Worthy of Love?

by J. Lea

  One thing I was certain about—I would never step a foot on the stadium. Even if I had to lie to my parents about it. I had to find a believable excuse as to why I couldn’t run track anymore. I couldn’t face Coach; it was too frightening.

  Chapter Eleven

  August 2014

  18 years old

  It had been three days since my confrontation with Parker. We haven’t had German since then, so I only caught a glimpse of him here and there as he was hurrying to the teacher’s lounge or walking down the hallway. But I still noticed how all the girls twirled their hair and fluttered their eyelashes when they stopped him on his way, asking him random questions just so they could make small talk. Not only the students, female teachers also threw appreciating glances, and charming smiles his way. I couldn’t resent them—he was very handsome, and I wanted to shout to the world that Parker was mine. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t mine, and he never would be. He was friendly and pleasant to everyone, but he treated me as if I hadn’t existed. It hurt. I hadn’t done anything wrong. And I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he was my teacher. After all, he didn’t look like a teacher; teachers at my former high school had all been middle-aged and bitter, not insanely attractive and handsome. Teachers like Parker should be against the law. I kept trying to convince myself that I would quickly get over him as I was used to it. In the past, I’d gone out on a date or two with a guy, but nothing more as I’d been afraid to tell them about myself, about my past. But this was different. I hadn’t wanted to let Parker go; he was everything I’d ever wanted, and everything I’d dreamed of at night. Yet he revealed his true colors in the end—he was just like other men, only going after sex. To top it all off, he was my teacher. But, despite this, I couldn’t get him out of my head. Out of my heart. He was in my every thought, he was there every time I closed my eyes, and he even invaded my dreams at night.

  “Why are you so sullen?” Elias plopped down in his seat, throwing his German study book on the table.

  I was drawing doodles in my notebook, lost in thought. “I’m not,” I muttered.

  “You look like someone kidnapped your puppy.”

  Yes, well, something like that, I thought to myself.

  “Don’t you have a date with your Adonis tomorrow?” he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

  “No,” I said tersely without looking up, furiously etching my pen into the notebook.

  “No? Is he busy or what?”

  “You could say that.”

  “Oh,” he raised his eyebrow suspiciously.

  “We’re not seeing each other anymore,” I explained.

  “What?” he exclaimed, turning to face me, and waiting for further explanation. “Why? How come?” He paused for a second. “Did you tell him?”

  I shook my head. I couldn’t tell him Adonis was actually our German teacher. I knew he wouldn’t spill the beans to anyone, but I just couldn’t make myself tell him. I couldn’t tell anyone, and it was killing me. I was scared it would get Parker in trouble, even though nothing happened between us, except a few kisses. Yes, he hurt me, but my heart refused to listen to my brain, because he was still constantly on my mind. Nothing helped me forget his attentiveness, his ability to make me feel desirable. I consoled myself with the fact that time heals all wounds. And I had plenty of time to test the theory. “I haven’t told him anything. It just didn’t work out between us, that’s all.”

  “I don’t understand,” Elias was shocked.

  “There’s nothing to understand. He just isn’t that into me anymore.”

  “If it’s any consolation to you, he’s probably not worthy of you anyway. It’s his loss if he can’t see what a wonderful girl you are.” He reached his arm around my shoulder, and squeezed me to him. I let him console me. It felt good.

  “Thank you, Elias. You truly are an amazing friend,” I gave him a small smile in gratitude.

  Elias’s arm was still around my shoulders, my head buried in the crook of his neck, when we heard someone clear their throat. We broke apart, and looked to the teacher’s desk where Parker stood with an irritated expression on his face. Mr. Thorn, I corrected myself.

  “Sorry, Mr. T,” Elias grinned at him, removed his hand from me, and placed it on the desk in front of himself. Parker looked me straight in the eyes. His expression confused me. He appeared angry. Why would he be angry? He had clearly let me know he wasn’t interested in me. I broke our eye contact, and focused my gaze on the pen on his desk.

  “Let’s begin, shall we?” Parker spoke up. “Open your books to page five where we last left off.” We did as he asked. The classroom was silent except for Parker’s voice reading a dialogue out loud. He never looked at me again. I knew because I’ve been watching him the whole time. I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t help but notice the perfect fit of his slacks, and how they hugged his butt nicely as he wrote instructions on the blackboard, or the way the ends of his messy yet still very stylish hair stuck out. The wrinkles in the corners of his eyes that appeared whenever he smiled showed that he laughed often. I noticed he rolled the pencil in his hands when he was nervous, and every time he paused to think about something, he pushed the end of the pencil between his full lips. I really wanted to replace that pencil with my lips.

  Elias pushed a piece of paper across my desk discretely, and gave me a nod of his head to open it. Carefully, I slid it under my desk, and glanced to the front of the classroom to make sure Parker didn’t see me, before I read it. Elias was asking me if I wanted to go out on Friday night, to relax and have a little fun, since my plans had fallen through. My heart warmed at his attentiveness. Even though I wasn’t in the mood to party, I still wrote down a yes. It was time to exorcise Parker out of my mind for good. I placed the note in Elias’s hand and focused my attention back to the lecture. Parker’s eyes stared at me intensely. I returned his level gaze. The rest of the hour passed without any more interruptions. We received tons of homework, and I was certain I would never be able to finish it. I was too proud to ask Parker for help, but I had Elias if I needed a hand. German was in his blood.

  ~ * ~

  Friday finally came, and, with it, the night of our party. Me, Elias, his neighbor, Rick, and a few of our classmates, including Jon, were supposed to meet at a club where they usually went partying and dancing. I had no idea what to wear, so I called my best friend for help. He had a much better eye and taste for clothing than me. We rummaged through my whole closet inventory three times before we decided on a winner. Well, Elias decided for me. A red cocktail dress I’d recently bought at some sale for a ridiculously low price. And it looked good on me. It was a one-strap dress, tight over my chest, and adorned with tiny silver rhinestones. It fell softly to my knees in three layers. I pulled my silver high-heeled sandals out of my closet, added some make-up on my pale face, and let my long, straight copper red hair loose, falling over my shoulders. As a final touch, I put on my favorite earrings. When I looked in the mirror in the end, a beautiful girl, with deep blue eyes, was staring back at me. But beneath a pretty exterior, I was hiding something ugly, something that I could never deny and would always be a part of me.

  “Won’t I stand out too much in this? What about the black dress?” I wasn’t an attention seeker; I preferred to keep in the background. This way, I had smaller chances of someone figuring out there was something wrong with me.

  “Don’t be silly. Did you look yourself in the mirror? Those legs! They’re stunning! It would be a sin to hide them. You’re going out like this and that’s final.” I had to admit my legs really were one of my best features. Years of track and field shaped them nicely.

  I smiled, shaking my head. “Okay, if you says so.”

  Elias also looked dapper in his black jeans and a purple T-shirt that hugged him like a glove.

  The drive to the club passed quickly as we were belting out songs from the CD Elias had in the car, so we arrived in a great mood. We entered the club and went in search of our friends.r />
  It felt good I was able to connect with people at my new school so fast. I found new friends in them.

  “Sweet,” Rick whistled, as he joined us at the table we were standing at. He was running late because he just got off work. He squeezed beside me, running his eyes up and down my body appreciatively before exclaiming, “Damn, kitten, where have you been hiding your legs?” He licked his lips, and ran a hand over the smooth surface of his chin. “There’s one thing missing on you, though.” I raised an eyebrow at him, glancing down at my dress. When he saw the question in my eyes, he fired, “Me!” and winked teasingly.

  Laughing, I smacked him with my tiny purse. Elias warned me about Rick and his seduction techniques right after our speed-dating event, so I was ready for everything he attempted. He also mentioned Rick was completely harmless, and to take him just as he was, quirky personality and cliché pick-up lines.

  “Rick, have you ever considered refreshing your pick up lines?”

  “The only refreshment I need right now, is you.”

  “Thank you, and I need a drink,” I chuckled, pushing him to the side so I could head to the bar. Elias ran over after me, laughing.

  “Do you realize now he’s only going to chase after you even more?”

  “Why?” I turned up my nose.

  “Because you rejected him. Now he thinks you’re playing hard to get.”

  “He’s not a bad person, but—“

  “He’s not Parker,” he finished instead of me.

  When we had been getting ready, I’d told him it actually did hurt me that Parker and I wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore. In that short time we’d been together, I’d come to care for him, which was highly unusual for me, and Elias knew that. I’d told him all the details of our dates, our kisses, and how much fun I had when I was with Parker. Elias was puzzled by Parker’s behavior, because from what I’d told him, he gathered he’d been as interested in me as I’d been in him. But I kept our conversation on the first day of school to myself; I couldn’t say Parker’s cruel words out loud. I’ll never forget what he said. Men are bastards. You should’ve realized that by now. Deal with it. His words shattered my hope of ever being loved.

  I nodded in response. “Why can’t I get him out of my head? I’d understand it, if I knew him for a long time or dated him for a while, but it was not the former nor the latter.”

  “Sometimes, it just happens. But, you won’t see him anymore, and you’ll get over him soon enough.”

  He was so wrong. The saying Out of sight, out of mind was right, but Elias didn’t know I saw Parker every day – during class, in the hallway, in the cafeteria – he was everywhere. And I would keep seeing him day after day, maybe even on the street, perhaps with his arm around a woman. Just the thought of him with another woman made my insides feel like I had taken a long ridge on tilt-a-world.

  Elias and I grabbed our drinks and joined our friends. Rick pulled me to his side right away, so I had to squeeze into a tiny corner beside him. But I didn’t mind. I enjoyed my friends’ company and even Rick’s flirting attempts didn’t stop me from having fun. Even more, his terrible pick-up lines soon had me doubled over with laughter, and took my mind off Parker, if only for a few minutes. I tried to prove to Rick that he could win over a girl even with less corny lines, but Rick wouldn’t be Rick if he didn’t disagree.

  “Wanna bet?” he challenged me. I looked at him with interest and instantly agreed.

  “Hell, yeah!”

  “Pick a girl, any girl,” he said cockily. “I guarantee you, I’ll get her number.” I looked around the club, my eyes settled on a gorgeous woman, leaning on the table next to ours. She was playing idly with the cocktail pick in her drink. She appeared slightly older than us, no more than 10 years, and I was certain she’d be an even bigger challenge since she’d probably heard all the corny pick-up lines before.

  “Her.” I pointed my finger. Rick’s gaze traveled up her long, shapely legs, small waist and generously sized chest. He smirked at me, saying, “She’s smoking hot. You’ve got yourself a bet.” We shook hands, and as he took two steps toward her, I remembered we hadn’t talked about the terms of our bet.

  “Hey, wait,” I yelled at his retreating back.

  He jerked around. “What? Did you change your mind? You’d rather have me all to yourself?” His eyebrow shot up.

  Rolling my eyes, I chuckled, and our friends laughed right along with me. “We haven’t said anything about the rewards. What do I get when I win?” I challenged him with a wide grin.

  “Dream on, kitten. Before you can blink three times, I’ll have her eating out of my hand.”

  I laughed so hard tears filled my eyes. “We’ll see about that.”

  Rick confidently strutted over to the woman at the next table, and we all turned heads after them, and perked up our ears so we could hear the conversation.

  “Hey, sugar,” Rick winked at the woman, who gave him a look from under her eyebrows.

  “Uh-huh,” she muttered, uninterested.

  “Do you know how to work with a sandpaper?” he shot out, and our table exploded in laughter.

  “If she doesn’t slap him right now, then the world might just as well end,” I said.

  The woman frowned at him. She asked him what he meant by that, and Rick replied.

  “Because I could use someone to rub my wood.”

  “Oh, god, he did not just say that,” Jon clamped a hand over his mouth. “I can’t believe he just said that.” He shook his head incredulously. But to our surprise, the woman started laughing. Out loud. When she finally calmed down, she put her hand on his shoulder.

  “I’ve had a shitty day, and you just made it better. Thank you for that. Come, let me buy you a drink.” Rick turned to us with a wide grin on his face, and flipped us the bird before disappearing in the crowd with the woman on his arm.

  “What the hell just happened?”

  “That was pure luck,” Carmen, one of our classmates, said. I was completely shocked. I couldn’t believe she fell for such an awful, cliché pick up line.

  Five minutes later, Rick returned to the table, a scrap of paper between his index and middle finger. He threw it on the table, a smug expression on his face, and turned to me. “You were saying earlier?”

  “You just got lucky. Any other woman would’ve slapped you so hard you’d see stars.” I shook my head, still baffled.

  “Doesn’t matter. A bet is a bet, and I won it.”

  “Fine. I admit my defeat.”

  “Come, you owe me a dance.” He dragged me to the dance floor.

  “What? A dance? Aren’t you going to take advantage of the situation and demand…I don’t know…that I clean your apartment for a week or something?”

  “Well, I only wanted to dance with you, but now that you’ve mention it…” He grinned at me.

  I smacked his shoulder and laughed. We danced and danced. I had to admit he was funny in his own special way. The words coming out of his mouth were incredibly unexpected and usually hilarious. I realized Rick wasn’t such a bad guy like I originally pegged him. Underneath his cocky and slightly overbearing exterior, he was a really nice man. I guess we all had something to hide. After shaking our butts off to a few energetic songs, we tottered to the bar to order drinks.

  “I’ll be right back. I just need to take a piss,” Rick yelled into my ear through loud music. I nodded. While waiting for the bartender to take my order, I swayed with the music coming from the speakers on my left. I turned around, and leaned my elbows back to the bar. I studied the people on the dance floor, singing loudly to the well-known pop hit, when I suddenly froze. A few feet to my left, Parker sat at a table in company of his friends, his gaze directly on me, and an impassive expression on his handsome face.

  My palms started sweating, and a tingling sensation began to form low in my belly. I couldn’t figure out why he still had such an effect on me.

  He moved his chair, got to his feet, and started walki
ng my way, his eyes never leaving mine. The intensity of his gaze sent an exciting shiver up my spine, and, in that moment, I was willing to give anything for one more kiss. Even if it was the last. God, I missed him.

  “Miss Lamb,” he nodded in greeting, as he stood beside me, and waved to the bartender.

  “Mr. Thorn,” I said calmly. Parker leaned his elbow on the bar so he was facing me.

  “You look gorgeous,” he whispered, so I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly over the music. My mind must have been playing games with me.

  “What are you doing here?” I tried to stay calm and collected.

  He pointed toward his friends, currently in a middle of a heated conversation, so they weren’t paying any attention to us. “I came to get some drinks with my buddies.”

  I nodded. The tension between us was so thick, one could cut it with a knife. I didn’t know what to say to him. His cruel words were still resounding in my head, but he was my teacher, after all, so I tried to play nice.

  “How are you?” he broke the silence between us, his kind eyes smiling at me. His complete change of character from school left me flabbergasted. I wasn’t used to seeing my old Parker again. If I didn’t know him, I’d say he still cared.

  “Did you get the drinks yet?” Rick appeared from behind my back, and rested his hand on the small of my back. Parker’s eyes shot down to his hand.

  “Not yet,” I said, as Rick noticed Parker.

  “Hey, man.” He lifted his chin in greeting.

  “Hi,” Parker responded. He raised his beer to us, turned around, and walked back to his table.

  “You know him?”

  “He teaches at my school. We just said hi.”

  We soon got our drinks, and since I suddenly lost all the will to dance, I stole a glance at Parker’s table one last time, and let Rick take me back to our table.

  The rest of the evening was uneventful. Parker left soon after our encounter, and I had a couple of drinks with my friends. Then Elias and I left, since I had to work the next day.