The Night Before Thirty

by Tajuana Butler

  “You'll be back, because who else would hire you? You're a thirty-year-old woman with no real skills or experience,” Cicely huffed as she stood to her feet. Her face was contorted and flushed. It was the most out of control Lashawnda had ever seen Cicely.“You were nothing when I first met you. If it weren't for me, you would still be in the ghetto trying to scrape by. You're still a hoochy hood rat!”

  “Cicely, with all your degrees and credentials, I'm sure you can come up with a better way to insult me,” Lashawnda said calmly. She relished knowing that Cicely needed her much more than she needed Cicely.

  “You know what, bitch, just get out of my office!” Cicely yelled.

  “My pleasure, Cicely. I'm leaving,” Lashawnda said, and walked toward the door. But she couldn't resist having the last word.“And by the way, your sex is not as good as you think. You're actually quite boring. I know men who lick it better than you could ever imagine.”

  Lashawnda walked out and closed the door behind her. Cicely was yelling something, but Lashawnda was so puffed up that she didn't hear. She gathered her things from her desk and found a small box to put them in. Then she stopped and took a moment to look around the office that had changed her life. She knew she'd never see that place again. She slowly walked out and closed the door behind her. Instead of being sad, she felt good inside and was confident about her possibilities.

  She still wasn't sure about her sexuality. As things stood, she'd had a bad track record with both men and women. However, she was beginning to like herself, so she looked forward to getting to know Lashawnda and finding out what kinds of things she would fill her apartment with, what kind of job she would be able to land. She anticipated finding out what she'd like to do when she was alone, and she wondered what kind of person she would find herself linked to. Regardless of their gender, she knew that it would be someone she would choose out of want and compatibility instead of need or convenience. She was a grown-ass woman and knew it was high time to make decisions that reflected her age. She also knew that regardless of her recent losses and the uncertainty of her future, she was going to be just fine.

  HE ALARM CLOCK went off at eight a.m. Alecia rolled over and hit all the buttons until she found the snooze.

  “Today is your day,” she groaned from beneath her covers.

  Then she lay staring at the wall, attempting to find the motivation to get up before the alarm clock went off again.

  “Today is your day,” she said. This time louder.

  The phone rang. She sighed and reached over her alarm clock to get it.

  “This is Alecia,” she said.

  “So you are back,” William said.“Tony told me he picked you up from the airport yesterday.”

  “He did. Is it a problem?” she asked, not really caring if it was.

  “No, Jewel, not at all. I'm calling to see if we can meet for lunch today.”

  “Well, I have a list of things that I need to do today.”

  “But you have to eat sometime, right?” he asked.

  “Hold on just a sec. I need to check my schedule for today. I'll let you know what time will be good for me.”

  “Okay. Check your schedule,” he said sarcastically.

  Alecia laid down the phone and counted to thirty. Just then the alarm clock went off. She knew the phone was near the clock so she took her time about turning it off.

  “I'm sorry, William. I hope that alarm didn't bother you. Anyway, I can be available around one o'clock, I guess.”

  “Okay. One o'clock it is. I'll be by to pick you up.”

  “Why don't we meet out—I have some errands I have to run.”

  “I've got a taste for soul food. Let's go to Harold and Belle's.”

  “Soul food? I was thinking more like Sushi on Sunset, but soul food in Inglewood is cool.”

  “Are you sure that's okay with you?”

  “I guess I am due a taste of some good ol' Cajun-fried catfish. I'll see you there,” she said and hung up the phone.

  There wasn't a reason to be angry at William. He'd had no idea his wife was going to show up in San Diego. Plus, her meeting him today would give him an opportunity to make things right and allow her to determine what she needed to do for herself and her life. In the meantime, she needed to do so much to get started with her day. She had numerous phone calls to make, but the first thing on her list was to get showered.

  After getting dressed, Alecia began making calls. The first one was to a photographer whose work she admired. She set up a date with him for a photo shoot. She needed new head shots to begin working. Then she called up her old acting coach to begin lessons. That was no problem at all. As long as she was paying, she would be able to continue training. Finally she made the dreaded call to her old agent.

  His receptionist answered the phone.

  “May I please speak to Masden?”

  “May I say who's calling?”

  “This is Alecia Jewel Parker.”

  “Alecia. Oh, I gotta put you through,” she said, laughing rudely.

  Alecia wasn't surprised.

  “Talk to me,” Masden said.

  “Hi, Masden. This is Alecia.”

  “Yeah, I know. So what are you doing calling me, wasting my time?”

  “I'm ready,” she said.

  “Yeah, that's what I thought when you first walked through my door, but then what happened? You turned down every role I found for you. You said they weren't good enough.”

  “I know, but—”

  “I got you speaking roles. You could have been SAG by now. You know Jada Pinkett-Smith? It should have been Alecia Jewel Parker-Smith. But no, you weren't willing to start from the bottom and work your way to the top. You wanted to begin a star. But nobody, and I mean nobody, not even Alecia Jewel Parker, steps on the screen and becomes an instant star.”

  “Masden, listen to me. I realize that now.”

  “I know you're not asking me to represent you again. You were my worst client ever.”

  “I've changed.”

  “Yeah, maturity works every time. But now you're too old! A has-been. How old are you now, anyway, thirty? There's no way I can get any work for you.”

  “I said I'm ready, and I'm not too old!” Alecia demanded.“Somebody out there has a part with my name on it, and if anybody can find it for me, it's you. I know that you're the best in the business. That's why I'm calling now.” She hated groveling, but she knew what worked with him.

  “Yeah, you've still got it, just enough bullshit know-how to make it in this crazy business. Now, you know your first jobs are not going to be leads, right?”

  “I know!”

  “Do you have your head shots?”

  “Got a shoot set up for Friday.”

  “Okay. Bring the proofs to the office as soon as you get them. I want to have some say this time in the ones we use.”

  “Okay.”

  “What about classes? Have you been working on your craft? Because if you're dealing with me, longevity is the goal.”

  “I begin classes again on Thursday. Twice a week.”

  “Okay, we're set. You are still beautiful, right?”

  “Even better than when you saw me last,” she purred.

  “That's what I want to hear. All right then, let's get to work,” he said.

  “Masden, thanks so much and I promise I won't let you down.”

  “All right Miss Alecia Jewel, we'll see about that.”

  “Oh, we will,” she replied confidently.

  ALECIA WALKED THROUGH the restaurant toward the table where William was sitting. Most of the patrons enjoying their meals were African American businesspeople on their lunch breaks.

  She found William seated at a table in a corner in the far back of the restaurant. She wasn't surprised—they found secluded seating when dining in public whenever possible.

  When Alecia approached the table, William stood up and pulled her seat out for her.

  “So what are you in the mood for?�
�� he asked.

  “I don't know yet. It's been a while since we came here. I need to look the menu over.”

  “No problem,” he said.“You're absolutely breathtaking.”

  Alecia opened her menu and replied with an unfeeling “Thank you.”

  After the waitress took their orders, William leaned forward to grab Alecia's hand, but she saw what he was doing, picked up her napkin, and placed it in her lap, leaving her hands underneath the table.

  “I know you hate me,” he said.

  “I don't hate you, William. You know that. I'm in love with you.”

  “I'm in love with you too. I'm so sorry about what happened in San Diego. I had no idea Phyllis was going to be there.”

  “Of course you didn't,” Alecia replied calmly. She was going to allow him to say everything that he felt necessary. She wanted him to say he was getting a divorce.

  “I told her not to ever come anywhere that I was unannounced.”

  “I'm sure she didn't appreciate that.”

  “She was angry. We went to sleep hugging different sides of the bed.”

  “That must have been miserable for her,” Alecia said.

  “For me too, because I was wondering all night if you were okay.”

  “As you can see, I'm just fine,” Alecia said with a dry smile.

  “I can see that. But I want to know if everything is cool between you and me.”

  “I guess this means you have no intention of leaving your wife?” she asked, keeping her tone low.

  William shot her a look of disbelief.

  “I think that's a fair question,” she said.

  “Maybe so, but you've never asked before,” he said.

  “Well, I'm asking now. Are you going to divorce Phyllis?”

  William took a deep breath, picked up his glass, took a sip of water, and cleared his throat.“Alecia, Phyllis and I have been married for fif-teen years.”

  “I figured it had been about that long, William, but that still doesn't answer my question,” she insisted.

  “Does it really matter to you?” he asked.

  “Of course it does. I am in love with you, William, and I don't want to—I will not share you any longer.”

  “Alecia, I give you anything you ask for. I bought you a condominium and paid off all your sky-high credit-card balances. I take care of you. I thought you were cool with our arrangement. You never said anything before. Plus you have a pack of boyfriends that I never say anything about. What's the problem?” he asked, seemingly confused with why they were having such a conversation.

  Alecia composed herself, resisting her need to scream and cry and throw a tantrum.“The problem is that you've given me everything except you, and that's what I want. But I can't have you,” Alecia said and lowered her head, “because you belong to Phyllis.”

  Just then the waitress walked up and served them their food.

  “Can I help you with anything else?” she asked.

  “We're just fine. Thank you,” William said.

  She walked off.

  Reality was staring Alecia in the face. William never intended to leave his wife, and he would keep Alecia on the side for as long as she would allow him to. She had to be honest with herself. She wanted more than William, or any married man, could possibly give, so she had to get what she could and get out without feeling that she'd lost everything.

  “William, I intend to keep my car and my condo.”

  “You can't afford them, Alecia.”

  She licked her lips and began, “But you can, William. It's over between us, but I expect you to write me a check right now to cover my mortgage and car note for the next six months. That's all I expect from you. You owe me that much. After that, I don't want anything else from you.”

  “And why should I do that?” he asked.

  “You just sat there and told me that you loved me. Did you mean that or are you just putting together words to string me along?”

  “So you're trying to say that you expect me to keep you for six months and you're not going to be spending time with me. Do you take me for a fool?” William asked.

  “No, William, but I know that I had to mean something to you. All those long talks we've had and the way that you've looked at me and touched me—I couldn't have been just an expensive lay. No, William, I know the kind of man you are and surely you're deeper than that.”

  “I am and it was,” William nervously replied. He looked dejected and vulnerable.

  “Well, prove it!” Alecia said and stared him dead in the eyes. William hesitantly pulled out his checkbook and began filling out a check.

  “Fill in the amount,” he said, “and it better be the correct amount, down to the dime.”

  “Six months, that's all I ask,” Alecia replied.

  William handed the check over to her.“So this is it,” he said.

  “It's your choice, not mine,” Alecia replied, while examining the check to make sure the signature was legit. It was. She put it into her purse. Then stood up.

  “If you ever change your mind …” William began, but he knew it was over.

  “I won't,” she replied and turned and walked away.

  When she got outside, she gave the valet her ticket. He returned, rolling up in her SLK 32 AMG Mercedes-Benz and opened the car door for her to get inside.

  When she closed the door, she pulled down the shade to look at herself in the mirror. She saw the disappointment in her eyes. She was heartbroken, but she refused to cry. After all, she had a blank check, and a life that had taught her that time heals all wounds. She checked out her physique, and everything was looking good as usual. She spoke to her reflection.“Hey, Alecia Jewel Parker, you might give him your heart, but he'll never take your common sense.” She slipped on her Chanel sunglasses, pulled out of the lot, and headed to the bank.

  ATAR A SAT ON the subway after a long day of work at Saks. She lay back, closed her eyes, and listened to the radio, trying to block out the noise on the train and unwind from the day. Her clientele always increased their visits around Christmastime. It had been a long stressful day and everybody seemed to need a dress for a Christmas shindig at Tavern on the Green, but she took her day in stride. She had big plans, and although she wasn't sure how it was going to happen, she felt confident that she would get her turn in the design industry.

  Her eyes were closed and she was mouthing the words to Toni Braxton's “Another Sad Love Song,” when she almost missed her chance to get off when the train came to her stop. An elderly lady, who always sat across from her on the train but never spoke, tapped her on the shoulder.

  “You're gonna miss your stop,” she said smiling.

  Catara looked around and noticed that the doors were about to close, so she jumped up and rushed for the door.“Thank you,” she yelled behind her.

  People never cease to amaze me, she said to herself as she took the steps up to the street. She had a half-mile walk to get to her apartment. It was freezing out and flakes of snow were falling.

  Catara looked up at the snow. This time next year, I will be a professional designer, she promised herself.

  Inside her apartment, Catara threw her coat, scarf, and gloves on the floor and walked over to her cordless phone to check her voice mail.

  “You have one new message,” the automated voice said.

  “Catara, this is Cheryl. Give me a call as soon as you get this message,” she said.“I have good news, so call me now. Love you, cuz.”

  Catara took a seat on her sofa and noticed how out of line she was for throwing her garments down, so she got up to pick them up as she dialed.“Hey, Cheryl. This is Catara. I got your message. What's up?”

  “Are you sitting down?” Cheryl asked.

  “No. Do I need to be?” Catara asked as she picked up her things.

  “I would if I were you,” Cheryl said.

  “So what is it?”

  Catara walked over to her closet, put her coat and scarf on a hanger, stuffed her
gloves into a pocket of the coat, and took a seat on her bed.

  “Catara, you're not going to believe this. Do you remember La-mont?” Cheryl asked.

  “Yeah. The guy who took us to the airport before Thanksgiving.”

  “Yeah, him,” Cheryl replied.

  “He asked you to marry him?” Catara joked.

  “Where would you get a thought like that, silly?” Cheryl said. Her voice was even mousier than usual.“No. He really liked the pajamas you were wearing when he came over that morning.”

  “I remember. He told me he liked them then.”

  “I mean he really liked them, to the point that he told his best friend about them, and he wants to see them,” Cheryl said with excitement in her voice.

  “Okay. That's nice to know, but what's so great about Lamont's best friend wanting to see my pajamas?”

  “His best friend is one of the head lingerie designers for Victoria's Secret!” Cheryl screamed.“He wants to branch off and form an upscale plus-size lingerie line. He has created the lingerie but is interested in seeing your pajamas to possibly bring you and your line to the collection.”

  “Oh my God. Are you serious?” Catara replied. She fell back on the bed.

  “Yes, and he wants to meet with you immediately and see the pajamas that Lamont saw, plus anything else that you have. He also wants to see any of your other sketches of lingerie.”

  Catara sat up. She was overwhelmed, ecstatic. She'd never sent a résumé or samples to Victoria's Secret, because she just assumed that they wouldn't be interested or that they'd discriminate against her once they saw her, because of her weight.

  “So what do I need to do to contact him?” she asked.

  Cheryl gave her his name and number and told her to call first thing the next morning.

  “I'm so nervous. What if he doesn't like my work? No. I know he'll like it. He'd better like it,” Catara said.

  “All I know is that when I told Lamont about your background, he said his friend is looking for a designer and that your pajamas are going to blow him away.”

  “Unbelievable,” Catara said.

  “Yeah, cuz. It's happening for you,” Cheryl said.