Wave

by Jennifer Foor

  She’s getting weak, which is exactly how I want her to be. Her vulnerability only heightens this experience for the both of us.

  There’s an urgency arising between my legs I’ll soon need to tend to, but right now it has to be about her. I fashion my arms around her tiny waist with little effort, pressing her against the warm sand. Her legs easily wrap around me, as well as her arms. I free my hands, lifting them up to her supple tits. The soft mounds are hard at the tips, even more when my fingers trail over them. I savor her hungry kisses, feeling every inch of her tongue tangled up with mine. As our exploration continues, I’m eager to take this as far as she’ll allow me to.

  I lick my lips as I approached her sprawled out body, savoring the fact that she’s lying there naked, anticipating being with me again.

  I want this so badly. My mouth salivates as I take her in. I yearn for her right now, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. Miley represents solidity. She’s proof I don’t have to hide behind a tough façade. I can be myself with her and it’s riveting. I’ve found my purpose.

  I can’t help myself when I slither in between her supple thighs and prepare to savor her. My tongue traipses over her smooth skin once, and then back over it some more. I flick her little clit, again and again, using the vibration of my moans to increase her pleasure. Tiny cries of bliss come from above while I remain fixated on the task. I’m determined to take her to the highest places, satiating every carnal desire she’s ever envisioned in that pretty little head of hers. I need her to experience euphoria while my lips focus on the nectar of her pussy.

  “Mr. Zakins, can you hear me?” The question echoes in the furthest part of brain before I realize I’ve been dreaming. A female repeats it again. “Can you hear me?”

  Annoyed I was disturbed from such a steamy affair, my eyelids fleet open to spot one nurse and my usual doctor standing over me. “I’m awake.”

  My doctor doesn’t give me a chance to become alert before he starts on my diagnosis. “You were supposed to take it easy while transitioning to home life. Your physical therapist wasn’t starting until the end of the week.”

  “I’m sorry. There was a death in the family.”

  “Well, you took a pretty tough fall. Fortunate for you, the brace was able to protect your neck during the impact. There was no further damage to or around your vertebra. However, the screws holding the halo in place have caused tears throughout your forehead and scalp. At this point considering the amount of discomfort you’ll be having, I’m inclined to remove the halo and put you in a smaller brace, provided you can assure me this type of accident isn’t going to occur again. Normal walking around within reason. The brace is not to be removed, not even during showers. It’s waterproof in case that’s a concern.”

  He could be talking about dog shit and all I would have heard was that this stupid metal brace that’s been constricting my body is coming off, all because my narcissistic mom pushed me down.

  “We’re going to keep you here in the hospital for the next several days to manage the bruising and possible swelling. You were lucky this wasn’t worse.”

  “Yeah. I know.”

  “Sit tight and we’ll get another hand in here to start removing the device. It’s not a quick process. First we’ll unbolt everything, and then piece by piece we’ll pull it apart. The last part we remove is the screws in your head.”

  “How bad will it hurt?”

  “Most people say it’s just a strange feeling. Some say it pinches, while others mention a tickle. It’s not painful. Generally people seem more grossed out than anything.”

  “Will I bleed?”

  “Not usually. The screws have already loosened, which is pretty common.”

  “I don’t care if it does hurt. It will be worth it. Thanks, doc.”

  They leave the room to prepare and I’m left sitting alone. My mind is in a million places. I can’t let my mother forge those documents. Mistake or not, my grandma left me the biggest gift I’ll probably ever receive. That house is mine. I can live in it, sell it, or even rent it. No matter what, it’s my choice.

  Another thing I’m thinking about is my newfound sister. She’s innocent in all of this, and as much as I’d love to get to know her, I’m aware it comes with baggage I can’t begin to deal with.

  Then I wonder what happened to my phone. By now Miley would have called. Knowing her, she’s thinking the worst. She most likely hates me and assumes I used her for a romp in the sheets. I know how her little worried head runs wild. All I can hope is that she’ll forgive me when I finally track her down.

  It’s all too much. Everything is happening at once. I’ve never been more overwhelmed, but also a little excited. Possibilities are opening up, and this time I might actually have someone to share them with.

  Chapter 41

  Miley

  I’m a blubbering mess when two days go by without a single word from Baz. At first I assumed Dr. Lucas was right and I may have been overreacting, but something is clearly going on.

  As much as I try to focus on new job opportunities, and possible areas on the island I’ll be able to afford to live, my heart weighs heavily on my mind. I want an explanation. I deserve one.

  There’s just one problem.

  I can’t leave without permission, and I know none of the counselors will allow me to go search down a boyfriend, or whatever Baz is to me. They want us to avoid conflicts, not get involved in them.

  I have a big choice to make. I can break the rules a second time and take my chances, or I can suffer and wait it out. It’s not like he’s going anywhere. He’ll still be indisposed in a couple weeks when I’m finally done with the program.

  I’m just about to leave the hospital when the cafeteria manager pulls me aside and tells me I’ve been reassigned to a nursing home. I’ll be working in the kitchen, serving three meals a day. It’s more hours and double the money, so I can’t turn it down. This was all part of the agreed upon job placement. I’m grateful, but at the same time I feel like I’m being forced into something I might not like. For now I have to do what they say.

  The nursing home is closer to the building I’m housed in. I can walk to and from work, cutting out transportation costs. Now all I’ll need to do is find a reasonably priced apartment within the vicinity and I’ll be golden.

  On Saturdays the patients on my level are bused to different places for free time. We have chaperones, which makes it feel juvenile, and it’s also why I’ve always declined. Today they’re taking our group to a public beach and even though I still can’t swim I feel like I need to go.

  On the outside I may seem fine. Inside I’m desperately searching for distractions. I’ve tried reading and lose my focus. Nothing appeals to me. I’ve tried to draw or color, but everything looks like shit. I even attended one of the yoga and meditation classes they offer daily. I’m either the least flexible person on the earth, or uncoordinated. Possibly both.

  The more I try to stay occupied, the angrier I become when it doesn’t help.

  My heart is broken again, and the blame falls entirely on me. I’m young and naïve. I was hoping for a prince to come into my life and save me from myself. What a crock of shit. Princes don’t exist, and neither do fairy godmothers.

  Baz is just a young guy who gets what he wants. He barely had to persuade me to want him. I was easy prey and I hate admitting it to myself. He represents everything I’ve attempted to avoid.

  My roommates try to include me on the ride to the beach. They’ve reached out several times, though I’m hesitant at this point. Letting more people into my bubble only sets me up for more disappointment. I feel safer being alone, because at least people can’t hurt me.

  When we arrive at the beach everyone goes their own way. Everyone in the program is a local, with the exception of me. They own swimming suits and beach towels, while I’m sporting a white bath towel and a hospital baseball hat. My tank and cotton shorts are comfortable enough for the sand, so I sprea
d out my makeshift beach blanket and cover it with my body. The warm sun is like medicine for the soul. It’s bright and breezy, and with my eyes closed I start to find peace.

  I sit up and look out at the water, the high peak of mountains in the distance, and people pointing far out to a whale that’s come up for air.

  I’ve only ever seen one on television. Captivated by the size and utter beauty of the underwater creature, I stand and shade my eyes with my hand to see better. The large mammal goes down and then comes back up. It’s fascinating.

  In that moment I really take in the smell of the island, the beauty and possibilities I have in front of me. I came here because I wanted to give up. I felt like there was nothing left for me. For the longest time I felt like I was a waste of space on this overpopulated planet. Then Baz came along and gave me a reason to want to stay. Just because things didn’t work out with him doesn’t mean my purpose is gone. I’m surrounded by opportunities and a future that I can enjoy whether I’m with someone or alone.

  “I could get used to this,” I mumble to myself.

  It’s been a long time since I’ve felt at peace. This is what my mother would have wanted for me. Maybe Baz wasn’t the real reason I was saved from taking my life. Maybe he had help from above. Maybe she’s up there watching out for me, guiding me along until I could appreciate that I’m here and have a lot of life ahead of me.

  While I stand on the beach, my toes deep within the sand, I promise today will be the start of my future. Nothing is going to break me. It can’t.

  This time when warm tears start falling from my eyes. It happens with a smile on my face, because I know this is the beginning, not the end. I can be whoever I want. I can have a family and experience what it’s like to love someone unconditionally. All I have to do is look toward the future instead of dwelling in the past.

  Finally, ignoring the people around me, my hands shoot into the air and I yell at the top of my lungs. “This is my life and I’m going to love it!”

  Chapter 42

  Baz

  Getting the halo off is like being reborn into the world. At first my neck doesn’t know how to work. I’m afraid to lift my head. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to support it and that I’ll damage my neck again. The doctor assured me I was fine. He even assessed me when he forced me to attempt it. I’m aware it worked for him, but still worried it won’t last.

  He tells me it’s normal, but when an hour goes by and I refuse to stand he ends up asking the shrink to stop by to help convince me everything will be okay. I know it’s all in my head, but that doesn’t make it easier.

  Dr. Lucas comes in wearing a pant suit. She’s got her hair pulled back in a bun, and I swear she always reminds me of a hot teacher. I know she’s probably as old as my mother, and I’d never flirt with her. She’s definitely not my type. I think I just do it to make it easier to be in the same room with a head doctor.

  “I hear you’ve had a terrible couple of days.”

  “Yeah. You could say that.”

  “At least you got the collar off. You must feel light now.”

  I shrug. It’s funny. I haven’t been able to do that in over two months. A smirk touches my face.

  “I stopped by today because I hear you’re having a hard time adjusting. Can you tell me what’s preventing you from celebrating this achievement?”

  This is embarrassing. “I’m afraid. What if something else breaks? What if my neck is weak? What if I reinjure it and it’s permanent?”

  “Those are all serious concerns. As you’re well aware, your doctor has run extensive tests to ensure you’re back to top shape, otherwise he wouldn’t have removed the halo. I suspect the new neck brace is a safety precaution just in case there’s anything tender still lingering.”

  “That’s what they say.”

  “And did he show you how you’re able to move around again?”

  I nod. Another gesture I haven’t been able to do. “Yeah.”

  “Mr. Zakins, you’re going to have to work through this.”

  “Yeah, I know, but you’re wasting your time. There’s nothing you can say that will make me feel less afraid. It’s just something I need time to be able to deal with.”

  She taps on my knee as a friendly gesture. “Okay, but I’m going to check back with you in the morning. If by then you haven’t improved I’ll help you work on some relaxation techniques to relieve stress.”

  Like that will work. “Okay. Sounds good.”

  It’s not until she’s out of the room when I realize I could have relayed a message to Miley through her. Before I can ask the nurse to have her come back I see two familiar faces walking into my room. Max and Koani look as if they’re amazed to see me. “What the hell, bro?” Max starts.

  “I tried to call the shop.”

  “We got your message,” Koani tells me. “What happened to your cell phone?”

  “Left it in a cab.”

  “Damn, boy, you’ve got some bad luck,” he admits.

  I laugh and shake my head. It’s when I realize I’m using it without knowing. Lifting it is another story though. “Don’t I know it.”

  “You got that big horse collar off,” Max notices.

  “It’s weird. They say I’m healed, but I’m reluctant to find out.”

  “When can you come home?” Koani inquires.

  “Not sure.”

  “Well, we’re here for ya. I’ll see about getting you a replacement phone. I can reach out to the cab company and see if it was turned in.” Koani pulls his cell phone from his pocket and promptly leaves the room.

  Max leans on the edge of the bed. “How did this happen?”

  “Long story short, my mom is in town. Grandma died and she’s here to cash in on her estate. Too bad she left the whole thing to me.”

  “No shit?”

  “Yep. All of it. The savings. The house. Even the vehicles. I’m been thinking about it since I found out. It’s a two bedroom house with a big yard. It would be great for me to live in.”

  “What about your mom?”

  “That bitch thinks she’s entitled. She was going to forge my name to put it on the market. When I tried to put a stop to it she shoved me down. Next thing I know I’m back here. It sucks, man.”

  “Damn. You’re cool though? They took the collar off?”

  “Yeah. I need to wear this new one all the time, but they say I’m good to go.”

  “What about surfing?”

  It’s a tough subject, though I feel I’m at the point where I have to be at peace with it. “I don’t know if I’ll surf again, at least not professionally.”

  “Dude, it’s your dream. You were awesome.”

  “Even if I made the pro circuit, how long would it last? Five, ten years at the most? I might bank a good amount of money, but even sponsorships aren’t going to support me forever. I’ve had two months to face this. It’s over for me. I blew two chances and I’m probably not going to get a third.”

  “You okay?”

  Shrugging again, I crinkle the side of my face in disappointment. “Trying to be.”

  “I still think you have a shot. People overcome way worse.”

  “Maybe. I’m grateful to be alive. It could have been much worse. If Miley hadn’t pulled me from the water that day I’d be dead.”

  “Speaking of your girl, where’s she at?”

  “Probably wishing she never met me.” I hate admitting this. “I haven’t talked to her since the day she came over.”

  “For real? Not as good as you suspected? Glad I didn’t try that day.”

  “Shut up. It’s not that. Miley is great. She’s better than great. She’s perfect.” I think about our phone messages. “I left her hanging and never called her back because I lost my phone and this happened. Without her number I don’t know how to reach her.”

  “Doesn’t she work downstairs?”

  “I called down there late last night to leave her a message and they told me she doesn�
�t work there anymore.”

  “You think she quit and took off because of you?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  Max sighs. “What can I do to find her?”

  “I’m not sure. I know she’s living in some building with dorms. It’s a mental rehabilitation facility.”

  “She’s mental?”

  “Depressed,” I correct. “Lost her mother a while back. She’s had a tough time. Came to the island with a book bag and a couple hundred bucks.”

  “You should have told me sooner.”

  “It wasn’t my business to tell.”

  “So how do we find her?”

  “Her shrink. She just left. She’d know how to reach her.”

  “I’m on it, bro. Next time you see me it’ll be with your girl.”

  After Max and Koani leave I’m hopeful they’ll return with good news. Doing my best to take the doctor’s advice, I try time and time again to move my neck with so much trepidation I make myself furious. It’s not a shrink I need to talk me through this latest hurdle. It’s Miley. I need my angel at my side, and at this point I’m afraid I may have lost her forever.

  Chapter 43

  Miley

  My trip to the beach was eye opening. I need to do this, to see that there’s a whole beautiful life out there waiting for me.

  I’ve been miserable for a long time. I’ve feared death and being alone, but most of all I feared not being loved.

  Love can’t be rushed. It’s earned and comes when we least expect it. It’s not forced. It’s not vein.

  I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. I tried with Baz, but in the end it didn’t work out. I need to learn from it and move on. I’m young, and even if I have Huntington’s Disease I still have a lot of years left to live. I can’t spend every single day afraid of the possibilities. My mother lived a full life. Before she was sick she smiled every single day.