Mr. January

by Ann Roth

  Knowing Jana was looking out for her felt good, and Samantha blew out a breath. “I will. How are you?”

  “Doing okay,” Jana said. “Listen, I just found out that Deb’s grandson has strep throat. According to the pediatrician, he’s contagious until he’s been on antibiotics for twenty-four hours. That means his usual daycare is out, and Deb will be taking care of him tomorrow. Our knitting class has been cancelled.”

  “Well, shoot. I so needed the distraction.”

  “I’ll bet. Speaking of distractions…. Does Adam know your ex is coming to town?”

  “Yes, and he recommended a super attorney named Dwight Cornell. When I met with him this afternoon, Adam watched William.”

  “Adam babysat.” Jana sounded incredulous.

  “Only because I mentioned that I was desperate for a sitter when he stopped by.”

  “I’m confused. I thought you two decided not to see each other anymore.”

  “We did,” Samantha said.

  “Well, that’s interesting. I know Dwight Cornell. He handled my sister’s divorce. He’s sharp, the best around. If he’s helping you, you’re in good hands.”

  Samantha agreed. Still, whatever happened depended on Jeff.

  *

  After studying most of Thursday, Adam’s brain was about to explode. Needing to work off his restless energy, he headed for Upton’s, a gym he used when off-duty, to meet Rafe at the racquetball court.

  As they changed in the men’s locker room, Rafe shook his head. “Sure you’re up for this? ’Cause I’m gonna whup your ass all the way to Mexico.”

  Adam snorted. “Don’t let these bloodshot eyes fool you. I may be studied out, but I’m ready to trounce your butt so bad, you won’t even know what hit you.”

  “Why are you studying so much?” His buddy squinted at him. “You’ve been a firefighter for nine years. You sat through sixteen weeks of classes, never missing a single one, even when you screwed up your ankle and wrist. You already know most of what will be covered on that test. Hell, you probably don’t even need to study.”

  “It pays to be prepared. Plus, there’s a lot of stuff about management I didn’t know until recently that I want to drum into my brain.” Adam double-knotted his sneakers, then straightened. “Let’s do this.”

  Some ninety minutes later, dripping sweat and feeling good, Adam pumped the air with his fist. “That’s three out of five games to me. You owe me a pitcher.”

  Rafe grumbled good-naturedly.

  After showering and changing, they wandered a few blocks east and crossed the street to Lucky Joe’s. Even on a weeknight without live music, a lively crowd filled the place.

  After ordering a pitcher and food at the bar, Adam and Rafe found a table in the back.

  “I hear Sam’s ex is coming to town,” Rafe said.

  “Bummer, huh? Who told you?”

  “I stopped at General Hardware this morning to pick up spackle and paint for repairs on one of my rentals, and overheard two people in the checkout line mention it.”

  Sam had only found out yesterday, but news always traveled fast in Guff’s Lake. Adam shook his head and wondered if she realized people were talking about her ex. She wouldn’t like that.

  “How’d you find out?” Rafe asked.

  “From Sam. I watched her kid yesterday, while she met with Dwight Cornell.”

  “You watched Sam’s son.” Rafe’s surprise was almost comical.

  “She couldn’t find anyone else, and she needed to see Dwight ASAP.”

  “So, she hit on you to babysit.”

  “Nope, I offered when I stopped over there.” When his friend started to grin, Adam narrow-eyed him. “Do. Not. Ask.”

  “Whatever.” Rafe put his hands up, but his grin lingered. “I thought Sam divorced before she moved here.”

  “About three years ago. Will you be at poker tomorrow night?”

  “Go ahead, change the subject. Yeah, I’ll be there. You?”

  Adam was leaning against it. He didn’t want to field any questions about Sam from the other guys. He shrugged. “Haven’t decided.”

  The food and beer arrived, and he and Rafe dropped the conversation and slaked their hunger and thirst.

  “It’s good for a boy to see his father,” Rafe commented after a while.

  “You’d think. This guy has been AWOL since the divorce. It makes you wonder why he’s suddenly taken an interest in a kid he doesn’t even know anymore.”

  *

  For William’s sake, Samantha put on a happy face and hid the fact she was a nervous wreck about Jeff. Saturday he emailed that he would arrive Tuesday–exactly four days from now. So soon!

  At the thought of telling William, her insides churned with dread. But he deserved to know.

  She waited until the afternoon to break the news, when they were sitting at the kitchen table, sipping cocoa, and playing Candy Land during a sleeting rain.

  “You won again!” After high-fiving her beaming son, she sucked in a fortifying breath and dove in. “I need to tell you something.”

  “That you don’t want to play anymore?”

  “You’re right about that, but this isn’t about Candy Land. It’s about Jeff, your father.” The man who had walked away from his own son didn’t deserve to be called Dad. “In a few days, he’ll be coming to Guff’s Lake to visit us.”

  William looked confused. “Why?”

  Not about to lie, but working to tamp down her anxiety, Samantha spread out her hands. “He didn’t say.”

  Her son reflected somberly on this before posing another question. “Does Jeff like race cars and horses and mutant ninja turtles?”

  “I have no idea. You’ll have to ask him.”

  “What does he look like?”

  This she could answer. “Well, he’s taller than I am, and thin. Or at least he was the last time I saw him. Let’s clean up.”

  They returned the board and the game pieces to the box without William saying a word.

  “Do you have any more questions?” Samantha asked before she stowed the game in the closet.

  “Can I have more cocoa?”

  Apparently, he didn’t. She wasn’t sure what to make of that. “Um, it’s ‘may I.’ And okay.”

  Wanting to leave the door open for whatever might bubble up in his mind, she smiled. “If there’s anything else you want to know about Jeff, ask, okay?”

  William nodded but didn’t mention his father again, even when she tucked him into bed.

  Relieved—for now, at least—she smoothed the covers and kissed him good night. She wasn’t off the hook just yet. If her son had no questions now or over the next few days, he would when Jeff showed up.

  Samantha didn’t know what she dreaded more—Jeff’s visit or the questions sure to arise.

  Chapter Seventeen

  ‡

  With her son out cold until morning, Samantha could finally let down and stop pretending she wasn’t freaked about Jeff’s visit. Doing her usual Saturday night thing, she sprawled on the couch and relaxed with popcorn and a movie. Make that tried to relax. Thanks to her racing mind and frazzled nerves, she failed.

  Her cell phone rang. Adam, the screen read.

  Her heart lifted before she squelched her feelings. She’d been faking it about him, too, acting as if she didn’t miss him.

  She sat up, flipped off the TV, and did her best to sound nonchalant. “Adam…hi.”

  “Hey. Did you know people are talking about you and your ex?”

  Samantha tensed into a giant ball of anxiety. “Great, just great. Thanks a lot, Jana.”

  “She wasn’t supposed to say anything, huh?”

  “I didn’t exactly ask her to keep the visit to herself.” If she had, her friend would never have breathed a word. “I’m so fed up with gossip about me and Jeff. One reason I left Enterprise was to get away from all that.”

  “In Guff’s Lake? Ain’t gonna happen.” A faint rustling sound accompanied the words.


  “Where are you?” Samantha asked.

  “On the couch, channel-surfing.”

  “I’m doing the same thing, and eating popcorn.” Although having lost her appetite, she’d barely tasted the stuff.

  “Here, it’s peanuts. Tell me, what are you wearing?”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “I’m a guy, remember?”

  “Since you asked…old sweats, with a grease stain on my shirt and a dried blob of jelly from where William grabbed my sleeve at breakfast this morning. There might also be a few chocolate smears on my pants.”

  “I’m so not getting turned on.”

  Hearing the smile in Adam’s voice, Samantha laughed for the first time in days. “How’s the studying going?”

  “Let’s just say the exam can’t come soon enough.”

  “You sound burned out.”

  “Yep. I’m ready.” More rustling. “I’ve been thinking about you.”

  “Really.” Samantha set the popcorn bowl on the coffee table, stretched out on the couch and stuck a throw pillow under her head. “What have you been thinking?”

  “Wondering how you’re doing.”

  “I’m hanging in there, keeping busy until Jeff comes and goes.”

  “Did you find out when that will be?”

  “Tuesday afternoon.”

  “Change it to Thursday, when I’m off-shift and the exam is behind me. Then if you need help, I can come straight over.”

  His offer meant a lot. “I want to get it over with as soon as possible. And as I said before, this is something I need to do by myself.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “I am. My plan is to be civil and calm, no matter what. I’m not going to mention the parental rights issue just yet.”

  “Saving it as your knockout punch. I like that. If anything goes wrong, call or text right away. Contact me regardless and let me know what happens.”

  “I will.”

  “What does William think about seeing his father?”

  “I didn’t get Jeff’s email until this morning. I told William this afternoon. He hasn’t said much, except to ask a few questions about Jeff’s looks and whether he likes certain toys. By the way, we’re both calling him Jeff. He forfeited the right to be ‘Dad.’”

  With her own words, her fears ratcheted up. “What if he wants to make up for lost time?”

  “Don’t go there, Sam. Remember, you have a legal document he can’t ignore.”

  “I know, but—”

  “You could use a distraction right now. I can come over.”

  Adam’s low growl of male interest washed over her, and for one aching moment, longing drowned out everything else. Her feelings were so strong that if she saw him tonight, she just might do something reckless and make love with him.

  Which would definitely distract her, but not a good idea. “Better not.”

  “We could get down and dirty on the phone.”

  Samantha actually considered the suggestion before dismissing it. “Phone sex isn’t my thing.”

  “I figured as much, but I’ll bet the idea distracted you from your worries.”

  True. She smiled. “Good night, Adam.”

  “Night.”

  Feeling a little better, she headed upstairs for bed.

  *

  After kindergarten Tuesday, William seemed tense. Or maybe Samantha’s own stress level had colored her perception.

  They sat down for lunch.

  “When is Jeff coming over?” William asked, picking at his sandwich.

  She hated the anxious look on his face. “Sometime this afternoon. You love grilled cheese, but today you’re not eating. Is something wrong with your food?”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  She understood. Her own grilled cheese tasted like cardboard.

  An hour passed, then another. She’d begun to wonder if Jeff would actually show up, when the doorbell rang.

  “That’s probably him,” she said.

  William pushed his chair back, stood, and dragged his feet toward the entry. “Check and make sure before you let him in,” he told her.

  Aw, he remembered. Despite a severe case of nerves, she gave him a fleeting smile. “Good idea.”

  She barely recognized the thin, bearded man with the shaggy hair standing at the door. The man she’d once considered handsome. “It’s Jeff,” she said. “Would you like to unlock the door?”

  William shook his head. Samantha didn’t blame him. She didn’t want to let him in, either. Civil and calm, she reminded herself as she opened the door.

  “Hello, Jeff.” She couldn’t summon another smile to save her life. “Come in.”

  “I go by Bodhi now. It means enlightened.” Leaving his shoes beside the welcome mat, he stepped inside.

  William frowned. “I don’t like beards.”

  Neither did Samantha, but her son needed a quick refresher on good manners. “That’s not polite, William. What do you say to, um, Bodhi?”

  The boy hung his head and kicked the toe of his shoe against the entry tile. “Sorry.”

  “It’s all right.”

  Silence ticked by, thick and ominous.

  Looking acutely uncomfortable, Jeff tugged on his beard. He didn’t seem to know what to do or say to William or her. He finally reached out to shake hands.

  William looked taken aback and confused.

  “Uh.” Jeff gave Samantha a helpless look. “I’m not sure how to talk to him.”

  If he hadn’t deserted them, he wouldn’t be struggling now, damn him. Anger Samantha thought she’d buried before the move to Guff’s Lake reared up and seethed inside her, and she only avoided slapping his hairy face through sheer strength of will.

  Civil and calm. Clasping her hands together at her waist, she forced a pleasant tone. “Start by addressing William directly instead of telling me.”

  Jeff cleared his throat. “Hi, William.”

  “Hi.”

  “Why don’t we sit down?” she suggested, gesturing toward the living room.

  Jeff perched stiffly on a chair. Samantha and William remained standing. Civility only went so far, and she refused to offer her ex refreshments.

  “What grade are you in?” Jeff asked without a trace of warmth.

  He may as well have been meeting William for the first time. In a sense, he was. At two, William had barely been able to string three words together, let alone hold a conversation.

  “Kindergarten. I go to Guff’s Lake Elementary.” Her son pointed at the orange lettering on his long-sleeve T-shirt.

  Jeff nodded. “At Peace Village, all children are home schooled.”

  He sounded smug, as if his community’s way was superior to the Guff’s Lake schools.

  Samantha bit back a sarcastic retort. “Do you and Kayla have children?”

  “She changed her name to Harmony. No, we don’t.”

  Had Jeff come because he and Kayla wanted a son—her son? He wasn’t exactly acting like a long-lost father, but that could be nerves.

  Afraid all over again, Samantha stepped behind William and placed her hands on his shoulders.

  “Ow, Mom. Don’t squeeze me so hard.”

  She hadn’t realized. Releasing her grip, she smoothed his T-shirt over his narrow shoulders. “Do you want to show, Jeff—um, Bhodi your race cars?”

  William shook his head.

  “How about some of your other toys?”

  He thought about that for a while. “I guess you can see my firefighter hat. Adam gave it to me.”

  “Who’s Adam?”

  “My bestest friend.” William gave Jeff a challenging look as if daring him to dispute the fact.

  “Why don’t you go and get the hat?” Samantha suggested, wanting to speak with Jeff privately. “It’s on the ironing board in the basement, where you left it when you helped with the laundry.”

  As soon as William headed toward the basement steps, she eyed her ex. “Why are you here?” she asked
in a voice too low to carry.

  “Because I want to be an elder at Peace Village.”

  Okay. “What does that have to do with William and me?”

  “Until I make amends for my past wrongs, I can’t be considered for the position.”

  Was that all he wanted? What about William? Samantha narrowed her eyes. “How exactly do you plan to make amends?”

  “With an apology.”

  “You could have just called and saved yourself the trip.”

  “Leader Aadi requires me to do it in person.”

  “Who?”

  “Our founder. His name means, he who is most important.”

  When Samantha frowned, Jeff went on. “I have three fathers—God above, my biological father, and Leader Aadi. As my spiritual guide, he is most important.”

  Samantha thought Jeff sadly misguided, but she didn’t really care what he believed, as long they got down to business. Mentally crossing her fingers that once he did his apologizing, he would leave and never come back, she nodded. “Go ahead and say what you came here to say.”

  Jeff pressed his hands together, prayer-like, bowed his head, and murmured strange words before he began. “I shouldn’t have made love with Harmony while you and I were still married. I shouldn’t have turned my back on you and William. For these sins, I’m truly sorry.”

  He actually looked contrite, which counted for something. Still, if he expected to make amends for the pain he’d caused with one little “I’m sorry….”

  Forget calm and civil. Hand on her hips, Samantha glared at him. “After what you pulled, you should be. You hurt William and me, left us broke and in debt, and never looked back. I’m still paying off some of the credit card debt for items you charged and took with you. So no, Jeff, your too little, too late apology won’t cut it. It might help, though, if you reimburse me and pay off the remaining debt.”

  Her ex glanced at the floor and remained silent. Nope, he wasn’t going to reimburse her or assume his debt. That came as no surprise. But his next words did.

  “Becoming an elder requires me to atone. But I also need forgiveness from you and William.”

  Samantha let out a hollow laugh. “On a cold day in hell.”

  Jeff drew himself up straight. “Without your forgiveness I can’t become an elder, and that is not acceptable. My spiritual growth depends on it.”