Mine : You Can't Help Who You Fall In Love With... (The Winterburg Series Book 1)

by Linzvonc

  “Fuck!”

  The door opened behind me.

  “Bro. What’s wrong?”

  I turned to see Drake watching me warily from the doorway, his eyes filled with anxiety as he watched me rub my hand.

  “As usual, fucking everything.”

  I threw the letter at him as he unfolded his arms and read it quietly. He lifted his eyes to mine finally, heartache all over his face.

  “We left you to it. You needed to live a normal life... but stealing your cousin’s girl wasn’t really the best idea, knowing what he knows about you.”

  He attempted to smile, but it fades too quickly to be genuine. He closed the door behind him before he walked over to me. “I love you, even though you’ve fucked up quite a lot over the years. You know what I think?”

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to hear what he had to say.

  “Mom and Dad like it here. They’ve been through so much.” His voice was quiet. “I think we should leave. You and me.”

  I whirled around to him, my eyes wide with anger.

  He can’t be serious.

  “What?”

  Drake’s eyes fixed on mine. “Yeah. You heard me. Leave. I’ll come with you. Fuck school. Fuck the girl; if you care about her, then this is the best thing you can do for her. If anyone finds out you care for her, she is as good as dead anyway.”

  Nausea swept through me.

  How have all my shitty decisions led me to someone so fucking incredible, yet I can’t be with her?

  “I can’t leave her, Drake. I’ve ruined her fucking life. She’ll be alone if I am not here.”

  Drake sighed and searched the letter in his hand.

  “You don’t seem to have much of a choice.”

  Chapter Twenty

  GRETCHEN

  My parents had cooled down after a few days. They’d agreed I could have my phone back, but I remained grounded.

  I scrolled through my social media idly, catching up on the events I had missed in such a brief space of time.

  I hadn't heard from Cal, but I didn't know if that was because my parents had been extreme and blocked him on my phone, or whether he had simply tried not to contact me.

  I pushed the thought out of my mind and got dressed for school.

  I couldn't wait to see Cal, I just hoped that he would be at school today, if only to see me.

  I swept my curls into a clip and slid on a faded blue t-shirt and jeans. I glanced in the mirror, relieved to see my eyes weren't so swollen from crying anymore.

  I remembered Cal's preference for my hair down, so I took the clip out, letting the curls fall around my shoulders.

  My phone pinged and I grabbed it excitedly; my heart sank a little when I saw it was from Rosie.

  ROSIE:

  Can we talk today? Miss you.

  I typed back a quick reply and grabbed my bag.

  My mom was waiting for me at the kitchen table, car keys in hand.

  “Ready?” she snapped, her eyes narrowing at me.

  She was still bitter, purely because I had worried her so much. I couldn’t understand it, because whenever I thought of that night with Cal, I realized it was so worth it.

  Mom pushed the chair away as she rose, her blue eyes piercing into mine. “Keep away from Cal, for your own good. I can't force you, but I am trying to help you. Now get in the car, please.”

  I nodded glumly.

  I can’t keep away from him if I try.

  Nothing compared to him, ever.

  We left the house and my eyes searched the road, just in case Cal was waiting for me. Disappointment filled my stomach when I saw that he wasn’t there and I slouched into the passenger seat of my mom’s car. We rode in silence until she dropped me off outside school.

  “I’ll pick you up after school.”

  “Mom, I—”

  “No, Gretchen. You don't get to say anything about this. Until you learn how to behave like an adult, we will treat you like a child.”

  She leaned over me, opening the car door, signalling for me to get out.

  I climbed out and watched her drive away.

  Jeez, she was truly pissed.

  I don't get it—I'm safe.

  It clearly didn't matter; this was her way of dealing with it.

  I followed the throng of people making their way painfully slowly to school, and I searched for the face I needed to see more than anything.

  No sign of Cal.

  I spotted Sienna leaning on her car, wrapped in a winter coat. She waved wildly when she saw me, and I trudged over to her as she held her arms out.

  “Hey, are you okay? I texted you, called you, with no reply! Were you with Loverboy?'” Her eyes rolled playfully as she spoke, her arm linked with mine as we strolled into school.

  “It's complicated, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you. My dad took my phone from me…” I explained with a loud sigh, as I unhooked my black leather bag from my shoulder. The sound of a basketball being bounced resonated through the hallway, cut my sentence short, and I pursed my lips.

  “No shit—why?” Sienna exclaimed; her eyes wide as she peered at me with surprise.

  I understood—I’m not the rebellious type.

  I pulled my books out and slammed my locker shut as I turned to face her. “I spent the night with Cal, and I didn't tell my parents where I was.”

  Sienna made a face as she placed her hands on her hips and peered at me curiously. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with Gretchen? You're a real rebel now!”

  She said this proudly at first, but her expression changed when she saw the sadness in my eyes.

  “Luke went to my house and of course, I wasn't there,” I muttered, ducking as I narrowly missed the basketball that was still being tossed around.

  Sienna’s eyes flashed as she threw her hair over her shoulder with a frown, showing she was clearly as confused as I was about the whole situation. “Why the fuck did Luke go to your house?” Sienna asked.

  “I know, right? I saw him the other day with Krystal—”

  “Well, I mean, there's moving on, and then there's that. He’s a cheating bastard. I refuse to speak to him again,” Sienna declared. “But why turn up at yours?” Sienna fumbled in her bag for a moment before slipping gum into her mouth, offering me one as she did.

  I muttered my thanks before I popped a piece in my mouth.

  We wandered through the crowds, the different voices and sounds dulling our conversation allowed me time to think.

  “To see me, but I wasn't there. So, he told my parents Cal was a punk, pretty much. Then I didn't come back home…” I shrugged, allowing her to piece together the rest in her head.

  “Oh no... So, they took your phone away?”

  I nodded as we made our way into our Psychology Class. “I can't see him anymore, and I'm grounded for life.”

  My eyes threatened to fill with tears again as she squeezed my arm.

  “This is horrendous, Gretchen. Listen, we will talk more after class, okay?” Sienna nodded at me kindly before she made her way to her seat.

  My eyes swept over the empty seats behind me and my chest tightened.

  I noticed Luke walking in, his hair clearly still wet from the shower. His eyes met mine briefly, but he avoided my furious glare and instead attempted to talk to Finn. Finn glanced at me and gave me a half smile, which I coolly ignored and stared out of the window.

  I hoped Luke didn’t expect me to speak to him. I wanted to poke his eyes out with my nails for looking so relaxed and happy, not like someone who was actively ruining two lives.

  Cal didn't show that day.

  Or the next, or the one after that.

  Against my parents strict orders, I texted him, but he didn't reply. My heart felt like it was being crushed.

  I was in the library one afternoon, my feet curled under me, reading my favorite book.

  Whenever I felt stressed, reading always soothed my soul.

  The rain lashed on the windows, th
e sky dark and foreboding. I shivered and pulled my hoodie around me tighter for the extra warmth. I flipped my hair over to the side and leaned back, trying to get back to the book.

  I was so absorbed, I didn't realize how much time had passed when the bell rang.

  I sat up to gather my things, dropping my book in the process. I leaned down to pick it up when someone else's fingers beat me to it.

  I glanced up in surprise to see Luke, who handed me the book whilst I marveled at his audacity. I snatched it from him, pushing it deep into my bag. He looked at his feet, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

  “I know you hate me Gretch,” he put his hands up, his eyes wide and genuine. “But I need to explain...I did that for you, not for me.”

  I swiveled my legs down and stood to face him.

  “Is that right?” I said indignantly, as my body trembled. “Well, thank you, but I'd much rather you hadn't bothered.”

  I was tired of apologizing to Luke, taking his name calling and now this. I moved to go past him when he grabbed my wrist.

  “Wait,” he begged, as I pulled my arm from him like I had been burnt and turned to face him.

  “No, I won’t, Luke. Don't ever think you have done anything for me. I never want to speak to you again.”

  Hurt swam in his eyes as I spun on my heel and stormed away.

  My eyes were blurry and filled with tears as I made my way out of the school, heading for my Mom’s car, which was waiting in the pouring rain. I slammed the door behind me as I climbed in, tears spilling down my face.

  My Mom peered at me with concern. “Babe! What's happened?” She attempted to push my hair out of my eyes, but I moved away stubbornly. She drew her hand back gradually as I shook my head, then stared out of the window glumly.

  Mom didn't get it, did she?

  My life was falling apart in front of my eyes and all she could do is ask what had happened?

  How can I say, Mom, I’m in love with a felon who I stayed out all night fucking, and for some reason you won't let me see him and now my ex is making my life as hard as possible? Oh, and I haven't heard from Cal in fucking days.

  My tears fell silently as I stared out the window, refusing to communicate with my mom.

  Time passed, and I struggled to function.

  I was going to school, avoiding everyone, coming home and crying, sleeping then repeating the pattern.

  I hadn't heard from Cal, and I was worried something had happened to him. He wouldn’t just leave me, not without explaining it to me first. My mind was in overdrive, my thoughts meshing into a chaos I couldn't even begin to make sense of.

  My parents were happy though, I heard them laughing at ridiculously mundane tv shows and living their life. Together.

  I felt empty inside, but I was powerless. The only options I had were to break more rules to go and see Cal at his house, or sit and wallow in self-pity.

  I laid in the darkness, listening to the silence. My phone pinged and instead of leaping up like I had been, I ignored it, slipping the volume key to silent.

  I don’t want to speak to anyone.

  Without Cal in my life, I couldn’t exist successfully.

  I remembered his arms around me, and felt my heart breaking with longing: his soft lips on mine, his striking eyes gazing at me. His fingers as they laced with mine as we lay in bed, in a world that was totally our own.

  The pain I felt pretty much every day was becoming so familiar, I felt like I had to do something.

  A knock at my door interrupted my thoughts, and I turned on my side, refusing to acknowledge it.

  I’m too angry and hurt.

  The door opened softly, and the bed dipped as someone put their weight on it.

  “Gretchen.” My father's voice invoked a fresh lot of tears to spill down my cheeks. “Gretchen, you need to look at me, honey.”

  His voice was soft and calm, but I shook my head.

  Didn't he know the damage was done?

  My father sighed as he sipped from his glass of wine. There was a silence between us until he spoke again. “The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. I didn't think I could've loved anyone like I loved your mother until I met you.”

  I closed my eyes as he continued.

  “You always have amazed me. I watched you learn to walk, to talk, to laugh. I love the person you have become. You are intelligent, beautiful and usually very sensible,” he chuckled at this part. “When you didn't come home the other night, when we couldn't reach you...I haven't ever felt fear like it. Then Luke came over and told us about this boy you were seeing, and I actually hoped you were with him.”

  I opened my eyes in surprise.

  “The thought of you being with someone who cared about you was a damn sight better than those I was imagining.” his voice broke a little then, and I sat up. He glanced over at me, his eyes wet. “Your mother and I didn't sleep at all that night. I wanted to call the police, but your mother knew it had something to do with this boy,” he shook his head. “Mothers are always right, you know,” he added gently as I stared at my hands. “So, anyway, Gretchen. We were so worried. I'm sorry you feel so sad, it kills me seeing you this way. I don't want you anywhere near someone who could hurt you.”

  My head snapped up at this.

  “Cal cares about me, Dad, he really does. He would never hurt me. I love him.”

  He acknowledged this sadly, before he gave me a tender smile. “I thought as much. If that's the case, nothing or no one will keep you apart. So, you have a curfew young lady, but you aren't grounded anymore. One red flag and you are back to being grounded. If your grades slide, it stops. Am I clear?”

  I threw my arms around him.

  “Thank you, Dad.”

  Immediately I wanted to bolt to Cal's house, in my pjs, barefoot. I needed him so much I felt like I was gradually dying inside.

  Dad patted my arm and kissed my head. “Please Gretchen, don't ever do that to us again.”

  I squeezed him tightly and nodded. “I won't.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  GRETCHEN

  That winter was the longest I’d ever known.

  They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that time heals all wounds. I wasn’t entirely sure which applied to me, if any. I’d been trying to move forward, but it felt like I was doing it with a rock attached to my back.

  My dreams were so vivid, so painfully real, bringing intense joy and comfort, then shattering upon waking. I sometimes thought I saw Cal in crowds of people—I have since read that this is a form of a coping mechanism; the brain comforting us in a time of extreme grief or sadness.

  Because that is what this feels like, like he has died.

  I walked past his house every day, which was always empty. No sign of life, but there’s no for sale sign either. I’ve knocked on, peered through windows. I’ve sat on the porch and sobbed like a madwoman, but still, nothing.

  How could he just leave me?

  I can only imagine he had no choice, and that terrifies me.

  I’ve found it easier the past few months; I had started ice skating again. I read more, and I spent more time in my room.

  I recently got accepted to the college I wanted.I should have been elated—my parents certainly were.

  Nothing held any excitement for me anymore. I knew it sounded maudlin, but I never felt like I did when I was with Cal.

  The end of the school year loomed, which inevitably brought prom, but I’d decided I wouldn’t be going. The last time there was a dance was the happiest day of my life—how could I put myself through that again?

  I had, however, promised to go dress shopping with Rosie and Sienna.

  So, this was where I found myself, in the mall, waiting by the doors impatiently. I watched an elderly couple laughing together as they walked past me, a private joke only they would understand. The familiar pang in my chest arrived, and I breathed through it deeply.

  The one good thing about my new college was its
location—it wasn’t anywhere near Winterburg, and I didn’t know anyone who was going there.

  I noticed Rosie walking towards me, drawing approving glances from a group of guys from the year below us as they called out to her.

  Jeans that look like someone had sprayed them on encased her slender frame, with a cropped long-sleeved shirt; her skin glowed and her eyes shone. She giggled with excitement as she walked up to me and pulled me into an enormous hug.

  “Hey girl! How are you? I can’t wait to pick my dress! Thank you so much for being here with me, I know it must be hard for you,” she stuck her bottom lip out in an attempt at humour, presumably to lighten the mood.

  I plastered a fake smile on for her benefit while taking her arm. “Do you have a color in mind?”

  We linked arms as we walked into the mall, the stores all showcasing their most beautiful dresses in the windows.

  “Yes, and no. I was thinking, gold? Or maybe red? Like a dark red, obviously.”

  She wandered over to look at a dress, and I spotted Sienna in the distance.

  “Sorry I am late,” she said breathlessly. “How are you, Gretchen? I’m so glad you’re here today. I need a green dress. Emerald green.”

  I held my hands up, laughing. “Okay, let’s see if we can get you both ready for the ball!”

  Sienna peered at me sadly. “I can’t believe you aren’t coming, Gretchen. So many boys would have loved to take you!”

  I shook my head. “Si, really this isn’t as big of a thing for me as it is for you, so please don’t worry about me.”

  I tried not to think about what I would do if Cal was here.

  He would’ve taken me to prom for sure.

  We walked into Camille, one of the largest dress shops.

  “So, what’s with the green theme Sienna?” I cleared my throat, desperate to change the subject.

  I noticed Rosie texting on her phone and tried to sneak a peek. She clutched the phone to her chest and giggled.

  “Nope, you’re not seeing who I am texting.”

  I shrugged and walked around the store, my fingers touching the different fabrics, the embellishments shimmering under the store lights. I turned to see the girls gasping over a deep crimson dress, in a mermaid off-the-shoulder split-front style.