Holding On To Hope

by Mystique Roberts

  He laughs, puts his arm around me and kisses my head. My nerves settle and are replaced with happiness. Pure happiness and love. Finally, I know everything is going to be okay.

  Chase:

  We still have one show left in the tour and although I don’t want to leave Hope at the hospital, I know I can’t miss the last show. Her family is with her, so I find some comfort in the fact that she won’t be alone, she’s only a few hours away and she’s getting discharged tomorrow. I’ve spent the last couple days trying to spend whatever time I could with her when her family or friends weren’t visiting. She still has some hurdles ahead of her in recovering, but the doctor said she would get back to normal in a couple of months. Luckily, we don’t have tour again for about four months. I can’t wait to tell her the news today.

  We have the bus loaded and everyone is ready to take off, but I make one stop before heading to the hospital to see Hope one more time before we head out. I have the sales person gift wrap it and grab a large iced coffee to take her as well. She is struggling with the hospital coffee to get her by.

  I’m anxious as I ride in the elevator up to her room, carrying her gift, coffee and some flowers I picked up. An older couple is riding up with me and the woman looks at me with a warm smile.

  “Visiting someone special?”

  I smile and nod. “Yes, I sure am. Someone I love very much was in a car accident last weekend and I have to leave for work today, so I wanted to check in with her.”

  She frowns slightly. “Well I’m sorry to hear about her accident, I sure do hope she’s okay. She must mean a lot to you.”

  I nod. “She does, she is everything to me. Thank you.”

  The woman reaches out and gently places her hand on my shoulder. “Well you make sure to tell her that son. Life goes by quick I assure you.”

  With that the elevator dings, letting me know it’s my stop.

  “I will and thank you again. Have a nice day.” The couple smiles at me and time seems to move in slow motion as I walk down the hall to her room.

  I knock on the door and try to contain my excitement.

  “Come in.” I hear her sweet voice on the other side.

  I enter to find her alone, watching TV.

  “Hey! I’m so glad you’re here.” She sits up in bed and smiles before giving me a questioning look. “What is all of that?” She asks.

  I laugh, “Hey babe. I hope you’re feeling good today and this is for you.” I hand her the flowers and coffee.

  “You didn’t have to do that, all I needed was to see you. Thank you so much.” She takes a big drink of her coffee and smiles. “Yum, okay that I needed.” She says, causing us both to laugh.

  “I figured you’d like some of the good stuff and I wanted to get this stuff for you. We’re celebrating.” I have been holding on to these secrets all day and it’s killing me.

  “Oh really? What are we celebrating!?” She exclaims.

  I sit on her bed and place her package on her lap.

  “Don’t open it yet, but this is for you.” I pause and grab her hand. “Well, we’re celebrating a few things actually. I found out some great news yesterday and I wanted to tell you first, but there was something I wanted to do to go along with it.”

  “Annnnd!” She urges me and I laugh getting some enjoyment in building up the excitement.

  “Annnnd.” I kiss her quick on the lips. “Ignite Records just announced Rising Aggressions first headlining tour. It starts in six months.” I smile wide. I’ve been given a second chance at life, a second chance at my career and given the best thing in life…someone I love to share it all with.

  “What!?” She screams before quickly covering her mouth, her eyes wide with shock. “Shit. That was loud I hope they don’t come in here.” She whispers and I laugh. “Are you serious! Fuck, that’s amazing. I can’t wait to experience that with you. I’m so happy for you, Chase. You guys deserve this, so much. I can’t wait to get out of here and get back to work and moving.”

  “It is pretty amazing huh? That’s not even the best part.”

  She raises her eyebrow and gives me a smirk. “Oh reaallly? What could be better than that?”

  I squeeze her hand and smile, no longer able to contain my excitement. “Well, over the summer while getting to know you, I noticed you have a passion for something other than music and traveling and I wanted to give you something to help you pursue that. Which brings me to the gift. It’s a three part gift really, so open it and I’ll explain.”

  She picks it up and squeals in excitement as she tears off the wrapping paper. “Chase!” Hope exclaims, “You didn’t! Oh my God, this is too much. Thank you! You didn’t have to do this, but thank you so much.” She looks over the box to her new Nikon D3400 DSLR digital camera, with an extra zoom lens and carrying case.

  I smile and my heart warms at her excitement. I love this woman so much and it feels good to be able to give her something that she will really enjoy using.

  I lean forward and kiss her. “You’re welcome babe, but that’s not all.”

  She scowls at me, “Chase, as much as I love this and you, I don’t need you to shower me with gifts, all I need is you.”

  Chuckling I hold up my index finger for her to wait a second. “Shush and let me finish. Look inside the camera box.”

  She shakes her head and opens the box, pulling out the piece of paper I have folded up inside.

  “Now I know you will be moving soon, so this is only a six week course. I signed you up for classes to learn more about photography. I saw you always taking pictures with your small camera and talking to Aiden and Cole about the pictures and website graphics, so I wanted to do this for you. Now you can help take photos for promos and on tour next year. If you want that is.”

  She places the box on her table next to her and carefully leans over to me, wrapping her arms around me.

  “I love you, Chase. This is the best gift anyone has ever given me. It means more than you know. Thank you.”

  I squeeze her tighter, careful to not hurt her and relish in the fact that I have the opportunity to know and love this woman. I’m so fucking lucky. From surviving my wreck, to the tour this summer and meeting the love of my life, I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but I’m not fucking it up ever again.

  “I love you, Hope. I promise things will only be up from here. I can’t wait for you to get out of here, but make sure you take time to heal. No rushing everything, because I do know you. After show tonight I will be right back here to help you get everything cleared out tomorrow and moved. You’re not really in a position to argue so just say okay.”

  She sticks her tongue out at me, grabs her coffee and goes back to admiring her camera.

  Everything is going to be different now. There will be no reservations between us, no guessing about what this is or where it’s going. Now we have each other and the crazy life we live together. We have nothing but adventure and love ahead of us.

  “Hey, I’ll be right back okay? I need to make a quick call. You test out that camera.”

  “Okay.” She smiles and takes off the lens cap, aiming her focus to me and I hear the shutter clicking as I walk towards the door.

  Life is nearly perfect…just one more thing I have to do. I am ready to start completely over and that includes everyone I have had struggles with.

  I dial the one number I haven’t in weeks and my palms begin to sweat as the line rings.

  “Hello?” A deep voice answers.

  “Dad? It’s Chase.”

  There is a pause and for a moment I wonder if he will even have time to talk.

  “Son? Are you okay?”

  I take a deep breath and smile.

  “Yes Dad. I’m great actually. I just wanted to call you and talk to you.”

  “Okay.” He says quietly.

  “Look, I know we haven’t stayed in contact much since my wreck and I’m sorry about that. I take blame for some of that, but I just- I don’t want things t
o be like that anymore Dad. I’ve learned a lot this summer and life’s too short for this. I just wanted to say I love ya and that I’ll be coming home next week to visit if that’s okay?”

  He clears his throat and his voice breaks slightly when he talks. “Of course. I love you, son. I’m sorry too, I was only trying to protect you is all. I know I didn’t go around it the right way. I just don’t know what I’d do if I lost you too. I’m looking forward to you coming home. How are things anyway?”

  I smile, “Well funny you ask. Things are better than I ever thought they would be actually. I met someone and she’s… well she’s more than I could ever ask for…”

  I walk down the hallway as I tell him everything. I start with Hope. Telling him how we met and what she does. That I can’t wait for them to meet because I know he will love her too, she reminds me of mom with her warm heart and adventurous soul. I tell him about the headlining tour and that although I know he’s busy with work, I really want him to come see a show. Finally, before we hang up I mention that I am going to be helping with the bills and he doesn’t have a say so. I want to help him and it’s what is right. Surprisingly he doesn’t argue, and we talk for a few minutes more, before I tell him I need to get back to Hope and that I’ll see him next week.

  I hang up knowing that everything really will be alright this time and head back to my girl. I know this will be a little bit of a learning process to balance everything, but when you’re given the chance to have everything you could possibly want, you don’t turn it down. With Rising Aggression moving back into the spotlight I don’t know what exactly the future holds, but I know one thing for sure. That’s to never lose sight of your dreams. If you have faith in yourself, and put everything you have into your passion, anything is possible. My life has been full of ups and downs. From my Mom passing away, to falling out with my dad, making it big in the music industry, nearly losing everything including my life and coming back again. Then, the unexpected twist of finding Hope in the chaos of it all. The only thing I am certain of is no matter how hard things get in the future, I know I’ll never let go; I’ll always be holding on to hope.

  epilogue

  Six Months Later…

  Hope:

  The last year of my life has been insane. Some days I feel like I have to pinch myself to make sure it’s real. If you had asked me two years ago where my life would be today, this wouldn’t be my answer. I never thought I’d be living my dream, let alone doing it with the love of my life.

  After New Year’s I moved and started working full time with Ignite Records. I am assistant tour manager and thanks to Chase, I also do a lot of photography for the company. I help Aiden and Cole run the graphics for the website, merchandise and make little promo videos. I absolutely love my camera and learned so much from my six week course.

  I just got moved in with Ariel a couple months ago. Los Angeles is a complete three sixty from my small town in Missouri, but I fell in love with the city instantly. My parents have been worried since the day I left. I think the fact that the last time I left home to move across the country, I ended up in an accident has something to do with that. I know they just care and I love them for it. My sister is already driving me nuts to move with me, and who knows, maybe I’ll let her. I know having a piece of home with me would be great. Chase kept his place in Cincinnati, but the past few weeks he has been here with me the majority of the time. Ariel acts like she is perfectly fine with it, but part of me wonders if it drives her crazy having him here so much. I’ll have to talk to her about that.

  Although we are together a lot, long distance can be tough at times. Luckily, we encourage and push each other to keep pursuing our passions. So, the time we are apart we stay busy and are both making our lives better for it. I just know that I am in no rush to change anything, I am happy to continue on with my life the way it is. For as long as I can remember, probably my whole life, I’ve been a hopeless romantic. I searched for love, even though I truly believed the one would find me and I was right.

  When I decided to slow down and truly listen to my heart I realized I had much bigger wants that just the right guy being in my life. I had forgotten about them the moment Josh and I met. I wanted adventure, I wanted memories I would cherish forever. I craved a fulfilled life. So, I picked myself up and went out to find it.

  I took a risk, I chased my dreams and although I don’t know where I’m headed, I know it’ll be one hell of a journey. It already has been one I won’t forget. I found myself through this experience and now my life is more than I imagined. Not many people get to travel the country with some crazy ass, rock musicians. Somehow, I do and I thank God for that every day. I’ve grown so much over the last year and experienced more than I could ever ask for. I knew this leap would bring me adventure, change, and hopefully some growth, but the one thing I never expected was to find love. Chase came out of nowhere. He brings more happiness and light into my life than I can put into words.

  Looking back it’s so crazy to think how devastated I was over Josh. How I thought I’d never get over him. It’s funny how life works out, because the feelings I had then can’t compare to what I have now.

  I don’t know if I believe in soul mates, but I believe everything happens for a reason. His passion and motivation inspires me and I’ve learned a lot about myself. Learning to love someone freely is hard, but I know I can’t hold every heartbreak I’ve had against him. I can’t let myself miss out on the love he gives me just because I’m scared.

  I just have to live in the moment and know that love like this is once in a lifetime and I'm lucky enough to have it. Go live life, take risks, and follow your heart. You may not find what you thought you were looking for, but you will find what you were meant to stumble upon.

  Chase:

  “Laptop?”

  “Check.”

  “Charger for that and your phone?”

  “Check.”

  “All the show equipment?”

  “Check.”

  Hope and I are going over my things one final time. I’ve been at her and Ariel’s house for a few days now, prepping for tour and we’re leaving today. Mike and I are just finishing up loading the bus, waiting for Ryker and the rest of the guys to get here.

  “Okay, I’m going to go throw my bags in the bus and make sure I’m not leaving anything behind.” Hope says as she gets up from the table and heads outside. I watch her walk and smile.

  “Hey, don’t forget that really nice digital camera you have. Someone must really think you’re special.” I say sarcastically.

  “Yeah, Cole’s pretty great isn’t he? I’m one lucky woman.” She says and I look up and she just shrugs and walks off. She is lucky she’s fucking cute and I love her sarcastic ass.

  I hop up, grab my bag and take one last look around her room. When I’m pretty sure we have everything, I head outside.

  “I’ll get those.” I tell Ariel when I see her trying to load the bags under the bus.

  “Thanks,” she smiles, “I’ll go make sure Mike is ready to go back there.” She heads to the van parked behind the bus. After I finish loading everything, my phone starts to buzz in my pocket. I look to see the newest promo video sent to everyone from Hope.

  “Rising Aggressions first headlining tour in two years. Are you ready?”

  I smile and make a mental note to watch it later, and then head to find my girl. Hope’s standing in front of the bus door in teal cut offs, a white tan, showing her growing tattoo sleeve on her arm, and vans. The tiny shorts show off her long, toned legs.

  “So, do you think you can handle a headlining tour?” I tease as I walk up behind her.

  “Absolutely...can you?” She challenges.

  Without giving her notice I bend down, grab her by her thighs, her soft skin rubbing against mine, and toss her over my shoulder as she squeals.

  “I’ve been here before babe, remember? Shit may have gotten mixed up, but my head is clear now and I’m ready. The question
is...are you?” I swat her butt and place her on the stairs.

  “Psh...I handled leaving my family, touring with moody rock stars…” I roll my eyes and she winks at me, “Let’s see...what else? Oh the whole Josh debacle...we won’t get into,” My stomach churns at the memory of that day and the days following, “Then to top it all off, getting t boned by a truck. I believe I can handle anything.” She kisses my cheek and I wrap her in my arms, squeezing tight, promising myself I won’t ever let her go again. Those two weeks still haunt me...our fight, her accident, not knowing if she’d wake up, worried she’d hate me forever...it made me realize how important it is to tell someone how you feel.