Mrs R (Mrs R & Mr V #1)

by Jessie Courts

  “Shush, I’m gonna watch a movie. Go sober up so we can talk – have some coffee or something.”

  “Oh really? Make yourself comfortable why don’t you. And I’m fine with the wine thank you.” Rachel picked up a scatter cushion from the armchair and chucked it at him then stormed out of the den back into the kitchen where she fiddled with the integrated music system until she found ‘Bat Out of Hell’ by Meatloaf, “Ha!” She hiked up the volume; pressed play and waited.

  And waited. Why hadn’t Joe stormed in and shouted at her to turn it down? Switching the awful noise off, she crept over to the den door to check him out and to her fury saw he was fast asleep. Who the hell could sleep with that racket in the background?

  Rachel’s first instinct was to kick him awake but she wasn’t drunk enough to be that brave and actually it gave her the opportunity to indulge in a few moments of secret hero worship. She sat herself gently down next to him for a closer look at his handsome face. She gently brushed her palm against his beard loving the tickle of the soft hair. Joe moaned but didn’t wake up. Rachel was still unbelievably annoyed with him, but Joe had become her addiction and the thought of not getting her next fix made her teary and so terribly sad. She studied him committing every nuance to memory in case this was the last time she was this close.

  “Oh Joe.” Rachel sighed regretfully as a wave of exhaustion cloaked her. Before long the steady cadence of his breathing became hypnotic until she could no longer fight the need to close her eyes. She laid her head on his chest and succumbed to sleep.

  **********

  Joe awoke to a hot and heavy weight on his chest. He was disoriented for a moment until he saw the TV on and remembered he was at Rachel’s house. He didn’t however; recall her falling asleep on him although he had a vague memory of dozing off to his favourite Meatloaf song. It reminded him of his beloved Harley.

  He glanced at the time; it was early evening already and his stomach rumbled in protest of not having eaten all day. He also badly needed to take a piss but he was reluctant to disturb the woman sprawled all over him; she smelled incredible and he could feel her tits pressing into his side. Dipping his head he was delighted to see that her robe had fallen open completely and the view was totally spectacular. The swell of her chest and the curve of her arse had him hard in an instant but he knew they had some serious issues to discuss before he could even think of going there again.

  “Rachel” he whispered nudging her gently. Rachel made delicious throaty noises that did nothing to quell his hard on. “C’mon baby wake up.”

  Rachel yawned and stretched but didn’t open her eyes. She snuggled up closer to Joe and he waited for the moment when realisation hit her.

  Three, two, one and there it was…

  “Oh shit. What the hell? Ugh!” She pushed herself off him and stomped out the room without even throwing him a passing glance.

  “Well at least she didn’t knee me in the balls.” He hauled himself off the couch; stretched out his aching body, and went in search of the downstairs loo.

  **********

  Rachel was filling the kettle as Joe joined her in the kitchen. She’d sobered up but was left feeling dehydrated and in need of a cuppa. He sat down at the big oak table and cleared his throat to catch her attention. He looked and felt awkward and Rachel wasn’t making it any easier on him.

  “I want to apologise for handling things poorly earlier, when Luc came around. I reacted badly I know that and I never meant to hurt you.”

  “For someone who makes a living out of being cool and composed you lost it big time.”

  “Do you blame me?” Joe leaned forward challenging her.

  “Not entirely – I knew you’d be cross; but with me not Luc. And we should have been able to talk this through like adults.”

  “That’s a touch ironic in the situation, don’t you think.” Joe dropped his head into his hands. Everything was coming out wrong and he felt like he was making the situation worse. Ryan and Angela appeared in his head, their advice tugging on his conscience. He tried to focus on what they had told him; honesty; integrity; humility. He was trying to show all of these things.

  “Listen, Rachel, this is genuinely not a situation I’ve ever found myself in before and I just keep reacting instead of moving forward. I like what we have; it feels real. But the issue with this kid is killing me. Just be honest with me - do you love him? Do you want to be with him?”

  Joe’s hands had bunched into fists; the knuckles white with strain and every muscle in his body was taut with anticipation of her answer. He wasn’t sure what he would do if she rejected him now; for the first time in his life he felt vulnerable and pathetic. Loving someone definitely had its downside.

  Taking a deep breath, Rachel told Joe honestly, “Yes I love him. But I’m not in love with him. And no, of course I don’t want to be with him. I’m the one who ended it and sent him away.” She sighed, “It’s a long story.”

  How much could she tell Joe without him getting so mad again, she wondered. She toyed with the idea of glossing over the details; making out he was just a good friend with benefits, but decided the time for truth was the best course of action and if they were to have a future together, Rachel wanted Joe to always be honest with her in return. But she didn’t know where or how to start.

  “You broke my fence for god’s sake…” Rachel’s voice was thick with emotion.

  The man at her table nodded. “I did. I’ll fix it – now tell me about Luc.”

  “I’m not worried about fixing it; I mean you broke the bloody fence down clearly determined to get in. Why?”

  Joe was fidgeting, a sure sign his patience was wearing thin. “I think you’re deflecting. I want to know about that goddamn boy. I’m not leaving here until you tell me.”

  Rachel glared at him as she slammed the kettle on and rattled the cupboards reaching for mugs. The poor tea caddy didn’t stand a chance and the fridge door practically threw the milk out at her.

  “Do you take sugar in your tea?”

  “No.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Huh?”

  “Never mind,” Rachel sighed, “milk?”

  “Yes.”

  “Please.” She tutted loudly and threw him a dirty look. In that moment Joe knew he’d do whatever it took to keep this feisty, sexy and gorgeous woman in his life.

  “What?”

  “Manners Joe – I’m sure they’re universal, not just a British thing.”

  The corners of his mouth twitched and his fingers played with his beard. Rachel’s heart flipped at this small gesture that she had come to associate with Joe when he was biding his time. Whatever was coming next was going to be epic and she held her breath.

  “I love you.”

  Epic indeed. Rachel’s knees buckled and she held on to the kitchen counter top for support. Bloody man; she wasn’t expecting that; well maybe in time she was hoping but not yet.

  “Joe; seriously, you have issues.”

  “That is the issue sweetheart. I’ve never said that to a woman before. I’ve never felt like this about anyone and that’s why you not trusting me hurts so much. You need to make this right sweetheart.”

  Rachel poured their drinks and made her way over to the nook where he was sitting. She plonked the tea mugs down on the kitchen table and took Joe’s head in her hands. She placed sweet little kisses all over his face before settling herself in his lap. Joe wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder.

  “What a bloody mess I’ve made of everything. I’m not condoning your ridiculous behaviour with Luc but I suppose I need to acknowledge my part. C’mon, bring your tea inside and let’s get comfy. I’ll tell you everything you want to know but I won’t be judged by you Joe. I’ve nothing to be ashamed of.”

  Rachel grabbed her mug and the biscuit box and went back to the den with Joe following close behind. She chose to sit in the single armchair but when Joe walked in he scooped her up and brought her w
ith him to the couch.

  “I was quite happy in the chair actually.” She poked him in the shoulder.

  “I’m sure you were, but I want you next to me.” Joe sipped his tea and helped himself to a chocolate digestive, which he ate in one bite. “Hmm, nice cookies.”

  “Biscuits.”

  Joe rolled his eyes at her correction and took another one, suddenly starving. “Begin.”

  Rachel tucked her legs up under her and snuggled into Joe’s side; the warmth and solidity of his body was comforting regardless of his lingering animosity. Although so much had happened to her since Nate had passed away, whenever she allowed herself to dwell on his death, the pain and grief threatened to overwhelm her. But she needed to focus on Joe and she didn’t want to fall apart before she had a chance to explain about Luc. “Ok, so you know Nate and I were together forever and then we went to Paris and he was in a terrible accident and he died.” Rachel closed her eyes and shuddered but refused to linger on the bad memories. She willed Joe to wrap his arms around her and hold her safe but to her disappointment he didn’t move. He was however playing with his beard; a sure sign he was fully invested in the conversation.

  “Hmm; go on.”

  “Well, over the past few months I’ve learnt that just because my husband died, it doesn’t mean I will ever feel less about him. I will always carry Nate with me in my heart and my love for him will never diminish - nothing can change that, but the life we shared is part of my past now and I have had to learn to move on. It was either that or pretty much give up on everything. I hope you never have to suffer the loss of someone so close – but it takes everything from you Joe. You’ve heard of the expression ‘losing the will to live’ and I tell you that I understand that fully now.”

  Rachel sighed and drunk her tea cupping the mug as if her life depended on it. Her eyes were shiny but she refused to cry even though the pain in her chest grew tighter with each revelation. “It took me a long time and a lot of convincing that being with someone else wasn’t a betrayal. I have good friends to thank for that…and Luc.”

  Joe stiffened on hearing Luc’s name. His shoulders became rigid and a muscle ticked in his tightly clenched jaw.

  “Are you sure you want to hear this Joe? I can tell you’re already freaking out.”

  Joe concentrated really hard on not reacting and focused his gaze on the ceiling, leaning his head back into the soft cushions of the sofa. Rachel slid one hand over his clenched fist and squeezed. He nodded and quietly, she continued.

  “The boy saved me Joe. Seriously, I think I would still be in a funk if he hadn’t have come along at the time he did. I couldn’t see a way forward; nothing was worth the effort or the pain. I spent months in the house in the depths of depression. Some days I didn’t even leave my bed. I thought my life was over. I only made an effort when the twins rang so they wouldn’t worry so much, but then I drove everyone else away and even refused to see my friends. I thought I had lost them all forever, but they were just giving me the space I needed and keeping tabs on me through the twins. They are an amazing bunch.”

  Rachel stared blankly into space quelling the rising swell of emotion as she recalled that very dark time in her recent past. Joe felt her pain and his heart constricted at the thought of her in so much turmoil. “I couldn’t find my way out from under my blanket of grief and loss until one day Jess and Lucy turned up for the Easter Holidays and they brought their best friend with them. And he turned out to be the one who brought me back to life.”

  Rachel couldn’t help it then and silent tears ran tracks down her face. She remembered Luc walking up her pathway and into her life like a beacon in the raging storm that was her existence. Rachel wondered if she had been heartlessly selfish but Luc had assured her it had been as amazing for him as it was for her. A new and exciting experience for both of them that felt right at the time. She was still incensed that Joe need her to justify their affair and she tried to see things from his perspective, but she remained thrilled and flattered and grateful for the gift that was Luc Vincent. In this she would not concede. It would have to be enough for Joe that she had moved on but she would never deny the impact that Luc had made in her life.

  “No one knows except you and Karen. The girls don’t know and we never want them to find out. It’s not that we feel guilty or have any regrets, but it would change all our relationships and we didn’t want that; or more specifically, I didn’t want that. They already lost one parent and I couldn’t expect them to understand. Luc and I may be selfish in this matter but we are both adamant that whatever happens in the future, it will be our secret forever.”

  Joe was as still as a mountain. His body was taut with tension but he didn’t remove his hand from under Rachel’s and she thought perhaps this was a positive sign.

  “Luc was here for weeks and he was funny, patient, kind and extremely beautiful to look at.” Joe huffed and ran his other hand through his hair holding his fringe off his face so she could see his dark grey eyes. He was such a handsome man he took her breath away but the troubled look on his face distressed her. So much pain and it was her fault. She vowed to make this right.

  “We never intended for anything to happen but when it did it was wonderful, Joe. So different to Nate, and so liberating. We had a huge amount of fun; he made me laugh all the time but he was gentle too and very gracious and humble. Nothing seemed to faze him and it astounded me that a boy is age was so accepting. I was a bit out of control and pushing all my limits and he was constantly there for me. I don’t want to disappoint you but Luc saw me puke too!” She laughed at the memory of him covered in it outside the pub. Then she blushed a deep crimson as an image of Luc looming tall and magnificent above her while she knelt at his feet in the bushes just moments beforehand flooded her mind. Joe noticed and sat forward gripping her hand.

  “You always turn red when you talk about him.” It sounded like an accusation.

  “You’re jealous.” Rachel responded in surprise.

  “Of Luc Vincent? I don’t think so sweetheart; he’s young enough to be my son.”

  “And mine…” She smiled at Joe full of understanding.

  “Shit.”

  “And there lies the problem…is it his age that bothers you Joe?”

  “No. Yes…I don’t know.” His hands were in his hair again.

  “Listen Joe; I’m only going to have this conversation once. Luc was there for me when I needed him; I took what I wanted and he gave it to me willingly. He healed me and I love him for it. But that’s it. “

  “He’s in love with you Rachel.” Joe blurted.

  “I know and it kills me to think I’m hurting him. But he knew it was never going to have any future; I never lied to him.”

  Joe smirked at her. “He’s what 22, 23? He found his Mrs Robinson for sure.”

  “Don’t you fucking start with that crap.”

  “Touched a nerve?” Joe gripped her chin so she had to look at him.

  “Don’t be nasty Joe. How old was your last date?”

  “Fair point.” Joe leaned back into the couch and sighed in defeat. Rachel was keen to move on now that she’d made her confession; Joe was in her house; they were home alone and he loved her. It was high time they focussed their energies on that and not her volatile past.

  “Look – you asked me and I told you. I repeat, I have no regrets except that I wish Luc hadn’t got so emotionally attached. How was I to know he took a fucking picture of me? His pyscho ex-girlfriend used it to blackmail him, but he sorted it. Luc thought I should know. He did the mature thing by manning up and confessing while you just saw the photo and threw a complete tantrum without allowing me to explain. I know I should have told you earlier but you can be a bit unpredictable mate, so I was biding my time. “

  “Clearly.”

  Rachel was becoming decidedly pissed off with Joe’s unrelenting bad attitude. Surely he couldn’t expect a woman in her forties not to have a history.

  “Being
flippant doesn’t suit you and it’s rude. I’m not going to apologise for sleeping with him, and I’ve tried to tell you how sorry I am that I didn’t tell you sooner. This was definitely not the way I wanted you to find out.” Feeling empowered now that all her secrets were out in the open and she had nothing left to lose, Rachel moved to kneel between Joe’s legs. She placed her hands on his thighs and shoved her face in his studying him as his eyes darkened and his jaw ticked; his thoughts were clearly churning and for the first time her resolve slipped as she watched his long strong fingers fiddle with his beard.

  “Shit!” She thought aware of the significance; Joe was making his decision. Looking down at her under hooded eyes his voice was barely a whisper. “Let me be absolutely clear on this Rachel Renton - that boy may have fucked you all around this house baby, but it’s time to make some new memories.”