This Dom

by Alaska Angelini

Flavor burst over my tongue, but nothing strong enough to spark any more sickness. It was actually really good. Too good. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually wanted to eat for fear that it would come right back up. But this…this I could do.

  I nodded, cutting even more, trying not to look at the man who cooked the only thing I could actually eat. Figured. I would be more dependent on him for something my body needed. Nourishment. Comfort. Pleasure. I cut off my thoughts, refusing to think about it anymore. My stomach growled and I was suddenly starving. I focused on the food, barely noticing as he kissed my head and left with Ava. I kept eating the meat, not even bothering to touch the potatoes or corn he’d made to go with the meal. It wasn’t until the last bite that the fullness hit.

  The tray swayed as I shifted and moved it to the nightstand. The remote was on the edge and I grabbed it, turning on the power. News appeared, reminding me that Devlin had been watching it last. He loved the news. It was all he ever really kept on for more than five minutes at a time.

  I continued to flip through, pausing when my phone rang. Daniel’s name appeared on the screen and I internally groaned. The papers. I hadn’t had the chance to call him and cancel. Now, I was glad I hadn’t.

  My finger hit the button and I leaned back against the pillow. “Hello?”

  “Hey.” His voice sounded sympathetic and I knew he had to have already talked to Lorraine. Great. After her threat to rip into Devlin’s ass for hurting me, I didn’t want to imagine what Daniel knew of our story. “How are you?”

  I sighed. “As good as I can be, I guess. The doctor has me on bed rest. I’m not too thrilled about that part, but it’s what’s best.”

  “Yes. You have to stay off your feet and let your body get stronger. I know we were supposed to meet at the office, but I don’t mind stopping by to let you look over these figures.” He got quiet. “And I’m sorry about before. The whole kiss thing. I read the situation wrong. I feel horrible.”

  I thought back to Daniel being at the house to explain the child support papers and other issues. Had he figured by me coming into the bedroom that I’d been the one initiating? Maybe. I could see that. A little. Well, maybe not. I’d told him I had to go to the bathroom. In no way did I try to lead him on. I’d told him where I stood from the beginning.

  “It’s fine, really. It was a misunderstanding. As long as we both agree that we’re friends and it won’t happen again, I don’t see a problem with us moving past this.”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Okay, good.” Tension left my body at the awkwardness finally being over. Now we could work together and I could see what exactly was so important for him to continue pushing me to go forward with this case.

  “Was there a specific time you’d like me to come over?”

  I looked over at the clock. It was almost seven-thirty. “Whenever you’re free. I’m not going anywhere,” I laughed. “I have a feeling I’ll be in this bed for a couple of more days, if not longer.”

  Silence lasted for a few seconds. “The boys are with their mother for the remainder of the week.” From what I understood, the mother hadn’t been in the picture. I decided I better not be nosey. “I’m free now if you’re up for it,” he continued.

  Now? Was I? My stare went straight to the door. I would have preferred that Devlin not be here, but with him taking care of Ava, I didn’t see a time opening up for that. “Now is great. Just…Devlin isn’t too happy with you. Try not to anger him.”

  A short exhale that almost sounded like laughter under his breath, played over the phone. “I’m not afraid of Mr. Black. I’ll see you soon.”

  I hung up, nervous about the confrontation I knew was going to happen. Devlin was going to go ballistic the moment Daniel showed up at the door. I had to warn him, that way he’d be prepared and actually let him in. I could easily see my lawyer getting thrown out on his ass.

  Minutes went by while I searched for the courage. I grabbed my phone, texting him. I was so worried I could barely hit the buttons. Need to talk. Come to the bedroom when you get a chance. I laid it down and turned the TV to The Weather Channel while I waited. It didn’t take long.

  Devlin eased in, stopping to rest on the edge of the bed. He was quiet. Waiting. It was hard to get a read on him when he was so closed off within himself.

  “I have to warn you, Daniel is on his way over.”

  He immediately stiffened, his top lip twitching as anger surfaced.

  “I want you to let him in when he arrives.”

  At his jaw tightening, he turned fully to me. “Why is he coming? I thought we were going to take care of our family together. I told you all you had to do was talk to me. We can work out anything if we keep communication open.”

  He was right. But there was one problem. “I’m done talking with you, Devlin. Us…we’re finished. Let’s just move forward and let our lawyers handle the rest. I’m too tired to fight this out with you.”

  “Fight?” The way he shook his head, he almost appeared confused. “What are we fighting about? I don’t understand what the court can handle that we can’t. Money? You want a monthly payment, fine. I’ll wire it into your account right now.”

  “I don’t want your money. I want you out of my life!” I exploded. “I want you far away where I don’t have to see you anymore.” My voice faded over the last word and I wiped the tears that fell. It was too painful to know he’d be living here at my house for as long as he wanted. I needed control. Short of filing a restraining order on him or having him forcefully removed, which I didn’t want to do, I was fucked.

  Devlin reached forward, collecting the new tear that escaped down my cheek. I jerked back, glaring at him.

  “I hurt you and I’m deeply sorry about that. But to put Ava and the baby through this because you’re holding it against me...” He grabbed my hand. “Don’t do it, Victoria. Don’t make our babies suffer because of what I’ve done.”

  “So I should have to?”

  I pulled my hand back and his head lowered. “I already told you I’m not going anywhere. How can I make it easier without things getting out of control? I don’t want to go back to my penthouse. I love you. I love Ava. I want to watch my new baby grow every day and not miss your transformation. Once a week for Ava or once a month for a doctor’s visit leaves me missing almost everything. Tell me what I can do and I’ll do it. Just…work with me. Not him. Not that piece of shit.”

  “Hey,” I snapped, “there’s no reason for name calling.”

  Devlin’s head jerked in my direction. “He tried to kiss you. Tried to fuck you,” he growled. “You, my pregnant…”

  My head shook as he trailed off. “Your nothing. I’m not anything to you anymore.”

  “You are so wrong,” he said, moving in closer and pinning me with his stare. “You’re my everything. I don’t need a title to define your status. Girlfriend, sub, fiancée, wife — none of those matter when I know we’re meant to be. You and I, we’re one. I don’t care how hard you try to deny or fight. I feel it. Right here,” he said, pulling my hand to rest over his heart. “And you feel it too, no matter how much you deny it. So you keep running away, Victoria. Run as fast and as far as you can, but I’ll be right here waiting for you when you return. For however long that takes.”

  He stood to leave and I couldn’t breathe past his words. Couldn’t even think as I watched him shut the door behind him. My whole body was shaking and if I shed another tear, I was afraid I wouldn’t have any left. Why did I have to love him so much? Pushing him away was killing me. Why did he have to do it? How could he?

  Time passed and my mind reeled while I stared at the wall. Everything we’d gone through from the moment I met him played out before me like a projector. We’d been so happy. I thought he’d been the one, despite my mind trying to prepare me for the worst. Such a small amount of time together, yet it was enough to ruin me for good. I’d fallen for him hard. So fucking hard that it left me destroyed on the inside. Even knowin
g that…I still loved him. How was that possible?

  Heated voices pulled me from the tangled fog I had been trapped in. The door swung open and Devlin’s rage was apparent as Daniel stepped around him. But Devlin didn’t leave. He crawled up on his side of the bed while Daniel eyed him warily.

  “Devlin is going to sit through our meeting since he refuses to leave me alone with you.”

  I wanted to argue, to tell him this was my room, but the words wouldn’t come.

  “It’s fine. Show me what you have.”

  A brown leather briefcase was set at my feet and I pulled them up, giving him room. Papers were removed and he walked over next to me, lowering the first on the stack so I could see it.

  “This is a petition to seek sole custody. You can see both of your names here. If Mr. Black has no question of paternity, that part can be taken out.”

  “Ava’s my daughter. Any fool can see that,” he said, his voice thick with anger and certainty.

  My eyes scanned the document and I nodded, refusing to look over at him.

  Daniel flipped the page. “A source was nice enough to give me an estimate of his earnings from the previous income tax return. As you can see here,” he said pointing, “this is what you’re entitled to for the care of Ava. This figure here,” he said, moving his finger down to the number below, “is what you’ll receive once the new baby is born.”

  I blinked, repeatedly, staring at the paper. That couldn’t be right. I knew Devlin had money…but those figures weren’t even comprehendible to my brain.

  “Your source if full of shit,” Devlin said, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re off. Way off.” His eyes glanced toward the ceiling. “About one hundred and forty million off. I’m sure that’s going to make a difference in your figures.”

  Daniel’s eyebrows lifted, as did mine. The number sounded unrealistic. Too hard to believe.

  “Yes. Yes, it will,” Daniel nodded. “I take it you’re referring to making more than what I have down.”

  “That’s right,” Devlin said, between clenched teeth. “From my calculations, when she has the new baby, she’ll be entitled to about twelve million, eight hundred twenty-three thousand, two hundred and eighty dollars. A month.”

  I was going to be sick all over again. Bile pushed against my throat and I tried to swallow past it. “You both are downright crazy. No.” I pushed the papers away from me. “I don’t want it. Not a dime. If Devlin wants to buy Ava something, he has all rights, but I will not take his money.”

  “Victoria,” Daniel said, lowly, “you’re entitled. You’re not just taking it because it’s a handout. You care for his daughter. You pay for a roof over her head—”

  “Not anymore she doesn’t.”

  I looked over at Devlin as he cut Daniel off. The way he glanced over had my heart racing. I knew that look. That guilty, wouldn’t stare me in the eyes, expression.

  “I…may have paid it off.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Your mortgage. Two days ago.”

  “What?” My volume rose even higher.

  My extra pillow was taken before I could grab it. I hated that he knew me so well. I had been about a second away from smacking him with it.

  “I couldn’t help it. The bill was lying on the counter so I paid it off. I figured you could do without the stress of having to worry about it.”

  Too many numbers ran through my mind. What I owed was more than I even wanted to think of. California prices weren’t cheap and my neighborhood wasn’t rich, but I had a hell of a time affording what I did a month, and that was working overtime.

  “I can’t believe you, Devlin.”

  “Think of it as a gift for the babies. Now you can provide for them the way you want. With your money. Not mine. I’ll be putting a generous sum in your account on the first of each month, but the choice will be yours to touch it.”

  “I said I don’t want your money.”

  “That’s not up to you. The money will belong to Ava and the new baby.”

  “So, you’re going to go back home?” I countered.

  He shook his head. “You’ll have to get them to drag me from this place. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Actually,” Daniel started, “it wouldn’t be too hard to have you removed.”

  Devlin eased from the bed, his blue eyes darkening as they narrowed. With each step, I could see disaster coming closer. One that would land him behind bars for sure. Their father as a murderer was something I didn’t want to have to explain to my kids when they got older.

  “He stays,” I rushed in. “There’s no need to have him forced out. He’s helping me with Ava anyway.”

  Devlin stopped, but he didn’t sit down or break his stare.

  “Daniel, thank you so much for coming by. I really appreciate all of your hard work, but I really don’t think I’m ready to start this process yet. Let me think it over.”

  He held Devlin’s stare with a glare of his own before he seemed to catch himself and turn to me. “You need to think long and hard on this, Victoria. Do not let him intimidate you. The figures are just that. They can be adjusted to whatever you’re comfortable with. You have my number. Feel free to call me whenever you’d like. Time or day, it doesn’t matter.”

  “Thanks.”

  He placed the papers on my nightstand and headed for the front door. Devlin followed, leaving mine open. The slam had me jumping. I waited, knowing what was coming. And I was right.

  Devlin stormed back into the room, grabbing the papers and flipping through the large stack. Each one had him looking madder than the next. “Fucking, bastard,” he mumbled under his breath. He slammed them down, raking his fingers through his hair. “Unfit parent? Do you think that about me, Victoria? Because according to those papers, I am. I’m looking at supervised visitation, at best. God,” he shook his head, “he’s going to try to nail my ass to the wall.”

  I immediately got defensive on Devlin’s behalf. It mingled with my anger, leaving me grasping for what to do. But, I knew in my heart what was right. He may have slipped back into his old ways before we got together, but his love for Ava was undeniable. “I think you’re a great father. If I decide to go through the courts, I won’t allow for anything like that to happen. Unless you give me a reason.”

  My response had him turning, coming back to the bed, and cupping my face in his hands. The need to pull away was there, but I was so trapped in his pain that I couldn’t move. My heart ached worse than it already did.

  “I would never put our daughter in danger. She’s my life. God, you both are.”

  “But you hurt me.”

  “Not intentionally. I was just so happy when you said you’d give me a chance. Then, when I knew I had to tell you, I couldn’t. I was trying to protect you until you were better. Until you could handle the truth. Victoria, I love you. I do. Please.” The desperation was so thick that it had me shutting down. My walls flew up, guarding me from what I knew could so easily happen.

  I pulled back, watching his face grimace from my glower and withdraw. “The truth is, you haven’t changed. And even if I could forgive your supposed slip up, the first night would have been the time for you to prove you were honorable. You knew what you had done and yet you hid it from me.” My hand rose, cutting off what I knew would come as I continued. “I’m not going to get into it. It happened. It’s over. What’s important is the present and future. Listen, Devlin, I may have told Daniel I wouldn’t have you forcefully removed, but I do want you to leave once I’m able to take care of Ava on my own. You can’t stay here anymore. We can’t continue this and you know why.”

  He fell back, lying on the bed sideways. “Because you love me and you’re afraid that your feelings will win over your stubbornness.”

  “No,” I snapped, hating that he’d nailed the truth. “Because you have a problem with keeping your hands to yourself. And you’re too damn persistent. I don’t trust you to stay on your side of the house. Plus, I d
on’t want to see you.”

  “Yes, you do. You’re just mad at me right now, but you know I love you, and you love me, too. Temptation keeps you running.”

  My feet pushed at him. “You keep me running. Your actions. Now get out.”

  Pressure gripped my ankles and he pulled, causing me to lie down. The top of my body pushed up onto my elbows as he started moving between my legs to hover above. “Today has been the worst day of my life.” The Dom part of him and the energy he expelled had me lying back down without a single command. “Don’t you think I regret what I did? Jesus, I was almost responsible for the loss of our child. That kills me more than you can ever imagine. And you pushing me away, I can’t take it. I’m fucking dying here.”

  I closed my eyes, my words repeating in my head. In the heat of my anger, I’d told him it was all his fault. But that wasn’t the truth.

  “Devlin,” I made myself look into his bloodshot eyes. “I lied to you.” Again. My voice faded out and I held in my own tears as the ones that welled in his eyes threatened to spill over.

  “What do you mean?”

  He moved closer. More of his weight settled over my thighs, weighing me down, trapping me.

  “I was already hurting when I got home. The bleeding…I already assumed it wasn’t from the fall when I yelled at you.”

  His lips parted, followed by the widening of his eyes. Disbelief faded into…nothing. Stoic and composed, he lifted to stand next to the bed. To say I felt small under his towering frame didn’t come close to describing how his power affected me.

  “We’re even. I hurt you. You fucking destroyed me. Clean slate.” The deep tone left me more afraid than any yell could have done. He turned, leaving me to my guilt. Letting me drown in my remorse. And it was worse than ever.

  Chapter 3

  Devlin

  Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

  My eyes closed, reveling in my child’s strong heartbeat. My hand tightened around my phone as it recorded the precious sound that put me at ease. It had been four days since our big scare and so far everything was fine. I couldn’t believe the tension that left my body at hearing that beautiful rhythm that echoed throughout the room.