The Depths of Sorrow

by Eleanor Eden

He nodded.

  “Does it hurt you?”

  He shook his head.

  “I want to talk to Jay about it, but there’s just so much to say, and so many priorities that come first!”

  He nodded again. “But you should. We need to make time.”

  “What about you? Maybe it makes sense that you need to work on gathering, after so long a time without fighting the darkness at all.”

  Money’s gaze dropped. He picked nervously at the blanket that was draped over us both.

  “What is it?”

  He looked back at me. “You say you want to gather continuously; that it’s easy for you. But for me, it’s something else. That time in the kitchen, when the – dark spy, or whatever it was – was in the trees, I got the urge to draw from it.”

  I recoiled. “Really?”

  He nodded. “I haven’t said anything because – well, obviously it’s weird. I’ve been worried. What does it mean about me that I want to take the dark energy in?”

  “I don’t know. You’re feeling well?”

  He nodded.

  “What do you think you’d do with the energy once you gathered it?”

  He shrugged. “Cast it? Use it, somehow?”

  “But – it’s dark. Wouldn’t that be really dangerous? It’s exactly that energy that we’re trying to dispel!”

  “I know! I’ve been over it a million times in my head, and I don’t know the answers.”

  I turned to lay on my back again. “Maybe it’s good that we’re waiting.”

  “I know it is.”

  We were silent for a time, then Money took my hand.

  “What if I’m more – like them?”

  I turned to study his profile. “Why would you say that?”

  “I had one around me for ten years. I lived in darkness, Burden. I wanted to die in it. What if that’s made me less like you and more like them?”

  I watched a tear escape and roll into his hair. “Baby, you can’t really believe that.”

  He sniffed, but didn’t answer.

  I rolled up and onto him, forcing him to meet my eyes. He tried to look away, but put his warm hands on my hips. It wasn’t me he was afraid of; it was confronting something that had been quietly eating at him for months.

  “I know you, Money. We’re joined. Almost one, together – the entity has said it. And you’re far from those wretched monsters. You are light.” I turned his cheek gently, seeking his eyes. “It was love, after all, that pushed you into darkness.”

  He shook his head, his eyes sad. “It was love that made me hurt so much when my brother was killed, but it was something else that made me give in. Give up.”

  “What?”

  He ran his hands up my back, then down again, to cup my bottom. “It was the lack of something, really. I lost hope, Burden. And no matter how hard I tried to find it again, it seemed gone forever.”

  My eyes welled and spilled over. “But it wasn’t,” I whispered, my heart aching for him.

  “But every day, I can’t stop myself from wondering if it could all be lost again.”

  I held his face in my hands, knowing that his pain, no matter how dire or dangerous, would be mine, too. “No,” I said. “As long as I’m here – and Eve, and Jay -” I touched my little belly, “- and our baby -”

  “Our son,” he whispered, tears shimmering in his eyes.

  “Yes. Our son. From now until eternity, you have us. I don’t know what form we’ll take after this one, but I know we’ll be together. I believe, now, that we were together before, too. We are more than these bodies, love.”

  He nodded, his hands on my arms now, thumbs rubbing gently. His face crumpled as more tears escaped and I leaned down, resting on him as we held each other.

  “I wish I wasn’t so scared,” he said, his breath tickling my ear.

  “I think there has to be fear,” I said, closing my eyes and breathing him in, my hurt dissipating as I drew in his scent. “It’s hurt you before, but it can make you strong, too. It can make you powerful.” I pulled away slightly. “And without fear, how would we know to be grateful for peace?”

  He wiped a tear from my cheek. “I’m grateful for you.”

  I kissed him gently.

  “You’re salty,” he whispered.

  “I’ve been crying,” I stated baldly, giggling into his hair.

  He tickled my sides, rolling me onto my back so he was over me, smiling into my eyes. “I’m so grateful for you.”

  I kissed him again, then rolled to my side. “Spoon me, then,” I said, and we burrowed beneath the covers and into each other, our feet tangling in a comfortable jumble.

  And slept.

  Chapter 19 – Gathering Party

  “That’s it,” I smiled, my heart soaring as I watched Garrett gather. Eve sat at his feet, watching too.

  “What now?” the boy said, his voice still soft, his words tentative as he grew more comfortable talking after such a long time.

  “Now, you have to focus on pressing all that energy into a ball; visualize it between your hands, like a beach ball.”

  “Or a handful of grapes?” he asked, his dark eyes meeting mine.

  I smiled. “Exactly.”

  He brought his hands almost together in front of himself, squinting at the space in between them.

  Eve squealed delightedly, and Garrett laughed, his open-mouthed smile changing his face in such a way that my breath caught. He looked so young, so innocent.

  “Wow; that’s amazing, G!” Money exclaimed, approaching from behind us.

  Garrett startled and dropped his hands, and I gasped as the swirling ball of light dropped. But it only hit the grass with a poof! in front of Eve, making her bounce and grab Garrett’s leg in excitement.

  Money and I leaned forward, our eyes on the round, slightly indented spot where the ball had dissipated. The grass was flattened and limp, but alive, still.

  “I’m sorry!” Garrett backed away a bit.

  Money held a hand out to him. “No, bud. Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry for surprising you!”

  I chuckled. “Money and I were actually wondering what would happen if a ball of energy was dropped like that.”

  Garrett grinned shyly. “So, I helped?”

  Money laughed, then picked Eve up. “Absolutely.”

  “He’s learning fast,” I said, smiling at Garrett and then meeting Money’s eyes.

  “Mama,” Eve smiled, and my heart skipped a beat.

  “Oh!” I took her from Money and kissed a chubby cheek. “You darling girl.”

  “Huh,” Money eyed Eve with a sparkle in his eye. “‘Dada’ next, OK?”

  “Can I try again?” Garrett cut into our little interlude.

  “Absolutely.”

  “I don’t want to drop it, though,” he said determinedly.

  “Let’s just see what happens, OK?”

  Garrett nodded, then closed his eyes, already bringing his hands before him. I felt Eve stiffen slightly in my arms, and lean toward the boy. I watched her. I hadn’t been sure if she was doing anything more than cheering him on in her own, gurgling way, but now I knew. I felt it.

  “Money.”

  He looked at me, and then at Eve. “Do you feel it?”

  He nodded. “She’s gathering…but it’s different.”

  I frowned, focusing on the space between Eve and Garrett. “Look,” I pointed with my free hand. “Can you see it?”

  Money gasped. “She’s funneling it to him. Sort of like you were talking about – a stream of energy.”

  The air between them wavered like heat off of pavement.

  “Good, Eve; that’s amazing!” I said to her, but she remained focused.

  “Now what?” Garrett cried.

  “Oh!” He’d gathered a massive orb. “Next, you cast!” I yelled a bit over the sound of the spinning light. “Think about using the energy in your body to push it out!”

  “Like a bullet?”

  Money and I frowned at each
other.

  “Yes!” Money answered, and the ball hurtled through the air, Eve relaxing in my arms.

  The ball of light lost some steam as it travelled, but still had enough power to make the trees shudder when it hit the edge of the woods.

  Garrett turned to us, his entire face lit up with a proud smile.

  “Did Eve help cast it, too?” Money asked from the side of his mouth.

  I gave Garrett a thumbs-up. “Dude! You did it!”

  “She helped,” he pointed at Eve, and she bounced in my arms.

  I looked at Money, “I think she did.”

  Garrett did a little dance, making us laugh.

  “If that’s not progress, I don’t know what is,” Jay said as he approached us.

  “I would never have dreamt he could do so well, so fast!” I turned to Jay. Eve reached immediately for him and he took her, giving her a smile and a kiss on the top of her head.

  “It’s wonderful. Good job, Garrett,” Jay called to the boy, who was examining the little indent in the ground from his first attempt.

  He looked up. “Can we do it again?”

  Jay gave me a sober look, then answered, “Why don’t we do a little experiment?”

  Money stepped forward. “Maybe we just need to make sure we end on a successful note this time?”

  We’d been practicing for days, the back yard having become our training ground. Money and I had been experimenting, too. This was the most success we’d seen with Garrett, by far.

  Jay turned to Money. “We may not know exactly when we go to face this thing, but we have to work like we have little time. The reality is, we probably have very little.”

  Money frowned. “I don’t want to push him.”

  Jay nodded. “We have to. Just a little. Can you trust me?”

  I smiled. The dynamic between the two men had changed so much since Jay and the others had arrived. I could see Money establishing his place instinctively now that he was free of crushing depression.

  “What do you think, Garrett?” I asked, noting the quiet focus he had on Money and Jay.

  He shrugged. “I don’t mind doing an experiment. But what is it?” He squinted toward Jay, his freckles bunching charmingly.

  “Well, it’s not just you practicing, right?”

  “Sure; Burden and Money practice, too.”

  “And Sorrow,” Jay asserted, and Garrett’s eyes lit up.

  “Right! But I don’t know how. I know she helps me, but I don’t know what she does,” he finished, his expression confused.

  “That’s exactly why we need to try some new things out over the next few days!” Jay smiled. “But first, I want to see what happens if we move Eve further away from you, OK?”

  “Where’s Odyssey?” I asked.

  Jay’s eyes darkened. “She’s working on something, too.” He started toward the house.

  I frowned, but Garrett was nodding, already assuming the stance he’d become used to in just a few days. “Just tell me when,” he said over his shoulder and Money chuckled, winking at me.

  “He’s so cute!” he whispered.

  “I can hear you,” Garrett said.

  I giggled.

  “OK!” Jay called from about thirty feet away; he’d taken Eve almost all the way to the house.

  “Gather,” I ordered, quietly, and Garrett flexed his shoulders and straightened his arms. I watched, pleased, as a ball of light begun to spin between his hands.

  I heard laughter from behind me and glanced back at Jay. Eve was pinching his nose.

  “She’s distracted,” Money said.

  I focused on the barely-there change in the air between Eve and the boy.

  “It’s harder!” Garrett grunted.

  “Try to cast it!” I demanded, and he drew the little ball back, then pushed with a yell.

  It did go, but its momentum was weak and it burst into nothing on the grass in seconds.

  Garrett turned to us. “Guess she needs to be closer?”

  I looked back at Jay. “Was she distracted the whole time?”

  He nodded. “Interesting, though, that some energy was still channeled to Garrett, even passively.”

  “Let’s try something,” I called, and Jay nodded.

  “Do you want her distracted, still?”

  Eve had progressed to Jay’s ears.

  I laughed. “Yeah!”

  I let myself gather – that’s what it felt like, by then: like I was always open, always using the energy around me effortlessly, and I had to mindfully shut it down in between those times I needed or wanted to.

  “You’re so fast now,” Money said, his voice awed.

  I focused between Eve and I, just doing what I always did. And like the connection between she and Garrett, there was a faint disturbance in the air. “Garrett, gather,” I said, and I could feel him start. The line between Eve and I weakened further as it divided. “Garrett, I want you to just take the energy back into your arms,” I said, looking back at him.

  He frowned, concentrating as I stopped my own efforts to take energy in.

  “Good!” I encouraged as the light pulsed around his arms. He let them arms drop with an exhale, and wisps of light floated and faded.

  “Wow,” Money, fascinated, breathed.

  “Interesting,” Jay called. “Should we try and have her focus?”

  I nodded, then looked back at Garrett. “Are you too tired?”

  He pursed his lips and shook his head to the contrary.

  “OK; just wait until I tell you to start.”

  I opened, looking back at Eve. “Hi, baby girl!” I called, and she whipped her gaze to mine, the connection between us flashing and expanding so fast it nearly knocked me on my ass. “Whoa!” I cried, but as her face started to crumple at my reaction, I called out, “Good girl, Evie!”

  She bounced and clapped, and I adjusted my footing, sure my intake had at least doubled. “She’s so strong!” I called to Jay.

  Jay adjusted his hold on her so she was in front of him, facing me.

  “Garrett?”

  “Now?”

  “Yes!” I cried, trembling slightly from the buildup.

  But though the connection that opened up between Garrett and Eve was there, it was weak.

  “Keep trying,” I called back to Garrett, fighting the mild nausea that had started churning in my belly. I looked back at Eve. “You’re such a wonderful girl!” I called to Eve. “Can you give Garrett some more? Mommy is full!” I comically rubbed my belly, making Jay grin.

  Eve looked at Garrett, and the streams switched – mine shrinking to almost nothing, and Garrett’s flashing with strength.

  “Wha -!” Garrett cried, then laughed as he fell, the light splitting and falling, or just fading into the air around him.

  Meanwhile, I was still raging with power. I didn’t want to blast it into the trees; they’d done nothing to deserve the damage it would doubtless cause, so I turned my back to Money and Garrett, and sent it drizzling into the air, thin and light, where it floated and wisped, listless lines and colors fading into nothing. It was a slow relief – like peeing after holding it for a long car ride.

  I’m sorry for the crude analogy, but it’s the closest thing to how it felt that I’ve ever been able to voice.

  “Jesus – what on earth…how are you doing that?”

  I shook my hands, threads of light alternately sticking and flying off, then turned to Money. “I didn’t want to blast it.”

  “I’ve never seen control like that!” Jay called from he and Eve’s spot by the house.

  “Bring her back!” I called, beckoning them forward. I looked at Garrett. “When we were practicing before, we never asked for Eve’s attention; never tried to manipulate her involvement. We need to keep trying different things with her to find out what the two of you can do together, but make sure one of us is around every time, OK?”

  Garrett nodded, eyes wide. “Can I do what you did?”

  Jay laughed. “If
there was any energy user that could, I’d say it was you.”

  I looked at Jay again.