Diary of a Wanted Woman

by Donnee Patrese

  She threw a piece of balled up paper at me to get me to look in her direction. I sat up.

  “Hannah, David and I just want you to be as happy as we are. I know you say you’re okay with your relationship with Keith but you still don’t seem happy.”

  Probably because I am not as pleasant as they want me to be. I just can’t be like them.

  “Stacey, I’m good. Just drop it.”

  She stood and came around her desk and kneeled down in front of me. She looked tired and frail.

  “Hannah, no matter what you say you are not fine. I don’t think Keith is the right man for you.”

  “Stacey, Keith is not the one. I know this, but I am not looking for the one. Keith and I just have an arrangement that is working for us.”

  She stood and walked back over to her chair and plopped down. She didn’t say anything. The room was so silent I could have fallen asleep.

  “Hannah, why would you do this to yourself?”

  I took note of her concern and I knew where she was headed. I was grown and I knew what I was doing.

  “Stacey, I’m fine. I’m happy.”

  “Hannah, this is not healthy for you. You are falling into deep trouble here. I’m telling you this is not good for you.”

  I didn’t want to hear this. I stood and began to gather my things.

  “Stacey, don’t go there.”

  “This is classic psychology 101. You were abused when you were a child and now you have met a man just like your dad like most girls do. Except in your case, it’s not a good thing.”

  I stood with my hands on my hip getting really angry. She has no idea what the fuck she is talking about. She took one psychology class in college and now she thinks she knows everything.

  “Stacey, drop it. You have no idea what you are talking about.”

  She stood as well and walked over to me.

  “Hannah, you need some counseling. Let me set something up for you.”

  I walked over to the door and turned the knob.

  “Thanks but no thanks. I love you Stacey but I really need you to stay out of my business.”

  I stepped outside her door and she reached out grabbing my arm.

  “No Hannah, I will not. You need some help and I’m going to help you. That is what friends do.”

  “No, friends don’t give unsolicited advice. Stacey, I’m good.”

  “Hannah, that is exactly what friends do. There is something bad going on with you. David and I see it. The difference is he has given up on you and I won’t. With that she closed the door in my face.

  Dear Diary,

  A big part of letting go is recognizing when it is time to stay and when it was time to move on. I found it very hard to give up and let go. I was still holding on to my love for David yet I was not prepared to do anything about it.

  In the meantime I am hurting both men. David realized earlier than I did that it was time to move on. He found Kim and was able to just let me go. He was going to be fine without me.

  Keith on the other hand was in a lot of pain. He sees the woman he loves stuck on another man and he is afraid he may lose her. That is hard to swallow when you have an ego the size of Texas.

  He deals with that the only way he knows how. He dishes out the punishments in hopes that my pain will ease his own. I was willing to take it if it could ease the pain that I caused.

  I was willing to suffer the same way I had my entire life. I figured if he got it out of his system we could make up and move on. I needed to move on.

  It was time that I put on my big girl pants and finally thought that it is a wrap for David and me. He has moved on and if I don’t I’ll end up without either of them.

  -H

  Chapter Fifteen

  I sat in Keith’s kitchen and watched as the general contractor he hired ordered his staff around the house.

  I was here to meet Keith and discuss some last minute design issues involving his guest bathroom renovations. He and the contractor changed the layout last minute so there were some changes I wanted to make.

  I knew that this meeting would not just be a normal meeting. I knew that more than just business would be involved and that is why I set up this appointment.

  I have not had the chance to talk to Keith since he and David fought. I thought he was ignoring me because he was angry with me but when I called him to set up this appointment he seemed fine.

  Between the two of them I just feel so confused.

  Sex with Keith seemed to always make me forget about my problems. I just focused on giving my all to him. It was erotic and carnal and there was no thinking needed. You can let go and focus on the sensations running through your body. I can forget about everything else except pleasing him and forging some pleasure for myself.

  I was a slave ready to do my masters bidding. I am not sure of the lingo but that sounded official.

  I looked at my watch and realized he was fifteen minutes late. I was about to send him a text message when I heard his car race up the driveway. I stood from the stool I was sitting on and adjusted my clothes.

  After a few minutes I heard him stomping through the house. I could tell he wasn’t in the best of moods. I could hear him yelling at the contractor.

  I wondered what got him so upset. When I came over for my encounters he was never in a bad mood. I think it had something to do with the prospect of getting pussy.

  When his ranting finally reached the kitchen he stopped and glared at me. He looked like he didn’t expect me to be there. I assumed he forgot about our meeting.

  “We have an appointment,” I said. “And you are late.”

  He approached me and looked me up and down.

  “I knew you were coming over. I am just wondering why the fuck you still have on clothes.”

  He seemed like he was in a horrible mood. I wondered if he was angry about David knowing about us.

  “Because we have work to do first. I figured we could get some work done as well. Plus I wanted to talk to you.”

  He walked over to the counter where I had my samples and paperwork laid out and quickly glanced at them.

  “I don’t give a fuck what you pick,” he said roughly using his hand to sweep all my papers onto the floor.

  “Keith!”

  He grabbed me around the neck and stepped closer to me.

  “Did daddy give you permission to speak?” he asked.

  Daddy? He was in a strange mood.

  I shook my head and he let me go.

  “Then shut the fuck up!”

  He bent down and picked me up lifting me over his shoulder. He walked me over to the breakfast table in the kitchen and laid me down.

  He didn’t say much. He just began to push my skirt up on my thighs and forcefully pulled my panties off. He forced my thighs opened and shoved three fingers inside of me fucking me with his fingers.

  “Keith, someone will see us in here.”

  He pulled his fingers out of my pussy and slapped me hard across my face with the same hand. My own juices were spread across my face. I was stunned for a second. My true self was exposed at that moment. The masked knocked off my face…literally.

  I just stared at him and he went right on finger fucking me. I didn’t run and I didn’t leave. I just laid there feeling a tear slide down my cheek.

  He then shoved four fingers inside of me increasing his rhythm. There was nothing to hold onto so I just endured the pain that resulted in the excess stretching of my pussy.

  He pulled out his fingers and replaced them with his mouth. That erased the pain my face and pussy was in and replaced that with sheer bliss. His tongue was like magic and had the ability to give me amnesia.

  It was as close to love that I would get. My love of sex and punishment was the only thing that mattered. As long as the sex was good there was no way I could end up heartbroken or disappointed.

  He stopped suddenly and began to undo his pants. I just laid there looking around waiting on what he had for me ne
xt.

  I took the time however, to admire the beautiful kitchen I designed. It was one thing that I may have loved more than sex. I loved to design homes. It sounds weird but someone who has seen so much ugly in the world needs something beautiful, something beautiful that I created.

  My open concept designed living room and kitchen made it much easier for someone to walk in and see what was going on. Yet we didn’t notice the man standing in there watching us. Well at least I didn’t notice. Keith could sense someone was there and he turned coming face to face with the man.

  “What the fuck are you looking at?” he asked.

  The man held his hands up and walked out.

  It didn’t detour Keith, he climbed onto the table and slid between my legs. He placed both of my legs on his shoulders and entered me deeply. A gasp of pleasure escaped from my mouth and my eyes rolled in the back of my head.

  He pounded me and moaned loudly. I had a feeling he wanted them on site to hear us and see his performance. He was a showman after all, on and off the field.

  He was so deep inside of me; it felt like he was rearranging my organs. I could feel him filling me in ways I didn’t think a man could. His large dick had the ability to cork the hole in my heart for the entire time he was inside of me.

  Too bad it was only temporary. Whenever he was done I was stuck with the hole again trying to stay above water.

  He pulled out suddenly.

  “Bend over.”

  I climbed off the table and bent across it presenting my ass to him. I was hoping the table was sturdy and it wouldn’t break. He began to fuck me from behind. He was normally rough with me but today, it was like he wanted to make sure that I hurt. He slapped my ass with such force that it almost masked the pleasure I was feeling.

  I just tried my best to focus on the pleasure and not the bruises that were forming on my ass.

  His fingers snaked up and wrapped around my neck. He squeezed and again I could not breathe. I struggled to get up but he was too strong. He continued to hold me down.

  I didn’t have enough oxygen to get my words out. They all came out in garbled messes. He continued to pound me smacking my ass whenever he saw fit.

  Finally he came hard growling like a beast. He let me go and I sputtered and coughed.

  “Was it that fucking good?” he asked.

  I slid off the table and looked at him.

  “No, you almost killed me.”

  He laughed.

  “You know how I like it.”

  I shook my head and stood trying to fix my clothes.

  “That was a little beyond rough sex.”

  He smiled.

  “Did daddy hurt you?”

  I didn’t answer. The tone in his voice said danger and I knew better than to say a word.

  He stood very close to me. He reached up and gently caressed my cheek. His hand moved to my breasts and then he gently caressed me there. He touched me gently but his eyes told a more dangerous story.

  “Does that feel good daddy’s pretty little slave?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  “Yes.”

  “Yes what?”

  I looked him in the eye.

  “Yes, daddy,” I guessed.

  His hand moved up to my face again caressing me softly. His hand moved to the back of my neck and he bent down for a kiss.

  His lips moved on mine and he slipped his tongue inside looking for and capturing mine. I was lost in his kiss until his hand grabbed a hand full of my hair and jerked my head backwards.

  I almost lost my balance.

  “I am never gentle,” he said letting his tongue slide across the side of my face where he last slapped me licking off my juices.

  He let me go and I stood there staring. I must admit at that moment I was afraid of him but I was compelled to stay. I needed to stay. I desired him to fill that hole in my heart once again.

  “Get your ass upstairs and take off your clothes.”

  I obeyed and rushed upstairs and stripped until I was completely nude. I could hear him stomping up the stairs and then down the hall. My back was to the door and he came up behind me, picked me up and threw me on the bed.

  He just stood there and watched me. I felt like prey unable to escape the carnivorous beast ready to devour me. There was something about the scene resonated with me and it turned me on beyond my control.

  He climbed on the bed and I surprised myself by scooting away from him. For a man like him who enjoyed the hunt, that excited him.

  “Are you afraid of me baby?”

  I nodded.

  He smiled.

  “You should be.”

  He reached up and grabbed my right foot and yanked me down sliding me back to him. I lay on my back as he climbed on top of me.

  “You know you complain an awful lot for someone that loves it as much as I do,” he said caressing my breasts.

  “I think you complain so no one knows you need this. You crave this. You want to pretend like you’re a good girl.”

  He bent his head down capturing my breasts in his mouth. I moaned as he nibbled on my nipple.

  “But I know your secrets. You want me to be rough. You need me to fuck you senseless. You want to be punished.”

  He was right. The need I had to be punished was as strong as his need to punish. We were linked in this regard. It was what kept me coming back no matter how violent he was with me.

  He pinched my nipples between his index finger and thumb. Then he looked up at me and smiled.

  “I can promise you that I can give you what you want. It will hurt with me. You will feel more pain with me than you will ever feel in your life and you will love it!”

  With that he rolled me over until I was on my stomach. He forced me to prop my ass into the air. At the foot of the bed was a bottle of lube.

  He squeezed lube into his hand and liberally rubbed it all over his dick. He didn’t try to gently push his dick inside of my ass. He shoved it in as hard as he could and as far as he could. My first sensation was immense pain and I squeezed the bed spread between my fingers.

  He continued to beat my asshole until my pain was replaced with pleasure. It felt so good and I moaned. I was gone and for that moment I forgot about all my problems. My mind was able to focus and I didn’t think about my pain.

  He thrust harder and faster. Right before my orgasm exploded, he came howling and digging his nails into my ass. He pulled out and collapsed on the bed. I followed suit and laid there for a minute.

  Eventually I rolled over onto my back and sat up on my elbows.

  “I didn’t come,” I plainly stated.

  He didn’t say a word. He just slid off the bed and walked over to his trunk. He reached in and pulled out a large dildo. He threw it at me and it hit me in the leg.

  “Ouch!”

  “Knock yourself out,” he smirked and walked into his master bathroom shutting the door behind him.

  I looked at the vibrator and I was hurt. I knew he was mad at me. When he came out of the bathroom, he stopped and looked at me.

  “Why are you still here?”

  I sat up.

  “I am not leaving until you talk to me.”

  “Hannah, what do you want to talk about? Do you want to talk about your little love affair with David? How you lied to me and told me you were not sleeping with him?”

  I looked down at my hands. I didn’t say anything. I just sat there.

  “You have nothing to say? I didn’t think so.”

  I slid off the bed and grabbed my clothes. I felt so sad. I spent my whole life avoiding commitments and just when I am ready to belong to someone, I blow it again.

  A tear dropped down my cheek and I hurriedly wiped it away.

  Keith grabbed the clothes from my hand and threw them back on the floor.

  “Keith…,”

  “Sit down.”

  I sat on the bed and he sat down next to me.

  “I’m angry with you. Very angry.
Yet, you can change that if you do something for me.”

  I was expecting some form of punishment and I was prepared for that. I rather he punish me severely and get it out of his system than leave me.

  “I’ll do anything.”

  “I need you to be honest with me. Do you love me?”

  I was taken aback. He was serious. He wanted to know if I loved him. I knew that I did but to tell him would confirm my bind to him.

  “Hannah, I’m waiting.”

  I looked up at him.

  “Yes, I love you.”

  He didn’t smile.

  “Do you love David?”

  I should have known that question was coming. He wanted honesty so I would give it to him.

  “Yes I do.”

  He didn’t look happy with me.

  “So you want to be with David?’

  “David has a girlfriend.”

  He laughed.

  “So that’s the only thing stopping you? If he were available you would be with him?”

  I thought about that. Would I be with David if he wasn’t with Kim? It was more to it than that.

  “No, I wouldn’t.”

  He seemed intrigued to hear that.

  “Why is that?”

  I sighed.

  “Because I don’t think that I am good enough to be with David. I’ll only hurt and disappoint him.”

  He looked at me. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be to my confession.

  “Would you hurt me?”

  “No.”

  “Why would you hurt him and not me?”

  I didn’t have to think about my answer.

  “Because David wants perfection and I am not perfect. You see all my flaws and you accept me despite what you know.”

  He smiled then leaned over and kissed me on the lips.

  “I don’t want to talk anymore baby. I want to take a nap.”

  He could be so random I thought laughing to myself. He climbed to the head of the bed and scrambled under the covers. He held the covers opened for me and I climbed inside snuggling up to him. He wrapped his arms around me and we slept.

  Dear Diary,