage and the man who I’d grown to love. “Open your eyes.” My voice was sultry and commanding.

  “Damn.” He couldn’t say anything else, but he didn’t need to. His dick fought against the confines of his shorts and told a story that his lips didn’t have to.

  “I love you,” I whispered as I turned over and got on my knees. Even though I would have gotten more enjoyment from a frontal assault, I knew he needed to be in control of the dick slinging. I pointed my ass in his direction and prepared myself for the punishment. Mere seconds passed before I felt the head of his dick pressing against my hole. He wasn’t going for the pussy; he was pushing into my ass without lube or chaser. Instinctively I clenched up. I wanted to stop him, but I stopped myself. He had to discipline me somehow and this was going to be my punishment. It would be rough for a few strokes, but eventually I would feel the groove.

  That’s what I told myself, but truth be told, he hurt the hell out of me. I could not produce enough lube to make the encounter even remotely enjoyable. He actually chased me around the bed before he gave up. Not wanting to lose the sexual bond that we’d formed, I slipped into the bathroom and wet a washcloth. I washed my ass and spent a considerable amount of time washing his dick with the warmed washcloth. When I finished, I replaced the warm cloth with my mouth.

  “Ah . . . shit, baby, what are you trying to do?” He stood on his tiptoes.

  I took a moment to allow his dick to slide out of my mouth to answer. “I just want you to know how much I missed you.”

  Once again he tightened up, but as my lips sought his dick again, he had no choice but to give into the feeling.

  He said while I deep-throated him, “Baby, I thought of you every night. I love you so much.” He palmed the back of my head.

  Even though I had him in a compromising position, I knew in my heart he was telling the truth. I could just feel it.

  “Can I cum inside of you?” His voice was low, but I was close enough to hear it, and it was like music to my ears.

  “All day and every day.” I relinquished my hold on his dick and flipped over so he could sink his shaft deep inside of me.

  He climbed on board and let me have five great pumps and let go. Normally I would have felt deprived, but tonight it was all I needed to get off my damn self. We came together, but my mind was working overtime. Is he better than Gavin? I was treading on dangerous ground and I knew it, but I couldn’t control my thoughts any more than I could control the weather.

  “Damn, baby, that was good.” Merlin sighed. He ran his hand down my back and rested it on my ass.

  It was good for me too, but it wasn’t great like what I’d had yesterday with his brother. I couldn’t get his brother’s dick out of my mind. “Yes, it was.” I felt as if I should say more, but I couldn’t figure out what to say without giving voice to my thoughts.

  He snuggled closer, and I wondered what was going through his mind. Was he doubting me as well? I tried to fall into a comfortable nap, but I could not help but compare Gavin to Merlin. As much as I hated to admit it, the chemistry between us was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before, and part of me wanted more. Gavin was only the second man I’d slept with in my life, and he was truly fucking with my mind. If I had to choose between the two sexually, I would have chosen Gavin even though I knew he was trouble. But to be honest it excited me more.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  GAVIN MILLS

  I knew that coming back home would to be difficult, but I had no idea that it was going to be this hard. Momma was acting like a pure bitch and didn’t waste a second telling me how she felt about my coming to stay with her.

  “This is just temporary,” Gina said.

/>   “I know that, Mother.” I was trying to slip past her and go to my room, but she obviously had other ideas.

  “Did you look for a job today?” She stood there with her hands on her hips like she was about to climb in my ass if I didn’t give her the answer that she wanted.

  “I went to the library and put in a few applications online.

  Her eyes widened in apparent shock. I know that she didn’t expect a response from me, and I tried to hide the smile that threatened to creep up on my face. I was lying my ass off, but she didn’t need to know all that. I just needed to keep her off my back for a little while.

  “Humph. Online, huh? Ain’t nothing like a face-to-face interview.”

  “I’m going to do that, Mother, but I had to make an appointment first. I can’t just show up all unannounced.

  “Why not? That’s the way that I found my job.”

  “And that was like a hundred years ago.”

  Her mouth twisted into an evil frown. I could have worded it a little differently, but I was just trying to let her know that times had changed since she last looked for work.

  “You trying to get smart, boy?”

  I bristled because my days of being a boy were over. I was twenty-five years old and didn’t appreciate her trying to act like I was still a teenager. I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt about her evil ass, but I still needed a free place to stay until I found my next hustle. Working nine to five was just not for me. First of all, since I had never finished high school, my options were not that great. And if she thought that I was going to work in some fast food joint, she had obviously lost her happy mind.

  I needed to find something that would allow me to get the hell out of her house quick, fast, and in a hurry. My mind went back to Cojo. If I could turn her out, there was a good chance that she would allow me to crash with her. She looked like she was handling her business and handling it well. I was sure that I could sweet talk myself into her life if I could just get rid of my brother.