United by Their Royal Baby

by Therese Beharrie

  His heart beat faster but he only raised his eyebrows. ‘Busy morning for you.’

  ‘You just said we didn’t have the luxury of time with this situation,’ she said defensively. ‘And I knew the process could include medication and...’ She sighed. ‘Why am I defending this? It’s something we have to do. So, would you like to hear what he said or not?’

  ‘I already know what he said,’ Xavier replied. He thought about all the doctor’s appointments he and Erika had had. How, after each of them, he’d felt her shrink into herself. How, after several rounds of IUI which had failed, when they’d finally decided on IVF, she’d had an aneurism before they could do the embryo transfer.

  ‘Our options are IUI or IVF,’ he said almost mechanically. ‘IUI might be our best option considering our time constraints, depending on where you are in your cycle.’

  ‘Yes,’ she answered, looking taken aback. ‘How...’ Her eyes lit with realisation. ‘Erika. Oh, Xavier, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be,’ he said gruffly. ‘It’s been over three years. Long done.’

  ‘It might have happened a while ago, but those emotions—regret, disappointment, hurt—tend to linger.’ She fell silent and he watched her face with a frown, wondering what she was talking about. But she cleared her throat and continued before he could spend any more time thinking about it. ‘But yes, you’re right. The doctor seems to think the time is right for us to try IUI by the end of this week. We’d have to monitor it to find the best day, but...if we want to do this, it’ll be the right time.’

  He held his breath, ignoring the food that was going cold in front of him, and then released it unsteadily. ‘This is all happening so fast.’

  ‘I know. But there’s no guarantee it’ll work.’

  He nodded, knowing the truth of that all too well. ‘And if it does work?’

  ‘Then we have our protection against Zacchaeus. We announce our wedding after the insemination, and we can tell our people it was a honeymoon baby when she or he comes. Which would mean we would have to push to have the wedding in two months at the most.’

  ‘I didn’t mean about that,’ Xavier said softly. ‘I want to know what happens with us if this works.’

  ‘We’ll be married and become parents,’ she replied stiffly. ‘We’ll rule our kingdoms together. We’ll protect them. That’s all.’

  ‘And you think it’ll be that simple?’

  ‘It has to be,’ she said through clenched teeth now.

  ‘Just because it has to be doesn’t mean it will be.’

  ‘Stop pushing, Xavier.’

  ‘Or what?’ he asked, doing exactly what she’d told him not to. He shifted the plate in front of him and leaned forward. ‘What will happen if I keep pushing?’

  Her eyes flashed. ‘You might not like what you find.’

  Chapter Five

  ‘I THINK I will keep pushing,’ Xavier replied. ‘I might finally find the answers to questions I’ve had for years.’

  Fired up, she sat back. ‘Fine. Let’s get it out of the way so you can get over it. Ask me what it is you want to know.’

  ‘Why did you really break up with me?’

  ‘Because I realised how much the crown would require of me, and I couldn’t have given Aidara what it deserved if we’d been together.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘You know what it means.’ When he shook his head, she clenched her teeth. ‘Have you suddenly forgotten all the things our families told us?’

  ‘Refresh my memory.’

  ‘You know what I’m talking about,’ she said impatiently. ‘You know they had their doubts about our relationship.’

  ‘I remember us deciding that their doubts had no foundation.’

  ‘Yes. Until I actually became Queen and started asking myself whether I was using our relationship to run away from my responsibilities. And whether you were distracting me.’

  ‘And your answer to that was that you were? And that I was?’

  ‘I... Yes,’ she faltered.

  She remembered how much she’d wanted him by her side after her coronation. How much she’d rather have spent time with him than deal with her new life. How much she’d longed to go back to that day on the beach with him. Happy. Peaceful. Without the weight of the world on her shoulders.

  She’d spent too long dwelling on it when she should have been thinking about her new responsibilities. About how she would be Queen to a grieving nation. How she would grieve herself. For her father and her King. For her mother, and the woman she’d thought her mother had been.

  She should have spent her time trying to come to terms with all the duties her life would now revolve around. Duties which hadn’t included Xavier.

  When she’d realised that he’d become more important to her than her responsibilities as Queen, she’d panicked. She couldn’t have allowed that. She couldn’t have allowed her grandmother’s predictions about their relationship to become a reality. She couldn’t have allowed the fears that some day they would distract her, keep her from giving her kingdom her all.

  ‘My people needed my attention. My full attention. And dedication. Me being with you... It didn’t allow for that. It wouldn’t have.’

  ‘So none of it was because you didn’t love me?’

  She pushed out of her seat, needing distance between them. But as soon as she did, he followed. ‘What does it matter, Xavier? We moved on. You moved on. Wasn’t it three months after we ended things that you started dating Erika?’

  ‘Was I supposed to wait for you, Leyna?’ he snapped. ‘You told me you didn’t love me, and that you wouldn’t marry me. Was I supposed to wait for you after that?’

  ‘You were supposed to mourn me like I mourned you,’ she shot back, angry tears forming in her eyes. She waited for them to go away—she would not cry in front of him—and then said, ‘I didn’t expect you to wait, but the least you could have done was give it more than three months.’

  ‘You mourned?’ he asked softly then.

  ‘Of course I mourned. I’d lost my best friend.’

  ‘But not the man you loved?’

  ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake.’ She turned to him. ‘I loved you, Xavier. I only told you I didn’t because I knew you wouldn’t let me go otherwise.’ Her eyes started to fill again, and she allowed herself a moment of weakness when she said, ‘You were an idiot who insulted everything we had for believing I didn’t.’

  He moved quickly—so quickly that her mind hadn’t had the chance to process it before his lips were on hers. The rational part of her mind told her that she should stop him—that she would regret it if she didn’t. But in that moment she allowed herself to be carried away by finally—finally—kissing him again.

  His lips were soft. They moved gently against hers, as though kissing her was completely normal. As though it was something he was used to doing. Warmth went through her body, settling low in her belly. It demanded she move closer, so she did. Her hands settled on his waist, and when she felt the slight tremble beneath them she pressed even closer, sliding her arms around his body.

  Her body shivered as it felt the muscle, the strength, the maleness of him.

  And then she felt her body dissolve when his hands ran over it, sending frissons she had no control over juddering through her. She gave a small moan when his tongue touched hers. Groaned when it moved inside her mouth. Every nerve in her body felt raw, every bone as though it were melting. She couldn’t remember wanting—needing—anything more than she did Xavier right in that moment.

  The whirring of a helicopter flying above them brought her back to reality. She’d forgotten about the pictures, she realised, and moved to step away from him. But he put a hand on her back, his eyes telling her that she couldn’t leave their embrace without ruining the photo op.

  So Leyna stood there, her body
still touching his, her lips still pulsing from their kiss. The fire that had consumed her only a few seconds earlier turned to ice as she realised what they’d just done. As she realised what it would mean for her now that she knew what it was like to kiss him again. Now that she could no longer ignore the emotions she’d shunned for the last decade.

  Worse still, she could feel him pull away from her. It was confirmed when the helicopter finally flew off and he let go of her and strode back to their table.

  ‘I suppose this isn’t needed any more,’ he said in a tone that told her he had no intention of talking about what had just happened.

  Too bad.

  ‘Why did you kiss me?’

  ‘I saw the helicopter. Thought it would make a great picture.’

  She stared at him, wondering if it was true. And thought that if it was there’d be another crack added to her already broken heart.

  ‘We can discuss the rest of this now, or we can choose to do so later,’ she said, making sure her voice gave away none of her hurt.

  ‘Now. But let’s make it quick.’

  She nearly laughed. But then she took a moment to process, and walked back to the table and sat down. She picked up her knife and fork and started eating the meal that had gone cold, not tasting a thing. She heard his chair scrape against the floor when he followed her lead, and they ate the food in utter silence.

  She knew it was stubbornness—from both of them—but they didn’t speak until the food had been cleared. Then she sat back and said, ‘Rules for this marriage. There can’t be anyone else.’

  ‘Why would there be?’

  ‘I don’t know, Xavier,’ she said dryly. ‘Why would there be?’

  She saw that he’d got her implication when his eyes flashed. ‘If there’s any kind of commitment between us—marriage or a child—you have my word that there won’t be anyone else for me. How about you?’

  Now she did laugh. ‘There won’t be anyone else.’

  ‘You sound sure.’

  ‘I am sure. Not only because of the common sense of it, but because I’m not interested in there being anyone else.’ She immediately realised it sounded as though she was talking about there not being anyone besides him, and quickly added, ‘I’d rather focus on my duty. As you well know.’

  ‘You won’t regret that?’ he asked, ignoring her slip. ‘You’ve never been married. You haven’t even dated, really.’

  ‘Keeping tabs?’

  ‘It’s not keeping tabs when your life is national news.’

  She tilted her head but didn’t press. ‘I won’t regret it. I haven’t, these past years.’

  ‘Why haven’t you?’

  Her eyes didn’t leave his. ‘I already told you.’

  ‘Fine, then tell me this. Does you not dating mean you haven’t...been with anyone?’

  ‘How is that any of your business?’ she snapped, her heart racing. It wasn’t something she was ashamed of—and she sure as hell didn’t think that it defined her. But she didn’t want him to know that she was still a virgin. That the closest she’d come to making love to anyone had been with him, on the day he’d proposed. That the memory had been so treasured that she hadn’t wanted to spoil it by sleeping with anyone else.

  That in the deepest, stupidest part of her heart she was still holding out for him...

  ‘It’s not,’ he answered, but the glint in his eye told her he’d got the answer he wanted.

  It had her grinding her teeth, but she told herself to return to the purpose of their discussion. The sooner they did, the sooner they would finish and the sooner she’d be able to deal with the emotions whirling inside her stomach, making her feel ill.

  ‘There has to be a big engagement,’ she heard herself say. ‘And a ball after, celebrating.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s necessary.’

  ‘That would happen if we were marrying under normal circumstances, Xavier. You were the one who wanted us to make this believable,’ she reminded him when he lifted his eyebrows.

  ‘And this would be our engagement announcement, I assume?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You already have something in mind, don’t you?’

  She felt her cheeks heat, but she straightened her spine. ‘The Aidaraen Tropical Fruit Festival is next week. I thought announcing our engagement in the orchard would work nicely.’

  ‘And there will already be a ball to celebrate the winner, so it won’t require too much extra effort. Which will save time,’ he added, and then nodded. ‘I’m fine with that.’

  ‘Good.’ There was more, she knew. But there were too many details to anticipate, so she told herself that they would have to discuss them as they came up. Which brought them to the baby. Her heart thudded, and that sick feeling in her stomach grew more urgent.

  ‘The baby,’ she started, but stopped when she saw the shake of his head.

  ‘Let’s simplify this part. You can let me know when I’m needed for the IUI.’

  ‘You’re happy with that? The IUI, I mean. With it happening so quickly, too.’

  ‘I’m not happy about any of this, Leyna. But, as you said, duty comes first.’ He stood. ‘I’ll see you for the procedure.’

  He didn’t give her a chance to respond before walking away, and it took her a few minutes before she’d fully realised he was gone. She pushed out of her chair and went to the edge of the rooftop, standing in one of the grooves that allowed her to see the Aidaraen orchard at the top of a green hill and the beaches just beyond it.

  She should do this more often, she thought. She should come and take a look at the beautiful land, at the people carrying out their daily tasks. At the place she had to take care of and the people she had to protect. It reminded her that the pain throbbing with each beat of her heart was worth it. That working with the man she’d once loved—that marrying him—despite how much it threw her off balance, was worth it.

  And that living the life she’d always dreamed of despite circumstances from hell was worth it.

  It was worth it, she thought again, but it was threatening to break her, not just throw her off balance. She could almost feel the progress she’d made in the past ten years being eroded. Again, her responsibility to her kingdom was requiring her to forget about Leyna the woman. To sacrifice everything that woman had done to protect herself from unimaginable hurt and focus on what Leyna the Queen had to do.

  Which, up until the State Banquet, she’d been fine with.

  Though not entirely, she thought, as she remembered all the times her stomach would jump at seeing Xavier over the last ten years, every time they’d had a political meeting. Or the hope her heart would beat with in that very first moment, before she’d remembered the reality of her decision meant that there was no hope.

  It would be worse now. Now, she would have the reminder of that decision every time she looked at Xavier, her husband. Every time she looked at their child.

  Her heart felt as though it had caught fire. She turned, leaning her back against the wall and closing her eyes in a desperate attempt to control the pain. This was why she should have thought more about this plan. This was why she should have given herself the chance to grieve—again—for the life she’d wanted but would never have before going through with this plan.

  The prospect of having that life without the love she’d thought would accompany it was heartbreaking. And in the next week that prospect would become reality, and that reality would include the pretence of love. It would include kisses that made her want and need as a woman, and threaten every part of her that was Queen.

  She gave herself a moment to dread it, and then fortified the shield around her heart. She would survive this. And surviving meant that she needed to put her personal feelings aside and focus on her duty.

  Again.

  Leyna glanced back at the kingdom she w
as serving, felt it remind her of her purpose. She squared her shoulders. She’d served with a broken heart before, so she knew that she could do it again. Satisfied, she strode back to her library.

  She had a kingdom to run.

  Chapter Six

  IT HAD BEEN a mistake.

  Safely back on Mattan, it was all Xavier could think about—that kissing Leyna had been a mistake. It had also been an involuntary reaction to hearing that she’d loved him. That she hadn’t broken up with him because she hadn’t loved him, and that she’d wanted him to wait for her.

  It was night now, the sea breeze cooling his heated body where he stood on the balcony of his bedroom. It helped him breathe, that familiar smell of salt and water. And breathing had become difficult the moment he’d touched his lips to Leyna’s and had experienced the feel—the taste—of her mouth again.

  It had been better than the memories. Better than the dreams he’d had about it even though he’d fought so hard to suppress them. But now that he’d done it, he didn’t know how to deal with the emotions it had awoken in him. How could he deal with the hurt, the anger, the guilt that kiss had awoken?

  He felt the hurt of the words with which she’d ended things between them as sharply as the day she’d said them. And he felt the anger that she’d lied to him about her feelings then. Now that anger was compounded by the fact that she actually had loved him. As was the hurt that she’d told him the thing that would hurt him most to make him leave.

  And then there was the guilt. He’d kissed her before he’d even seen that damn helicopter. He thanked the heavens for it now, that he could blame that for his moment of insanity. Because if he’d been in his sane mind he would have never kissed Leyna. No, he wanted to keep things between him and Leyna as professional as possible.

  For Erika.

  The reminder—and the wave of guilt that came with it—had him gripping the railing of his balcony. He should be thinking of his wife, and all he owed her. He shouldn’t be thinking about what would have happened if he hadn’t succumbed to his family’s urges that he marry. If he hadn’t been reminded of his duty. If he’d just waited a few more months for Leyna...