True Desires

by Rhea Wilde

  “The other side?”

  “Yeah. They made it through all of the crap and shit that life throws at us. They put their heads down and they made it. You see…”

  Max leaned forward across the table toward me. I wasn’t looking at him but from the corner of my eye, I could feel his eyes upon me while I was lost in thought.

  “…Some things happen. Life happens. Shit happens. We don’t have control over it. But we do have control. We control how we respond to what happens. We control our own effort. We find our own motivations to keep going.”

  “Yeah… I suppose you’re right.”

  Max’s words of wisdom made sense. The inspiration he gave me did little to sort things out for me though. I still wasn’t sure I could be with Noah again, not after finding out who he really was. The whole situation was just too awkward for me to find an answer to so quickly.

  “You say this guy is amazing, right?” Max said.

  “Yeah, that’s right.”

  “From the sound of things, it doesn’t seem like he did anything wrong. Well, not anything you can’t fix. I suppose it all depends on how you really feel. Your heart or your head. You can’t always satisfy both.”

  “No… No, you can’t.”

  I finished the rest of my beer and dropped the glass on the table.

  “Thanks, Max.”

  “Anytime, birthday girl. Let me get you another drink.”

  Max stood up from the table and made his way to the bartender. On his way there, he shouted to the rest of the bar.

  “Hey, everybody! It’s my friend Sheila’s birthday! She’s turning forty! Everybody give her a round of applause!”

  The bar suddenly burst into cheers. Not expecting it, my face turned red and I immediately looked away from all of the patrons smiling and clapping at me.

  “Oh, Max…” I sighed.

  I turned my attention away from everybody else, sitting by myself. I pulled my phone out just long enough to see I had no new messages. Just when I thought I was alone, I heard a voice behind me.

  “Miss Cooper.”

  I turned around and saw a cop standing there. It was Officer Dion in his full uniform.

  “What are you doing?” I said as I rolled my eyes. “Are you following me everywhere?”

  “I’m just following orders. For your own protection.”

  “If this keeps up, you’re the one that’s gonna need protection.”

  “All right, all right,” he said as he put his hands up, a friendly smile on his lips. “I’m on your side, remember? Just thought I’d check in on you.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “I figured you might want to hear a little bit about the investigation.”

  My eyes widened. I had been so distracted by everything else I almost forgot about Castle.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Officer Dion took a seat across from me and leaned forward against the table.

  “The investigation… It’s not going as well as they thought it would.”

  “What?”

  “The DA doesn’t wanna press charges until they know for sure he’ll get locked up for a long, long time. The problem is, Castle knows exactly what they’re trying to do. Something happened. Maybe some info leaked. Whatever the case is, he’s getting paranoid. Word is that Castle is trying to tie up all of his loose ends and book it out of New Gardens ASAP.”

  My mind started to sober up. Everything that was really important had suddenly returned to me.

  I blinked my eyes, trying to process all of the information Dion just gave me and I could feel the anger building up inside of me.

  “You guys are trying to build a case and he’s just gonna skip town?” I said.

  “Just relax,” he replied. “He’s not leaving tomorrow. Maybe not for a week or so. There’s still time.”

  “So, when the hell are you gonna press charges? You know what he’s responsible for. Just do a damn raid on the waterfront!”

  “We can’t do that. Not without a warrant. Castle is smart. He’s clean. He doesn’t leave a lot of tracks. We’re scrounging things together. It’s not up to me. The district attorney’s office is in complete control here.”

  “How do we know the DA hasn’t been bought off?”

  “We don’t. It’s not likely though. Castle isn’t stupid enough to try and bribe someone that high up.”

  “Hey, what the fuck is this cop doing in my seat?”

  Max suddenly burst in. He stood next to the table with two mugs of beer in his hands.

  “Hello, sir,” Dion said with a nod.

  “Man, you better get the fuck out of my seat before something happens,” Max replied.

  “That’s no way to talk to an officer.”

  “And that’s no way to talk to a lady. You’ve been stalking Sheila this entire time and now you’re interrupting her birthday party.”

  “It’s your birthday?” Dion said as he turned and looked at me. “Happy birth—”

  “Get the hell out of my seat! If you’re gonna stalk her, go do it outside.”

  Dion looked at my old friend then rolled his eyes before getting up out of his chair.

  “I’ll let you know if anything happens,” Dion said to me before walking away and leaving the bar.

  Max stared at him the entire time, making sure he was gone, before putting two fresh mugs of beer back on the table.

  “Now, where were we?” Max said.

  I looked at the tall glass of beer. After talking to Dion, my mind had suddenly sobered up. Castle was the bigger issue here. Dion said it. Lee said it. Even Noah would agree with me.

  “I can’t,” I said.

  “You can’t? But you were just getting started.”

  “I know. Thanks, Max. But I need to be somewhere.”

  “All right,” he said. “Drinks are on you next time.”

  “Of course.”

  I got up out of my seat and gave Max a hug. Just as I started to leave, I heard Max shouting at everybody again.

  “Hey, everybody! The birthday girl is leaving! Give her a round of applause!”

  My back turned to everybody, I shook my head and smiled as I exited the bar.

  Chapter 19

  Two beers weren’t enough to clear my mind like I thought. I was still looking for answers. But what they did give me was a sudden impulse.

  As I sat in the cab, I kept glancing at my phone, waiting for any message. Nothing came. It wasn’t surprising considering how late it was, but there was still a part of me that wanted to see a message pop up. Any sign he was still with me.

  Don’t do it.

  I didn’t want to text him. I didn’t want to send him a message and let him know I was still thinking about him. I didn’t want him to know he was still on my mind. My feelings hadn’t been sorted out yet. My chat with Max and the drinks he bought for me gave me a sudden inclination to do something I probably shouldn’t have been doing in the first place.

  The cab arrived on Underwood and a knot twisted in my stomach. The biker gangs rode up and down the streets, the sound of their exhaust ringing in my ears and vibrating my seat.

  “Here. Stop right here.”

  The cab pulled up a few meters from Fresco. The bar was packed. I could tell just from the people crowded outside of it.

  I inhaled a deep breath through my nostrils and sighed before stepping out of the cab. Before I’d even taken one step, I could feel all eyes on me.

  Just keep your head down, Sheila. Don’t pay any attention to them.

  They had every reason to stare. I was older than most of the crowd. I wasn’t wearing any leather. I hadn’t worn a pair of boots in years. My jeans didn’t have any rips or tears in it. I stuck out like a sore thumb. The alcohol beginning to circulate through my veins gave me enough drive to power through them and step inside of the bar.

  Fresco seemed more overwhelming than I remembered. The people seemed bigger and taller. I was being squeezed from every direction. Thank goodness I
wasn’t claustrophobic otherwise I would have gone mad.

  I searched the bar. I looked at every person for any sign or indication of him. Then I remembered where we sat the last time. I pushed my way through the crowd until I stumbled my way into the corner. That’s when I saw him. I could barely make him out but it was Noah.

  He sat at the table, sunken in his seat, staring forward at a bottle of beer with no expression upon his face. His white shirt was covered in streaks and smudges of black grease and oil like it always was after a long day in the garage. His hair was messy underneath the gray beanie he always wore.

  “Noah!”

  I called out to him but it was pointless. The music was too loud. The conversation was even louder. He wouldn’t have heard me even if I had a megaphone.

  I stumbled my way through the crowd and gave myself one hard push through the bodies in front of me then nearly fell over in front of Noah’s table.

  “Noah! I—”

  I looked at him then noticed he wasn’t alone. A woman sat at the table with him, my view of her blocked by everybody else.

  She was young, in her early twenties. She had platinum blond hair that was short, just below her chin. She was thin. I could see it in not just her face but her arms, exposed from the tiny spaghetti strap top she wore. That was about all she wore because the pair of jean shorts she had on were barely noticeable. A small tattoo of a butterfly adorned her left shoulder blade.

  Noah’s eyes widened when he saw me.

  “Sheila?”

  “Who’s this old hag?” the woman said as she glared at me, her voice dripping with disdain.

  I looked at the girl then back at Noah. I looked at the surprise in his eyes and my heart sank.

  “What am I doing?” I sighed to myself.

  My entire body felt like it was going to collapse. I wanted to melt right then and there. But I mustered enough strength to turn my back and lose myself in the crowd. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could.

  “Sheila! Sheila, wait!”

  I heard Noah’s voice. Each word was like an arrow, piercing through me. I ignored him the best I could and continued to force my way out. I eventually managed to get out of Fresco.

  “Sheila, come on!”

  Noah’s voice trailed behind me. I could feel him right there. The sound of the patrons outside teasing Noah rose above the rest of the noise on the street.

  “Uh-oh!”

  “Looks like someone’s got some lady troubles!”

  “Somebody call the cops! Something’s about to happen!”

  I tucked my hands in my pockets and paced my way down the street. I kept looking for a cab but there wasn’t a single one in sight.

  “Sheila, please.”

  Noah eventually caught up to me. He grabbed my arm but I pulled it away from him. I kept walking down the street, waiting for someone to come and pick me up.

  “Would you please listen to me?”

  I ignored him. He walked backward in front of me, facing me while I continued to stride down the sidewalk. I just wanted to get away from him and everybody else so I could bury my face in a pillow. I didn’t want to see or hear or talk to anybody.

  “Sheila—”

  “Taxi!”

  Just when he tried to stop me, I saw a taxi parked on the side of the street. I walked up to the driver and he nodded to me. He took his place in the driver seat. I quickly grabbed the handle to the passenger door and Noah grabbed my wrist.

  “Sheila—”

  “Let me go!”

  I finally looked at him. The concern on his face was obvious. His brow furrowed and his eyes were sad. But none of that mattered. I didn’t want to speak to him, not after what I saw in there.

  “Let me go,” I repeated to him calmly.

  His grip remained tight on my wrist.

  “No.”

  He refused. Instead of releasing me, he put his other hand around me and practically lifted me up from the ground.

  “Put me down!”

  He carried me up and away from the cab. I struggled underneath his grip like a child, kicking my feet to try and get away from him. He practically dragged me into a back alleyway, away from the street and into the near darkness.

  “Sheila, would you let me explain? Please?”

  I looked up at him and breathed through my nose. I couldn’t hide the anger any longer. All of my emotions and pent-up frustration boiled over.

  “I told you I needed some time to think,” I said to him. “It hasn’t even been a day and you’re already looking for company!”

  “I wasn’t looking for company. That’s just Eliza.”

  “What do I care what her name is?”

  “Eliza talks to every guy. She’s desperate to be a biker’s old lady.”

  “So, why is she talking to you? You’re not a biker.”

  “She talks to everybody. I didn’t invite her to my table. I couldn’t make her go away.”

  “So, you didn’t do anything?”

  I was relieved to hear it. I was embarrassed to have the jealousy I felt even if I would have never admitted it.

  “I would never sleep with Eliza,” he said. “I never even touched her.”

  I looked away from Noah, shaking my head and sighing.

  “Maybe you should,” I said.

  “What? What are you talking about?”

  “I see the way she looks at you. I see the way a lot of women look at you. Goodness, Noah… You should be with someone your age.”

  “Not this again…”

  “No, I’m serious. Go back there and fuck her. I know you want to. You don’t want to be with someone my age.”

  “You want me to fuck her?”

  I looked at Noah and there was a slight bit of disbelief on his face.

  “Yeah, I want you to. I think you should fuck her. You’d enjoy it.”

  “No, I’m not gonna fuck her. You know why? Because I don’t want to.”

  He took a step closer to me. I could hear my heart beating faster as he looked down into my eyes.

  “Go fuck her, Noah.”

  “No. The only person I wanna fuck is you, Sheila.”

  “No—”

  My voice was muffled as he suddenly reached down and kissed me. I reached up and pressed my hands against his chest. I pushed with all of my strength.

  “I wanna fuck you, Sheila,” he whispered to me.

  He moved forward again and I slapped him across the chest, trying to push him away again. He inched closer and put his hands on my arms. I was no match for him. A single stroke and I was pinned up against the brick wall of the abandoned building we stood next to. I gasped from the sudden thud. The air from my lungs emptied.

  He pushed forward. His mouth met mine. Our lips smacked. His tongue searched between my teeth and tasted me.

  “No—”

  I was powerless under his grip. He held me forcefully up against the wall. I writhed in a helpless combination of pleasure and pointless resistance. I was losing to him. My body wanted to lose to him.

  “I wanna fuck you, Sheila… Only you…”

  He pulled away from me just enough to whisper it to me. His lips trailed down from my face and toward my neck. He kissed me tenderly in a way that made my whole body shiver. My skin was covered in goosebumps. It was warm outside but a tingling rush of cold shot through me.

  “Let me fuck you…”

  I didn’t say anything to him. My body was doing all of the responding. I was in his hands and at the mercy of whatever he wanted from me. Everything in my mind was gone. My thoughts were nonexistent. In my head was nothing but the pleasure I already felt and what could possibly come next.

  He suddenly reached for my shirt and lifted it up to my neck. Another tug of my bra was enough to free one of my breasts so that he could begin to consume it. My eyes shut tighter as he sucked on me. A light teasing of his tongue on my nipple made my body shudder. My knees buckled. The only thing keeping me up was the brick wall
I leaned against.

  I sighed a deep breath of ecstasy. My hands reached up and ran through his hair, knocking the gray beanie he always wore to the ground. The smell of him filled my nostrils. Grease, oil, his masculine scent. All of it had a sense of familiarity to it, drowning out any smell of the dark alleyway we stood in.

  I gripped his hair in my hands and pushed his head down as if it would help him suck on my breast even harder. I would have been happy with this. But it wasn’t enough for him.

  Without warning, he pulled away from me. In one swift motion, he turned me around and made me face the brick wall I was just leaning on. I put my hands on the wall to brace myself but for only just a moment.

  “I want to fuck you, Sheila…”

  I reached down and began undoing my jeans, my forehead pressed against the bricks. I was in a frenzy. The sound of him unbuckling his belt filled my ears. The anticipation of it made my hands shake even more, making it harder for me to keep my concentration.

  “You want me to fuck you. You don’t want to leave.”

  “Go fuck, Eliza…”

  I didn’t know where it came from. I kept trying to deny it. Noah was too young, too sexy, too good for me. I didn’t deserve someone like him.

  “No, you don’t. You want me to fuck you.”

  “I…”

  “Say it… Say you want me to fuck you.”

  I gasped as I continued to undo my jeans. The last button undone, I peeled them down to my knees, just enough to expose myself. The sound of Noah’s belt buckle colliding against the ground was the last warning I would ever get.

  “I…”

  I moaned but nothing more came out. My pulse made my body feel like it was vibrating. It felt like I was going to explode.

  “Say it…”

  “I want… I want you to fuck me.”

  I pinned my hands against the wall and braced myself again. Then I felt his hand upon my stomach. He slid it down quickly and brushed against the small bit of hair just above my folds. He teased my clit. It was just enough to make my body jerk. Then in one quick motion, he pulled my panties down to where my jeans were, nearly tearing them apart. I shivered as the night air met my wetness.

  My mouth hung open in anticipation. My eyes closed and my body practically trying to jump out of itself, I couldn’t take it any longer.