Hallie's Destiny (The Donovans of the Delta)

by Peggy Webb

  She balled her hand into a fist to stop its trembling. Quietly Josh reached over and loosened her fingers, one by one. “I’m so sorry, my gypsy angel.” Ever so gently he lifted her hand to his mouth. His breath was hot as he kissed her palm, a long, slow kiss that eloquently begged her forgiveness.

  Hallie melted. With her free hand she touched the bright golden hair that dipped across his forehead, smoothed it back tenderly.

  “Please tell me, Josh.” Slowly she took her hands away, folded them in her lap, and faced him. “Why did you deceive me?”

  He settled back into his side of the car and prepared to bare his soul, something he’d never done with a woman.

  “At first, Hallie, the deceit was unintentional. When you showed up in the lake, I could tell you didn’t recognize me. That meant you hadn’t read or didn’t remember any of the stories written about me.

  “You knew me, of course.”

  “Yes. Although I’d had nothing to do with hiring you for the ad campaign, I certainly was aware of it. While you were at Silken Moments, I walked by the studio where you were filming. I hadn’t come to see you. I had another matter of business on my mind.” He paused, smiling as he remembered. “The door to the studio was open. You were in that red dress, your head thrown back, laughing. You were stunning.”

  “Thank you. I always look good in red.”

  He chuckled at her lack of false modesty. Her admission was too charming and forthright to be based on conceit. “I’d meant to keep going, but Herb Williams turned the fan on under your skirt, and I was mesmerized. I actually forgot what my errand was as I watched you.”

  “Why didn’t you come in and introduce yourself?”

  “I started to, but Buford Ellis, my director of marketing, walked by and asked for a word with me. That was the last time I ever saw you . . . until I hooked your bra at the lake.”

  A shadow came across his face again. She waited quietly for him to continue.

  “I let you believe what you saw to protect myself.”

  “From what?”

  “I’ll get to that part later. First, you have to know that trucking is something I do to escape the pressures of my business . . . and of my life. When I’m on the open road, I enjoy the freedom of anonymity.”

  “You said you owned the truck.”

  “I do. My company owns a fleet of trucks. I find it more efficient and cost effective to deliver my own merchandise. When I feel the need—and can get away, which isn’t often—all I have to do is climb into one of the trucks and hit the road.”

  While they talked, the sun disappeared in the western sky and the air became cooler. Sounds of spring drifted in the open windows of the car— the song of the cicada, the whisper of a May breeze, the distant mating call of a meadowlark.

  “I understand your reasons for the initial deceit, Josh. But why did you continue the charade? Especially after . . .” She paused, seeking the right words.

  “. . . after the bluebonnets?”

  His voice was like a caress. She could feel its velvety texture on her skin.

  “Yes, the bluebonnets.” She was glad that he’d intuitively known what she was talking about. If he’d said ‘after the kiss,’ she’d have been disappointed. Certainly their first kiss had been intimate . . . and explosive. But the day he’d brought the bluebonnets to her had been the beginning of something beautiful between them.

  “There were moments when I wanted to tell you the truth, Hallie. Especially after our day in the meadow. But I rationalized to myself that the truth would serve no purpose, since both of us had vowed our intentions of not making any commitments. The blame is entirely mine—and the guilt.”

  “So you let me believe you were a trucker for the sake of freedom?”

  “Not freedom alone.” He turned away from her for a moment and gazed into the deepening evening shadows as if he could find answers there. Slowly, he turned back to her.

  “My mother was a beautiful woman. Vital, full of life. Her name was Margaret.”

  As Josh resumed talking, Hallie realized he was telling her something that was extremely hard for him. She leaned toward him in an attitude of sympathetic understanding.

  “And?” she prompted softly.

  “My father doted on her, almost to the exclusion of his sons—George and me. I was eight and George thirteen, when a new baseball coach, Jim MacHanson, arrived at our school. Coach Mac, we called him. He was big and handsome and personable. Mother became more and more interested in our baseball games. A year later she ran off with Coach Mac. The scandal rocked the town. Dad tried for two years to get her back. I don’t know if he ever would have given up. Mac got another coaching job at a school in North Carolina. He and Mother were killed on the way to the new job.”

  Hallie reached for his hand. “How awful for you.” She couldn’t imagine life without the stability of her own loving parents.

  “Dad simply resigned from life. Until the day she was killed, I think he really believed he could somehow get her back.”

  “Where is your father now?”

  “Living with me. He’s sad and bitter, a completely broken man.”

  “Hearing me brag about the Donovan clan must have been hard for you. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. Although your family sounds like the invention of Walt Disney, it was refreshing to hear that not all families conduct themselves in the way of the Butlers.”

  “One bad incident doesn’t make the family history black.”

  “How about two? George married a social climber. Janice was never satisfied with the comfortable middle-class lifestyle provided by a high school biology teacher. All George ever wanted to do was impart his love of science to children. Driven by greed and lust for social position, Janice hounded him until he gave up his job and borrowed money for a high-risk business venture. The fact that she was pregnant spurred him on. Janice persuaded him that his child needed a better life than he could provide on a teacher’s salary. He borrowed a hundred thousand dollars to invest in a small coffeehouse, which she said would be the South’s answer to the Hard Rock Café. The coffeehouse didn’t succeed. Janice filed for divorce and left town, taking the baby.”

  “Does George see his child now?”

  “He’s never sober long enough.”

  Hallie thought of her own brothers—Paul and Tanner, who were full of fun and laughter, Theo and Charles and Glover, steady and reliable as rocks, and Jacob, the lovable family vagabond. Her heart ached for Josh.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said quietly.

  “They’re my family and I love them,” he said simply. “But I take extreme precautions to avoid involvement.”

  Hallie was thoughtful. “In my own way, perhaps I do too.”

  Josh chuckled. “I’d say riding bulls is extreme.”

  “It pays the rent.”

  Her bright and lovely spirit was balm to Josh’s tattered soul. The longing to stay in her presence was a physical ache. But the time had come to say goodbye for real. There was no need for useless regrets and foolish hopes.

  “Hallie . . .” He hesitated for a moment, savoring the feel of her name on his lips. “What will you do now?”

  “I’ll go back to Memphis State and complete my degree. I should finish by the end of summer. Then . . .” Her shrug was eloquent. “. . . who knows? I might even find adventure and excitement in the classroom.”

  “Is that what you want? Adventure and excitement?”

  She answered his question with one of her own. “What do you want? Freedom?”

  “I don’t know anymore, Hallie.”

  “Neither do I, Josh.”

  A silence enveloped them. Neither of them wanted to say goodbye again.

  Finally Josh spoke. “Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck.”

  “You too.”

  Hallie wanted nothing more than to touch his arm and say stay. But she knew this was neither the time nor the place. In fact, there might never be a time or a place
for the two of them. She hated endings. Fortunately, her dramatic nature came to her rescue. Reaching into the backseat, she picked up one of the Stetsons she kept in abundant supply. She set it at a rakish angle on her head and winked at Josh.

  “Nothing beats riding off into the sunset, pardner. Point me in the direction of your rig, and I’ll drop you off.”

  Josh gave her directions, then leaned back in silence, watching her, memorizing her as she drove.

  “Take care, Hallie,” he said as he descended from her lavender El Dorado. He was careful not to touch her, for if he had, he might never have been able to let her go again.

  “You, too, Josh.”

  She gave a jaunty wave and blasted her horn. The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You shattered the stillness as Hallie Donovan disappeared into the sunset.

  Standing in the settling dust her car had spewed up, watching until she was out of sight, Josh didn’t know that she had tears in her eyes.

  o0o

  Three days later Hallie and Hannah received an early morning call from Tanner. They left the ranch and headed to Dallas to meet his newborn daughter. Hallie was driving.

  “Do you always drive like a bat out of hell?”

  “Yes. And so do you.”

  Hannah laughed. “A fellow never gets anyplace going slow.” She had her slim legs propped on the dash, and she was as relaxed and serene as if she were riding down a country lane in a horse-drawn buggy. “You haven’t said a word about what happened between you and Josh Butler at the rodeo.”

  “It doesn’t matter. We both have our reasons for not wanting an involvement. This episode with Josh reinforces my feeling that I am destined to choose the wrong man.”

  “Hogwash!” Hallie had to laugh at Hannah’s choice of words. When she was disturbed, Hannah always reverted to the vernacular learned during their Mississippi Delta childhood. “The only thing Josh Butler has in common with Robert Gilbert is good looks. Robert was a spoiled, selfish man whose only thought was to surround himself with the best of everything. You were his prize possession, Hallie. And he was scared to death of losing you.”

  “I used to wonder about that. He certainly put me in a cage.” She glanced out the window then swung her gaze back to Hannah. “Men of power scare me to death. I’m well rid of Josh. I told you that the first day I returned from the lake.”

  “You did. But the way you looked when you talked about him, I didn’t believe you. That’s why I sent him after you. Hallie, I think he’s the one for you. In my opinion you’re making a mistake to let him go. If I were you, I’d set my sights on Florence, Alabama. No matter what happened between you two, I’m sure he can be persuaded.”

  Hallie threw back her head and roared with laughter. “Hannah, what is it about you that makes you always want to run things?”

  “Who me? You know I’d never tell a soul what to do. I’ll leave that to Aunt Agnes.” Hannah gave a wicked grin, so like her sister’s. “What do you suppose Tanner and Amanda will call this baby? I think they should name her Hannah. That’s what I’m going to suggest.”

  “Maybe you should save that name for your own babies.”

  “I’m too busy doing whale research and training my huskies for the Yukon Quest to bother with domestic matters.”

  “Don’t let Aunt Agnes hear you say that. She’d consider it a challenge.”

  “I only give advice,” Hannah said serenely. “I never take it.” She dropped her feet from the dashboard and looked at her sister, her face becoming serious. “I’m here, you know. Whenever you get ready to talk about what happened at the rodeo, I’ll listen. I might even forego the intense pleasure of telling you what to do.”

  “I can’t think about what happened right now.”

  “You’ll have to face it sometime, Hallie. In my world life holds such immediacy, I can’t afford the luxury of putting off a decision.”

  “This is Texas, Hannah, not Alaska. I’ll think about it tomorrow.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  Herb Williams was more than Josh’s advertising manager; he was a good and longtime friend.

  Two days after his return from Dallas, Josh sat in his office watching with his usual amusement as Herb softened a huge wad of gum in his mouth and blew an enormous bubble.

  “I keep expecting one of those bubbles to lift you off your feet.”

  Herb tucked the gum into one corner of his mouth before answering. “Keeps me sane.”

  “I won’t knock anything that does that.” Josh tipped back in his swivel chair. “I want to thank you again for helping take care of Dad and George while I was gone.”

  “Always glad to. I keep hoping things will change with them.”

  “Perhaps if I had more time to spend with them—”

  Herb interrupted him. “Don’t you dare go blaming yourself. You work like a dog down here. Where in the hell would George be without your money for those fancy clinics? Who would pay his rent? Who would take care of Hiram?” He blew a small bubble and sucked it back in with a loud, angry pop. “Don’t you give me that superman routine. You’re only human, just like the rest of us.”

  Josh chuckled. “That’s why I keep you around. To remind me.”

  “You keep me around because I’m a genius— the best ad man in the business.” He swung his gaze around the office. “Speaking of the best, where’s The Woman in Red?”

  “I moved it.”

  Herb eyed him closely. “Just like that?” He snapped his fingers. “Out of the blue. After five years you up and stuff that piece of art in the closet somewhere? What in hell’s going on?”

  Josh bought time by reaching into his desk drawer and bringing out a file folder. The day before, when he’d returned to Florence and seen the poster again, he’d felt as if he’d been socked in the gut. He’d actually had to sit down to regain his composure. Reason told him he’d been right to let her go, but instinct screamed that he’d been wrong. He’d sat in his chair for an hour rehashing his decision, but in the end he’d been no closer to an answer. Matters of the human heart puzzled him, as they’d puzzled all the Butler men.

  Thinking about the poster, shut up in his closet, made him dizzy with the desire to see her. “Let’s talk about that magazine layout for our line of silk teddies.” He flipped open the folder.

  Herb held up his hand. “Not so fast. Tell me why you got rid of The Woman in Red.”

  Josh’s grin was lopsided. “I should fire you for insubordination.”

  “The man who saved your butt more times than a person can count? Who would have been the high scorer in all those high school basketball games if I hadn’t made the rebounds and passed them back to you? Who would never have gotten up the nerve to ask Marvalene Wilder to the senior prom if I hadn’t played Cyrano? Who would have—”

  “Enough. I get the picture. Emotional blackmail.” Josh tipped back in his chair and closed his tired eyes for a moment. His father had been unusually petulant and complaining since Josh’s return, and Lord only knew which bar George was visiting at the moment. Short of keeping him locked in, there was no way to keep him sober. He snapped his eyes open. “Her name is Hallie Donovan.”

  “I remember. How could I forget? She was the best model I’ve ever worked with. I would have used her again, but she dropped out of sight.” Herb gave him a shrewd look. “We’re not talking about the cardboard statue here, are we?”

  “No. We’re talking about the woman. She got married, gave up modeling.”

  “You know her? I thought I knew all your women.”

  Something slammed Josh in the gut. Whether it was anger or pain or desire, he didn’t know. “She’s not my woman.”

  “Judging from the fierce look on your face, she means something to you.”

  Some of the tension left Josh’s face as he thought about Hallie. He looked at his old friend and decided to share his burden. “I met her outside Dallas, at Ray Hubbard Lake. She might have been my. . .” He was thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t know what she mig
ht have been to me. All I know is that she’s special . . . and I let her go.”

  Herb sat like a silent, benign Buddha, waiting for Josh to continue. Even the large wad of gum in his mouth was still.

  “No woman in the world should be asked to be a part of the Butler family.” He gave Herb a black look, challenging a denial.

  But Herb was not deterred. “You can’t stand losing.”

  “What?”

  “You can’t stand losing, Josh. You never could. Even in high school you always had to be the best, to do the best. And I admire that quality in you. I don’t say it’s wrong, but you’re too hard on yourself. It’s almost impossible for you to admit you’re human, and therefore fallible, just like the rest of us poor slobs. We all have to make our mistakes. It’s how we handle them that separates the sheep from the goats.” He gave Josh a satisfied smile, as he always did when he’d finished one of his famous philosophical lectures. Folding his hands across his big stomach, he delivered his punch line. “I think you’re scared out of your gourd that you’ll make the same fool mistakes your dad and your brother did.”

  Josh was astute enough to recognize there was a little truth in what Herb had said. Maybe even more than a little.

  “I wonder if letting her go was a mistake?” He asked the question more of himself than of his friend. But Herb wasn’t about to miss another opportunity.

  “You’re damned right, it was. From what I saw of her, Hallie Donovan is one woman worth taking a risk over. So what if you screw up? You pick up the pieces and go on. That’s life.”

  Josh sat in his chair for a long time merely gazing at his friend. His mind was busy analyzing everything that had been said to him. Finally he broke the silence. “Why have you never said those things to me before?”

  “The opportunity never came up. I’ve never seen you this serious over a woman,”

  “It could be serious, all right,” Josh mused aloud. “Damned serious.”

  Herb took the wad of gum from his mouth and studied it as if it were an edict from Rome. “I’d advise you to help her get a divorce, first thing. Fooling with a married woman can be a risky business.”