Numb

by Lynn Rider

  “Me too.”

  I lifted my body and straddle his lap. His hands snaked up neck as his thumbs caressed my jaw line. I kissed him chastely on each corner of his mouth before he guided my lips to the center of his. His tongue licked the curvature of my bottom lip before his tongue thrust into my mouth, causing a heat between my legs.

  His one hand slid gently down my neck toward my waist before it slid under my shirt to feel the delicate skin of my lower back. He rubbed his thumb up and down as his kiss becomes more determined. I leaned forward, feeling the rise of his dick in his pants, and broke the kiss slowly as I climbed from his lap.

  Studying him, I find power in his hooded eyes and the lazy smile on his face as I slowly removed my clothing piece by piece until I stood completely naked. He unbuckled his jeans, lifting his butt briefly to clear the clothing from his body. He kicked them free from his legs as he rested back on the couch, waiting for my next move. The look of appreciation on his face made me forget the vulnerability that I thought I should feel for being so inexperienced.

  I kept my eyes on him as I dropped to my knees, nestling my body between his long, muscular legs. I reached for his dick as it jutted involuntarily as if it sensed I was coming for it. I lowered my head but kept my eyes on Ashton the entire time as I ran my tongue on the underside softly from the root to the tip and swirled my tongue around the ridge of the head.

  I heard his sharp intake of breath as I formed a perfect O shape before sinking the first few inches in my warm mouth. I applied pressure with my tongue as I rode his dick with my mouth, swiveling my head with each up and down motion.

  “Meagan, I’m going to come. I want to be inside of you,” he ground out hoarsely through ragged breaths. I gave him a few more thrusts with my mouth before sucking harder and then releasing the pressure softly contouring the head of his dick with my mouth before freeing him.

  I pushed his legs together softly as I straddled him and lowered my body to his. “Fuck,” he whispered roughly as I sheathed every last inch of him. His hands rested on my hips, helping me to set the pace as I began the up and down motion. One hand released my hip and wrapped around my back, pushing me forward. He firmly sucked my nipple to a hard point then bit down softly as I rode him. His other hand found my clit, and as I leaned back to allow his hand better access, he released my nipple with a popping sound.

  He slowly rolled my hard clit under his thumb almost sending me into orbit before he stopped. He softly dragged his fingers from my clit back to my breast where he guided my nipple into his mouth once again. Instinctively, I leaned closer to bask in the sensation of his warm mouth on my flesh. His other hand released my hip and grabbed my other breast, squeezing the full mound in his hand.

  His eyes found mine once again. “I love you,” he whispered before resting his one hand on my hip, the other finding my clit once again. I wrapped my arms loosely over his shoulders, using them for support of my growing momentum, giving into my pleasure with increased speed.

  My body shifted movement to an almost rolling thrust as my body neared the edge. Ashton’s already rigid dick hardened even more, resembling a steel rod, tipping me over the edge. I cried out his name through ragged breaths as my body convulsed with each wave of my climax. I continued to ride his dick through my orgasm until I felt his hands still me and the pulse of each throb as he emptied into me, calling out my name.

  “That was incredible, Meagan,” he said quietly before his lips brushed against mine softly.

  “Welcome home, babe,” I whispered against his lips with a smile.

  I WOKE TO THE FEEL of his warm breath against my shoulder and his strong arms wrapped me tight. This is the first morning of our normal life. No more tour, at least not anytime soon. I get him every day, every night. Here, with me. I exhaled loudly with a smile.

  The coarseness of his two-day stubble nuzzled into my neck, causing another flutter in my heart. “What are you sighing about?” he asked hoarsely against my skin.

  “I’m happy.” I twisted my body in his arms, climbing on top of him and planting my lips against the soft skin of his Adam’s apple and kissing lower. He gladly accepted my affection and rolled to his back, where I continue kissing lower. I circled his taught nipples with my tongue before sucking softly, and I felt the faint rumble in his chest when my hand skimmed the velvet soft skin covering his hard shaft.

  “I want to taste you,” I said quietly against his skin before running my tongue down his shaft and around the head.

  I lowered my head and sheathed the first few inches of his dick. My lips stretched as I wrapping them tightly around his shaft. I gently cupped his balls and rode him with my mouth, gaining more of his length with each descent. I heard his breath hitch as his steel-like erection swelled.

  “I’m going to come, Meagan.”

  He squirmed, but I stilled him with my hands on his lean hips as I continued my assault up and down, growing momentum with each rise and fall. He growled lowly, thrusting into my mouth, his hands wrapping in my hair as the first taste of his come hit my tongue. When I moved deeper, the rest flowed deep into my throat as he stilled my head and took over the momentum of the thrusts with a gentle rocking motion, milking all of himself into me.

  I climbed up his body and cuddled into his arms again. His fingers lightly dragged back and forth over my shoulder blade as I ran lazy circles with my fingers against his chest.

  “What are you thinking about?” I asked, breaking the silence.

  He sighed lightly. “Nothing.” He kissed the top of my head.

  It didn’t sound like nothing, but I didn’t want to push for answers. He’d had an incredible amount of stress on him in the past eight months with Austin’s rehab, my disappearance, the tour, his mother’s domestic violence case which led to her rehab, and now this probation issue with Austin. He was trying to juggle a lot and I wanted to lighten the burden, not add to it.

  I climbed from his embrace. “I’m going to take a shower then I’ll make us breakfast,” I promised as I got up and sauntered naked to the bathroom with a confidence I couldn’t remember feeling before.

  My skin was thoroughly red and pruned from the water in the shower and I was a bit disappointed that Ashton hadn’t followed. When I walked down the short hall from my room, I heard the soft murmur of his voice in the kitchen, but couldn’t make out what he was saying.

  When I rounded the corner, he looked a little shocked to see me before softening his features with a smile. “I gotta go. Deal with this, Kyle,” he said before he ended the call.

  “What’s going on?”

  He ran his hands through his hair in agitation and took a deep breath. “Kyle got home last night, probably not long after I got here, to find that Amber was visiting Austin and Kelly.” He sounded angrier with each word he spoke.

  “Why is that a bad thing?” I asked cautiously.

  His eyes flashed to mine and studied me for several long seconds before he answered. “She’s a trigger for him. He needs to be healthy before he can face her. I’m not sure he’s strong enough yet.”

  “What does that mean, a trigger? Does that mean she leads him to use drugs?”

  “She doesn’t give them to him, but it’s his feelings for her that sent him into drug use to begin with and then each relapse.” He sounded like I should have known this. For the first time since I’d met Ashton, I felt detached. I was nervous about asking anymore, so I nodded and went to the refrigerator to get the eggs out.

  I made breakfast without another word. The tension was so thick I felt like I needed the knife in my hand to cut through it. I made our plates and sat across from him and started to eat in silence when he spoke.

  “Let me hear what you’re thinking.”

  I shook my head. “Nothing good will come from it. I don’t understand rehab or triggers or why he can’t just be with someone he may love. I’d rather not say anything because I don’t know enough to ask intelligent questions or add any insight to what is obvi
ously a big problem.” I looked up from my plate to see one brow and the corner of his mouth cocked high in a sideways grin.

  “What?” I asked, taking the last bite of my eggs and trying to seem indifferent to his mood swing.

  He exhaled loudly. “That’s exactly why I want to hear it. Maybe you can offer some insight that I can no longer see. Drugs, alcohol and the abuse that comes along with those have been a part of my life as far back as I can remember. Maybe I’m so close that I can’t see the way this should go. Wasn’t it Albert Einstein who defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Well, this very well may be insanity. I just want him to get healthy. I want my brother back.” He said the last two sentences as if he had lost hope.

  I jumped to my feet, went around the bar and settled onto his lap. I pressed my lips to his and held them there for a moment, silently hoping to fuse some of my strength and optimism into him. I pulled back slowly and found his eyes still closed, savoring our connection. Once he slowly opened them, I began to speak.

  “What is a trigger and why do you think Amber is one?” I asked.

  “I don’t know that I’ll do the world of psychology justice in my definition, but it’s a trauma that causes anxiety. It’s Austin’s inability to cope with that anxiety that leads him to drugs. Austin first started using when he couldn’t cope with the break up. Amber came back into his life through Kelly’s insistence but later decided she still wasn’t strong enough to handle the lifestyle. That’s the time Dave found him passed out in his truck and rushed him to the hospital. He would have died that night, Meagan.”

  I put my hand on his chest and wrapped my arm around his neck when I heard the obvious pain in his voice.

  “The last time he found out that her then husband was hitting her. When he got pulled over that night and was under the influence, he was on his way to the bastard’s house. Who knows what he would have done to him.” He shook his head as if he was clearing his head of the possibilities.

  “Someone more powerful than me has been looking out for him. I don’t want to test fate.” His voice remained strong, but his words told me something different. The stress of keeping his brother safe was wearing on him. I wrapped my arms around and hugged him tight. “So tell me what you think.” There was a pleading in those few words.

  “Well, I think Austin is aware of how he’s messed up. I can’t speak for previous times when he’s returned from rehab, but he seems indebted to you for your support and unconditional love. I think he genuinely wants to be better and to rebuild his relationship with you. And I also think he wants to live his life, make a contribution and make amends for his screw ups. Maybe seeing Amber right away can be a good thing. His training on how to cope is fresh, still thick in his mind. If he can face her now, it takes away much of the looming sense of failure that I imagine could fester and build in his own mind. Facing Amber now may prevent the build of facing her later. If he can safely cross this hurdle now, there may not be one later.”

  I looked up to see an amused grin on his face. “Did Kyle give you any indication of how it’s going?” I asked, ignoring his expression.

  His grin slackened and he sighed. “No, he was as surprised about it as anyone. Kelly thinks for herself most of the time. It’s both a good and bad trait of hers. It’s not Amber’s being around, it’s her leaving that I’m worried about.”

  “Well, let’s get him to the city then. Get him out of there. We can’t make Kelly kick out her house guest, but we can bring Austin home to you, where he was looking forward to being anyway.”

  “Thank you. I love you.”

  I kissed his nose before hopping up from his lap. “Eat,” I commanded. I cleaned my plate off in the trash and put it in the dishwasher along with the other dirty bowls and pans from cooking. “Did you know that Austin was as nervous about meeting me as I was him? He seems to think that you’d drop him from your life if I didn’t like him or if we didn’t get along,” I said as I wiped the counters clean.

  Ashton came around the counter grabbed my arm, luring me in closer. “You know he’s right, don’t you?”

  “Well, fortunately for all of us I happen to like Austin very much.” I smiled and he released me, putting his own plate in the dishwasher. “Plus, I told him that you needed your family and I support that, but I wouldn’t allow him to continue disappointing you before I didn’t support him anymore.”

  “You said that?”

  “Yep, and the same holds for your mother. She better get it together or my advice toward your family may change. I know how a family can drag down your mental and physical well-being. I won’t let you make the same mistakes I did.”

  I went to walk away, but he pulled me in close one more time. He held my face between his hands and locked his eyes on mine. “Thanks, babe.” He brushed his lips softly against mine.

  The large iron gate automatically opened when we pulled up next to the guard house of Kyle and Kelly’s neighborhood. The guard stepped from the door with a smile and waved us through. I looked at Ashton with surprise and he simply shrugged.

  Unlike the other two times I’d been here, there were cars and trucks scattered all over Kyle and Kelly’s driveway. Ashton parked his SUV and trotted around to open my door. We could hear the laughter from outback as we approached the front door. I raised my arm to knock when Ashton opened the door and signaled for me to walk in.

  I heard women’s voices from the kitchen, so we started in that direction. We could see from the large windows of the living room that all the guys and the boys were on the patio and in the pool.

  Kelly greeted us with a huge smile as she made her way to Ashton first, throwing her arms around his waist and hugging him tight. “You look good,” she said sweetly as she loosened her embrace. I could see the tightening of his jaw. He was upset with her and she sensed it by his rigid greeting. She turned her attention to me with a genuine smile and hugged me. “Everyone, this is Meagan and some of you already know Ashton.”

  Ashton wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me toward the patio door. I gave Kelly a cautious smile as she took in his coldness. Everyone yelled their own version of a greeting as we walked out to the patio. Ashton took the time to introduce me to everyone I didn’t know and remind me of the names of those I should. This group consisted of not only band members, but a variety of people who helped to put their tour together and managed it while it was ongoing.

  I didn’t see Austin anywhere and had yet to meet Amber. She wasn’t part of the group in the kitchen and she wasn’t outside. I could see Ashton was thinking what I was as I saw him scanning the crowd under his sunglasses. I reached for his arm, wrapping mine around it to remind him that I was there for him. He looked down and I could see the worry across his forehead relax.

  “Breathe, babe. Let him crawl. There’s no stopping what’s done. How you react to it is your decision.”

  He nodded before tilting my chin up and pressing his lips to mine. “I fucking love you,” he whispered with a smile against my lips.

  “Good, because I fucking love you too,” I whispered as he pulled away.

  His eyes had a gleam in them as he looked at me. “You don’t know how sexy that was to hear that word come from your perfect lips,” he whispered huskily. I smiled my most innocent smile and his head reared back in laughter.

  “Unc Ash!”

  I turned to see both Chase and Chance running our way from the swings. Ashton stepped forward and scooped each of them up in his arms, spinning them like a helicopter rotor. Their little shrills of excitement caused my smile to turn into full blown laughter.

  “Okay, boys, Uncle Ashton is going to fall over dizzy,” he said, putting the boys down on the ground. I watched all of them stumble for a second, but the boys recovered quickly and ran toward Austin, who was driving up on a golf cart with two young women.

  Ashton flashed a look down at me and I smiled the most reassuring smile I could muster. “I’l
l be nice, but he’s leaving tonight in that SUV with us.”

  I nodded. “That was the plan, babe,” I confirmed with a weak smile. I was silently hoping that would work.

  Austin jumped from the cart without any regard to the two women and came straight to Ashton. That’s a good sign. He wrapped his arms around Ashton, bypassing the manly, over the shoulder clap, embrace. This was I’m sorry, I missed you and I love you all rolled into one embrace. The two men murmured something to one another before righting their posture. Ashton was a pillar of strength, but Austin wasn’t so calm. His eyes were glassy and I saw his Adam’s apple bob a couple of times as he swallowed before speaking.

  “Hey, Meagan,” he said as he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

  “Hi, Austin. How are you?”

  “I’m great. Listen, I want to talk to you about something I did today.” He turned his attention back to Ashton. I could see Ashton tense slightly at his comment. “Relax, bro. I think you’ll be proud of me. The information is inside,” he explained to Ashton before turning to me. “Can I steal him for a little while?”

  I glanced up to Ashton to see a tension there I didn’t like. I returned my focus to Austin and smiled. “Sure.” I stood on my tip-toes and kissed Ashton’s cheek. “Keep an open mind. We’re working on crawling remember?” I whispered in his ear.

  His arm snaked around my waist, pulling me tighter. “I love you. Now go keep Dave company. You’re his only friend here,” he said, joking as he pointed to the looming super-sized man standing near the grill with Kyle. Ashton and Austin disappeared through the living room door as I walked to the grill.

  “So you do own an article of clothing in a color other than black.” I snickered as I pointed to his khaki shorts.

  “Sure do. You should see my purple ensemble, but I only wear that for my friends,” he teased.

  “That, I would love to see.”

  “Austin talking to Ashton?” he asked quietly.

  “Yeah, it’s going to be a long road isn’t it?”