Hollow Sight

by Kristie Pierce

  Morgan scrutinizes my scared expression and then turns toward Claire.

  “Don’t scare the poor girl. She’s had a lot to deal with tonight. Breckin has never been the type to participate in the usual homecoming hoopla. We just have to simply explain to her what she is about to do and ease her into it gently,” she coos.

  I pull from their embrace and stop walking. What am I about to do that is so extremely obvious to others but not to me? Although Morgan’s right, I don’t ever really pay attention to homecoming detail, I’m becoming slightly irritated at the way she seems to be acting as if I’m a toddler the way she likes to do. I give her the same warning look I usually do when she starts to speak this way.

  “Would you like to tell me what the hell you’re going on about?” I ask flatly.

  Both girls approach me with their arms half-extended as if they’re about to catch me if I flee. I eye them suspiciously and start backing away.

  “Breckin…” Claire begins.

  The way she says my name makes me want to beg the next passerby for a ride home. It seems something unpleasant is in my near future.

  “It’ll be fine. Not bad at all.” Morgan says in her chipper tone. She’s too chipper though. This is fake chipper; the chipper she reserves for really bad situations.

  “What will be fine?” I say through my teeth.

  “It’s just one little… spotlight dance… with the king. No biggie.” Claire explains hesitantly.

  I raise my eyebrows so high that my forehead wrinkles into my hairline. Dancing I’m not so afraid of although with the shoes that are now butchering my feet, it probably won't be so easy. The “spotlight” part I’m having a difficult time wrapping my head around. Haven’t I been in the spotlight enough now for one night? A life time? Having to be processioned around like a showcase model in front of the entire school and town, not only under the bright lights of the football field, but as well as in the parade, that wasn’t enough? And the humiliation of having to wear a sparkly tiara that brings all the more attention to me – the roses I’m now tired of carting around, and the sash that hangs crookedly from my one shoulder – all this isn’t enough torment for one night? Now I have to dance under a stupid spotlight?

  I suck in a deep breath and calm my expression after reading the two girls' faces. It is very clear that I won’t be going anywhere but to the dance. I fold my arms stubbornly across my chest, give out an over-exaggerated huff, and move hesitantly forward to again join them.

  “That’s the spirit!” Morgan exclaims. “You’re being awfully cooperative tonight. I’m impressed.”

  “Is it worth fighting?” I ask a little hopeful.

  “Nope.”

  “Then I'm so glad that I could please both of you,” I say dryly.

  Morgan laughs and Claire joins in. Both girls wrap their clothed arms around my naked skin once more that are now covered in goose bumps from the cool night air.

  “I don’t really understand why you’re hating all the attention so much. It’s not like people don’t look at you when you swim in a meet.” Claire says as we head toward the school.

  “It’s not the same. I’m not singled out like this. There are other swimmers in the pool so the attention isn’t solely focused on me. Besides, I’m able to tune everyone out when I swim. I'm good at swimming. I'm not good at this.” I say as I stop and gesture to my dress and point to the crown now falling out of my hair.

  “You’re not enjoying this at all?” Morgan now asks disappointedly, straightening my tiara. “Not even a little bit?”

  I think about it for a few seconds and realize that perhaps there is a teeny-tiny part of me that could be capable of taking a teensy bit of pleasure in the swirl of commotion and attention that has surrounded me tonight. Maybe.

  “You’re impossible,” Morgan accuses when I don’t answer.

  As we approach the gym, I can hear the loud booming music and thumping bass of the speakers. The entire high school population seems to crowd the gym with enthusiastic chatter and as I take in my surroundings, I still hopelessly find myself looking for Liam. But my attempts are just that – hopeless. The large gym is dark except for colorful strobe lights that hang from the ceiling, spinning sporadically in random circles, highlighting this area and that with circles of purple, red, green, yellow, and blue. There are some small strands of twinkle lights hanging from the walls and small round tables covered in cheap colored paper tablecloths and chairs have been brought in to offer seating. The DJ has a flashlight wedged under his chin while he tries to light the stacks of CD’s he has to sift through while the chaperons stand by the doors and punch table eyeballing everyone.

  My two eager escorts drag me as I trip and nearly fall, over to our standard group of acquaintances. They’re standing in a tight circle and all make room when they notice our approach, again, congratulating me on becoming homecoming queen. I thank them like I had before, but secretly wish for the night to be over. My feet really hurt now and I can feel the beginning of blisters as they start stinging the backs of my heels. At least it’s warmer inside the gym, but the thin black dress I wear is beginning to get on my nerves. After shivering for so long, I just want to go home and put on a comfy pair of sweats and curl up into bed.

  But the real reason that I yearn to leave, the real reason I want to curl up into a ball of misery, is because the one person I want most to share this moment with isn’t with me. I was very much kidding myself earlier when I’d convinced myself to enjoy the moment. There aren’t moments worth enjoying without him. So I am left wondering, would anyone really miss me?

  I suppress a yawn as I half-listen to our little groups play by play of the game. I casually look around the very crowded gym, sipping on some punch that has too much sugar for my liking. After several long minutes of pointless chit-chat and standing around, I see that the football players are finally filing in after their well-deserved showers and post-game pep talk.

  Good. Now I can get this ridiculous dance over with and go home.

  I’m almost tempted to go and grab the microphone from the DJ and announce the queen and king dance myself. The sooner I can get this attention-grabbing charade over with, the sooner I can be alone in my desolation. The more it sinks in that Liam isn’t with me, the sadder I become. He really should be here – it’s his senior year, too. I wonder if they have this sort of event at his school in England. As the minutes tick on, I think that maybe my earlier thoughts weren’t so unreasonable. And then I suddenly remember with a twinge of slight annoyance that he had promised to make this night a good one. So far I’m miserable.

  “Hey, Breckin!” a husky voice calls over the music.

  I turn to see who’s calling my name. It’s Chad of course, and he has his glittery club – as it looks now – in one hand and the other hand extended out in front of him inviting me to take the dance floor.

  Did I miss the DJ’s cue?

  “Come with me my Queen. May I have this dance?” he says with fake etiquette and a mocking smile. It’s no secret that I won’t much enjoy this.

  Chad stops at the DJ’s booth and murmurs something in his ear. The name of a song I imagine. He then strides over to me and again holds out his hand for me to take the dance floor. I mash my lips together into a line with furrowed eyebrows and then hesitantly put my right hand into his.

  “I’m sorry that I had to run off so quickly after our pictures,” he says while the DJ puts on a slow song for us to sway to.

  “You don’t have to apologize, Chad. I understand that you were probably just a bit busy at the moment.” He laughs and then lifts his left arm to twirl me. “At least you smell better than the last time I saw you.”

  Chad lets out a loud laugh this time. “Ouch!” he says playfully.

  I realize with a hint of optimism for the first time tonight that maybe Chad will know where Liam is. I know that he was obviously busy when Liam left the game, but maybe he had told Chad of some previous engagement that would take him aw
ay after halftime. I struggle to sound casual.

  “So…” I begin, not meeting his eyes. “I noticed that Liam had left before the third quarter began. Do you know where he was headed to?” Chad looks a little surprised at my question.

  “Um, no…. Not at all. I’m actually amazed that he isn’t here,” he says while looking around the dark gym. “Are you sure that you’re just not missing him somewhere? I can’t believe that he would leave any place you would be.”

  I look up to him then with raised eyebrows.

  “Oops, maybe I shouldn’t’ve said anything.”

  “No!” I almost shout. Now I really want to hear what Chad has to say. I feel a little flicker of hope flow through my body to know that maybe Liam had said something.

  Chad stops our dancing and we’re standing motionless in the center of the dance floor. Luckily other people are now swaying to the music as well so we don't look so out of place. He glances down to my face with a bit of apprehension. I feel a little chagrined at how loudly I’d spoken before.

  “I mean, no,” I start quieter. “It’s okay that you said something. What did you mean by that last part? Why would you be so surprised he left?”

  I figured Liam to be more of the quiet, secretive type. But what he's just said has plucked a chord inside of me and I realize maybe Liam has confided in Chad about something. Hell, maybe he's confided in him about me. I’m extremely curious now. Chad hesitates before answering me and then starts our bodies circling again.

  “I’m just saying that Liam and I have talked a little about you – okay a lot about you. And well, he’s told me about your handful of rendezvous too,” he says while raising his eyebrows up and down mischievously. I look at him anxiously and he laughs loudly. “Don’t worry, not in detail. It’s not any of my business anyway.”

  “It’s not like that,” I whisper sheepishly.

  “No matter. Like I said, it’s not my business.”

  I ignore that. I’ve never felt that I couldn’t trust Chad.

  “Then where do you think he is?” I say hoping to budge more information from him.

  “I don’t have the slightest idea, Breckin.” And it’s obvious in his face that Chad really has no idea where Liam has gone. “Don’t worry. He’ll probably be back. I bet he went to change out of that monkey suit he had on. I teased him for wearing it, but he told me that tonight was a special occasion for you and that he had to look the part. I dunno,” he shrugs.

  “Special-mecial,” I mumble.

  I want to ask Chad just what Liam has told him, but then as I open my mouth to ask, I think better of it. Maybe I don’t want to know the details of what Liam has said about me. Boy talk is generally different than girl talk. What I’ve heard of boys and their bragging ways, I figure I'll just steer clear of any details. I don’t figure Liam to be the type to spill every dripping detail anyway. And it would be rude to expect Chad to tell me.

  Just as the music stops, Chad reaches down to his pants pocket and pulls out a small black cell phone.

  “Hello?” Chad listens intently for a moment and politely raises a finger for me to wait. He nods then. “Sure thing, I got it. I’ll have her out front in five minutes.” Chad slides his phone shut and looks down to my awaiting face. He smiles like an excited child. “I have strict instructions to have you outside in a few minutes.”

  “What on earth are you talking about, Chad?” I ask, crinkling my face.

  “Just come with me. I promise that it’ll make you happy.” His blue eyes twinkle in the strobe lights.

  I narrow my eyes to the word “promise”. I’ve heard that word before and so far that promise hasn’t been kept. Chad leads me by the hand he still holds from the dance and starts us toward the door. He walks slowly, thankfully, probably noticing my clumsy steps due to my throbbing feet.

  “Do you have a coat?” he asks.

  “Yes, but I accidentally left it in Liam’s car after the parade.”

  “We’ll stand in the lobby then. I don’t need my mom yelling at me for making you sick. It's become pretty chilly out there.”

  I give him a small smile. His mother – my coach – has never been known for raising her voice. Camille Dawson is one of the kindest women I know and it would take a little more than a cold to make her angry. Even when the swim team is doing poorly, she always keeps her cool and talks to us in a calm and level voice. I don’t imagine she’s much different with her own children.

  “Who are we meeting out here, anyway?” I ask.

  “Nuh-uh. I can’t tell ya.”

  “Why not?”

  Chad looks at me but doesn’t say.

  I’m becoming impatient, but stand silently in front of the double doors that lead outside as Chad thumps his fingers against the door to the beat of the music inside.

  “Good game tonight, huh?” Chad says excitedly after a few minutes.

  “Sure was.” I agree. “Congratulations on the win.”

  “Thanks,” he smiles. “Where’s Axel tonight? I didn’t see him in there. Did he go home?”

  “Probably. He hates dances. His mom probably gave him a curfew anyway. He’s grounded.”

  “What for?”

  “Too many detentions.”

  “That sucks.”

  Chad keeps his eyes gazing through the tiny rectangular window of the metal door. I think about making more small talk, but really am not in the mood. I stand with my arms crossed and shift my weight from one foot to another many times. My feet are beyond painful and all I want to do is take my strappy shoes off. I don’t care that it means I’ll be standing barefoot on the cold lobby floor. That actually sounds rather appealing at the moment. Nice cold tile against my hot, achy feet.

  I reach down to undo the tiny silver clasp to my shoe and Chad takes his jacket and quickly throws it over my shoulders.

  “What are you doing?”

  “C’mon, he’s here. You’ll freeze walking outside. Just wear it to the car and then I’ll take it back.”

  “Who’s here? Who’s car?” I ask as Chad leads me out into the chilled night air.

  He doesn’t answer me though. Again. That’s so annoying. Chad only wraps one of his large arms around me, huddling me like I’m one of his footballs as he ushers me to the curb. Just as we stop, I hear the buzzing of a familiar exhaust. I anxiously look toward the noise and then see headlights flash around the corner as the black car speeds toward us. My heart picks up instantly, feeling as if it’s incapable of taking complete beats. My stomach is performs flips as I become so excited I feel like I could throw up. I look over to Chad with wide eyes and a huge grin spreads across his exultant face.

  “See. I told ya,” he says.

  I don’t know what to say. I just turn again toward the car as Liam pulls around to where we’re waiting. My stomach is tied in knots and my skin now tingles with excitement. My breathing picks up in double time along with my heart, and as the car comes to a stop directly in front of me, I freeze.

  “Does he know I broke up with Ben?” I ask quietly through unmoving lips. I’m looking toward the darkly tinted window now directly in front of me, and Chad feels me tense at his side.

  “Yes, Breckin.” He squeezes my shoulders. “I think everyone knows. Small school. Why else do you think he’s here?” he says, reaching out for the door handle.

  “Oh.”

  “Relax.”

  “'Kay.”

  I’m ecstatic that Liam has come back for me. I’m free to be with him in the way I’ve wanted to be for so long now. So why the sudden feeling of panic? I can’t seem to move my wounded feet forward. How long have I been waiting for this? I can’t justify the flustered and terrified emotions I’m feeling. Snap out of it!, my mind orders.

  That’s when it hits me. I never really thought this moment would ever happen. I’d convinced myself that I would never be with Liam, so now that the moment’s here, I’m terrified. Not terrified in a way that scares me, terrified in a way that makes me nervous and
slightly anxious.

  Chad opens the door and I see Liam’s lovely face turned in my direction. I swallow the lump in my throat when I meet his aquatic eyes and then he smiles so softly and beautifully that I think my erratic heart might shatter. I feel my knees becoming wobbly and that's when Chad gives me a small nudge and helps me into the passenger seat.

  I take his jacket from my shoulders and hand it to him. “Thank you.”

  “No problem. You two have fun now,” he says wickedly.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Hi,” Liam says with the same soft smile.

  “Hi,” I murmur back.

  Liam doesn’t say anything else, which is something I’ve become quite used to. He drives into the dark night and it reminds me of the way we’d driven silently a few nights ago when he took me to the boat dock. Only tonight his jaw is relaxed, and his soft lips are turned slightly upward at the corners.

  After we have far left the boundaries of the school, Liam reaches over and takes my hand in his. The touch sends a jolt of heated electricity through my hand, upward to my arm, then the voltage spreads throughout my entire body warming me from the inside out. He draws small circles on my skin with his thumb, and when he has to shift the gears to his car he makes sure to lay my hand into his lap so that we’re always touching.

  I shift my legs, and when I do my shoes rub against my raw feet. I can’t take it any longer. I have to take these stupid agonizing shoes off. I pull away from Liam’s hand and begin unbuckling the clasps at my ankles. He glances down to what I’m doing and I shoot him a pained expression.

  “I have to take these things off.” I say quietly. “Do you mind?”

  Liam shakes his head. “Nope.”

  I slide the uncomfortable heels off and my feet rejoice in gratitude. I’m slightly afraid that they might smell after being crammed into such a tiny space for so long, but the relief of being freed from the shoes greatly overshadows the fright of feet rot.