When It's Cold I'd Like to Die

by K. G. Laurence

  John stands in the middle of the road with his arms outstretched, speaking with an eerie confidence "...Come all ye good people! gather round! gather yourselves and listen to me! into flesh I am reborn! for I am the lord!" he proclaims, as several more people now join the small crowd that is forming around him. "...You don't look much like 'im!" one of the members of the group shouts in response towards John, the heckler's reply is met with the raucous laughter of the other members of the crowd.

  John continues. "Do not concern yourselves so much with the form of the vessel! instead, concern yourself with its message! its words! God is..."

  The owner looks behind him at the gathering rabble, before briskly continuing down the road towards his objective.

  "...and know that there are many such roads to him, and not one of them is any faster than the others! Come hear my words good people of this town! ...for your salvation is now at hand!"

  Hmm... That's strange, then what happens? I'm sure I saw what came after that, but... I can't remember, my mind draws a blank. Huh.. well, maybe I'll remember again sometime. It's annoying me now though, I can't think what the film was actually called, so it's not like I can just go and watch it again.

  I only remember thinking that it must have been made by someone who obviously seemed to be a very talented director, also, the cinematography was really something, pretty damn amazing, although, I think that particular character may go insane for some reason... if I remembered it correctly, he tries to commit suicide, yeah, he tried to kill himself, but I forget why.

  Shit, now I wanna go and watch it again!

  TWELVE

  I've been thinking about suicide for the past day or so. No, not in that way but still...

  I always thought I would commit suicide at some point, y'know? just a feeling I always had, no whining or complaining. No, for me, it'd be no screwing around, no pathetic useless attempts at crying for help just, poof, gone. I mean, compared to this world, and all the misery in it, death doesn't seem so bad sometimes... The big sleep, the great unknown, maybe the unknown is better than the known? I know life, I know people, and so far, I haven't been all that impressed... and fuck me if that isn't an understatement.

  You have great people in this world, great men and women, real thinking men and women, with the ability to reason and discover and pioneer so many great things... but they are few and far between, so much so, that you have nearly the entire planet taken up by all the rest! Everyone else, all the pack animals, the cattle, the proles, the plebs, all the invertebrate sea creatures, the scumbags...

  Now, as great minds tend to think alike, so, in turn, do small ones.

  These "people" are far more susceptible to groupthink than those I mentioned before, and that is only because they lack the basic intelligence to exist any other way, too stupid to have any real independent thought, in fact, independent thought for any of these creatures is death, death of the self, which is fairly ironic, because they can only really seem to exist when they're around other inept waste of air morons.

  You see them all the time, useless "group-thinkers," the mass unwashed, a whole rancid bunch of noisy, childish, immature, and easily distracted idiots, always together at some "party" or mass gathering, usually yelling, or being impressed and mesmerised by all the "loud shiny things!" there, or sat watching some kind of pointless sporting event, next to all the other massive wastes of time, space, and energy, where they'll be perpetually cheering on the same worthless insignificant fucking sports teams night after night, usually with players whose basic pay for such nonsense is beyond absurd, I might add, that, or they're staring glassy-eyed at a bunch of toolheads, as they drive round and round in circles for hours and hours on end, and of course, you can't forget how they all seem to love watching two genetic throwbacks mindlessly pound the ever-loving-shit out of each other for several minutes at a time.

  Either that, or they're simply sat down after another hard day of nothing important, shouting and gesticulating at the television and questioning each others sexuality, while playing the latest in a very long line of the exact same boring and generic military videogames. A generation of slow-witted, impatient man-children, who are completely obsessed with stupid things like who's "first" or "second" in all these typically pointless, arbitrary contests of "skill". Hint: it doesn't even matter... at all.

  Or they'll be forever spewing their Napoleonic, autocratic, vitriolic hatred and diatribes for all their petty little bigotries, by using asinine and laughable blanket statements towards entire groups of people, who allegedly belong to some apparent "different race" or other. As if that old, tired, phrase and idea, along with its faux-intellectual concepts are even logistically possible... "different race?" what are you, stupid? try different color instead, and all the while they're still poorly trying to conjugate some basic 'tard level hypotheses, to try and justify all their sad, inane babble and pathetic prejudices to any egalitarians. Always absolutely convinced that they are right, even when they're obviously not... and forever acting like they're trying to bear a cross because of it... Sad.

  The same type of people that will always be teary-eyed, while saluting some useless, brightly coloured pieces of nylon and polyester, like it's supposed to mean something, or choosing to stand up and applaud the whole meaningless parade of nonsense like trained seals, and all because of empty loaded words like "tradition" "ceremony" "etiquette" and "protocol" ...a load of pointless outdated rituals, that are kept going by a bunch of needlessly preserved irrational relics...

  If not that then they're chanting to one another in places of worship to some "invisible man in the sky!" hmm... as far as all those stupid mass gatherings and sporting events are concerned, there's not actually much difference between the church, the state, and the stadium, when you think about it, really.

  Still, these kind of people were ignorantly bashing each others heads in with rocks thousands and thousands of years ago, only in the last few hundred years have they upgraded to bullets and bombs... but only because somebody smarter made them first, of course. That's some progress, I suppose.

  You will notice they always use the typical "us or them" mentality, they need it for their tiny minds to even function, to even exist, or else they just completely shut down. So content in their little bubbles, and amongst them you'll always have "that one" ...you know? the "leader" of the group who always comes complete with "big man" delusions, and they only put him in charge because he's marginally more intelligent that the rest of them, and the only one with nearly half a bollock or brain between them all. The kind of person that's only even in a group, because he's lazy, and he likes to take all of the credit for doing none of the work, and then he... or she, will always speak directly for the group, and start spouting crap like "well we all feel like..." wait... what? you "all feel like?" You mean... none of you trogs are even allowed to have your own opinions anymore? You all think the exact same things, and at the exact same time?! What the hell happened to saying how you feel instead?

  Then they'll always try to justify this group stupidity by saying stupid shit like "...but it makes us stronger!" ...oh yeah? so where exactly did that plan fail with you guys, then? ...You people aren't "strong" you're a bunch of easily led, mindless little followers, always arguing amongst themselves or others, about pathetic, trivial, and futile things, an entire clone army of look-the-same, act-the-same morons, none of these "people" could possibly "think for themselves" even if you showed them how, so don't even bother. It's like defending things of worth to the masses of ignorant imbeciles out there who will never get it anyway... it's pointless.

  They're the types that have never, ever, had a single original thought in there entire valueless little lives, and due to this, they will always tend to single out and harass others that can indeed think for themselves, as well as others that are simply better then they are.

  So they'll form groups of various sizes, depending on the situation, just like bacteria, then they find the one thing in co
mmon with others, that their little reptile brains can handle, big or small things, it doesn't matter, just as long as they have it in common with all the other base morons, and then they go after other different groups, either to harass them because their different in some way, or because they've found a rival group made up of small, or even smaller minds than them.

  ...I mean, Jesus, who wants to live on a planet like that? with such bigoted, worthless, moronic group-thinking plant life as them around, and most people like that contribute absolutely nothing to society as well! ...still, not that society's even worth contributing to at this point. I mean, have you looked around lately? all these jokers stumbling about and tripping over each other with their "you only live once" careless, senseless, bullshit attitudes. People in general stopped giving a shit sometime back in the 1990s... and now the only "progress" you see each year, is people getting that little bit fatter, and that little bit more stupid!

  The entire world is a circus, and you're all fucking clowns!

  ...Yeah.

  Still, I know that some may even call ME a hypocrite for my views, or try to call them "warped" or some-other such nonsense... and they would probably ask me, in a really whiny sounding voice... "How can you call people worthless bigots when you hate everyone, doesn't that make you one then?! or even worse?! I mean, what's the difference?"

  Ah, my foolish little friend! the difference is that I hate everybody EQUALLY, for I hold no particular discrimination or prejudices! after all, as far as humanity goes, I am an equal opportunity hater! The difference between myself and a stupid fucking bigot is, that I don't hate someone for a particular specific. No, indeed! I hate all people SPECIFICALLY, and regardless of any other issues!

  Anyway, I digress... now, as for all the other iDrones... they are clearly and obviously the majority, and then, using the limited intelligence that their scarce brain cells can muster up, they wonder to themselves "duh, why the world so fucked up?" ...I dunno, probably because you and all your pond life ilk seem to keep on forever tainting it, I suppose...

  No, I'd rather take death of my own hands than be a mindless beast like they, one of the simple unthinking-herd. What unimaginative, linear thoughts motivate such beings into action? Sex? Status? Fame? or could it be the general concept and fear of death?

  Profit? ...maybe, what about profit at any cost? sure, I mean, why not? any so-called "bonds" you think you have with people can be easily broken for that. Money for instance, what about money? the only true "great equalizer" of the world, and it's funny how any allegiances can change like the wind for it as well...

  Yeah, you all want money, alright, but for what? so you can continue on with your useless and meaningless existences, filled to the brim with all those empty and hollow things I just mentioned? ...and what of power? the great corrupter... yes, power ...but at what cost? in this cesspool of a world with enough power you could reign supreme over anything and everything! However, here, and in this place, at best you will only ever be the king or queen of shit.

  Wait... now I've thought about it, why am I even thinking about suicide? when I just conclusively proved it should be most of these fuckers offing themselves en masse!

  I know, make it "cool" or at least much more palatable for the trendies, then turn it into a "trend" or something "viral" to infect and spread across their stupid pointless social networking shit. Then they can all "follow" it like the little sheeple that they are, and then you can sit back and laugh while watching them as they "like" it, as one after another as they send it to all their fake friends... What complete and total idiots! and if you do it right, they'll all be off Hemingwaying themselves within an hour, I guarantee it!

  ...I sure hope they film it first though, and then put it online so I can laugh my ass off at it.

  They're dumb enough, so they probably would too... well, only after they've finished engaging in pointless internet "drama" or painstakingly trying to record every single fetid detail of their mundane and vacant lives, or asking complete strangers if they're "Hot or Not" or "Twerking" or whatever stupidity it is now. Oh, and how could I forget the classic "taking pictures of their food" and then uploading it for everyone who isn't completely insane to still not care about.

  Yeah, because I want to spend my free time reading the stupid, useless opinions of people I don't even care about... I mean, who's dumb enough to do that?!

  ...Still, this is what it's all about now, a society that has been permanently reduced to searching online for "pics of nakid celebrities" and furiously masturbating to some random idiot's private sex tapes!

  Seriously, you people... it doesn't even matter that half the world's still burning, nah, everything is fine! just as long as you have your superfluous, completely-redundant, and swiftly-outdated masturbatory gadgets, to increase the sizes of your, tiny, pathetic, little e-penises that bit more... Jesus, you're all so completely and utterly awful now, evidently you get dumber and dumber by the hour, and absolutely none of you have any standards of taste or decency left whatsoever... and do you know what's so sad, and yet, funny about the whole thing? ...None of you can even tell!

  So, obviously alive or dead I'm still better than all the garbage out there in this fucking idiocracy, and from the looks of things, even if I was deceased and rotting six-feet underground, I'd probably still have better functioning grey matter too!

  "I think therefore I am" sounds better to me than "I fuck and cause fights with others, so therefore I exist!" ...Yes, you do exist, but is there any reason you should?.... Any? ...at all? ..Even one? maybe it's so you can pollute the earth with even more of your self-replicating, idiot DNA before you die.

  As for me, I always thought independently from the herd, always, and in everything that I did. I came up with the ideas, thoughts and creations of no other! ...so by simple reasoning then.. that already makes me better than them, doesn't it? a-a more complete being!

  ...So then, how do you measure the worth, the actual "value" of human life?

  Well, first, you have to understand something about the majority of these "people" specifically, the individual, and the nearly always exclusively selfish motivations of each person, you see, when it come down to it, and although they don't like to hear it, people are only motivated by one thing, the self.

  So, how do we measure it by worth then, "Life"?

  For instance, is my life worth more, or less than say... "Bill the dipshit?"

  Bill, like all other group-thinking nonentities, has never had a single original thought, or taken part in a single original action in the entire duration of his sad, pathetic existence. Oh, except that one time when he used that hockey stick to peek up a girl's skirt back in school, well, one of the few times he actually went to school that is.

  Bill likes to come home from a long hard day of shouting vile misogynistic obscenities at women, and directing disgustingly abusive racial slurs at people that look different from him, as they each pass below his scaffolding at the construction site where he works.

  When Bill comes home, he likes to sit on his favourite chair and watch professional wrestling and football, in between shouting swearing-laden insults at the TV, and occasionally beating his wife. The most taxing thoughts and choices of Bill's day will be which beer he would like to drink, and if he should abuse his daughter later again tonight.

  "I thought therefore I was." Yes, even in death and the way I chose to die, I did it consciously and rejected all the lies and horseshit these so-called "people" treasure.

  Yeah, I'm proud of that.

  ... I'll take it.

  THIRTEEN

  Lately I keep hearing loud noises coming from the distinct direction of the apartment at the very end of the building, it sounds like music... if you can even call that kind of noise "music" that is. However, this is different from the dog wailing, it's annoying sure, but at least so far, it's remained somewhat muffled and is not as distracting or intrusive, still, it's constant and can go on for hours at a time, even at night.
Someone may have to do something about it at some point... and someone should get tired of it before me, right?

  Is it summer now? Finally? I think so. It's at least slowly getting warmer at any rate, which is good...

  I hate summer! I hate sweating all the time, especially when I'm sleeping, honestly, that's just the worst! then you've got the hot air, which means that I can't even breath properly! plus my allergies usually start acting up... and on top of everything else, all the happy, stupid people of the world seem to automatically gain even more energy during summertime, which of course, means they make even more noise while living out their stupid and pointless lives.

  *Loud sex noises*

  Oh, great, the neighbour above me is having sex again, wonderful...

  Now I know why serial killers exist, most of them were probably like me at one time or another, I understand it now, though, there was probably only so much stupid they could take from all these fucking monkeys on this planet, and then they simply went and.... cracked one day, just like that!