Porn Star

by Sam Crescent

  When Sydney tried to get Dawn talking with Richard, everything blew up.

  “Oh, fuck this. I’m not sitting around here pretending shit anymore,” Dawn said, standing up. “That piece of shit has been lying to you.” She pointed a finger at Jason.

  “Dawn? What the hell are you doing?”

  Sydney stood this time, trying to calm her sister.

  “I’m telling you the truth, which is exactly what this fucker should have done weeks ago.”

  “Jason?” Sydney asked.

  “He’s a porn star, Syd. He’s not some kind of PA. He’s a full blown, popular porn star.”

  Silence rang through the room as Dawn’s words sank in. Jason stared at Dawn, wanting to silence her by putting tape over her mouth. Why couldn’t she have given him tonight?

  “What the hell are you talking about? Have you completely lost your mind?” Sydney asked.

  “He’s Bone Harder, Sydney. He’s not a fucking PA.” Dawn pointed at Jason, then at Richard. “Bone is more popular than Richard. The only way a PA would ever happen between them is if they’re both fucking it for the big screen.”

  Sydney went pale, and Jason worried about her. She turned toward him. “Is this true?”

  “I can explain.”

  “Explaining is not necessary. Is it true?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “You’re a porn star?”

  “Yes.”

  “Bone Harder?”

  “Yes.”

  “I laughed at your name, and you laughed along with me.”

  “Yes.”

  “And you don’t know if he’s been working while he’s been seeing you,” Dawn said.

  “No, I haven’t.”

  “Please, you’ve got new videos posted every single week.”

  “I’ve not cheated on Sydney. I’ve not touched another woman since I’ve met her,” Jason said. He couldn’t fucking bring himself to do it. It was why his professional life was in the toilet.

  “Ha, you’re a fucking porn star. Your entire life is about cheating on the woman you’re with,” Dawn said.

  “Is it true?” Sydney asked.

  “Of course it’s true, Syd. You can see the truth staring at you in the fucking face.”

  “That’s enough,” Sydney said, glaring at her sister.

  “Syd?”

  “No, Dawn. I’m not going to do this in front of you. I think it’s better if you leave.”

  Silence fell onto the group, and Jason couldn’t look away from his woman. She looked so incredibly hurt. His heart was breaking for her.

  “Okay, I’ll go, honey.”

  Sydney closed her eyes. Richard left along with Dawn, neither speaking as they made their way out of Sydney’s home.

  “What is going on?” Sydney asked, looking at him. Tears had welled up in her eyes, and it was like a kick to the gut, staring at her.

  This is what he’d been trying to avoid for the longest time. Gripping the back of his chair tightly, he stared across the table. Neither of them was sitting. They were both standing.

  “It’s true what Dawn said. I’m a porn star, and I’ve been a star for the last ten years.”

  She gasped, touching her stomach.

  “It’s true?”

  “Yes.”

  “Bone Harder is you?”

  “Yes.”

  Each admission of his lies was twisting him up inside. She turned away from his gaze, pressing her fingers against her mouth as if she was trying to keep in her cries.

  “You lied to me?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re not Richard’s PA.”

  “I’ve never been a PA in the whole of my life. I don’t know the first thing about being a PA.” He took a deep breath, hating what he was saying.

  “Why did you lie?” she asked.

  “I didn’t want to admit the truth of what I am.”

  “You’re ashamed?”

  “No.”

  “Why wouldn’t you admit the truth of who you are unless you’re afraid?” She wiped away the tears that were falling of their own accord. Each tear that fell was cutting him so deeply.

  “A lot of women expect something out of me. You weren’t like that. When you asked what I was, I panicked, and I didn’t want to ruin something that hadn’t begun.”

  “I had sex with you without a condom. Am I safe?” she asked.

  He winced. “Yes, you’re safe.”

  “Are you sure? How many women have you fucked without a condom? I don’t expect to be singled out,” she said.

  “Baby.” He moved around the table about to take her into his arms.

  “No. I don’t want you to touch me. I can’t trust you. I can’t be with you.” She shook her head. “It’s lies.”

  “I love you.”

  “No, everything you’ve ever told me has been built on lies, Jason. How can you expect me to even believe you?” she asked.

  He didn’t know how to tell her that everything else about him had been the truth. Dropping his hand, he looked around at the food. “I fell in love with you, Sydney. You’re the first woman who has ever made me feel anything.”

  “Get out.” The two words were spoken softly. Her head was bent over, and she refused to look at him.

  “Can’t we talk about this?” he asked.

  “I want you to get out of my apartment. I don’t want you near me. Get out.”

  “Sydney.”

  “Get out!” She screamed the two words at him, finally looking at him. Her eyes were bright red from tears.

  She needs time.

  “I’ll leave.” He held his hands up in surrender.

  Stepping back, he made his way out of her house, closing the door behind him. Dawn was sitting on the step by the door. Glancing over at his car, he saw Richard was leaning against it.

  “Don’t ever come back,” Dawn said.

  He glared back at her. “You can think all you want to about me. I did what I had to every single fucking day to get by. I never cheated on her. I’ve never fucking looked at another woman since I’ve met her.” He stopped seeing it was useless to even try to reason with Dawn. “Take care of her.”

  Jason didn’t stay to listen to Dawn cursing him.

  Walking to his car, he climbed into the passenger side. Richard was in the passenger seat by the time he was moving away from the curb.

  He wasn’t in the mood to talk right now, and Richard gave him the space he needed.

  Driving to his apartment, he wasn’t surprised when Richard followed him up.

  Once inside, Jason left closing the door to Richard, while he went straight for the freezer where he kept his vodka. He needed a stiff drink.

  Grabbing a shot glass, he poured out a measure, then tipped the glass to his lips.

  Richard stood in front of him.

  Pouring a second, then a third glass, he drank it all down, not caring that he was going to have the world’s worst hangover tomorrow.

  “Today didn’t go well,” Richard said.

  “No shit.” He stared at his friend, drinking down his fourth drink. The burn had stopped, and he rested his palm over the glass where it rested on the counter. “It’s fucking over. I fucked up, and this is what you get for lying.”

  “Shit, man, I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?”

  “I encouraged you to lie,” Richard said.

  “No. You gave me the idea of lying. You didn’t exactly order or force me to lie to Sydney. I had so many moments when I could have told her the truth. I didn’t, and now I’m paying the price for that.” He poured more vodka out, laughing. “The first woman I fall in love with, and I’m the one to fuck it up. I can’t believe it.”

  He shook his head. There was no point in trying to find a positive. He was in love with Sydney, and now he had nothing, not even his work.

  ****

  The clattering of plates echoed around the room as Sydney stacked the dishes up. Every now and then she wiped at
her tears, angry with herself. Her heart was crushing inside her chest, making it hard for her to breathe.

  Jason had lied to her. He’d lied to her about everything.

  She heard his car pull away from her drive, and she didn’t care.

  Liar. You’re breaking apart inside.

  “Good riddance,” Dawn said, coming into the house.

  The sound of her door closing was like the last nail in the coffin. She dropped the plates she’d been holding, and they smashed around her feet. Not caring, Sydney held her stomach as she bent forward, throwing up what she’d eaten before her life went to shit all around her.

  “Shit, honey,” Dawn said, rubbing her back, and pulling her hair out of the way.

  When she was finished, Sydney left her sister’s side, grabbing everything to clean the mess up.

  “Sydney, talk to me.”

  Ignoring her, she got to her knees, and started to clean everything up. Throwing the broken plates into the trash, she soaped the carpet. Tears blurred her eyes as everything seemed to crash down around her.

  “Sydney?”

  “Don’t,” she said.

  “He lied to you.”

  Sitting back on her legs, she stared at her sister. “Yes, Jason had lied to me.” She forced a laugh, wiping at her tears with angry movements. “He’d lied to me, and the last four weeks had been the best of my fucking life. How ridiculous is that, huh? I can’t even have a great couple of weeks without someone lying to me.”

  Scrubbing the floor, Sydney couldn’t stop crying. Her tears were making her so damn angry. She should have seen this coming.

  “Was it serious?” Dawn asked, stopping her from scrubbing by placing her hand over hers.

  Pausing, she took a breath in order to compose herself. “He told me he loved me, and I loved him. God, Dawn, I love him.” She patted her chest where it hurt the most. “It was all lies.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “No, but you didn’t give him a chance either, did you? You didn’t give him the option of telling me the truth. You just had to put the fire out.” She threw the cloth into the bucket, then made her way back into her kitchen. Sydney cleaned the bowl out, then filled it with more water. She didn’t feel better. She felt like crap, worse than crap, if that was even possible.

  “I’m sorry,” Dawn said.

  “Are you? I mean are you really sorry, or are you just saying it because you think that’s what I want to hear?”

  “Sydney, I was worried about you. He’d lied and cheated.”

  “No, he hadn’t cheated on me.” Sydney believed him on that. He’d been too insatiable.

  “Whatever, he’s a porn star. There’s no way you can have a relationship with him.”

  “Why not? He’s been talking about getting out of the business.” Sydney stopped as she started to think of the conversations they’d had together over the past couple of weeks. Had everything Jason talked about really been about him?

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “What do I have to lose? I’m not part of a reputable bank, or agency. I pack fucking hampers and bake fucking cakes, Dawn. I don’t matter to anyone or anything.”

  “You matter to me.”

  “And I thought I mattered to him, but I guess that doesn’t matter.” Pressing a palm to her temple, Sydney’s head was starting to really hurt. She needed her sister to leave. “Go away,” she said. They’d grown up together. Dawn should know by now not to fight with her.

  “I don’t think I should go.”

  “And I don’t think you should be here. It’s bad enough that you were here when everything escalated. I don’t want you here right now. I want to break down without your company.”

  “He’s not worth it.”

  “I was in love with him!” She screamed each word to be heard over whatever crap was going on inside Dawn’s head. “I was in love with him. I still am in love with him. For the sake of our friendship, get out.”

  She faced her sister, letting Dawn see that she wasn’t in the mood to fight with her. Dawn placed the cloth she had in her hand down on the counter.

  “Okay, I’ll, erm, I’ll see myself out.”

  “You do that.”

  Dawn made her way to the door as Sydney went back out to clean up the mess.

  “I love you, Sydney.”

  Closing her eyes, she didn’t say the words back. In that moment, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

  Once the door closed, she finished cleaning away all the mess before washing the whole of the kitchen, scrubbing from top to bottom.

  By the time she took a shower and settled on her bed, she was exhausted. Her exhaustion didn’t stop her tears though. She touched the bed where he’d slept a couple of nights ago.

  Placing her palm on her pillow, she saw his beautiful smile in her mind, and how happy she’d been. Four weeks together, and she’d fallen in love with him. Jason had changed her in ways she hadn’t thought was possible.

  Tucking her hand under her cheek, she stared at the side of her empty bed, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do. Jason had lied, and yet she knew part of what he said had to be the truth. He wasn’t a bad person.

  “Why did you do it?” she asked, not expecting an answer. It was an empty bed. She only wished that her heart wouldn’t be as empty. He’d crashed into her life, and she didn’t know what to do with what he’d left behind.

  Chapter Nine

  One week later

  Jason stared at his reflection on set for his first scene in over a month. He was so pissed off and angry with his life. This was the first time he’d been out of his house since Sydney kicked him out of hers. Richard had been to see him every single day since, and from the moment he woke up, to the moment he’d crashed, he’d been drunk as a fucking skunk. He’d bought the local liquor store out of booze, and he’d drunk the fucking lot.

  Yesterday, he’d been about to leave his studio apartment in a pair of pajama bottoms when Richard body tackled him, dumping his ass in the shower. Cold water had rained down on his ass for a good hour, and Richard hadn’t allowed him to leave. He’d been so pissed off, but Richard had pulled him out of the shit and woke him up.

  “How are you feeling?” Richard asked, coming into the room, and bringing Jason out of his thoughts.

  “Like shit. My head is pounding.”

  “You drank enough to sink a fucking ship. You’ve not exactly been yourself for the past couple of days.”

  “I miss her, Richard.”

  “I know.”

  “No, I really miss her. She’s not the kind of woman you’re ever going to forget.”

  Richard didn’t say anything. He closed the door and sat down on the sofa. “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. She’s lost to me forever. I’m not going to get a chance to be with her,” Jason said.

  Tears filled his eyes, and he wiped them away before they had the chance to fall.

  “Nothing is lost to you unless you give it up, Jason.”

  “I can’t go back to her. She’ll never trust me, and I don’t blame her.” Jason stood up. There was no point in sitting around waiting for something to happen. He may as well just get ready, and deal with the shit that was coming his way.

  “Where are you going?”

  “On set. Deep is waiting, right?”

  “Yes.”

  Removing his robe, he made his way on set. His dick was flaccid, and he couldn’t get it up. He was hoping Deep’s expert lips would get a rise out of him. It was pitiful how he was handling the shit that was going on in his life.

  Wiping at his brow, he made his way toward the set. Several of the cameramen and artists smiled his way. He nodded at them, refusing to become mean even though he hated being here.

  Deep was already on set, smiling and winking at some of the men who’d be fucking her that day. Jason was lucky he was second in line. He stood behind Steve who’d been working the camera for the past eight years
.

  “You okay, man?” Steve asked.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “The cameras are going to be rolling. You’re going to need to step back a foot.”

  Jason did as he was instructed and watched the show from afar. Keeping his gaze on the screen, he watched as the director shouted “action” once everyone got into position. Deep was receiving mail today, only she’d be the one fucking the mailman for her first shoot.

  He stood for the next hour as Deep took Dwayne, another porn star, into her home, and sucked the living shit out of his cock. There was no holding back, and she went down on him, swallowing to his balls. Nothing happened to Jason’s dick. He wasn’t hard at all.

  Dwayne finally pulled out of her mouth, only to turn her over the sofa, and start fucking her roughly from behind.

  “That’s right, baby, fuck my pussy, make it hurt real good.”

  “Moan like you mean it.” The director shouted the order out to Deep, who started to moan in the same way she always did. There was a look on her face, and Jason knew she hadn’t used any lube, and it was hurting just a little.

  He thought about Sydney. She’d been so fucking wet that he’d slid into her with ease.

  “Fuck, so good, I want you to come in me. Give me that spunk.”

  With each word that was being said, Jason took a step back. He couldn’t do it. There was no way he could continue living a complete and total lie. Some men and women loved being porn stars. They relished fucking a new person every day, but he couldn’t be this person anymore.

  He’d gone from being a thousand woman man, to one woman. No one would ever satisfy the craving within him other than Sydney. She was the love of his life.

  Jason left the stage as Deep grew louder with her moans. He returned to the dressing room to find Richard playing a game.

  “What’s going on?”

  “I can’t do it.”

  “What?”

  “You’re right. I had to make a decision of what I wanted to do, and up ‘til this moment I didn’t realize it.”

  Richard pocketed his cell phone, giving him his undivided attention. “What have you realized?”

  “I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been coming away from it more and more. The last four weeks with Sydney have been the best of my life. I’m done with this.”