Numb

by Lynn Rider

  “Yep. It’s never easy for either of them. Austin wants to be free and make his own choices, and Ashton wants to protect him and remind him of the reasons he can’t. Neither can see why the other is feeling the way they do. It’s a sad little game they play each time.”

  “I have no reference on this subject, but I sure hope it’s different this time.”

  “Oh, I think it will be. You’re here now. Ashton has changed, grown.”

  “Well, my being here won’t change what they both want,” I say as my gaze slid out over the crowd of people in the yard. I noticed Kelly walking this way.

  “I would say that it will. Ashton wants a life with you.”

  “Hey, can I join this conversation or is this business?” Kelly asked apprehensively.

  “No, I need to make a call. Will you keep her out of trouble?” Dave asked. Kelly smiled and nodded as the large man walked away.

  She turned to me. “I know having Amber here has pissed off Ashton.”

  “If you knew it would make him mad then why invite her? Is risking Austin’s future worth playing matchmaker?” I asked pointedly.

  “It wasn’t like that, Meagan. She needed a place to stay. She’s moving to New York. She got a promotion with her company, but they asked that she move. She made the decision and I told her to come weeks before I knew Austin would be here. She’s trying desperately to find a roommate so that she can move out. She’s my best friend, like family to me. What was I supposed to do?” she asked solemnly.

  I sighed. Austin coming here had just been sprung on us within the last week, so she couldn’t have known. “I’m sorry, Kelly. I just know how wound up Ashton is over Austin succeeding. He’s very concerned that he’s not strong enough to face her yet.”

  “I know she’s a trigger. I got the entire lecture from Kyle today. He said he would pay for her hotel to get her out of here. I feel like I’m in the middle, having to choose between my best friend or allowing him to choose his.” She let out a heavy breath and shook her head.

  “Well, we’re hoping he’ll leave with us tonight. Ashton wants Austin to move in with him, and his probation hearing is coming up. I think it will be good for their relationship to be together.” I said confidently.

  “I think he’ll like that. He’s been in Kyle’s office almost all day working on something. I wonder what he’s up to.”

  “I don’t know, but it looks like Ashton does,” I said as I noticed Ashton coming through the patio door with Austin trailing behind. They both had smiles so it appeared he was pleased with whatever Austin took upon himself to do today.

  “I’ll leave you to him. I know him well enough to stay away when I’ve pissed him off.” She laughed.

  “Than this must not be the first time,” I said as she walked toward Kyle for safety.

  “No, and it won’t be the last time either,” she called out over her shoulder.

  Ashton wrapped me in his arms and kissed my neck. “I love you more today than I did yesterday,” he said gently.

  I glanced up to meet his eyes. “Did he do good?”

  “He did real good. Turns out he’s been speaking to the new patients at his rehab center about his own life for the last two months of his treatment. The rock star lifestyle, the pressures, the partying, his inability to control it and what he’s lost. He’s arranged to pick that up here at another center. This time just might be different.” His smile was more relaxed than I’d seen it all day.

  MY DOORBELL RANG EARLIER than I expected the next morning. The desk didn’t call, so I knew it must be Ashton. I put him on the approved list last night after he’d dropped me off. He took Austin home to get him settled and go over the details of both their schedules for the coming weeks.

  I swung my door open to see Ashton standing there dressed in low rise jeans, a fitted grey tee and converse. He didn’t shave so his square jaw line was dusted with dark stubble and his hair had that tousled look that said he was confident enough not to worry about styling it.

  “Are you going to let me in or are those ragged breaths you’re taking a sign I need to call the paramedics?” He stepped closer. “Or maybe it’s something I can help with.”

  I tilted my head back to meet his eyes, and he lowered his just enough so that our lips connected. I could feel the heat and tingling between my legs.

  “You’re turned on right now, aren’t you?” he whispered hoarsely.

  I swallowed hard. “Yes,” I whispered.

  His hand snaked up the side of my face. I leaned into his touch as he used his thumb to caress my cheek. He tilted my head up higher with his other hand and kissed me hard, then pushed me inside my apartment and kicked the door shut behind him. He hoisted me over his shoulder and carried me to the bedroom, lowering me slowly and allowing my body to skim every hard muscle of his core. I lowered my hands under his shirt to feel his skin.

  “Babe, all you have to do is tell me. I’m a sure thing,” he teased as he kissed my neck softly.

  I laughed quietly, trying to ward off the embarrassment I felt. “I didn’t have to,” I breathed out.

  I felt his smile against my skin as he lowered his kisses toward my low neckline. “You’re right, babe. It’s my job to know.” He reached for my shorts, unbuttoning them and pulling them down as I stood there taking pleasure in every touch.

  His hand went directly between my legs and his fingers ran through my folds as he inserted one then another inside of me, pumping in and out. I reared my head back at the intense feeling shooting through my core. I felt his hard dick straining against his jeans, begging to be released, so I unbuttoned them, pulling them down just enough to free it. I rubbed gently along the velvety steel shaft, wanting him inside of me. He removed his fingers, put them in his mouth and sucked my juices from them. It was so hot to watch him enjoy my taste that I almost came from the sight.

  “Ashton …” His eyes flicked up to mine. “Quit teasing and fuck me.”

  He moved so quickly that it took a minute for my mind to register what he was doing.

  He put me on the edge of the bed, spread my legs and rammed his long dick into me without any hesitation. He lowered his body over mine, thrusting in and out with quick fixed strokes. His thumb found my clit and rolled the tight ball of flesh, sending me over the edge and pulling my orgasm from me with every thrust. I felt his girth swell and his movements cease as only the soft throbbing of his dick took over, emptying his cum into my body.

  “Austin’s in the truck waiting for us,” he said against my collarbone once our breathing returned to normal.

  “He’s going to know,” I said ten minutes later as I locked my apartment door.

  “I had to take care of you. I couldn’t have you walking the streets of New York in heat,” he teased. I let out an agitated sigh and cast a dirty look in his direction. “Relax, he’s not going to know and who cares if he does. We’re both adults,” he said, softly laughing at me.

  “I wish you would have told me he was waiting, we wouldn’t have—”

  “Wouldn’t have what, Meagan?” he interrupted me with a cocky grin.

  I gave him a seething look and shook my head. I know he was goading me and it wasn’t going to work. I dug out the key ring that I was going to give him this morning. “Here.” I offered it in his direction when we stepped into the elevator. He looked down and smiled wide.

  “You’re giving me your key?”

  “Yes, I was going to give it to you last night, but you didn’t stay. Then I thought I would give it to you this morning, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it in front of Austin.”

  “I’m sorry, babe. I know he’s kind of killed our time.”

  “Don’t. Don’t you dare apologize. That’s not at all what I meant. I just wanted the exchange in private. I’m not at all upset Austin is part of our relationship, so don’t apologize.”

  Austin and Dave were both in the truck when we got to the curb. I felt the blush creep over my face and neck when Austin
rolled down the window and asked what took so long.

  “Women,” Ashton responded with a shrug as he opened the back door of the SUV and helped me in before climbing in behind me. He pulled me close and let me rest against his body on the drive.

  When we arrived at the restaurant, Dave pulled to the curb. He got out first, looked around, then opened the door for Ashton. Once Ashton stepped from the truck, Austin opened his door and climbed from the front seat. I don’t know if it was coincidence or it was their routine, but I thought it was little funny. Ashton held out his hand and helped me from the back seat, wrapping his arm around me as he led me through the restaurant doors.

  I heard the hostess’s breath hitch as she took in the sight of Ashton and Austin. Both seemed indifferent to her obvious fumble over their presence. Dave had his usual looming presence, probably drawing more attention than we would without him, but he was family. He loved Ashton and Austin and maybe, just maybe, he liked me a little too.

  The hostess seated us, handing each of us a menu before making her clumsy retreat back to the front of the restaurant. I looked around and found the other diners staring in our direction.

  Ashton grabbed my hand, lifted it from my lap and kissed it softly. “Don’t let them bother you,” he spoke softly in my direction.

  Our waitress arrived at the table and her movements faltered when she looked down at Austin, and she almost dropped the water she had in her hand when her eyes landed on Ashton.

  “Does that ever get old?” I asked out loud to no one in particular.

  “What?” Ashton asked.

  “The constant staring.”

  “What makes you think they’re looking at me? My man Dave is a pretty sexy beast,” he said as he wrapped his hand around Dave’s huge shoulder.

  “Yeah, Meagan, it’s me who attracts them. I’m just so good looking that I’m unapproachable,” Dave added, feigning insult.

  With that we all laughed and I forgot all about the extra eyes and enjoyed our breakfast.

  Once the bill was paid and we reached the exit, Ashton and Dave cast a look at one another and then one at Austin. The exchange of looks seemed odd, but after witnessing their routine when we arrived, I quickly dismissed it.

  The young hostess politely wished us a nice day as we made our way from the restaurant. Dave went first then Ashton and I together and Austin last. With our first steps into the sunshine, a barrage of photographers descended from every direction. Instinctively, I ducked my head and snuggled into Ashton tighter. I heard random questions being shouted about rehab, marriage and the tour, but neither Ashton nor Austin said anything as we made our way to the SUV. Dave opened the back door and Ashton allowed me in first then climbed in after. Austin was in the truck before Dave had made his way around the front and got in.

  “That was great!” Austin shouted from the front seat.

  Ashton and Dave followed with a laugh. I looked up at Ashton through narrowed eyes. “You arranged that didn’t you?” He looked down at my guiltily. I pulled up from where I was resting against his body. “Why?”

  “I told you I’d call in the tips myself. Tomorrow every one of those pieces of shit magazines will have some sort of story on it about us. But they’ll see us together and it will be a little harder to spin lies from the pictures we just gave them.”

  “Especially after they interview people who were inside the restaurant,” Austin interjected.

  I shook my head not knowing how I felt about that. I didn’t want my life thrust into the spotlight, but that was inevitable with Ashton at my side. It was sweet that he wanted to keep his promise that he’d made to me weeks prior about those tabloids. I kissed his neck and snuggled in tighter to him during the drive back to my apartment.

  “Don’t take so long this time,” Austin called out the window with a wink at me as Ashton and I walked toward my apartment building.

  “You don’t have to walk me, Ashton. You could have had Dave just drop me off.”

  He shook his head. “Babe, this week I want you to call your landlord and ask that they call your building management about leasing another parking place.”

  I looked at him, not understanding his comment. “I think there’s only one with my unit.”

  “That may be the case, but sometimes people buy or rent units and don’t need parking. You’d be surprised how creative people can get for money. Hell, your landlord may have more than one. Your unit is three bedrooms. I would imagine there were two originally. I’ll pay for it, but I need to find out if one is available first.”

  “Okay, I’ll text James when I get home.” I instantly regretted admitting to that.

  “James?” he questioned with a sharpness to his voice.

  I sighed. “Yes, he owns my unit.”

  “How the hell did that come about?” he asked snidely.

  “I needed a place, he had one. It was as simple as that,” I replied flatly.

  “What is your rent?” he demanded.

  “That’s none of your business.”

  He took a deep cleansing breath. “I don’t like that my girlfriend lives in his apartment,” he said as we walked into the elevator.

  “Well, get over it because I’m here to stay. It’s irrelevant who owns my apartment.”

  He didn’t say another word, but I noticed the clenching of his jaw from the corner of my eye. When we got to my apartment door, he reached in his pocket and used the key I had given him earlier. He pushed the door open, allowing me to walk through first then followed.

  He took another deep breath with a heavy exhale. “I’m sorry, babe. I just don’t like feeling obligated to James. We had a difficult relationship in the beginning because he was certain I was going to fail. We’ve finally moved passed that, but I would still consider our relationship unsteady.”

  “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I would consider James family. And I’m a little short on that these days. He and my brother are even business partners now. You’re in no way obligated to James because I rent one of his apartments. You need to get over it.”

  He offered a small smile and closed the distance between us. He tilted my head up and pressed his lips to mine softly. “Have a good show. I love you. I’ll call you on my way home after the concert.”

  “Thank you. I love you too. Have a good show and I’ll look forward to that call,” I said with a smile.

  Dave’s wood splitting knock almost made me drop my coffee. I wasted no time in heading toward the door to save me and the entire floor from hearing the pounding once more. I glanced at the clock as I made my way across the living and shook my head in disgust at how overly prompt this guy was.

  “Have you ever ran late for anything in your life?” I said in greeting.

  “Nope.” He stepped inside.

  “Let me get my bag,” I said, shaking my head.

  “How’s Ashton and Austin getting along?” I asked once we were in Ashton’s SUV.

  “I think it’s going well. It seems less tense than I remember, but you’ll probably be a better judge of that. Ashton is a real son of a bitch to be around when he’s stressed.” He laughed.

  “Well, he did give me shit today when he found out that James David is my landlord.”

  “Oh, how’d that go?” he asked with a laugh as he alternated glances between me and the road.

  I shrugged. “In the end I told him he needed to get over it. It’s none of his business. It’s not like he lives there with me. I don’t even know if James has ever laid eyes on that apartment.”

  “Good girl. Ashton needs that sometimes.” He pulled up to the curb. “I’ll meet you out here at eleven-thirty.”

  When I stepped outside after work, I saw Dave’s huge silhouette in the distance leaning against a light post. He noticed me immediately and started in my direction, but a guy came out of nowhere with a camera taking photos. Dave was quick to respond, shielding my body while keeping us moving down the sidewalk toward the SUV.

  “Don’t speak
,” Dave mumbled as the photographer was joined by another. Dave swiftly opened the back door, but I hesitated for a moment,

  “Let me do my job, Meagan.”

  I snapped into action and climbed in. He shut the door and the flashes of light stopped. He climbed in, locked the doors and sped off into the night.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “You sure you’re fine?”

  “Yes. It wasn’t as bad as it has been in the past.”

  He drove us around Manhattan before finally making his way toward my apartment. He walked me to my apartment and made sure I was safely inside before leaving me.

  “YOU OKAY?” I HEARD Kyle ask Kelly for the fifth time in the short ride to the stadium. She answered with a silent nod and a weak smile in his direction. She was sitting across from me so I couldn’t ask her myself, but even through the dim lighting in the limo, she looked pale. Kyle continued to rub her leg as if he was nervous about something. She’d managed to make it to both New Jersey shows and last night’s show, plus this final show tonight, so she could be tired.

  I glanced up at Ashton, but he didn’t seem to notice. Although his arm was firmly wrapped around my shoulders, he was busy talking to Charlie and Austin about an upcoming art show. As a result of Charlie’s success at Elizabeth’s art show, he had been invited to be part of a show at a trendy art gallery in the city next week. I heard bits and pieces of the conversation about rehab finding another outlet for you. Apparently, Charlie embraced painting during his time in rehab while Austin still painted like a third grader.

  I knew that Ashton had been a firm supporter of Charlie’s blossoming art career, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it were because he knew it was an activity encouraged while in treatment. He had been very optimistic about Austin’s recovery, but every once in a while I could see the nervous edge surface when Austin went out on his own. He’d almost called the police the other day when Austin went to the corner to get coffee and didn’t return for thirty minutes. I think he was just trying to give us some time alone, but Ashton was a nervous wreck.

  The limo slowed as it approached the security gate at the stadium and the energy level inside intensified. The limo smoothly passed the gate and parked outside of a discreet entrance. I saw the barrage of SUV’s parked around the limo and Dave’s big menacing body get out, directing the other members of security.