This Dom

by Alaska Angelini

  I hit the button, stopping the progress, and came back to face the doctor and Victoria as she laid across the table. Her blue shirt was lifted and Dr. Colton was wiping the gel from her stomach. And I was in the background. Just like I had been since she’d confessed.

  The news had been just another blow to our foundation. I knew why she had done it and although it fucking hurt, I was past pointing fingers. It wasn’t going to get us anywhere. This wasn’t a contest of who could hurt who more. We both had played a part. Now, it was time to try to smooth things out. I wasn’t giving her up, and we had Ava and the new baby to think about.

  “Everything looks good. I want you to drink lots of water. With how often you get sick, you need to stay hydrated. It’ll help with your dizziness.” He scribbled against a pad of paper and handed the sheet over. “This is your prescription for the nausea. If it continues, call and we’ll move your appointment up.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Colton.” She took it, placing it in her purse. I grinned at the doctor as he left and Victoria stood, fixing the white flowing skirt she wore. Ava stirred in the stroller that was next to me, but stayed asleep.

  Our first real appointment. I focused on that, elated more than I would have imagined. Too bad Victoria didn’t completely feel the same. She’d been advised to take it easy for another few days. Although she could get out of bed, she needed to stay there as much as possible. Which meant, with me, it would be the majority of the time. And she knew it.

  “Do you want to go somewhere for lunch before we head back home?”

  I held the door open as she walked out. The stroller, something so simple, felt like a million dollars in my hand. It made me proud to push my daughter around. To show her off to anyone who happened to look over.

  “I am a little hungry… and I really don’t want to go back home yet.”

  “Settled.” As we neared the area where she’d check out, I moved in more to her side. “We can go to the Italian restaurant we met at. You seemed to like Ricci’s.”

  Her eyes cut over to me, hurt flashing for the briefest moment. “That place is for couples, Devlin. We have Ava. I doubt they even have a high chair.” It had to be a cover for her not wanting to face what we shared in our past. Little did she know, I wasn’t going to let it go. She might deny the memories that rested in her mind, but I was willing to do everything I could to show her what we shared.

  “Environment be damned. I’ll hold her on my lap if I need to.”

  A shake of her head was the only answer. She turned to the receptionist and scheduled her next appointment. The sigh I wanted to release stayed put. I was hoping I could trigger the great conversation and chemistry we’d had. But if I couldn’t do it there, it didn’t me I couldn’t continue at home.

  As we headed out the main door and into the parking lot, she slowed, closing her eyes. I waited, knowing she still wasn’t feeling well. This morning’s sickness had been extremely rough. Apparently, it wasn’t over.

  “Maybe we should just go home. I’ll eat something small to hold me over until this passes.”

  My mind raced with ideas to keep her closer. To make her feel better while at the same time, trying to relieve some of her anger. The Dom in me wanted to rear its head, to project my authority and will her to forgive me…but, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t force her. “I could make you more of that chicken you like.”

  She paused, glancing over at me. The appeal was written all over her face. “Could you show me how you cook it?”

  The door swung open at my pull and I shook my head as I got Ava out and strapped her into the car seat. “So you can make it for yourself? Nope.” I held in my smile while her bottom lip pouted the smallest amount. “I’ll tell you what.” I opened my door, leaning over and starting the SUV, but turning back to her. My hand settled in the middle of her back while I led her around and opened her door. “If you,” I said, lifting her to the seat, “can guess the seasonings I use, I’ll let you watch me make it.”

  “But…” her eyebrows drew together while she started thinking. I closed the door before she could speak and walked around to climb in on my side. The entire drive home she was quiet. It was obvious she was lost in thought. She bit at her lip, looking like she was going to say something, only to twist her mouth and remain silent. I could tell she wanted an out. To find some reason to make me disappear. At other times, I caught her sadness. But if I knew her well at all, she was looking for some form of independence. This was the only chance she’d get and I knew she wouldn’t pass up my little game.

  I pulled into the drive and got Ava out, trailing behind Victoria as we headed inside. My daughter didn’t stir while I carried her to her bed. When I made it to the kitchen, all the spices were sitting on the counter and Victoria was looking through them.

  “Well, what do you think? You have two chances. If you’re wrong, you go to bed.”

  “Two? That’s not fair. Why not three?”

  I shrugged. “Because, I make the rules and I say two. So, what do you think?”

  Slowly, her finger began to move its way across the containers. She grabbed the salt. “This. The pepper. This.” A few bottles scattered as she nudged them out of the way. “And this,” she said, pulling out the garlic powder. The hope was etched deep in her features while she stared up at me.

  “Wrong.”

  “Dammit.” She went back to studying them. “The salt, pepper, garlic, and…this one.” The Cajun seasoning she picked up had me laughing. So damn close. “Wrong. Off to bed with you.” I swept her into my arms and she gasped, her arms fighting whether to go around my neck or not. She still didn’t have her mind made up by the time I sat her down on the bed and took off her sandals.

  “See…this is why you have to go,” she said, quietly. “Why you can’t live here.”

  My hand settled under her chin and I brought her gaze up to mine. “I told you when I made you mine that I was never leaving. What I did may have hurt you, but I am far from the man I used to be. And I’ll prove it to you. Here, under this roof, where you can see firsthand.”

  “I don’t want you to, Devlin.” Her words were weak. Quiet.

  “Tough. It has to be this way if we’re ever going to work. You may not want it now, but I do. And I get what I want. That’s you. It’s only ever been you.”

  An exhale left her, but I didn’t stay to see how she’d react. I was already heading for the door. My mouth pulled to one side from the longing I caught a glimpse of while she had lowered her gaze to my lips. Victoria still wanted me, whether she wanted to admit it or not, and I’d convince her. But, not yet. For now, I’d continue wooing her. Make her fall in love with me all over again. She’d see, and I’d get my dream.

  I seasoned the chicken with the last combination she pulled out, also adding a dash of lemon pepper. I slid it in the oven, walked back into my room, and took out the DVD Branson had given me a few weeks back. Victoria was still sulking as I pushed open her cracked door.

  “What’s that?” She perked up as she looked at my hand.

  “That baby show I was telling you about. I figured we could get in an episode before the chicken is ready.”

  “Now’s not the time,” she said softly.

  “It’s the perfect time.”

  “Devlin,” her voice dropped in volume, “you have to stay away from me.”

  I opened the DVD player, brushing off her words. “Unless it’s concerning the baby, and this qualifies. It’ll be educational for me to see and I want to watch it with my son.”

  “Your son? You’ve got to be kidding me. We don’t even know if it’s a boy.”

  “Oh, I know,” I said, hitting the button and walking over to place my palms down on the bottom of the bed. Slowly, I crawled toward her, trying to appear every bit the predator I was. Fuck, I wanted to eat her alive. Have her passion flowing just for me.

  Victoria’s head reared back and she scooted more against the headboard. “What are you—?”

  “Shh. Y
ou lie there and be still.” Her legs pressed together and I crawled to the side of them, gripping her thighs and pulling her back to where she’d be more comfortable. She didn’t fight me like I thought she would. It was enough to almost drive my mouth to hers. As the intro began, I forced the urge away, resting my head in her lap instead. To make a move on her so fast would only complicate the beginning of my plan. I needed her to warm up to me. She wouldn’t do that if I let lust take over.

  “Devlin.” The warning was there as she looked down to me, but I ignored it.

  “My son…remember?” I focused on that instead of my needs. I had almost lost him. Could have so easily. Now, I was watching a show about babies with the woman I loved and my unborn child right behind my head. Happiness swelled within. It didn’t get better than this. Well, it did. Victoria could be stroking my hair, or actually wanting me near her, but that would come.

  As the couples were introduced and they explained how they met, I couldn’t help but envy how in love they appeared. Or how much time they’d spent together. Seeing the woman’s rounded stomach sent butterflies fluttering through my own. I couldn’t wait for Victoria to be heavy with my child. My son.

  “Do you think you’ll be that big?” I turned, looking up to see longing in her face. I knew that feeling, felt what she was experiencing at seeing their happiness.

  “Probably.” She glanced back to the screen. “Maybe bigger. I’m not sure. They say every pregnancy is different and gender can affect how you carry. I was gigantic with Ava. At least, I felt that way.”

  Damn, if I could have seen her. It made me ache to think of everything I had missed.

  “Do you have pictures? I’d really like to see.”

  Her hand rose and she pointed at the closet. “There are albums at the top if you’d like to go through them.”

  I was up before she could even finish talking. The door swung open at my pull and I grabbed a stack of three, bringing them to the bed.

  “After the show,” I said, placing them at the foot of the mattress, “we’ll go through them together.” Not only would I get to enjoy both activities, but it would give me more quality time with her, which was exactly what I needed.

  My head lowered back to her lap while I focused on the baby shower the played out on the screen.

  “Did you have one of those?” Again, I glanced back.

  Victoria nodded, keeping her gaze ahead. “Lorraine threw me one. All of the girls from work showed up. I’m sure they’ll do it again.”

  “I want to be there.” I knew I had rushed with saying it and the demand was present, but I wanted her to know that it wasn’t just an order, it was something I needed. “Men aren’t typically allowed at those sorts of things, but I’d really like to be a part of everything concerning my son.”

  “There you go again with son. It really might be a girl, you know.”

  I laughed, turning in her lap to face her stomach. At the weight of my hand, she breathed in deeply, shifting.

  “I’ll be just as happy if we’re having another girl, but my instinct is telling me boy. I’m going with it.”

  More squirming had my head bouncing as I pulled back the covers to expose the flatness of her stomach. I could tell she was slightly uncomfortable, but she didn’t deny me.

  “I like Grayson. What do you think?”

  “Grayson,” she repeated. “It’s nice, except that it would be a little odd having a Gray Black.”

  Shit. I frowned, not having considered that part. “Perhaps you’re right. That wouldn’t be very good. Do you have any names you like?”

  “Abagail.” She smiled down and I lifted my eyebrow.

  “But that’s a girl’s name. We’re having a boy.”

  “That’s yet to be seen. I think we’re having a girl.”

  The playfulness gave me hope. We still had it, the ability to communicate civilly without jibes being throw at each other. If I could keep this going. Try to lead her into more everyday conversations to bring us closer. Make her become my friend. That was the most important part. That had to come first.

  “Actually.” A seriousness took over her features. “I kind of liked your grandfather’s name if it was a boy.”

  “Blaise?” I asked, lowly. Blaise Black.

  “Yes. I really like it.”

  All I could do for the first few seconds was nod at the significance. It left me momentarily stunned. I wanted to kiss her for giving our child a name so dear to my heart. “It’s perfect. I...think you’re right. Blaise, it is.”

  A smile came to my face while voices from the television hummed in the background, pulling at my attention as she got quiet. I looked back, lifting my hand as I noticed something was up with the couple. The woman was breathing kind of heavily and she appeared to be uncomfortable. The baby shower was long gone and I was a little lost with how fast the show was going.

  “Hold that thought, kitten. Shit just got real here.” I flipped back over, snuggling into her lap as I studied what was happening on the screen. Was she in labor? Hell, the deep exhales appeared as if she was. That was a sign. Her eyes were closed as if she were focusing on something. Pain? Another sign.

  As her lids fluttered open, she looked over at her husband, giving him a nod. I smiled, feeling like Sherlock fucking Holmes. Point for me. Mystery solved. I pretty much had this pregnancy thing in the bag. She was definitely in labor.

  “Let’s have this baby. Up you go,” I said, sitting and gesturing to the TV. But they didn’t stand from their sofa. They just sat there, continuing to talk until what I assumed were minutes later and then it all happened again. My head tilted, not understanding why they weren’t hauling ass to the hospital. She was obviously having contractions. Why weren’t they leaving?

  “Are they planning on having their baby at home? Get moving,” I snapped, aggravation setting in. I wanted to rip the guy up for making his wife wait it out. The discomfort was there. She needed to be drugged, happy, and looking forward to the arrival of their child.

  The husband got up, making himself a sandwich. I felt myself sit more forward. “What the hell are you doing?” My hand gestured, as if he could see me.

  “Devlin, move. I can’t see the screen.”

  I inched over, robotically. What a fucking dumbass. He seriously was making himself food? How could he even be thinking about eating at such an important time?

  The scene cut out where a commercial had obviously been, only to pick up with them already in the hospital.

  “Thank God!” I lowered from my knees, scooting back. “Can you believe that guy?” I turned around, throwing her a look. At the amusement on her face, I stopped talking. “What?”

  “Oh, nothing. Just, in my opinion, he was smart to eat while he could. Labor can sometimes take up to twenty hours, or more. That’s a long time to go without eating if you don’t want to leave your wife’s side.” Her mouth twisted. “Or the mother’s side, I guess you could say.”

  Wife…not yet, but someday. I nodded at her words. She did have a point. But, still. I would have worried about food later. Starved if I had to. Victoria would be at the top of my priority list. Not me. She was the one having to bear hours of torture to bring a life into the world. Shit, I could go two days without batting an eyelash. She’d see.

  Groaning had me turning back to the show. The woman’s eyes were closed again. There was more breathing and her face was starting to turn a deeper shade of red. I felt my eyes squint, almost going into full cringe mode. Damn, that couldn’t be good.

  “Don’t they have something to give her to help?”

  “I’m sure they will soon. I think she’s still pretty early in the labor process. They’re probably trying to—”

  The doctor walked in, announcing he was going to break the water to move things along. I glanced between Victoria and the TV, still wanting to hear what she was going to say, but not wanting to miss something important.

  “Now, it really begins,” she said under her breath,
sitting up and leaning against the headboard.

  “Now? What do you mean? I thought she was already going…you know.”

  A laugh filled the room, but my full attention was on the screen. Within minutes, I found out just what she meant. The silent concentration on the woman’s part turned into full-blown moaning and writhing on the bed.

  “Jesus. Now will they give her something? What are they doing? I don’t fucking understand what the hell is going on.” My hand ran through my hair for what had to be the millionth time in the last three minutes. Something about babies and women put me on edge. I wasn’t sure I could take it. What was happening to me?

  “Maybe she’s not going to get an epidural. Some don’t. I didn’t with Ava.”

  My head snapped in her direction. “You didn’t take anything for the pain? Why not?”

  “Oh, look.” Her hand rose and I spun back to the television. As I watched them putting her legs in the stirrups, my pulse exploded. Was I ready to see this? I wasn’t so sure. Sweat covered my skin and I moved back on the bed, closer to Victoria.

  “Devlin, are you okay? You look a little pale.”

  My mouth suddenly felt dry. “I’ve never seen a baby born. I mean, I know how it happens, I’ve just never actually seen it.”

  “Don’t worry, they don’t show you on here. Not completely, anyway.”

  The anxiety lessoned, but I almost wished they would. I wanted to be as prepared as possible. There wasn’t room for mistakes in the delivery room…or passing out. Fuck…I couldn’t pass out! Then I’d miss everything. Again. And how would that make me look? I was a Dom. Tough in the eyes of most. A fucking Sadist! One who couldn’t take seeing a birth? The Dominants at the Club would laugh their asses off if they could see me now.

  Screaming filled the room and I felt myself lowering my head back down to Victoria’s lap. Better to be safe and already in a reliable position, just in case. Maybe I could play it off and she’d never even know if I lost consciousness. Would there be a lot of blood? I’d never had a problem with it before, but I’d never seen it from a woman pushing out a baby before, either.