The Depths of Sorrow

by Eleanor Eden

  When I finished, he exchanged a knowing look with Odyssey.

  She looked at me again. “I dreamt of you, too.”

  I frowned.

  “Did we speak of the Entity?”

  I nodded.

  “And was Garrett there?”

  I made a face. “How did we have the same dream?”

  She shook her head. “It’s more like we met in a dream state, like when speak with the Entity.”

  “But why?”

  “It happens,” Jay cut in, “when the Entity has a message. What did you bring out of the dream?”

  “That the time is coming to go to Spain, and -” I faltered, my eyes going back to Odyssey’s.

  “- and that the fact that I recognize her is important,” Odyssey finished quietly, her eyes fixed on mine.

  I nodded, but said nothing more.

  “Have you any idea why?” Jay asked, and we both shook our heads.

  “At the end, when I was waking up, or coming back to myself, you said something in my ear about a Fated being able to come back as a Missive.”

  Jay’s eyes darkened, going between Odyssey and I and then to the floor. “The two of you cannot be related,” he said, having jumped to a conclusion I hadn’t yet considered. His eyes were on his feet, which were crossed at the ankles, but then he raised them to Odyssey. “You’ve been a Missive – forever.”

  “Then maybe she knows my parents – or one of them,” I said aloud, though it spilled out unintentionally as my thoughts formed. I sunk back in my chair. I’d had no intention of discussing this, nor was it our priority.

  “What were their names?” Odyssey asked, and my stomach did a flip.

  I doubled over, clutching my roiling middle as nausea rolled over me in hot waves. Money’s hands were on my shoulders, steadying me as I let my eyes close. Focused on breathing.

  “Maybe this is a subject best put aside for now,” he said, his voiced laced with anxiety.

  “Are you alright, Burden?” Odyssey asked, and I nodded, but didn’t trust myself to speak, lest the contents of my stomach join my words.

  “She’s getting worse,” Jay nearly whispered.

  Dizziness rolled over me.

  The room was uncomfortably quiet. I looked up, my eyes landing on Jay. “How am I going to fight?”

  Jay looked at his feet while Odyssey looked at Jay.

  “What is it?” Money asked, his voice rising. “What do you know now that we don’t?”

  Jay inhaled, meeting Money’s eyes. “It’s the other part of the dream - we have felt a change. We know the time is drawing near.”

  “It’s time to make arrangements,” Odyssey said.

  I let my eyes close again as my stomach churned at the words.

  In the weeks since Money, Eve and I had gone back to the tiny house, Eve had, as the Entity had promised, begun to stray further from my side. While she’d steadfastly preferred to have me in her sights before, she seemed newly comfortable with distance, which had mixed results. Her newfound independence was thrilling, as was the realization that her growing comfort with distance meant that Solemn was safe.

  But she hadn’t only been protecting her brother with her proximity; I was affected more than I realized, until things changed. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by symptoms of pregnancy that had been masked before. My energy had plummeted and frequent nausea made itself known with a vengeance. And on the days Jay and Odyssey took Eve to play with Garrett at the big house, I felt strangely untethered, as though I might fall apart at the seams.

  Jay had theorized I was only feeling how any seven-month-pregnant woman would at this stage, but it seemed so drastic because I’d been suddenly dropped into it, having lost the focus of my healing daughter.

  But in other ways, it seemed timely. Garrett and Eve had been working as they played; they manipulated energy together with increasing skill and strength, and Eve continued to thrive and grow through it all at an alarming rate. She was stringing together short sentences and walking full-time, and diapers were a thing of the past.

  It was crazy and incredible all at once, but a very large part of me hoped it would halt, or at least slow down, once we’d confronted Legion.

  Jay nodded toward Odyssey and they both stood.

  “Don’t you dare!” I stood, too, but my belly tightened and I bent at the middle. “Oh…”

  “Burden?” Money stood at my side in an instant.

  “It’s a Braxton-Hicks,” I assured him, taking his hand and squeezing.

  “Have you been having many?” Odyssey asked, stepping toward me.

  I shook my head, relieved as the tightening began to fade. “This is the first, as far as I’m aware.”

  She looked at Jay again.

  “We don’t know anything, yet. But we’ve been called to the source. We’ll go next time we sleep.”

  “What about Garrett?” I asked, the sounds of he and Eve playing in the next room at the edges of my awareness, always.

  Odyssey smiled. “He’s – he’s been invited, too.”

  “What?” Money laughed.

  “Has that ever happened?” I asked.

  “Not that we’re aware of,” Jay shrugged, and I saw it again: something weighed on him.

  “But he was there tonight,” Odyssey said, her eyes on mine.

  I nodded.

  Odyssey was leaving the room before I’d made the decision to go to the children, but I was quick on her heals.

  “Garrett, do you remember dreaming tonight?” Odyssey asked, a bit breathless, as Money and Jay caught up.

  He looked up from the puzzle he was helping Eve with. “Was that a dream?”

  This time, it was Odyssey and I exchanging glances.

  “Why can’t we go, too? To this meeting you’ve been called to?” I looked at Jay, almost accusingly.

  “Maybe you can. Have you ever been called before you appear there?”

  I shook my head, and was aware of Money doing the same, beside me.

  “Can you sleep now?” I asked, and both Missives laughed.

  “I’m sure I could,” Odyssey answered, “but Garrett is a seven-year-old boy. We’ll be lucky if he feels tired by his regular bedtime tonight!”

  I sighed. Eve looked up at me, her strange eyes bright. “Are we going, Mama?”

  I sent a look of desperation to Jay.

  “Soon, baby girl,” he answered, bending to touch her cheek. He looked up at me. “Soon.”

  Chapter 29 – Finally, an Answer

  Money, Eve and I were on the way out the door, having decided to wait at home for news, when Odyssey pulled me aside.

  “I’ll be there in a sec,” I called to Money, and he waved over his shoulder. Eve was already falling asleep in his arms.

  “I know your parents are an uncomfortable topic for you, and I apologize for continuing to bring it up, but I think it’s important, especially after last night,” Odyssey whispered, her eyes sincere.

  I dropped my gaze to the floor, inhaling deeply, then looked back at her. “I don’t think I’ve dealt with my feelings about them, you know? It was a mystery for so long – who they were – and now so much is changing in my life that I’m a bit overwhelmed,” I wiped a tear away and Odyssey put a hand on my arm, looking pained.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  I nodded. “It’s not your fault, Odyssey. And you’re right; if information about my parents will help us in any way, I have to stop avoiding the subject.”

  She smiled. “When you’re ready, I’m listening.”

  I shook my head, giving a short laugh. “I’m afraid all I have is where my father worked, and their names.”

  She furrowed her brow. “Maybe that’s enough.”

  “My mother was Onus,” I said, then sucked my breath back in. It was the first time I’d said her name aloud. Odyssey’s eyes lit up immediately, but I continued, afraid that if I didn’t get it all out, I wouldn’t recover the bravery to try again. “And my father’s name was -” I
giggled. When my mother had revealed the name to me, she had, too. “Trouble,” I smiled. “But he used Billy.”

  Odyssey’s eyes bulged as they widened further.

  “You knew them? Both?” My heart was racing, but I held myself steady, unwilling to miss the moment.

  Odyssey’s eyes filled with tears. “I found Onus,” she smiled. “I don’t know if you knew this, but she called herself, ‘Oona.’”

  My eyes filled up, too, and I covered my mouth as emotion threatened to overwhelm me. “I didn’t know that.”

  “I don’t imagine your family did, either.”

  “You found her? When?”

  Odyssey nodded. “She was one of the two Fated I have found in my lifetime, and we -” she paused, choking back a sob, “- we were very close.”

  I put a hand on her arm, then, and we stood like that, each supporting the other, until she was ready to speak again.

  “It was before she found your father…I only know that because I never knew him. I didn’t even know she had a child,” she said, brushing a curl out of my eyes with her free hand. “When I got news that she’d died, I was – well, I’d be lying if I said I’ve healed from it, even now. She was my best friend. A soul mate.”

  The ache in my chest intensified at the motherly way she was looking at me. “Oh…I want to know everything,” I cried.

  She smiled through her tears. “You shall.”

  “What about my father? You said you didn’t know him, but when I said his name, you – it seemed like you recognized it.”

  She nodded. “I did. The Fated that I know of – the couple we’ve been trying to track in Spain?”

  I nodded, my heart skipping a beat.

  “We have some information – though limited - about the man, and his name is suspected to be Trouble.” She frowned. “But both are reported to be elderly, and for Fated these days, that usually means they are nearing one-hundred years old, so that doesn’t make sense entirely, does it?”

  I frowned, then shook my head, disappointment gnawing at my hopes. My mother was dead. I hadn’t needed confirmation of that. But my father – I’d always held out hope for him. I wasn’t ready to give that up.

  “Do you know how old he was when you were born?”

  I shook my head again. “I can ask my mother.”

  She nodded. “Yes, will you?”

  “I’ll call her today.”

  She smiled. “I can’t believe you’re her daughter,” she took my face in her hands, gently, “but of course, I see it now. She was beautiful, and I see her in you, so clearly.” She took me into an embrace, crying into my hair, and I let myself be warmed by her body and by the knowledge that she’d known my mother. Had been close to her. Somehow, it was a balm to my soul.

  I pulled away from Odyssey slightly and caught sight of Money, leaning patiently on the car and eyeing us quietly.

  “We’ll talk about this more, as much as you want and whenever you’re ready,” Odyssey smiled.

  I laughed. “More like when we have time.”

  She turned serious. “We have to make time. We need to find that couple; two more Fated nearly doubles our ranks!”

  “Wow,” I breathed. “You’re right.”

  She nodded. “Go; we’ll let you know when we know more.”

  “Thank you,” I said, holding her gaze.

  She kissed my forehead easily; her height made sure of that, but there was something else in the gesture, something kind and caring that made me catch my breath.

  Because I knew she kissed me for my mother, too.

  Chapter 30 – A Gift for the Missive Who Has Everything

  Though the decision to go back home had felt right at the time, it felt strange once we were there. Money tucked Eve into her bed and she slept on, which was good, but Money and I were restless.

  We lay for a while in the loft, listening to Eve’s even breathing until Money kissed my cheek and whispered, “I’m going downstairs.”

  “I’ll come,” I replied, and we went down together, me turning the kettle on and Money going to the patio doors and looking outside, his hands in his pockets.

  “You should sleep, love,” he said quietly when I handed him a steaming mug.

  I shook my head. “I can’t. My thoughts are going in circles.”

  He nodded, pulling me to his side with an arm around my back.

  I’d filled him in on my conversation with Odyssey on the way home, but the repetition of our words had only stirred me up more. Now that my mind was on my biological parents, it wouldn’t seem to stray.

  “Me too.” He put his tea on the shelf over the wood stove and pulled me to him again, this time looking down into my eyes. “I haven’t said much, because I don’t know enough about what we’re going into…but I need to say it now: I don’t like the idea of you and our baby in a fight against this Legion.”

  I chuckled lightly. “You didn’t need to say it; I think it’s on all of our minds.” I nestled in to his chest. “But I know he’ll be OK, Money. And me, too.” I looked back up at him, noting the deep blue of his eyes. “We’re strong – even stronger together, I think,” I smiled, then looked down at my belly.

  He shook his head. “I still don’t like it. And I won’t promise to hold back if I get the urge to whisk you away.”

  “Frankly, the fact that you could if you wanted is a comfort to me.”

  He smiled, just a little.

  “Do you think I have time to call my mother?”

  He nodded without hesitation. “I’ve been holding back the suggestion since we got home.”

  I laughed, then pulled away to retrieve my phone from the kitchen. “I’ll go outside,” I said quietly, kissing him lightly as he held the patio door open for me.

  My mother answered on the first ring, as she often did. I always got the feeling she was waiting for me to call.

  “Bird! How’s Eve? And what about my grandson?”

  “Hi, Mom,” I smiled. She didn’t waste any time. “Eve is – well, I don’t know if you’d recognize her; she’s more like a three-year-old than the baby you remember.

  She tsk-tsked before replying, “Even when we were there, she was growing as if it were a race!”

  I looked out at the road, where traffic was lazy. “It might be – we’re going on a trip soon. An important one.”

  Mom was quiet.

  “I’ll tell you every detail I can as I know them myself, OK?”

  “OK.” Her reply was short, but it was heavy with trepidation.

  I took a deep breath. “I need to ask about my father, Mom.”

  “Oh – of course, but I’ve told you everything I know, Bird. And you haven’t told me about how you’re doing – and the pregnancy.”

  “We’re well, I promise. Baby and I are both fine.”

  “Only two more months,” Mom said wistfully. “Do you know his name, yet?”

  I smiled. It was wonderful to have my mother’s understanding of the things that made me different. She’d known about how the Fated are named – even if she hadn’t known the word “Fated” - since I came into her life. “Yes; his name is Solemn. We’ll call him Sol.”

  “Oh – that’s rather beautiful, isn’t it? And – no middle name allowed, this time?”

  “Nope. He’s full-on Fated, and we only get the one.”

  “Right. OK,” she sighed, and I gave her a moment, wondering if her mind was back on my father. “I love you, Bird,” she said quietly after a few moments.

  “I love you, too.”

  “What did you need to ask? About your father?” Tears trembled in her words.

  “Why are you crying, Mom?”

  “I just – I always knew you’d be doing amazing things, you know? As you grew? But I held on to the fact that you were so open – still sharing everything you could. But now – with you becoming a mother so quickly and being so far from us -”

  “I’m still in the same country as you, Ma,” I smiled.

  “I kno
w. But I miss you, love. And I feel you getting even further away. What is this trip you’re going on, at such a late time in your pregnancy?”

  “That can’t be helped, but don’t worry. We’ll be fine.”