Never Far Away

by Marysue Hobika

  “This is the best present I’ve ever gotten. I love them both. Thank you.” I looked down at the photos again and then back up. “I’ll put them on the stand next to my bed and when you’re not in my arms, your face will be the first thing I see every morning.” I leaned in closer and whispered, “Although I hope most mornings I wake up to the real thing.” Her answer was a tender kiss.

  She pulled away. “I’m glad you like it.”

  We spent the rest of the evening curled up together on the couch watching TV. I wanted to celebrate the holiday another way, but that wasn’t possible with my parents in the next room. It would have to wait until we were back at school. I kept my hands to myself, but it was difficult. I wasn’t used to having Stella this close and not be able to let my hands wander.

  After a few hours Stella stood to go home. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “I know.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I wish we weren’t going to my grandparents this year.” We went every year to visit family. We left December 24th and we didn’t return until after the New Year. I didn’t want to be away from Stella for that long, but there was nothing I could do. I’d asked her to come with us, but she thought it was too soon.

  “We’ll talk every day and I’ll see you when you get back.”

  I nodded. I didn’t want to waste time talking. I wanted to give Stella a proper goodbye. I touched my lips to hers and kissed her deeply. Memorizing the feel of her lips and the taste of her mouth. I moved my tongue inside and she moaned. This girl did things to me that I didn’t even know were possible. I pulled away and we rested our foreheads against each other’s.

  I helped her with her coat and then she left. I felt empty inside as soon as the door closed. I’d offered to walk her home, but she said it was easier this way. It was going to be a long and painful week. I missed her already.

  I went to bed and placed her picture on my nightstand. I’d take it back to college with me in a few weeks, but for now I’d keep it next to me. I closed my eyes to go to sleep, but I wasn’t tired. I tossed and turned. I heard my parents go to bed, but still I lay there wide-awake. I was still up when Charlotte came in around two o’clock. I punched my pillow several times, trying to get comfortable, but it didn’t help. I couldn’t sleep. I hadn’t slept well since I’d come home. My bed felt too big. I opened my eyes and saw Stella’s beautiful face staring at me.

  I threw back the covers and quickly got dressed. As quiet as I could, I made my way through the house and out the front door. I didn’t even bother with a coat. It was a short walk. I stepped on the porch and lifted the flowerpot; silently praying the key was still hidden there. Relief and nervousness flowed through me. I put the key in the lock and opened the door without making a sound. I wanted to sprint up the stairs and down the hall, but I took my time, being careful to be quiet. Getting caught breaking and entering wasn’t an option.

  When I walked in, Stella turned her glowing face to me and opened her arms, moving over to make room for me in her bed. I knew I was home. Stella was my home. She hadn’t looked that surprised at seeing me show up in her bedroom in the middle of the night. I shed my clothes and climbed in next to her. Words weren’t necessary. We had a language all of our own.

  I lifted her T-shirt over her head, taking note that it was one of my old track ones, and tossed it to the side. I barely remembered this shirt. I think Charlotte had let her borrow it years ago. Glad I’d finally woken the fuck up because loving Stella was the best part of my life. I held her close, loving the feel of her naked body touching mine.

  Tonight we’d take our time and enjoy each other. I was leaving tomorrow for a week and I needed this to be extra special. I needed this memory while we were apart. Our mouths connected and our tongues made love to each other. Kissing Stella would never get old.

  Her nipples hardened against my chest and I leaned down to give them attention. I knew what Stella liked and I was eager to give it to her. I pulled one nipple in my mouth when my hand trailed down her flat stomach to her wet pussy. She still had her panties on and I could feel how soaking wet she was. I teased her softly through the fabric, moving from one perfect breast to the other.

  My cock throbbed against her leg and she reached down and gently stroked me. I repositioned us, so that we could enjoy each other at the same time. I kissed her sweet pussy, loving how she tasted on my tongue. She let out silent moans and I knew she was getting close. Damn! The things she did with her mouth! I was getting close too. It was time to make love to my sweet angel.

  I wanted to be face to face when she came. It was a beautiful sight to watch her come undone. I flipped her on her back and entered her tight spot. I rocked into her back and forth, never breaking eye contact. Love poured from her eyes into mine, and then back. I ran my hand along her face and she turned her head and kissed my palm. It was a simple gesture, but it made my cock grow and jerk inside her. I was so in love with this girl! Stella’s pussy clenched tighter around me and I knew she was ready. I thrust once, twice, and we exploded at the same time. We connected on some other level—it was powerful.

  I slumped down next to her, keeping most of my weight off of her. I brushed her damp hair off of her face. “I love you,” I whispered.

  “I love you too.” Her voice was soft. It sounded satisfied and content.

  Finally I felt like I could fall asleep. I’d only stay an hour, two tops. I pulled out and moved to hold her against my chest from behind, when I bolted upright—wide awake again. Adrenaline rushed through my veins. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How could I have been so careless?

  “What’s wrong?” Concern outlined on her features.

  “I forgot to use a condom. I’m so sorry.” I slumped down next to her, using my hand to cover my face. “I missed you so bad, I wasn’t thinking straight.” I’d never forgotten before. Ever. Being with Stella was different. She was wrapped so tight around my heart and I was always so eager to be with her that I forgot about everything else. I was angry with myself for losing control and doing something that might possibly hurt her.

  “It’ll be okay.” Her voice sounded so confident. I could feel her eyes on me and slowly I removed my hand and looked at her. She didn’t seem upset, and I calmed down a little.

  “You’re right.” There was nothing we could do about it now. I wasn’t planning on having kids so soon, and my parents would probably kill me, but having a baby with Stella wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be complicated, but wonderful.

  “I’m sure I’ll get my period like I do every month. I’m so regular it’s ridiculous. I’m supposed to get it in a couple of days, so I don’t think I can get pregnant right now. We should be good. If anything, it’s my fault for not going on the pill. I should’ve made an appointment once we got together. It’s not like we're going to break up any time soon. You’re stuck with me.”

  I kissed the top of her head. “I love you so much. I hope you’re right, but if not, we’ll get through this together.”

  “I love you.” Stella nuzzled her head under my chin and soon I heard the soft sounds that meant she’d fallen asleep. I was tired, but my mind wouldn’t shut down after what happened. If Stella was wrong and she got pregnant, what would happen to us? I held her close for as long as I dared, then I dressed and went home. It hurt to have to leave her, especially now.

  Stella

  It was a white Christmas and somehow that made me miss Teddy even more. It reminded me of the first night we spent together tangled up in each other’s arms. Looking across the street at Teddy’s big empty house made me sad. We’d texted several times yesterday and talked on the phone once, but it wasn’t the same. The last night we spent together was the best night of my life. I knew Teddy was worried that I might be pregnant after forgetting to use a condom in the heat of the moment, but I didn’t think it was possible because I was too far along in my cycle. And feeling Teddy inside me without a condom between us—was what made it the best night ever. I’d never felt closer t
o him.

  I made my way downstairs. My parents were already up. I could smell bacon cooking with a hint of coffee. We’d opened our presents last night on Christmas Eve. We had a small family, just my parents and me, and ever since I stopped believing in Santa we opened them after midnight mass. Then we could sleep in on Christmas morning and have a late breakfast before we went to my aunt's for dinner.

  “Merry Christmas, sweetie.” My mom gave me a quick hug.

  “Merry Christmas, Mom, Dad.”

  “Merry Christmas.” My dad sat in his chair drinking coffee and reading the paper. He didn’t look up when I entered. We hadn’t had a blowout since I’d been back home, but that was because I really hadn’t been around much. I’d spent most of my time over at Teddy and Charlotte’s.

  I poured myself a cup, adding lots of cream. I started drinking coffee the summer I went to France and I couldn’t kick the habit when I returned. I sat down at the island and my mom loaded a plate with eggs, bacon, and fruit and set it down in front of me.

  I took a bite and swallowed. “It’s delicious, Mom. Thanks.”

  She nodded.

  “What time are we leaving for your sister's?” My dad still hadn’t looked up from his paper.

  “Around three.”

  I ate my breakfast in silence while my parents talked. So far it had been a good Christmas except for when I’d opened the new tripod that they gave me. My dad had made a crack about it being useless and only encouraged my degree in stupidity. His comments didn’t overshadow my excitement. I’d put his comments from Thanksgiving behind me. Part of that was because of Teddy. As long as I had him I didn’t give a shit what my dad said anymore. I planned to test out my new tripod after I showered and got dressed. I had plenty of time before we left for my aunt’s. I finished my breakfast and stood. That’s when I felt it. I quickly loaded my plate in the dishwasher and shot upstairs as fast as I could.

  Once I came out of the bathroom I unplugged my phone that was charging on my desk. I had to call Teddy. I hoped this wasn’t a bad time. He was probably in the middle of opening presents with his family. This couldn’t wait. He answered on the second ring.

  “Hi, Teddy. Can you talk?” I could hear lots of commotion in the background and my heart ached. Sometimes I was jealous of Teddy and Charlotte and all of their big family gatherings. I wanted a big family of my own someday.

  “Yeah, just a sec.” It got quieter as he moved away from the people and the noise. “Okay. I locked myself in the bathroom. We should have a few minutes of privacy. I’m glad you called. I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas since I got up. I know you like to sleep in, so I held off.”

  I couldn’t hold it in. “I got a present today.”

  “What did you get?” I could hear his enthusiasm for me in his voice. He was an amazing boyfriend.

  “My period. We’re not going to have a baby.”

  Teddy was quiet on the other end. I wondered if the call had dropped. I pulled the phone away from my face and checked. It looked like it was okay. “Teddy, are you still there?”

  “Yeah, sorry. That’s good news.” His voice sounded strange.

  “Are you sure? You don’t sound as happy as I thought you would.”

  Teddy cleared his throat. “I’m happy. It’s just that I’ve been thinking a lot and I’ve come to the realization that having a baby with you is something that I want. Someday. I love you.”

  My heart burst. I wanted that someday too, but not any time soon. “I love you too.” My voice was thick with emotion. “Merry Christmas, Teddy.”

  “Merry Christmas, Angel.”

  ***

  The day after Christmas I made plans with my old friends—Megan, Lexi, Katie, Jenna. I hadn’t seen them since I left for college, and I missed them. We met at Applebee’s for dinner and then we were going to the movies. We’d all gotten gift cards and there was a new movie out staring Alex Pettyfer that we all wanted to see.

  I waited until we’d ordered before telling them about me and Teddy. This morning I’d finally told my mom. She was so excited for me. I hoped my friends would be too.

  “I’m seeing Teddy.” I looked around the table to see their reactions.

  “Teddy? You mean, your old neighbor, Theo, that you used to bum a ride to school with?” clarified Megan.

  “Yup.” Again I forgot I was the only who called him that and the rest of the world knew him as Theo. “It’s a long story, but we ran into each other at a party one night and now we’re dating.”

  “I’m surprised. I thought you always said he wasn’t your type.” Megan looked confused.

  I blushed pink. “I know. I just said those things because I didn’t think he liked me. The truth is I’ve been in love with Teddy for a long time. ”

  “I saw Teddy over the summer and he’s hot.” Jenna stared at me with admiration. “He was running through my neighborhood and I almost ran after him. Only he was too fast for me to catch.”

  We laughed at her joke. Jenna was allergic to exercise even though you’d never guess. And I wouldn’t put it past her to literally chase after a guy she was interested in.

  “I’m not surprised.” Lexi was sitting on my left and she grinned at me. “I’ve never seen two people want each other so bad, but pretend like they didn’t.”

  All of my friends nodded their heads in agreement.

  “The important thing is we’re together now.” My face flushed warm as I thought about Teddy. Waiting so long to call him mine only made it that much better. We were immature in high school. And I doubted it would have lasted. Now we were ready to see this thing through.

  “Congratulations,” Jenna shouted.

  “To love.” Megan lifted her glasses.

  “To love.” We joined her in making a toast.

  While we ate our food, everyone shared their news. Megan was still dating her boyfriend from high school, while Lexi had broken up with hers. Katie was playing the field. Jenna had a crush on an older man, her English professor, and she’d gotten up the nerve to write her phone number on the top of her final exam. We talked so long we almost missed the movie.

  Afterwards I returned home and went straight to my room. Hanging with my friends had kept my mind off of thinking about Teddy every second. We talked every day, but I missed him. I opened the top drawer of my desk and found my old flash drive and inserted it in my laptop, climbing into bed with it. I opened a file and scanned through thousands of pictures I’d taken over the year—all of Teddy. I’d forgotten about a few of them. It was weird how I remembered almost every picture I’d ever taken and what had been going on at the time. Pictures were like a journal—lasting pieces of evidence. I smiled at one particular photo. It was taken his last year of elementary school. God, I had been in love with Teddy forever. I looked through the photos until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

  I woke up the next morning when my phone pinged, signaling that I’d received a text message. I reached for it.

  Teddy: Are you up?

  Me: I am now. Haha.

  Teddy: I miss you.

  Me: Ditto.

  Teddy: Only 6 more days.

  Me: That’s too long

  Teddy: It’s one day less than yesterday.

  Me: Yeah, but I wish you were coming home today.

  Teddy: Soon, Angel. Soon.

  Teddy and I texted back and forth. Every morning he sent me a message, counting down the days. Being a nerd was ingrained; he couldn’t help it. I was sure in his mathematical brain it made him feel good to count down the days until we’d see each other again, but my mind didn’t work that way. I was better off not knowing. Like the time I went running with Teddy and he wore his watch and told me every few steps how far we’d gone and our pace, I’d wanted to kill him. However I didn’t tell Teddy any of that because I accepted and loved him for who he was—nerd and all. I didn’t want him to change.

  Teddy texted that he had to go and I told him I did too. I didn’t really have plans, but if I was
lucky there’d be a good movie I hadn’t seen yet on Netflix I could watch. I made myself comfortable on the couch, choosing a movie based on a true story. It would keep my mind off of Teddy better than a romantic comedy.

  The movie ended and I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. My dad had just come in from getting the mail and he was looking through it. “Hi,” I said, unable to avoid him. Surprisingly, other than the snarky comment he made on Christmas Eve when I opened the tripod, we’d gotten along pretty well. Probably because I’d stayed out his path. Now here I was directly in the way and suddenly I was wary. His lips were set in a thin line and he looked pissed about something. I knew I wouldn’t have to wait long to find out.

  “I heard you’re dating Theo.” Damn it! I told my mom not to tell him.

  “Yeah.” I braced myself. I doubted I’d like where this was going.

  “Did he tell you he got accepted to the NSA for an internship? In Baltimore.”

  My face fell and I couldn’t hide it. Teddy had never mentioned anything about an internship, and I was surprised because I told him that I was desperate to get one at a fashion magazine. “You’re lying,” I spat.

  “I’m not. You know me, Stella. I don’t lie. I always speak the truth, even when it hurts.” It was true. My dad would hold onto pieces of information and let them go when he thought the time was right. This was one way he manipulated people. And he was good at it. “And I can tell by your face that he didn’t tell you. Why do you think that is?” I couldn’t speak. I had no idea. “I know why.” He paused. “Because he’s not going to accept it anymore. His dad told me that he changed his mind about two weeks ago. I’m guessing that’s about the same time you two got involved. Just because you’re on a one-way street to nowhere, doesn’t mean you have to bring a smart kid like Theo down with you. Get your head out of your ass, Stella. Are you really that selfish that you’d stand in Theo’s way?” I couldn’t breathe. “You’re even dumber than I thought.” My dad looked at me with disgust and then walked away.