by Helen Juliet
Instead, he finally made his way back to Fynn, who was happily sitting by himself, watching the dancers. It seemed Aunt Sally had managed to corner that uncle of Peter’s that she’d been speaking to before the ceremony, and was using her large frame to dance him into a corner, presumably in hopes of a snog. Nicholas laughed and sat down.
“You look shattered,” said Fynn, taking his hand.
Nicholas sighed. “Well thanks,” he complained, but he didn’t mean it. “You look gorgeous, as usual.”
Fynn bumped their shoulders. “You can still be gorgeous and tired,” he said smoothly. “Hey, I got us some wedding cake.” He pushed a napkin over to Nicholas. He’d nabbed them two of the heart shaped Krispy Kremes, which in Nicholas’s opinion were the best. They had sugary white glazing, pink chocolate shavings, and cream in the middle. “To make up for the one you got me yesterday.”
Nicholas regarded him fondly. “These are better,” he assured him. He didn’t want to think about their falling out. It was over, and he squeezed his boyfriend’s hand to remind him of that.
The longer he sat, the more he could feel his eyelids dropping. Even with the sugar rush thrumming through his system, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could take.
“Do you have to stay until the end?” Fynn asked, reading his mind.
Nicholas shrugged. “I feel like I should, I want to. But I only got a couple of hours’ sleep, and it’s been, well, emotional.” He didn’t want to make Fynn feel bad, so he shrugged it off. “I mean, with all the mishaps and such.” He watched as people started doing the conga around the room, led by a very enthusiastic Clara and Peter. “I suppose if I slipped out early, no one would really notice.”
It was only ten o’clock, but Nicholas was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to make it until midnight. As he looked around the room, he saw Lauren had pushed two chairs together and little Milly was lying across them, fast asleep. Still with her welly boots on, of course. Right then, that didn’t look like a bad plan. He felt he could fall asleep anywhere.
Fynn rubbed his back. “I think that might be a good idea,” he said. “Shall we see about getting you a taxi?”
“Oh, no,” said Nicholas, shaking his head. “We’ve all got rooms at the Clarion, down the road. Dad treated us, so I just need to grab my bag. I guess he put it in the cloakroom.” He hadn’t checked, but that seemed logical.
“Great,” said Fynn. “Do you want to go now, or hang on a little longer?”
Nicholas opened his mouth to say he might as well go now, but his brain got caught on Fynn’s words. It sort of sounded like he would leave too if Nicholas did. That they’d leave together.
Why couldn’t they?
They were both adults, and more importantly, they were boyfriends. They obviously hadn’t had a chance to discuss how things were going to work when Nicholas went back to uni in a few weeks, but he knew he wanted to make the most of the time they could have together until then.
“Um,” he said, feeling tongue tied. “I mean, you could, uh, stay too. If you wanted.”
Fynn’s face lit up. “At the hotel?”
Nicholas didn’t know if he was being too forward. “I mean, because we’re both living at home, it might be nice to take advantage of having some space of our own. Not that, um,” he could feel the heat rising up his neck. “We don’t have to, you know, do anything. But I thought I could be cool to spend the night together. If you fancy?” He cleared his throat and tried not to fidget. But he wasn’t an idiot. He was asking Fynn to sleep with him, and that might involve more things than just sleeping.
Fynn rubbed his thumb over the back of Nicholas’s hand. “I’d absolutely love to,” he told him.
Suddenly, Nicholas wasn’t quite so tired any more. “Then, I suggest we leave now,” he said excitedly. Fynn laughed, and leant over to kiss him.
Chapter Fifteen
Nicholas had enough butterflies in his stomach to fill up Kew Gardens.
They hadn’t made big deal out of leaving. They just managed to grab Clara and give her a hug goodbye, then Nicholas had dropped his parents a matching text each to let them know he’d crashed and was going to the hotel. He left out that he was going with Fynn.
Once they’d retrieved their belongings from the cloakroom – including Nicholas’s overnight bag, which had indeed been stashed there – they started the short walk to the hotel. Unusually, Nicholas couldn’t think of a single thing to say.
He knew he’d told Fynn they didn’t have to do anything; they could just sleep next to one another if that was what he wanted. It wasn’t the sex that was troubling him, funnily enough. He was about to spend the night with someone, share a bed with another body in it. What if he did something embarrassing, like kicked Fynn? Or talked in his sleep? Or farted? Would Fynn still think he was cute when he saw how much bio-oil he had to put on his scars, or when he had morning breath?
He had no idea what the social etiquette was for getting changed. Was he supposed to be okay now with getting casually naked in front of Fynn? Because even though he was quickly becoming used to the sexy side of things, he didn’t think he’d be comfortable walking around starkers just yet.
He was pulled from his thoughts when Fynn stopped walking. “Huh?” he said stupidly.
Fynn smiled at him. “I thought I’d stop and get a toothbrush,” he said. He pointed to their right, where there was a small Sainsbury’s convenience store. “Do you want to wait here?”
“Um, sure,” said Nicholas.
The street was still relatively busy seeing as it was a Saturday night in the centre of town. Nicholas leant against the wall and watched the people pass by. He wondered what had happened to them this week – had any of their lives changed as much as his? Had any of them started new relationships, or maybe had a breakup? How many other weddings had there been, or births, or deaths? He hoped at least some of them were as happy as he was.
And that was what he needed to remember. He didn’t know what was going to happen tonight, but he was there with Fynn. Despite spending most of the night before feeling wretched and empty, here he was now part of an official couple. Deep down, he was starting to trust that Fynn wouldn’t suddenly realise he was an embarrassment to be with and leg it. So really, what was there to be nervous about spending the night together?
He still didn’t want to embarrass himself by being weird or gross, but when he thought about it, Fynn had already seen his scrawny, scarred body, and he’d seemed more than a little into it over that past few days. He knew what he was signing up for, so Nicholas needed to stop fretting.
Fynn joined him presently and Nicholas felt a bit lighter the rest of the walk down to the hotel. It was a big, square shaped building made of red bricks, cream archways and Tudor style windows. Nicholas walked into the lobby and crossed the black and white chequered floor with as much confidence he could muster. “Hi there,” he said to the guy behind reception. “I’d like to check in. Nicholas Herald, but my dad Robert made the booking.”
He felt Fynn beside him, but Nicholas wouldn’t let himself fidget. So what they were two blokes checking in together? There was nothing wrong with that. His heart might have been beating a little faster than usual, but he refused to act any differently than he would have if he’d been checking in alone.
The receptionist didn’t even flinch. He just clicked a few things on his computer with the mouse and asked to swipe a credit or debit card of Nicholas’s as insurance for the room. He then fished out a couple of key cards to place in a little cardboard wallet with the hotel’s logo on.
“There we are Mr Herald,” he said, handing them over. “Your room is on the second floor. Should you need any assistance, dial zero for reception.”
Nicholas couldn’t help the relieved smirk that crept onto his face. He’d acted normal, and it had been normal.
“Thank you,” he said genuinely. “Have a great evening.” The guy was obviously going to be stuck behind a desk for most of the night, but he
had the graciousness to nod in response to his well wishes.
They didn’t speak on the elevator ride up, but Nicholas felt like there was electricity crackling between them. He was aware of every move Fynn made, and every time he looked over and caught his eye, he gave him a small smile and heated look from under his dark eyelashes.
Nicholas fumbled getting the key card to work on the door. But eventually the damn thing worked the way it was supposed to, and they stepped inside. As far as hotel rooms went, this one was pretty standard. By slipping the room card into the slot by the door, it turned the bedside lamps on, illuminating the space with a dim glow. It was cosy.
There was a large, squishy looking double bed strewn with several throw cushions and pillows, a big flat screen TV hanging from the cream wall, and a reasonable-sized bathroom through the door to their right. Nothing particularly revolutionary, but still nice.
To Nicholas though, it seemed very special indeed.
He dropped his bag on the armchair in the corner and removed his jacket. Fynn carefully laid down his guitar on the far side of the bed, and dropped his carrier bag from Sainsbury’s beside it. Then they looked at each other.
Nicholas wasn’t sure who moved first, but in a heartbeat, they had collided at the foot of the bed. Nicholas grabbed a hold of Fynn’s suspenders and Fynn threaded his fingers through Nicholas’s hair with one hand, pressing the palm of the other against his back. The kiss was fervent and a little sloppy and had too many teeth in the way, but in terms of passion it was one of the hottest things that Nicholas had ever experienced.
Fynn’s fingers moved to Nicholas’s throat, where they began slipping through the knot of the bow tie. “Did I mention this was really cute?” he mumbled between kisses.
“Were you just imagining undoing it all afternoon?” Nicholas asked.
“Maybe,” said Fynn, grinning against his mouth.
Nicholas hooked his fingers under the suspender belts, and pinged them so they slapped lightly against Fynn’s chest. It made him jump and pause with the tie. “I might have been imagining that all afternoon,” he said. He knew he was flushed, but he didn’t care. The way Fynn’s face darkened made his stomach flip.
“Oh really?” Fynn attacked his bow tie again.
As much as they both found the other attractive in their formal wear, it was nothing compared to the giddy excitement of pulling it all off. Nicholas felt a bit dizzy as Fynn yanked him onto the bed once they’d got down to their underwear, and was glad to dive under the covers and snuggle into the pile of pillows before his knees gave way on him.
For a while, they just kissed, legs tangled together, hands exploring bodies reverently. Fynn seemed to like laying on top of Nicholas to a certain extent, which worked well because Nicholas loved the sensation of being pressed under him. Fynn’s skin was hot and his muscles firm, and feeling all of him against all of Nicholas was overwhelming and somewhat divine.
Nicholas found himself reaching upwards, chasing kisses as Fynn pulled backwards. Judging by the grin on Fynn’s face, he enjoyed that very much.
“I thought you said you just wanted to go to sleep tonight?” he said.
“Shut up and kiss me,” said Nicholas.
Fynn rolled on his side and slid his hand under Nicholas’s hip so he could grab his arse with both hands and haul him up against him. Nicholas yelped, but the thrill at being manhandled was a definite turn on. They continued to kiss, but now their groins were rubbing together through the material of their briefs, and Nicholas couldn’t help but moan.
He was quite happy to what they did before – ‘frottage,’ he’d learned was the proper word. But he couldn’t help but think back to the videos he’d watched, and even though he was apprehensive, he was also a writhing ball of lust. The idea of Fynn and him maybe doing more had seized him, and wasn’t going away.
He didn’t have the first clue how to go about any of it though. What did guys do? What did men and women do? Was it a massive buzz kill to talk about what you wanted to do during the pre-shagging build up? Was someone supposed to just take charge? If that was the case, he’d naturally assume Fynn to be the one calling the shots. But then how was Nicholas supposed to ask for what he wanted?
“Hey,” Fynn whispered, brushing their noses together. “Are you okay with this?”
Nicholas nodded quickly, causing their noses to bash. Luckily Fynn laughed. He was probably going to have to get used to Nicholas being clumsy in bed, because even if he got more experienced, he couldn’t see himself transforming into any sort of smooth Casanova type any time soon. “Yeah, I just – sorry, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You’re doing great,” Fynn promised. He squeezed Nicholas’s backside, encouraging him to grind into his erection, and Nicholas shuddered and groaned.
“Okay, good,” he stuttered once he could think clearly again. “I just, uh…”
Fynn stopped undulating against him and brushed his hair back. “What, darling?”
Nicholas squirmed, but he was determined to ask. “What do you, um, like doing? We can do other things. I – I want to try.”
Fynn kissed his cheek, right on the horrid scars. “We don’t have to rush anything,” he said. He kissed his earlobe, then gave it a little suck. It made Nicholas’s toes curl. “This is great.”
Nicholas huffed. “I’m a twenty-year-old virgin,” he griped. “I wouldn’t mind putting a bit of a rush on certain things.”
To his surprise, Fynn chuckled. “You’re not a virgin,” he said. He kissed Nicholas’s shoulder, over the hickey he’d given him the other day. His breath hot and wet on his skin. “I was there.”
“Does, um, that count then?” Nicholas felt stupid for asking, but who else was he going to talk to? His friends counted losing their virginity as the moment they stuck their cock in a girl and had an orgasm. The orgasm part had always seemed optional for the girls, which Nicholas thought was most unfair. Fynn had made him come twice, so even though no one had stuck anything inside anyone, maybe it did count?
“I say so,” Fynn told him. “But, we can try more. If that’s what you want?”
Nicholas chewed his lip and played with one of Fynn’s dreadlocks. “Well, that’s why I was asking. What do you like doing? What did, um, you and your ex do?”
Fynn pressed his finger to Nicholas lips, and raised an eyebrow. “No talking about other people during sex,” he said. The commanding tone could have come across as patronising, but Nicholas’s whole body shivered. “It’s just me and you here. No one else matters, okay?”
Nicholas’s lips curled into an involuntary smile, and he kissed the fingertip. “Okay,” he whispered back.
Fynn traced his fingers along the side of Nicholas’s jaw. “Whatever I do with you will be different anyway. Special. Because it’s you.” Nicholas found that a bit much, and had to look away. Fynn took that as a good opportunity to kiss his neck some more. “I like doing lots of things though. Did you have something in mind?”
Nicholas ran his hands along Fynn’s back, feeling the muscles shift. “Well,” he said, then cleared his throat. You can do this, he told himself. “Did you, uh, want to have sex, like, the whole way? Did you want to shag me?”
He was utterly amazed he got the words out. His skin was burning with embarrassment; not just on his face, it felt like his whole body was on fire. But he couldn’t get the image of those two porn stars out of his head, the way they’d moved in and out of one another. He was sure it would be uncomfortable, and he wasn’t wholly convinced he really wanted to be the one getting fucked. But the idea of being confident enough to do that to Fynn was out of the question, so he was willing to give it a try.
Fynn pulled away and forced him to meet his gaze. “We really don’t have to do that to have a good time here,” he said.
Nicholas deflated and a lump rose in his throat. “It’s fine if you don’t want to,” he mumbled.
Fynn captured his chin between his finger and thumb, and wouldn’t le
t him wriggle away. “I didn’t say that,” he told him. “It’s a big deal, and I don’t want you thinking you have to offer it. Or that you have to bottom.” He grinned and rolled his hips against Nicholas’s, reminding him of what was down there. “I like doing it both ways.”
Nicholas shook his head. “Christ no, I wouldn’t be able – I mean – not yet.” He was babbling. It didn’t help that his cock was far more interested in finding Fynn’s to play with again than anything his mouth had to say. “I’ve got no clue what I’m doing. If you show me what you like, I can learn what I like.”
That seemed to get through to him, and he cradled the back of Nicholas’s head, their eyes locked. “That sounds like a really good plan to me.”
Nicholas smiled with relief. “I, um, I know you’re supposed to use lube, but I didn’t know if we could still try?”
Fynn arched an eyebrow. “Oh baby, no,” he admonished like an exasperated teacher, which Nicholas supposed he was. “You need lube. Lots of lube. And a condom.”
Nicholas felt stupid, but Fynn was stroking his hair to lessen the blow from his harsh words. “Oh,” he said. “I guess we’ll just have to try that another day then.” He was disappointed, which told him how much he’d wanted to actually try shagging rather than not. But Fynn was right. There was still plenty they could do still.
Fynn gave him a wicked grin, and rolled him onto his back, hovering over him. “I might not just have bought a toothbrush earlier.”
Nicholas felt his eyebrows lift. “You were totally planning on shagging me!” he crowed.
Fynn rolled his eyes. “I figured we’d need them at some point, so why not be prepared tonight? But no, I did not have a grand plan to fuck you.” He kissed him softly, then held his gaze. “But if you want to, then I’d love to.”
Nicholas nodded, his heart in his throat. “I’d definitely love to.”
Fynn’s smile was dazzling. “Okay, but we’ll take it really slow, and if you want to stop you have to promise to tell me. I won’t be pissed off, I swear.”
