Backstage Dirty (The Savage Light Rockers #1)

by Jenika Snow

  “I want to have this conversation right now, and you want privacy…” He didn’t finish that sentence, but she knew what he was doing now.

  Jacks led them down the ornate and rustic hallway to the last door at the other end of the building. Once the door to the room was opened he led her inside. The room was much smaller than the suite they had just left, but it still had that wild, all natural pine setting going on.

  “I didn’t mean we had to haul ass out of there to talk.” And she hadn’t, and hoped it hadn’t come out that way. “That just wasn’t the setting I envisioned having this conversation at.”

  He nodded, but looked tense. He walked over to the bar in the corner and poured himself a drink. “You want something?”

  She shook her head. She was already still feeling buzzed from the shots she’d had at Rosco’s and the beer she had all but guzzled down less than half an hour ago. There was no sense in beating around the bush, so she just started right in on the conversation they had started out on the balcony. “I should have called, should have reached out. But, Jacks, you were a freaking rock star pretty much right after we graduated. You got signed, moved out of Brookstone, and started touring and making records.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few minutes, and kept his back toward her as he tipped back his glass and finished off his drink.

  Finally, after what seemed like ages of silence, he said, “I should have called, too, Tanner.” He turned around and leaned against the bar. “I guess after my confusion and hurt had passed I grew really pissed at the fact you could just walk away from our friendship like that.” He shrugged, and looked at the ground. “I was really fucking hurt, Tanner. Did you really not know that I was totally in love with you?”

  The emotion she felt inside of her at hearing him say that tugged at her heart. He might have used past tense, but he had still said he had loved her. Their lives were so different now. She was living at home jobless, and he was this rocker touring the world. “I didn’t know, Jacks, because if I would have known how you felt for me I would have told you I felt the same way.” She felt like crying for all the shit that had happened, all the time that now separated them, and all the wasted moments they could have shared. “I guess we both screwed up in that regard.” Maybe she had been blind, or so wrapped up in her own feelings that she hadn’t noticed what had been right in front of her? It was easy to blame it on so many factors, especially when she was standing before him now. “I’m sorry, Jackson.” It had been ages since she had uttered his full name, but she’d be lying if she didn’t admit it felt really good. “If I could go back in time and change it all, not leave like I did, and just tell you that I was in love with you, too, Jacks, I would, in a heartbeat.”

  He stared at her for a second, but the uncomfortableness was still so strong. He pushed away from the bar and took a few steps toward her. “You left the way you did because you were too scared things would be different, and stayed away because of my success.” He didn’t phrase it like a question, and it was almost like he was saying those words to himself. In so many condensed words, yes, that was exactly right, and it seemed so frivolous now. “At first I didn’t reach out after it was all said and done because I was hurt and pissed, and thought immersing myself in this new life and my music would help me forget about you.” He took another step toward her, but shook his head, only a foot away from her now. “But then as time went on I realized that you don’t have a mean bone in your body, and that you were also probably scared. I mean we were best friends, Tanner, had known each other our whole lives. Regret and fear played hand-in-hand.” He smiled, hoping she understood what he was saying. “So much damn time passed, and so many missed opportunities over a few hours of stolen passion, Tanner.”

  She nodded, not able to form words for how thick her tongue was, or for how tightly her throat was closing. She could tell where things were going, could sense that the sexual chemistry they had was climbing higher and higher, and that soon she wouldn’t be able to control it. Doing anything sexual with Jacks after so much time had passed between them, and the fact that they had just reunited less than a couple of hours ago wasn’t the route she should be taking. But if she were being honest it was like no time had passed at all between them, and that what she felt for Jacks had never been buried. They stared at each other for several seconds, the heat and arousal bouncing between them, and intensifying until she was suffocating from it.

  “Come here, Tanner.” His voice was low, hoarse, and there was a touch of dominance in it. There had always been a part of Jacks that commanded people without having to do much more than give them a look. But right now all that she could focus on was the way his mouth moved as he said those three words.

  She licked her lips and moved that last bit of space it took to almost have their chests brushing together. It would have been easy enough for him to move toward her, but she knew this wasn’t about who could surrender the most, but how much they wanted each other. He reached out and cupped her waist with one hand, and covered one side of her face with the other. She felt the calluses from his many years of guitar playing on his fingers. He held her cheek in a tight, almost painful grip. It was like he was afraid she would turn and leave once again. She wasn’t, not in this lifetime. He brushed the pad of his thumb along her cheek. Back and forth, back and forth. All Jacks did was stare into her eyes. God, his eyes were so blue, so clear. Tanner felt herself leaning forward, felt his warm and sweet alcohol smelling breath brush along her lips.

  But he didn’t kiss her, and instead moved the hand that held her face to the back of her head. He tunneled his fingers into her hair, tightened his hold on the strands until the pain mixed with her already climbing and repressed pleasure, and then broke free into this explosive tingling sensation along her entire body.

  “You have no idea how much I have wanted you, how much I want you now.” His lips were so close to hers that if he just leaned forward that last couple of inches that separated them he’d kiss her. It had been too long, and she was so desperate for him. The music was so loud, and although she couldn’t hear the lyrics she felt the bass come through the many layers of the walls. It was the same fast and hard beat as her heart.

  “No one ever compared to you, Tanner.”

  She closed her eyes and breathed out this stuttering gust of air. God, she had only been this wet one other time, and that was when she had given her virginity to Jacks in a drunken night filled with more than one orgasm. Her heart was thundering, and she swore her wetness was soaking clean through her panties. He was so much bigger than her five-foot-three, nearly a whole foot taller, and his muscles were also so pronounced. She wanted to run her hands over the tattoos that covered his flesh, new ones that he had added to his body as memories of the life he had led.

  “You’ve been working out.” She had no idea why she said that, but she supposed feeling his hardness pressed against her softness had the words just spilling out. She also felt something else very hard between them and pressing right into her belly. She remembered all too well how it felt to have that long, thick length inside of her.

  “God, Tanner, I want you so bad.” His voice was so harsh.

  She wanted to tell him that she wanted him, too, and that she just wanted to pretend that the years hadn’t passed by, but the words lodged in her throat.

  “I need you, Tanner. Christ.” And then he had his mouth on hers and his tongue speared between her lips. She wasn’t kissing a rock star, or one of the most wanted men in the world. No, she was kissing Jacks, the boy she had always been in love with. He slid his hands down her shoulders, over her arms, and gripped her waist tightly. And then he was walking them backward until she felt the cold, hard wall greet her back. He hadn’t broken the kiss, and the deep rumbles that left him had her inner muscles clenching almost painfully. He opened his mouth wider and deepened the kiss, and then moved his hands to the edge of her shirt and started to slowly lift it up.

  “Please, Tanner. Plea
se tell me you want this, too.” He sounded pained as he murmured against her mouth, but also frantic with his need. He was grinding his erection into her belly, and a gasp left her as she let her head fall back against the wall.

  Tanner didn’t answer, just placed her hands on his pecs and gently pushed him away. He took a stumbled step back, his head downcast and his eyes trained right on her. He was breathing so hard, like he had just run a marathon. They weren’t teenagers anymore, and this wasn’t a drunken night for her to lose her virginity. She loved him, had always loved him, but having sex with him again after reuniting surely wasn’t the smartest move. How could she compete with what he had experienced in life? Jacks was this megastar, had had countless women—starlets, movie stars, and supermodels under him, screaming out his name as he fucked them, and having perfect bodies. She was chubby, and not in the good way. It was easy to say that didn’t matter to him, but how could she not think this stuff when it was right in front of her? Aside from the physical part they hadn’t really talked, and jumping into sex seemed like glossing things over. God, why was she worrying this stuff when Jacks Lorde was right in front of her, clearly wanting her and what they had shared years ago?

  For several seconds they stood there, just staring at each other. He looked the same, yet he didn’t. Tanner licked her lips and knew she didn’t want to postpone this, but at the same time she wanted to go slow. But even though she knew this might be another bad idea, it was something she wasn’t going to stop, no couldn’t, not when she couldn’t breathe and her body felt like it was on fire.

  “I want you, Tanner,” he gritted out. “I want this.”

  They stood there several more seconds, neither speaking, but the sexual chemistry and electricity bounced between them. “I want you, too,” she breathed out almost so softly she wasn’t even sure he had heard her. In one fluid motion she pulled her shirt up and over her head. Jacks moved his gaze up and down her body, but she didn’t feel embarrassed that she was bigger than she had been five years before. Yes, she was curvier, but she wasn’t a child anymore. She knew she was thicker, but she told herself this was a woman’s body—her body—and she needed to embrace everything that Jacks was offering to give her. Who knew if this opportunity to be with him again would ever happen after this night?

  “God, Tanner.” He ran a hand over his mouth, and when he removed it he exhaled almost roughly. “Your body is so fucking gorgeous.” And then he was right in front of her again, kissing her, licking her lips and sucking her tongue into his mouth as he ground his erection into her bare belly now.

  They deepened the kiss, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. She so didn’t want to be doing this in the hallway of this hotel room. She wanted a bed, wanted Jacks to be above her so she could feel the weight of his muscles pressing down on her. She broke away from him, but he must have known what she wanted because he took her hand in his and led her further down the hallway. But right before they made it to one of the two doors in the suite he stopped and had her pressed back against the wall, his mouth right back on hers.

  “I can’t keep my hands off of you, not even long enough to take you to the room,” he breathed out against her lips.

  They slid their tongues together, pressed and moved them to an erotic beat, and as clichéd as it sounded, she swore she could hear the music he had played for her all those years ago was moving in her head. He was making her feel so good, and knowing that neither of them were drunk—not like they had been back then—was an explosive reunion made the sensations so much more intense.

  He broke the kiss and started dragging his lips up and down her throat, murmuring along the way. “I’ve been thinking about this moment for years, baby.” He started sucking at the base of her throat, and she let her head fall back against the wall, hearing it thump from the contact. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to jerk off thinking about you, remembering your smell because I had gotten myself so worked up my fucking balls ached.”

  She breathed out his name, because that was as far as her voice would travel.

  “Tell me, Tanner. Tell me what you want.” He pressed his erection into her belly, and she moaned low in her throat. God, she wanted this so bad.

  “I want you inside of me.” She swore she felt his cock jerk behind his pants. It seemed they wouldn’t be making it into the bedroom, because in the next few seconds Jacks was tearing his shirt off, and going for the button and fly of his jeans. Once he had his pants off, she took in the sight of him in only his boxer briefs. Yeah, he had so been working out, and exercise had done him good. Real good. His black hair was more disheveled from her running her fingers through it, and his blue eyes were still half-lidded. But it was his body that had her transfixed at the moment. All Tanner could do was stare at the hard outlines of his muscles, at the way his shoulders were so broad, at how his pecs were so defined, and how his abdomen was rippled from his six-pack and framed by that V of muscle. And then there was his hard, bulging biceps, ones that were covered in colorful ink. So much color and so many designs on his arms, chest, and even at the base of his neck. “You have been working out.” She breathed out again.

  “Working out seemed like a better alternative than getting mixed up in the drugs that are always around.”

  She swallowed the hard lump in her throat. He had said those words low, and although they were clearly serious, he looked the epitome of controlled and healthy now. There was so much she wanted to know about him, the good, the bad … everything.

  “Everything was right there for my taking. The drugs, the booze, and the easy pussy.”

  She didn’t know why he was saying these things right now, maybe as shock value, or maybe to try to get her to stop this. Or maybe he just wanted her to know everything about him, everything that she had missed all this time? But she wasn’t shocked, and wasn’t going to think about their pasts, not in that regard at least, and not when they were locked in this moment right now. Tanner had been with two other guys since leaving for college, but they hadn’t compared to what she shared with Jacks that night.

  He took a step closer to her, and she lowered her gaze to his erection that was only held in place by the thin layer of dark material of his underwear. “I gorged myself in everything that was thrust in my face, but amidst all of that, I still though about you, only you.” He didn’t move to touch her, but it felt like his gaze was his hands and running up and down her body. “I still wished I had you, and that you were the one that was right beside me through this fucked up world.” He was close enough that when he finally reached out and gripped the back of her neck, pulling her closer, he didn’t have to lean in to kiss her. But that soft, slow kiss started to became frantic, hard, and almost violent in its eroticism.

  He had his hands on her breasts, clenching and unclenching the mounds through the material of her bra, and in the next instant he had that article of clothing pulled from her body. She felt the tug of the elastic and underwire on her flesh as he ripped it from her, and heard the sound of fabric rending. Her jeans and panties were next to go, as was his underwear, and then they were pressed together naked, his cock hard on her belly, and the tip slickened with his pre-cum. His hands on her breast were almost painful as he squeezed and released her flesh, and then he slid those hands down her sides, moved one of them to cup her ass, and had the other one right over her pussy. A gasp left her when he speared his fingers through her soaked folds, and the gruff sound he made had her heart beating faster.

  “Fuck, you’re so wet for me, Tanner.” He murmured against her throat as he continued to move his fingers up and down. She didn’t know if he was aware of the low grunts he was making, or the fact he was pushing his dick into her stomach, back and forth, harder with every passing second. But she wasn’t going to stop him, because feeling Jacks like this again had all sanity and common sense leaving her. He teased her for several more seconds, rubbing her clit every time he stroked his fingers up her cleft, teasing her
hole on every down stroke, and leaving her so thoroughly on edge that she was ready to beg him to fuck her. He removed his hand, brought it up to his mouth, and spread her wetness that was clearly visible on the digits across his mouth. He spread them along the top, and then bottom lip, and before Tanner could say anything, or even make a sound of deep rooted need, Jacks was kissing her. He made her taste herself on him, almost demanding she surrender as he gripped her hair behind her head and tugged at the strands. He hadn’t been like this all those years ago, or maybe he had and the alcohol had numbed what was right in front of her? Either way, she stroked his tongue with hers, moaned at the musky flavor of her wetness on his lips, and of the spicy taste that had always been a part of Jacks.

  He broke the kiss and started moving his mouth and tongue down her neck, along her collarbone, and stopped when he was right above her breast. The small, hard, and hot pants of his breath bathed her flesh, caused her nipples to harden even further, and had her clenching her thighs together almost painfully.

  “You’re making this worse.” She hadn’t meant to say anything out loud, but as soon as the words left her Jacks stopped and pulled back enough that he could see her.

  “You want me to stop?”

  Tanner licked her lips and shook her head. “No, but I’m dying here.”

  He groaned deeply, but didn’t fuck her like she had hoped. Instead he latched his mouth onto her breasts, and sucked her nipple until her clit pulsed and more wetness spilled from her. Over and over he tormented her until the pain and pleasure morphed into one and she wasn’t just thinking of begging him, she actually was.

  “Please, Jackson, God, please be with me already.”

  And with one last drag across the stiff peak Jacks stepped away only long enough to grab a condom from his wallet tucked in the back pocket of his jeans on the floor, and slide it on. He was pressed fully against her once more, gripped the cheeks of her ass, and lifted her with a strength that made her feel petite and small instead of plus sized.