Confessions of Three Gay Boys: Journal One
Page 16
“I’m sorry. Being used by assholes really sucks. Believe me, I’ve been there.”
“Yeah, it does, but I’ve learned from it. Fortunately my meds will keep me healthy for a long time.”
“Miguel told me they are close to finding a cure for HIV.”
“So, you’re not afraid to be around me?”
“No.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
Matthew closed his eyes and didn’t say anything for a minute or so. Then, I guess his curiosity got the best of him. “So, you’re rich, right?”
“Yes. Well, my parents are. I model, so I’ve been making good money doing that.”
“Must be nice.”
“I won’t lie, it is.”
“What does it feel like to be able to do anything you want?”
“Well, it’s not as easy as that, but I do have advantages that let me pursue the things I enjoy doing. So, yeah, I like having money, and traveling, and modeling.”
“Cool. At least you’re honest.”
“Thanks,” I said, then turned the tables. “So, tell me more about you.”
Matthew hesitated for a moment. “I’m not rich, as you can tell. My parents are barely working class people who are in debt up to their ass. They’re also fanatical Catholics who were always getting into my shit about everything under the sun. My stepdad is one of these over the top religious assholes, and has always hated me. I could never do anything right in his eyes. Over the years he cleverly brainwashed my moms into despising me, so I finally couldn’t take it any longer and snapped. I decided to come out to them knowing that truth was going to hit them hard, but I didn’t care because they didn’t care about me. They kicked me out the next day.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It is what it is. I’m over it. I stayed with a friend for a couple of weeks, but her mom decided that I was a bad influence, so she kicked me out too. I didn’t know where to go, so some random guy I friended on Facebook said that homeless teenagers like me hang out in the park at Union Square, so I headed there to see if that was true. It was, so I thought that sleeping on one of the benches would be safe. But it turned out to be some scary shit, especially when a couple of pervy guys started hitting on me. I tried to leave, but they started getting physical with me, and that’s when Miguel came out of nowhere and saved me. He took me to a shelter in the East Village, and then talked me into coming here last week. Miguel is an amazing guy. I call him my Guardian Angel.”
“Yeah, he is amazing, and so are you. I seriously mean that.”
“Thanks.” Matthew finally gave me a genuine smile.
“I was wondering, can I give you a hug?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t being too forward.
“Sure. I could use one right about now.” We stood up and gave each other shy hesitant looks as I put my arms around him. “This feels nice,” he said.
“Yeah, it does.” A few seconds later I asked, “Are you hungry by any chance?”
“I’m starving.”
“Me too. Can I take you out for dinner?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.” We walked to the main lobby and invited Dakota to go with us, but she said she couldn’t leave. “You take care of my son, okay?”
“I promise I will.” I gave Dakota a hug, and so did Matthew, then we were out the door.
We casually walked to the village and found a nice burger joint on Bleecker Street.
I have to tell you all about our evening together. It was lit, especially after we both finally relaxed. The first thing I want to say is that I really like Matthew. He’s funny, smart, shy, and extremely cute. We really hit it off . . . and get this, we were doing some low-level flirting. He insinuated that I was hot, and of course I insinuated that same observation back, which made him get all tongue-tied. That shy smile and his innocent laugh, made me feel . . . I don’t know . . . it made me feel connected to him.
I almost started crying at one point, because here was someone who was hurting on so many levels, and yet was able to smile, stay strong, and make me feel special. I hoped our evening together made him feel special too. I hope he felt what I felt.
Umm . . . I need to write about a few other things that happened, but I only have two lines left in this journal. I’ll finish this entry tomorrow after I get the new journal from Jayden.
Night ☺
A note to my readers:
Thank you for reading Confessions of Three Gay Boys - Journal One. This book is dedicated to all LGBTQ teenagers and their straight allies. If you have any questions or comments, please email them to avzeppa@gmail.com
Other books by A.V. Zeppa
Miguel’s Secret Journal
Book One
(Outskirts Press 2011)
Miguel’s Secret Journal - The Four Corners of Earth
Book Two
(Outskirts Press 2013)
Deep is the Heart
Book One
(Outskirts Press 2015)
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