Mine : You Can't Help Who You Fall In Love With... (The Winterburg Series Book 1)

by Linzvonc

  "It’s okay, I think I can handle him," I murmured as he stroked my hair affectionately. I had a boyfriend, and this was strictly schoolwork.

  So why is my stomach in knots?

  Chapter Five

  GRETCHEN

  Time was dragging. Not that I was watching it like a hawk.

  Every time I looked at the clock it had hardly moved, somehow remaining at ten minutes to seven for about an hour.

  I scrutinised myself in the mirror, happy with my choice of a loose hoodie and joggers. I checked Cal’s address again on my phone, unable to believe he lived literally one block away from me. That explained how I saw him on my way to school most days.

  I kept going back to my inbox, just to see the name ‘Cal’ and the message with his address on. It led to me dreaming up all kinds of messages.

  I gave myself a shake, deciding to just leave already. I was early, but I could walk slowly. I yelled to my Mom that I was off to do homework with a friend and that I wouldn’t be late.

  I left the house and strolled to Cal’s. His house was almost a carbon copy of mine, except it was a corner lot, meaning it was larger. I strode to the door and inhaled a deep breath before knocking.

  I recognised his mother, Alice, as she answered the door with a warm smile.

  “Hi, Gretchen, is Luke with you?” she peered behind me, looking confused.

  “Ah, hey, Mrs Fallon. No, it’s just me. Cal and I are psychology partners....”

  I shuffle on my feet, aware that my face was now beet red.

  She nodded, stepping back for me to go inside.

  “I understand. Come in— Cal’s room is on the top floor. Do you want a drink?”

  I declined, and made my way up the stairs, looking for the next set of stairs to reach the top floor. My legs shook as I climbed up the ladder-like stairs to a dark wooden door, knocking softly.

  I heard his footsteps crossing the room, and the door swung open to reveal no other than Cal Fallon. He wore grey pants and a black vest that hung low over his chest, his incredible body on display for me to admire. He studied me for a moment, before he allowed the door to open wide enough for me to squeeze past him.

  I held my breath, refusing to fall victim to that tantalising scent again.

  Okay, I’m in his room. Breathe.

  “You’re early—that’s cute. Come in.”

  I needed to stop swooning every time he spoke. I was just another girl to him. I needed to behave like I had a boyfriend and a brain.

  His bed was a mess, the curtains were closed and there were clothes all over the floor. He sat on the bed and patted the space next to him.

  “Why do you seem so scared whenever you’re near me? We have to work together—you need to relax. I won’t try anything with you, I promise,” he grinned.

  A flash of annoyance zipped through me as I remembered him with Krystal that morning.

  What did I just say to myself?

  Yet there I was, jealous that he had kissed the school slut.

  Get a grip, Gretchen.

  “Yes, I know, I saw you with your girl this morning,” I said before I could consider my words.

  His eyes widened as he turned to look at me, bemused.

  “My girl, you say? When did you see me, anyway?”

  I shrugged, my cheeks flushing.

  “Krystal. This morning, I passed you on the way to school.”

  He gazed at me and smiled.

  “Did you now? You should’ve said ‘hey.’”

  He didn’t deny her being his girl; this annoyed me more than anything else.

  “I didn’t think you had any spare oxygen for conversation, Cal,” I said, which only made him laugh.

  “Anyway,” I huffed, reaching for my bag.

  He stopped me, his hand on mine as I froze, electricity running between us as we touched.

  “Are you jealous? Could it be that Little Miss Girlfriend is jealous?”

  He was so close to me I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to punch him for being right, but I made a face at him and moved his hand away from me, reaching back into my bag.

  “What? Don’t flatter yourself,” I denied with an eye roll, refusing to look at him.

  I pulled out two notebooks with a flourish, handing him one as he looked at me.

  “Here you go,” I smiled, wondering why he was gazing at me like that.

  “So, you spill all your darkest fantasies for me, I write them down and tell your horny as fuck boyfriend, so he can finally have his wicked way with you? Wonderful, happy to help,” he laughed bitterly as he lit a cigarette.

  I opened my mouth to respond, wondering how the hell he had worked out what was on Luke’s mind constantly.

  “What? Why are you so crude? Can you please open a window, I don’t smoke. Gross.”

  My heart hammered against my chest as I thought about my darkest fantasies.

  God, Cal is such a smug bastard.

  He dutifully opened a window, then slumped down until he was cross-legged against the door, leaving me on the bed.

  “Okay, so talking therapy is when you speak to someone about any negative feelings... so we explore that...” I said, avoiding his intense gaze.

  He inhaled, distracting me entirely. My words hitched in my throat as I tried to regain my composure.

  “There are different therapies. My personal favourite is interpersonal therapy. What about you?”

  He leaned forward somewhat; his voice low. “Do I look like I do therapy? Let’s do that personal one you like.”

  I moved down to his level on the floor, crossing my legs as I stared at him with unease.

  Deep breath, Gretchen.

  “First, we get to know one another.”

  Chapter Six

  GRETCHEN

  Cal shifted forward, his eyes on me.

  "Me too. How are we going to do that? I like your hair down, by the way,” he said, motioning to my hair.

  Just like that, I’m a mess.

  My cheeks reddened, and I was glad his room was dim. The last thing I needed was him noticing the effect he had on me.

  "Excellent to hear, Cal. So, tell me about your life?"

  He laughed, his emerald eyes twinkling as he shook his head.

  "What a shit question. Here’s an idea; I’ll ask you a question, be honest with me. Don’t forget this is confidential. Neither of us can tell anyone anything. Or do you want to go first?"

  I looked down at my hands. He was right; it was confidential. I looked him in the eyes as I decided to ask what I really wanted to know.

  "Why are you so rude to people?"

  He shook his head as he stared at me in disbelief. "That’s your question? Why am I rude to people?"

  I stared back at him. "It’s a simple question."

  He whistled slowly before answering me. "Okay, precious. I have little tolerance for people. I don’t like anyone; it’s better that way.”

  "But you like Krystal?" I shot back.

  "No, Gretchen, you don’t get to ask two questions. It’s my turn," he reminded me as I folded my arms.

  This was a bad idea.

  "Fine, ask away,” I said as I lifted my chin defiantly.

  "Are you happy with Luke?"

  He was brutally direct, but why? Did he just want to make me uncomfortable? I opened my mouth to answer, as he studied me.

  "What has that got to do with anything?!" I stammered.

  "It’s a perfectly valid question. It’s your relationship. Are. You. Happy?" He repeated, his voice softer now, as his eyes searched my face intently.

  I nodded confidently.

  "Yes. Well, I was..."

  Was? Where did that come from?

  I closed my eyes, hoping he hadn’t noticed that last part.

  "Are you going to elaborate? This is confidential,” he cocked an eyebrow at me.

  No such luck. Argh.

  Despite barely knowing him, I wanted to talk to him, against my brain screaming signals in every different
direction not to.

  Something told me I could trust him.

  "It’s personal though, Cal. I don’t even know you," I said, fiddling with my nails.

  "You wouldn’t know a therapist. This is what this is for, isn’t it? Why don’t you ask me a question, then we can go back to that,” he offered. I was relieved he had given me a get out of jail free card and I considered my question.

  "Have you ever been arrested?"

  I wasn’t thinking straight. Why would a therapist ask that?

  It’s not truth or fucking dare Gretchen!!

  "Yup. My turn."

  My heart leapt into my mouth.

  He’d been arrested?

  He didn’t offer any elaboration, and I didn’t dare ask.

  Hair fell in front of his eyes and he moved it away before he placed both hands on his knees.

  The fact he had been arrested intrigued me, but I had to wait my turn; that was the deal.

  "Elaborate,” he said, before he leaned back, a triumphant glint in his eyes.

  Oh, fuck.

  He wasn’t letting this go.

  I played with my fingernails, considering what to say. Part of me wanted to be honest with him, but that would reveal way too much. Besides, I wasn’t even sure how I felt.

  This was his cousin.

  How could I trust him to be confidential?

  "He is very sweet. We have been together for a little over a year. He treats me well..." my voice trailed off as he continued to stare at me with that intense gaze. He gave nothing else away as he waited.

  "I’m just not sure I want to be with him forever. Does that make sense? If you don’t want to be with someone forever what’s the point in bothering?"

  "Is that your question to me?" He raised an eyebrow.

  "Yeah, it is."

  I was eager for the attention to move away from me and my relationship; that, until now, I had thought was going well.

  "I think we have relationships with different people to learn things. Learn how to behave, how to fuck, how to break up, and how to be."

  When he said fuck, something danced within my stomach, something unfamiliar, yet delightful.

  What he said made complete sense. I bit my lip and looked at him as he continued.

  "You said he makes you happy, and that he is sweet. Is that what you want? Like, what really turns you on? Do you even know?" His expression didn’t falter at all.

  I swallowed, feeling ashamed that I couldn’t even answer him.

  What did I want? Him? Could I just say that?

  "I don’t know what I want, you’re right,” I whispered.

  He raised his eyebrows again quizzically.

  "As for what turns me on?" I cleared my throat, my stomach twisting with desire as I imagined it. "I want to kiss someone in the rain. I want someone to push me against a wall, kiss me hard, and pull my hair to the point of pain. I want to want someone so much they are all I think about."

  I cannot bring myself to meet his eyes, despite them burning into me.

  Breathe, Gretchen.

  When I finally lifted my eyes to him, he didn't speak, he just continued to stare at me. This time I couldn’t read his expression at all.

  I asked him a question to change the course of the conversation.

  "My turn. Do you like being single?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

  Where had this bravery come from?

  He cleared his throat. "It’s not about being single or being in a relationship. It would just be. I would have to feel things I had never felt before to be in a relationship of any kind. That would show me it was different, not just a fuck, or a crush. I’ve not felt like that yet,” he cut his eyes at me. “Are you really making notes? It’s confidential!"

  I looked up guiltily from the notepad I’d grabbed to scribble in.

  "No, I was making key notes. Like, needing a new emotion to experience something new."

  His next question stopped me in my tracks. "Are you in love with him, Gretchen?"

  His voice seemed different now, and I swallowed, replying quickly.

  "I love him, Cal. He’s my boyfriend."

  "That’s not what I asked," he argued. "I asked if you were in love with him. Totally different."

  He looked at me as our eyes went to war. His emerald green ones won, and I dropped mine to the floor.

  "I think I may not be," I admitted, as I blinked and realized, I had tears in my eyes.

  What the fuck was going on?

  "I have to go. It’s getting late,” I mumbled, standing up as he stood with me, his hands tilting my face up to his as he looked at me with concern.

  "Are you okay? Come here."

  He wrapped his arms around me, and I allowed myself to breathe him in, dizziness swept through me from a combination of my rapid heartbeat, crazy emotions and that divine smell of his.

  With Cal I felt safe and secure, and so far away from the world. I pulled myself away from him and he grinned at me.

  "I think I may be a shit therapist. They aren’t meant to hug their clients, are they? Come on, Raven. I’ll walk you home."

  I didn’t have the strength to argue, plus I wanted as much time with him as possible. We walked silently, side by side, as I stole the odd glance at him.

  He seemed to be deep in thought, catching my eye now and then as I looked away. When we reach my drive, I turn to him, grasping at any false confidence I had left.

  "Thanks. We will need to meet up again soon and try to pick some points out about whether it works—"

  He put his finger to my lips, and I trembled beneath his touch.

  "Shh. Stop thinking. Get some rest, I will see you at school," he turned and walked away, lighting yet another cigarette.

  I headed to my bedroom and logged onto my social media accounts on my laptop. There were new photos of Sienna & Ethan at the Rink, looking totally loved up. I clicked onto my profile to see the photo of me and Luke after one of his games, looking loved up, too.

  What the hell has happened to us?

  I climb into bed, hearing the ping that alerts me to a text.

  CAL:

  Confidential, I won’t tell anyone. Night beautiful.

  Chapter Seven

  GRETCHEN

  I woke with a start, the ringtone from my phone piercing my skull.

  I sat up, glancing around my room blearily. It must’ve only been around four a.m., judging by the darkness. I finally found my phone and I swiped at the screen until it stopped making the damn noise.

  “Hello?” I said groggily as I heard Sienna huffing down the phone.

  “Gretchen. Tell me you are not in bed. I’m outside your house.”

  “At this hour?” I squeaked as she chuckled.

  “It’s almost eight, babe,” she informed me, as I sat bolt upright.

  I ended the call and checked the time to find Sienna wasn’t joking. I stretched before I padded downstairs with a yawn. I answered the door as Sienna swept in, a flurry of perfume and glitter following her. I trudged back into the kitchen, delving into the fridge for the orange juice.

  “Sienna, where’s the fire?” My dad laughed as he walked into the kitchen, ruffling my hair.

  “Morning Mr. Red. I came early to remind Gretchen we have the dance tonight. I’m not even sure she has an outfit,” she shot me a look and I groaned.

  “The dance? Argh.”

  “See?” she raised an eyebrow at my Dad as he chuckled. Sienna returned her attention to me, her hands on her hips. “If you’re quick, we can hit the mall before school.”

  I slid some bread into the toaster as she held her arms up in dismay.

  “You haven’t time for toast, Gretch!”

  My Mom sailed in at that point, smiling at Sienna. “There is always time for breakfast.”

  She poured herself coffee as I added, “Especially with Nutella,” our eyes met as we shared a secret smile. We adored Nutella.

  “What are you wearing?” I asked Sienna, smot
hering my barely toasted bread with Nutella.

  “I have the most beautiful dress. Wait till you see it!” Sienna grinned excitedly.

  Twenty minutes later, we were in the mall, trying to find me a dress.

  “What about this? My God Gretch, it’s stunning.”

  I turned to see the dress Sienna was holding up. It was strapless, a deep shade of emerald green.

  “Wow, I do like that!”

  Decision made.

  I didn’t care what I wore, I just needed something.

  I paid, and we made our way back to Sienna’s car.

  “What would you have done if I hadn’t mentioned the dance this morning? Hmm? Where would you be without me?” she grinned as I stuck my tongue out at her.

  “I forgot about it. It’s just not that exciting, is it?”

  Sienna turned to gape at me.

  “Are you for real? The annual dance is ‘not that exciting’? Come on, what has happened to you? Sorry, what would you class as exciting, my lady?”

  “Oh, I dunno, Brad Pitt in Fight Club?” I offered as her eyes misted over.

  “Hell yeah, in that red jacket? Gotta love a bad boy, hey Gretch?”

  I chose not to acknowledge that, and instead asked who Rosie was going with to the dance to change the subject.

  “She mentioned something about a guy from her history class,” Sienna frowned as she drove.

  I nodded wordlessly, as I replayed my conversation with Cal last night.

  “Si, do you think you and Ethan will be together forever?”

  She parked at school and turned to look at me with an exasperated expression on her face. “You’re acting strange Gretch, what’s going on? Are you and Luke okay?”

  She peered at me with concern yet again, my eyes filling with unexpected tears.

  “I don’t know, Si. I just don’t know how I feel about him anymore.”

  Admitting it to Sienna felt so different to admitting it to Cal last night. Sienna hugged me tightly, her sweet perfume wrapping around me as she did.

  “Babes, this is okay; it will be okay Maybe you’re just going through a rocky patch. Luke is amazing, and he is so into you. I would love to be with Ethan for the rest of my life, I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.”