Dance of a Lifetime

by Frank Downey

  "She gives me credit for saving her life, which is bullshit. However, I did try to convince her that her life was worth saving, and I also showed her the alternatives. She has admitted now that there were other people trying to do the same things, but I was the one that got through. Which might be luck, or it might be just that I'm good"-everyone laughed at that-"or it might be other things. But it worked."

  "However, the moral to this story is this-there is someone in your life that is trying to show you that your life is worth saving. There is someone that is trying to show you the alternatives. And that someone sees the bruises, he sees the cuts, he sees the lack of self esteem, he sees the dead look in your eyes that I saw on most of you when I walked in and that I saw on Kitten for two months-and it is tearing him up inside. I don't know who it is-might be a friend, might be a family member. But there is someone, I almost guarantee it. And you need to figure out who it is, and you need to listen. How many of you have had someone close to you say something like 'I don't know why you keep putting yourself down?' or 'I can't understand why you don't think your smart, or beautiful, or worthy, or whatever?' Any of you have that happen?" Every hand shot up. "Here's my advice. Listen. And encourage that person to keep talking. And, if you have to-ask for help. Because that person who is telling you those things wants to help far, far more than you know. And he or she doesn't know how, and it's killing him. Trust me."

  Warren let that one sink in for a while. Then Caroline, one of the girls in the group, asked him, "Warren, can I ask you a question?"

  "Sure."

  "What happened to Kitten?"

  "Looking for a happy ending, are we?" Warren smiled. Caroline smiled and nodded agreement, as did the rest of the girls. Warren smiled bigger. "Well, lucky for you, I've got one."

  "After Kitten finally decided that she didn't want to be abused anymore, and dumped the asshole-who is now in jail, may he rot there-after that, Kitten decided something else. She decided that she had had it with guys who beat her down instead of lifting her up. And she found the guy who had been lifting her up. Of course, he had been there for a while, but she finally noticed."

  "She asked me out a week later." All the girls joined Warren's big grin. "And it's a good thing, because Preppy Nerd Boy me would have agonized about it for a year and then lost her. Luckily, she saved me from my preppiedom by making the first move. When you consider that she was beaten down and abused, it was an incredibly courageous thing to do. Although, I think by then she had figured out that she wasn't taking any kind of risk, that there was no way I was going to turn her down. I was completely gone by that time." Everyone laughed at that.

  "I still am. We celebrated our two-year anniversary a couple of weeks ago. She's also drug free, hardly drinks, quit smoking, and is a straight-A student. We're discussing what colleges to attend, because we plan on going together. And, sometime after that, I'm going to marry her." The girls were grinning widely at this point.

  "Happy endings are possible, ladies, but you have to work at them. Kitten did this herself, I was just there for her. You need to find someone willing to be there for you, too. And you have to open your ears, and your mind, and, most importantly, your heart."

  Another girl in the group, Meggan, asked, "Does Kitten go to school here?"

  "Yup."

  "I wonder if I know her."

  Warren grinned. "Oh, you know her, all right. I called her Kitten in my little story, but more often than not, I call her Pookie. She calls me Snugglebear." Everyone laughed. Warren got out of his chair, and walked over to where Sophia was sitting. "That's all for me, ladies. I hope it helped." Then he looked down at Sophia. "See you later, Pookie," and bent over and kissed her. The girls grinned in amazement as Warren walked out of the room.

  Meggan just looked at Sophia. "Warren is your boyfriend? You're Kitten?"

  "Yeah. And that's the moral of the story, isn't it? I finally listened to someone who was trying to tell me he truly, truly loved me, for all the right reasons. And it worked."

  "Wow," was all Meggan could say, and the other girls nodded agreement.

  Chapter 38 - Nail The Bastard To The Wall

  "Can I talk to you?" Sophia was eating lunch with Jessie; and Meggan, from her peer-counseling group, had approached her at their table.

  "Sure. Jess, this is Meggan. She's from my group."

  "Hiya, Meggan, nice to meet you. You want I should leave?" Meggan looked at Sophia.

  "Jess will leave if you want, Meg, but she knows what I do down in Peer Counseling, lived through my nightmare with me, and knows how to keep a secret."

  "OK. Then I don't want her to leave. I feel bad enough interrupting your lunch anyhow." Sophia and Jessie just waved that off. "I need your help, Soph. I think I've got a Warren." Meggan smiled a little bit.

  Sophie smiled back. "Tell me more."

  "His name is Josh. We take the bus every day. He's a junior." Meggan herself was a sophomore. "We usually sit with each other. He just moved to Oceanview this year, so I was like the first person he got to know, because we're the first two stops on the bus route in the morning, and the last two off in the evening. It was natural that we started talking. So now we talk every day on the bus."

  "Do you mind telling me his last name? If you want to keep that a secret, I don't mind. I was wondering if I knew him."

  "Blumberg. Josh Blumberg."

  "Really?" Sophia exclaimed. "I actually know Josh well. One of my best friends, Karen Laskovich, is Josh's cousin. When Josh first moved into town, Karen got him in with our crowd. I see him at parties all the time. He's a good kid, I like him a lot. One of the things I really like about him is the way he handles himself at parties. He's not much of a drinker and I've never seen him take a drug, but he can go to a party and have a good time-and he's nice but firm about turning down chemicals, so everyone respects his choice. In that way, he's exactly like Warren."

  "That's good information, Sophia, I forget that you know everybody." Sophia giggled. Meggan went on, "Anyhow, there have been some days that I've gone to school after-you know-had happened the previous night. He knows something's wrong. He tries to get me to tell him. He's not mean or anything about it, and he's only persistent to a point, but he's figured out that something's wrong with me."

  Jessie was listening to the conversation, but wasn't sure what, exactly, Meggan was talking about.

  "He's done the old self-esteem-boost thing that Warren told us about-in fact, it hit me while Warren was talking about that that Josh does exactly the same thing."

  "I want to tell him. I want to tell him what's happening to me. But I don't think I can get the words out, and I don't know if I want to lay this on him."

  Sophia took a deep breath. "First of all, don't drop it on him on the bus. Do what I did-give him your phone number and ask him to call. Tell him you need a friend to talk to. He'll call, I can almost guarantee it. Secondly, you need to lay this on someone. He's almost begging you to. Third, if you don't think you can get the words out, practice."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Tell Jessie, here. I can tell by her eyes darting back and forth that she's trying to figure out what's going on. Jessie knows I do peer counseling but I don't discuss specifics, because it is your choice who to tell. However, she's a great listener, her word is worth its weight in gold, and her confidence is solid."

  "All true, and I'm cute, too." Jessie quipped, getting a laugh out of Meggan. "Listen, Meggan, do not feel compelled to tell me. But if you want to practice, I'm willing."

  Meggan took a deep breath, and looked at Jessie. "My boyfriend rapes me at knifepoint." Jessie visibly paled. "And then tells me if I leave him or tell anyone he will cut me into little pieces."

  "You got the words out. That's a start. I remember when it took you 45 minutes to say those words to me." Sophia glanced at Jessie. "Jessie, are you alright?"

  Jessie said, in a tone of barely restrained murderous fury, "If I ever find out who your boyfriend is, Meggan, I will
bring a bigger knife, cut his balls and dick off, and stuff them down his fucking throat until he chokes to death on them." Meggan's eyes just got wide. "You say the word, Meg, and I'll have a posse on this guy's ass so quick he won't know what hit him. Soph, you think Crash, Warren, and Nicky would have a good time bouncing this scumbag off of a few walls? I do." Jessie took a deep breath.

  Meggan's eyes just got even wider. "You can't do that. He'll find out it came from me, and he'll kill me."

  Jessie exhaled. "I know, Meg, I know. I don't know who he is, anyway. And I know if I were to act too rashly, you could be in danger. I've been through this, with Sophie." She shook her head. "But, I can't help but want to do to him exactly what I said."

  Meggan calmed down. "I know. I do, too. I'm just afraid I'm going to end up dead at his hands. I worry about it all the time. I don't know how long I can live with that worry." She sighed. "I think of suicide more and more lately."

  Jessie looked at her. "Maybe you need to be suicidal." Meggan just stared at her. Sophia gasped. Jessie just went on. "Get to the point where you're going to do it. Get right to that point where you don't care if you live or die. And, right when you get to that point-go after him. You'd have nothing to lose, right?"

  Meggan looked at her. "She makes good points in a very roundabout kind of way, doesn't she?"

  "Always" Sophia agreed.

  It happened again that night. The next morning, Josh noticed, but Meggan parried his queries as usual. She sat in class all day, barely aware of where she was. This one was brutal-he decided, after he was done with her pussy, he was going to rape her ass. She could barely sit down.

  She was in agony all day. She had almost become numb to it, but having her anal virginity raped brought home again how brutal, degrading, and painful this all was.

  She decided, it was either take a chance, or kill herself. She took a chance. When she saw Josh on the bus heading home, she waited until they were the only two people left on the bus. She slipped a piece of paper in his hands as she got off the bus. It said, "349-8712. Josh, that's my phone number. I need to talk to a friend tonight. Please call. Love, Meggan."

  He called, shortly after eight o' clock. After they said hi, Meggan told him, "You know there's something wrong with me, right?"

  "Yeah, Meg, but I don't know what. Some days you walk onto that bus and it's like the night of the living dead. Today was particularly bad. But you won't tell me what it is."

  "I decided I want to tell you. I need to tell you. I need help. I'm in counseling, but that's not the same." She hesitated a minute. "Josh, how do you feel about me?"

  "I like you, a whole lot. I mean a lot. I care about you more than you know. If you hadn't told me you had a boyfriend, I would have asked you out long ago."

  "My suspicions are confirmed," Meggan said. Josh just laughed. Meggan got serious. "I want to tell you about me. I want to tell you. However, I don't know if I can dump this one on you. It's bad."

  "If you need to tell me, than you need to tell me."

  "OK" She took a deep breath. "My boyfriend has been raping me at knifepoint for six months. Last night, he added a new twist-he raped my ass. And he told me he would kill me if I ever left, or if I ever told anyone."

  Dead silence at the other end of the phone.

  "Josh?"

  Another moment of silence. "Meggan, what's your address?"

  "45 Curran St. Why?"

  "Will your parents get upset if you have a visitor at this time of night?"

  "My parents don't give a fuck what happens to me, Josh. That's another long story, but, let's just say that they had me because 'everybody has kids', and they just go on their merry way. They're actually not here, they're shopping or something..."

  "Good. I'm coming over." And he abruptly hung up the phone.

  Meggan didn't know what to think. She had, at least, gotten the courage to tell him. And now he's coming over? She'll have to look him in the face? After what she told him? Oh, boy...

  Before she knew it, there was a knock on the door, and she opened it to find him. And before she knew it, she was in his arms, crying.

  He steered her to the couch. After she had calmed down, Josh asked her, "Who knows?"

  "I have a peer counselor at school, and I talk to the psychiatrist there. Other than them, just you. You don't know how long I've wanted to tell you, because I knew you were a real friend."

  Josh took a deep breath. "I have a car, Meg. You need to go to the police."

  "NO!"

  "You need to."

  "Josh, he'll kill me!"

  "He's going to, anyway, if this keeps up." Meggan looked at him, startled. "You know I'm right. Either that, or you'll kill yourself."

  Meggan looked at him. "You're right."

  "This can't go on forever. He's killing you, as it is, bit by bit. I can't watch that happen, Meg. I care too much about you. I need to take you to the police."

  Meggan sat, and thought about it. Just then, her parents walked in the door.

  "Hi, Meg," her father said.

  Her mother just looked at Josh. "So, who's this? I thought your boyfriend was that reprobate from Salem? Sleeping around, Meg?"

  Josh was shocked. He had his arm around Meg, and he felt her shoulder tighten. He squeezed it, for reassurance. Meg was saying, "This is Josh. He's a friend, from school." She took a deep breath. "And Curtis isn't my boyfriend, not the way any normal person would define it."

  "Oh, yeah?" Her mother asked. "You certainly spend enough time with him. If he isn't your boyfriend, what is he?"

  Josh rubbed Meggan's back, and took her hand in his and squeezed. He said to her, softly, "You have to start here, Meg."

  "I know." She turned to her parents. "Curtis isn't my boyfriend. I thought he was at first, but he's not. He's my abuser. And my own personal serial rapist. He's been raping me at knifepoint for six months."

  Her parents went ghost-white. "What?" her father managed to get out.

  "Yup. And he threatens to kill me regularly." She shifted in her seat, and groaned, pain radiating out from her battered rear end. "Last night, he decided to add anal rape to the festivities. I'm in a considerable amount of pain right now." Her parents were in shock.

  "Meg, why didn't you tell us?" her father asked.

  "I've had a hard time telling anyone. Because I feel dirty, and because he threatens to kill me if I tell. The only people I ever told were my Peer Counselor and the psychiatrist at school. Josh has been a good friend to me all year, and I finally decided to tell him, tonight. As for you guys, you don't give a shit about me anyhow, so why should I tell you?"

  "MEGGAN!" her father spat out.

  "Oh, you don't say it, but Mom does. Why did I ever have a kid, you're more trouble than you're worth, blah blah blah. I've always thought I was an accident, that you guys regretted not aborting."

  Meg's mother was looking at the floor, not saying anything. Her father looked at his wife, and then at Meggan. "You were an accident, Meg, I'm not going to lie to you about that. And we hadn't ever planned on having children. But I, for one, never regretting having you."

  "I have," her mother said. "But I tried to hide it from you, Meg. Obviously I wasn't successful."

  "No, you weren't. I've felt resented and unwanted since I was seven. And I have been in my own private little hell for six months, and nobody notices, because nobody pays attention to Meggan. Well, Josh did. He didn't know what was wrong, but he knew something was wrong."

  Meggan's mother was crying by now. "Meggan, I'm so sorry. I tried to be a good mother, I really did. I'm sorry I failed." She looked up at Meggan. "I do love you, you know. I just hate being your mother--*anybody's* mother. I thought I could do it, that's why we ended up having you instead of aborting you. I was wrong."

  "I never knew any of this," her father said.

  "That's because all you care about is your work," her mother said.

  "Hey, my work is important. My work pays for all these lovely things we have.
"

  Meggan spoke up. "I, for one, would have traded all of these lovely things for a little attention. A hug once in a while, you know?" She took a deep breath. "Anyhow, that's neither here nor there. Although I blame you for not making me feel loved enough to tell you what was happening to me, I do not blame you for what's happening. That's not your fault, and it's not my fault. It's Curtis's fault. He sweet-talked me for two months, then, when I wasn't ready to surrender my virginity to him, his true self surfaced. And he took it. I was being raped before I even knew what was happening. And the threats started from day one, so I was immediately terrified."

  "Josh has convinced me to go to the police. It might not work. They might say they don't have enough to prosecute. They might end up letting him go. And he may end up killing me." Her father gasped. "But, you know what? I can't live like this anymore, no matter what happens. And instead of killing myself, which I have seriously been considering, I'm going to at least try to go after the cause of all this, which is him."

  Her parents wanted to take her to the police, but she refused. Josh took her. After hearing her story, the police called in a doctor to examine her. Afterwards, the cops gathered with the doctor. Meggan, and Josh (who Meggan insisted stay with her), wanted to hear what the doctor had to say.

  "OK," he started. "Meggan, you have vaginal bruises. Bad ones. Some old, some newer." He turned to the cops. "What I will say on the stand about them is this: yes, you can get those if you happen to like rough sex. However, very rarely that bad, and that kind of bruising usually only comes from systematic rape." The doctor took a deep breath. "Her rectum is ripped to shreds. She shows every sign of being anally raped within the last 48 hours. No doubt in my mind about it. Meggan, you need to go to the hospital. You're bleeding out of your rectum, still."

  "No doubt about the anal rape?"

  "None."

  "Call Salem police, get their cooperation, and nail the scumbag," he said to another officer.