The Depths of Sorrow

by Eleanor Eden

  “Oh, thank God!” I went back to panting, eyes closed.

  “You just get yourself in here safely and I’ll see what’s possible. We may need to settle for a mobile unit; it’s not as powerful but we’ll see the basics.”

  “Oh, good. Oh, that’s fine,” I breathed, soaring on a combination of gratitude and relief.

  “We’ll see you soon.”

  “OK,” I said, my voice trembling. “But – what if – what if I don’t make it in time to do the ultrasound?” There was a part of me that realized the absurdity of asking the poor woman something so rhetorical, but I was in pain and afraid.

  “You just focus on getting here, dear, and I promise to put that ultrasound wand on your belly, even if the baby’s crowning, OK?”

  I giggled. “Deal.”

  “Now, you’d better let me get off the phone so I can get things ready!”

  “I – thank you – I love you,” I said, my face contorting with another contraction even as I realized how ridiculous I sounded.

  “If I say I love you too, can I get off the phone and find you an ultrasound machine?”

  “Oh, Jesus,” I grimaced, and everything I had was taken over by the pain of the contraction. My phone dropped to the floor, but I didn’t care.

  “Burden?” Money’s concern was evident, even though my eyes were squeezed shut against the pain.

  “This one’s worse!” I cried, sort of worried I was going to poop.

  “Uh – don’t push!” he said, and the tires squealed as he put his foot on the gas.

  I got through the remainder of the ride by clenching my jaw and muttering every bad word I’d ever heard.

  It was surprisingly liberating.

  Once we’d parked, Money shot from the car like a bullet, and I got stuck in a contraction halfway out my door, swearing like someone possessed in a low, controlled voice. By the time it was tapering off, Money was back with a wheelchair.

  “Oh, I love you so much,” I sobbed.

  I grabbed his bicep as he adjusted my feet on the footrests. “I don’t know if I can do this,” I cried, desperate for understanding as the pressure in my girl parts intensified. “She wants out, Money!”

  He kissed my mouth, tears and all, then met my eyes. “I believe our Sorrow will come exactly when she’s supposed to, and that no matter what or how it all happens, in the end, everything is going to be alright.”

  The muscles of my face relaxed as I allowed myself to get lost in his eyes for just one peaceful moment. “Let’s go.”

  Now, you might remember that the Fated are often gifted with interesting abilities – mine revolve around changing perceptions – enhancing the beauty of one’s surroundings, providing a safe space to consider alternate perspectives – and it extends to the gift of affecting plants, animals and, well, all growing things – with a little boost, so they could grow taller, shine brighter, advance faster. It was a part of how Money had thrived in my presence.

  Money’s gift was speed. And while we try to be as “normal” as possible when there are people nearby, I have to say that I’m entirely sure he did not steer that wheelchair at speeds that wouldn’t raise a lot of questions.

  But I’ll tell you this, too: it was a really fun ride.

  We were in the birthing unit in record time, and thanks to the timing of my labor, few witnessed our escapades. And Christie, our nurse, greeted us at the desk with a smile.

  “How you doing?” she frowned at me with some humor in her eyes.

  I regarded her desperately. “Did you -”

  She gestured for us to follow her and stated off down the hall. When we got to the room, she instantly crossed to a wheeled until with a monitor taking up most of the top level. She held up an ultrasound want and dramatically presented the bed. “If the lady is quite prepared?”

  Money and I laughed and cried simultaneously.

  He helped me onto the bed as I effused my gratitude on Christie. I can’t remember everything I said, but I know it was all ridiculous and all very true in the moment.

  She just laughed and squirted gel onto the wand, then cued up the system. She met my eyes, the wand poised above my belly as I moaned through another contraction.

  “I want to push,” I cried.

  Her face remained placid. “You’re going to breathe, love, and that’s all. Ready?”

  I nodded, lifting my shirt to expose my tortured middle.

  And when my daughter’s profile appeared on the screen, I gasped, relieved and overjoyed. Money laughed.

  “She’s feisty,” Christie muttered, moving the wand. “And she’s head-down and – well, to say she’s engaged would be an understatement! I can’t see the top of her – what the hell? –”

  Everyone froze. Christie and her wand, Money, and me, except to feel my eyes widen.

  She finally moved the wand again, pressing hard on the side of my tummy.

  “What’s wrong?” I demanded, then another contraction ripped through me.

  Christie looked at Money. “I’m going to get you to press that red button on the wall over there, if you don’t mind,” she said, her voice calm again.

  Money jumped into action.

  I sat up a bit, resting my forearms against the bed. “Tell me!”

  She looked at me. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. Don’t worry! Your baby is fine!”

  I rested back on the pillow, breathing hard.

  She started moving the wand again. “There it is,” she breathed, her voice full of wonder. “I’ve never seen this, but I’ve heard of it happening -”

  Footsteps pounded in the hallway before I could scream in frustration.

  “Doctor Meadows,” Christie gestured toward the screen. “Look what we have, here.”

  The doctor smiled at me, then looked at the screen. “Prep two-B for an emergency c-section,” she said quietly to the people who’d filed in after her. They rushed out, and seconds later an alarm sounded.

  Then she looked at me. “Things are going to happen pretty fast, here, but I want you to focus on staying cool and calm.”

  “What the hell is going on?” Money asked.

  The doctor looked between us, landing on me.

  “Please,” I begged.

  “This is probably the rarest situation we’ve seen here, but if all goes well, you’re going to be pregnant for a lot longer.”

  The room went completely silent, and Dr, Meadows shook her head, laughing. “Here, let me show you,” she said, taking the wand from Christie, whose face was full of awe.

  Someone ran into the room rolling a cart. “I’m going to do the I.V., he said, and took my arm without waiting for confirmation.

  The doctor ran the wand over my belly and I reached for Money’s hand. With the crowd around me, he had to reach from the foot of the bed, but he made it work. “Where did you find -?”

  Christie guided the doctor’s hand to my side again, and pressed hard. My belly tightened automatically and I was thrown into a mind-blowing contraction. I was vaguely aware of being stuck with a needle and a gloved hand squeezing my arm as I cried out with pain.

  Money saw it first. “What the hell? Is that -”

  I tried to focus as the contraction subsided. “She’s coming,” I gasped.

  “And this is why we have to do the c-section,” the doctor said, pointing at the screen.

  “What the fuck?” I exclaimed, and some of the tension in the room dissolved. “What is that?”

  “Is it twins?” Money leaned over the bed even further.

  “No,” the doctor enthused. “But it is another baby.” She met my eyes again, taking the wand away from my belly and standing. “You have another live fetus in your womb; I’d guess it’s at about eight weeks’ gestation.”

  I held my breath as I tried to digest.

  “Is that even possible?” Money exclaimed, straightening and throwing his hands in the air.

  “It is today! But delivering baby one vaginally would almost certainly res
ult in the loss of the second baby. I can’t even tell you it will live through the cesarean – but let’s get baby number one delivered before we’ve lost our chance, and talk about the details afterward, shall we?”

  I nodded absently, still drowning in the surreal.

  “Another baby?” were the first words out of my mouth as my bed was whisked into the hallway and I caught Money’s attention.

  His cheeks were soaked with tears. He nodded. “I don’t know how, but yes. And it’s mine, in every way.”

  Chapter 10 - Superfetation

  “There’s never been a case like this,” Dr. Meadows looked excitedly between Money and I. “The only ones we know about – and there have only been about a dozen instances recorded worldwide! – featured another pregnancy occurring within weeks of the first.

  “And what is it called again?” Money asked from his position at the end of the bed. I was propped up to feed Sorrow, and she was sound asleep at the breast. I was having trouble keeping my eyes on the doctor as distracting and as my baby was. She was deliciousness wrapped in chubby, pink perfection, with fluffy cheeks and full lips and a shock of dark hair at her crown.

  “Superfetation,” the doctor replied, then looked at me. “It’s really incredible. And I have to be honest; the hospital – myself included – is chomping at the bit to follow the pregnancy – the second one, that is – closely.”

  “What would that mean?” I looked up at her, my heart already wanting Sorrow back in view.

  “Nothing to invasive; I promise. At this point, all I know is that we’d want to do regular care – all the testing we’d regularly do, with a little more added on. More ultrasounds, for certain, and we’d ask you to consider an amniocentesis so we can get details about the second baby’s environment.”

  I shook my head. “I feel like this little one’s already compromised by his situation. I’d need to be pretty confident he was safe before agreeing to that.”

  The doctor raised her hands. “Of course; you would be involved in every decision, start to finish. You’d run the show.”

  I nodded, but went back to staring at Sorrow.

  “We’re concerned about the bleeding she’s having; how will the second baby fare if the lining of the uterus is shedding?”

  I smiled at Money; I’d voiced that very concern in those words to him earlier that morning.

  “How heavy is the flow?” the doctor frowned at me.”

  I shrugged. “It’s like a light period, I guess.”

  She looked relieved. “That’s to be expected. And given the fact that you’ve proven to have an exceptionally unique reproductive system already, we have to be willing to consider that your body is taking care of this pregnancy as it should.”

  “Sorry,” I glanced up at her. “I have no idea what that means.”

  “Otherwise, we’d expect a heavy flow at this point; didn’t they give you some of the adult diapers?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, I definitely don’t need those.”

  She nodded. “Then I would guess that your bleeding is as a result of everything that was done during the c-section to get this one out,” she ran the back of her index finger along Sorrow’s hair. “She’s just perfect, isn’t she?”

  I giggled. “She’s everything.”

  “What are you calling her, again?”

  I smiled at Money. “Eve, we think.”

  The doctor laughed. “What a beautiful name. And no worries if you’re not one-hundred percent; just make sure to take the paperwork for her birth certificate home with you. And for the next while, I want you to just focus on healing and on her.” She looked at Money. “They’re going to need a lot of help from you, especially in the first few weeks. Do you have some time off work?”

  Money nodded, his eyes shining. “I’ll be with them for at least three months.”

  “Great! Then we’ll continue to check on you and get another ultrasound in before you’re discharged.” She smiled at the baby again. “Sound good?”

  “I have another question.”

  “Sure.”

  “The other baby – I mean, he must have too much room in there; my womb is still stretched out from having her in there. Is that going to compromise him?”

  She shook her head. “You’d be surprised how quickly the uterus contracts. We’ll be able to gauge things better when we do the ultrasound.”

  “Uh – I have a question, too,” Money spoke up. “I was holding her this morning, and her eyes looked strange to me.”

  The doctor frowned. “Oh?”

  I perked up. I’d noticed it, too, and Money’s separate discovery had me concerned.

  “Yeah. I mean, they’re dark right now, like newborn eyes are, but it seems like there’s a division in her left eye; like a quarter of the iris is lighter.”

  “Huh.” The doctor frowned down at the baby, then looked at me. “Do you think she’s done? She seems pretty much out.”

  I nodded and broke the seal between us with the tip of my finger, as the night nurse had shown me during my first attempt to breastfeed. Eve came off the breast easily and I held her head still on the support pillow for the doctor while I adjusted my nightgown with my free hand.

  She gently opened Eve’s right eye. “This one isn’t even as deep a blue as we most often see,” she glanced at me. “That probably explains it; your eyes are an unusual shade; almost orange.” She moved on to the left eye and Eve startled, her arms flying up stiffly even as she appeared to sleep on.

  “What the -?” Money scooted closer.

  The doctor laughed. “That’s the startle reflex; completely normal.” She went back to easing the baby’s eyelids apart. “Oh! Right; I see the difference. Kind of a wedge shape in the top right of the iris; a big one.”

  Money nodded enthusiastically. “What does it mean?”

  “It means she’s unique in more ways than sharing her home with a much younger sibling for a couple months; it appears she has heterochromia,” she smiled. “It just means the eyes are different colors – but in her case, because it’s only a portion of one iris, it’s called segmental heterochromia. Really a beautiful condition; some even envy it!”

  “Does it affect her vision?”

  “Not at all; the only symptom when the condition is presented at birth is the eye color. If it develops later in life, it can indicate a problem.” She looked between us. “Am I right in remembering that you aren’t the biological father?”

  Money nodded matter-of-factly. “His father’s eyes are really interesting, too. Silver, almost.”

  “That could explain the unusual brightness of that part of the iris, certainly,” she studied Eve’s face for a few seconds. “She’s certainly special.”

  I brought her back into my arms, her warm body a welcome weight on my chest.

  “I’ll leave you to rest and enjoy your baby,” the doctor smiled. “We’ll schedule the ultrasound for tomorrow and, barring any concerns or questions before then, we’ll see you there.”

  Money and I smiled at each other when it was just the three of us again.

  “She’s so quiet,” he said.

  “I read that they sleep a lot in the first week,” I whispered. “Can you put her in the cot? I need the bathroom.”

  “Of course,” he said, standing and reaching for her, his face alight with love and awe.

  “I wonder if we’ll always be this – enchanted – by her?” I asked. I stood and was halfway to the bathroom before I realized how freely I was moving. I turned back to look at Money, who was staring slack-jawed at me. “Uh,” I forgot I needed help?” I tried, but that didn’t seem right. I frowned. “The surgical site actually feels really good!”

  Money raised a finger before putting Eve in her bed by the window, then crossing to me. “You’re not having too much pain?”

  I shook my head, confused. “No, but they said I would need help changing position for a while!”

  “And walking, and in the bathroom -” he added.
r />   I shrugged.

  He took my arm and led me the rest of the way, but it felt redundant. I looked up at him. “I think I can handle it from here.”

  He frowned. “OK, but we’re checking the stitches when you come out.”

  When we did, Money lifting my gown gingerly, we were amazed at what we saw. The stitches were fine, but they appeared to be unnecessary – the flesh itself had knit back together and was a benign pink color rather than the angry shade of red it had been the night before.