Holding On To Hope

by Mystique Roberts

  “Chase, let’s go get something to eat. You need to get out of here for a few. There is nothing you can do right now. Come on.”

  Ariel is standing above me, pleading for me to get out of here for a bit, but I can’t.

  “No, I’m fine. I’m not leaving her again.”

  She crouches down in front of me and nudges me to look at her.

  “She would want you to take care of yourself.”

  I shake my head in disagreement.

  “We were supposed to talk after we left the bar. I was stupid, I shouldn’t have pushed her away. I was just fucking scared. I didn’t want to lose her or everything all of us have worked so hard for. Then, I saw them kiss and I used it as my out. I thought I was doing what was best. Now look at her. I did this.”

  I take a deep breath to calm myself so I don’t make a scene. I’m so angry and scared that I’m going to lose her.

  “You are insane.” Ariel counters. “She chose to leave. Yes, this fight could’ve been avoided or resolved even, if both of you would’ve just talked; but quit blaming yourself. It’ll be okay, I know she’ll be okay. Let’s eat, we won’t even be gone for an hour. I promise.”

  I cave in and stand up.

  “I’m just going to give her mom my number, in case she wakes up. I want to be here for her, when she wakes up.” I say out loud, trying to convince myself she will in fact come out of this. I speak it into existence.

  I walk to her room as my stomach churns with nerves. I see her parents sitting at her bedside, covering all but her legs from my view.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Richards?” I say timidly.

  Her dad stands and approaches me, grief written all over his face. Her mom gives me a small smile, but I see the dark circles and worried expression she wears, wondering if they have hate towards me. They should. Apparently she didn’t tell them we had fought and they were confused on why she was alone Saturday night to begin with.

  “Ariel is making me leave to get something to eat other than hospital food, but I wanted to give you my number and ask you to please call me if anything changes. Do you want anything?”

  Hope’s dad hands me his phone and I save my information.

  “No, thank you.” He responds.

  “Um...I hate to ask this, but...can I just have a minute with her? I promise it will only be a minute. Ariel’s waiting for me. I just want to see her.”

  He nods, “Of course.” Turning to his wife he says, “Come on honey, let’s get some coffee.” Leo tugs slightly on his wife’s arm urging her to stand.

  “She will be okay.” I hear him whisper in her ear as they walk towards the door.

  Once they shut the door, I cautiously sit down and gently place my hand on Hope’s. Somehow even in this state she is beautiful. She lies motionless in the hospital bed, only her chest moving as she breathes. Her face is bruised and cut, one of her arms is in a cast and so is one of her legs. An overwhelming feeling of guilt washes over me. I lean forward and kiss her hand.

  “Please wake up babe, please be okay.” I plead out loud. “Our adventure just started. You can’t leave me yet Hope. I love you.” My words crack as I try to keep it together and I rest my head on our joined hands.

  “God, please wake her up. Please. She deserves more than this.”

  I’m breaking inside and I won’t be able to stop unless the woman I love is here with me consciously. I sit in silence just staring at her for a few minutes longer, urging her silently to wake up. Then, I feel a hand on my shoulder and look to see Leo, Hope’s dad.

  “Sorry.” I apologize. “Thank you for letting me see her. Please call if - well if things change. I’ll be back in less than an hour.”

  Ariel, Ryker, Aiden, Cole and I gather our things.

  “I’m grabbing you guys food and some good coffee.” I tell Taylor and Anna.

  “Thank you.” Anna mumbles as she holds Taylor close to her. I smile, when we talked at the bar Saturday, her and I cleared the air over Hope and I’s fight.

  “We will be back shortly.” I reassure her.

  As we near the exit a man rushes through the doors.

  “Whoa, excuse me.” I say and glance back to the guy, realizing he looks extremely familiar. I shrug and start to leave when I hear him say,

  “Hope Richards.” My blood turns cold when I hear the voice and recognize him now. It’s Josh.

  Ariel turns as I walk towards him.

  “Chase. Slow down, what are you doing?”

  I point to the front, “He shouldn’t be here.” I spit.

  She grabs my arm but I don’t stop.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I say in a hushed voice.

  He turns around, his hands up in defense.

  “Look, I don’t want problems.” He confesses.

  “And there won’t be any if you leave...now.” I retort.

  Josh scowls. “Who do you think you are to tell me to leave?”

  “Me?” I question loudly. “I’m the person who put Hope back together after you broke her. Now leave. You don’t belong here.”

  Anger is rising and I grab his arm, pulling him towards the door.

  “Chase, calm down. We’re in a hospital, don’t get kicked out.” Ariel is in my ear, her hands on mine, prying my grip from Josh.

  “He doesn’t need to be here. He hurt her enough already. Being here when she wakes up will only cause her more pain. I just don’t want her in anymore pain. Plus I should’ve kicked his ass when I had the chance.”

  She opens her mouth to respond, but Josh interrupts.

  “Yeah, chill out badass. Don’t want me to report you for assault now do we?”

  That’s it. I lunge at him, not caring about the consequences.

  I see Hope’s parents run in, probably hearing the commotion. A security guard breaks us up. Then Taylor runs to her parents as Josh steps back. I look at Ariel who is clearly pissed at me.

  “You’re lucky they stopped you.” Josh nags.

  “Fuck off.” I retort.

  “Chase…” I look to see Taylor next to me, a strange look on her face. My heart sinks, thinking the worst.

  Then I hear the two words I’ve been praying for. “She’s awake.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Hope:

  I hear voices and something cold touch my face.

  “That’s cold.” I mumble, my mouth ridiculously dry.

  “Sorry honey, just doing a quick exam to make sure you’re okay. You went through quite a bit of trauma. Gave us all a scare.”

  “What happened?” I ask, I remember leaving and I know the truck hit us, but I’m a little foggy on the details.

  “You were in a car accident, but you’re okay.” She smiles and I hear someone come in.

  “Hope, honey, it’s Mom.”

  “Mom?” I turn to look towards the door. She comes up next to my dead, my dad close behind her.

  “Are you okay? How are you feeling?” She says frantically, my dad rubs her back to calm her down.

  “Like hell.” I admit. “But okay, more uncomfortable than anything. I’m really thirsty though. Can I have some water?”

  “Sure.” She says and grabs a bottle, handing it to me. “Do you remember anything?”

  I take a drink and sit for a second. I do, but I don’t want to tell her about Chase.

  I nod, “Car accident.”

  “Yes.” She confirms, tears forming in her eyes.

  “I’m okay, Mom.” I reassure her.

  She smiles. “You will be. You have a broken arm, leg, some cracked ribs and a concussion. Not including cuts and bruises, but you’re still here. That’s what matters.”

  I squeeze her hand. “I am. I just needed to go back to the bus is all. I took an Uber-.”

  “Shh...Chase told us everything.”

  I open my mouth in shock. “He did?”

  “Yes he did. Now, why you didn’t tell me is the question.”

  I close my eyes and push the button to raise my bed up. I r
eadjust to get comfortable.

  “Because I didn’t want you to give me a lesson in following my heart. I just needed time. You may not want to hear this, but I’m staying with Ignite Records. I’ll be moving to Los Angeles soon.” I say quickly and wait for her to argue.

  My mom takes a deep breath, “Honey, I just want you happy and alive. Okay?” She grabs my hand and squeezes hard.

  “Okay, Mom.” I smile.

  “Where’s Chase? I need to see him.”

  She hesitates, but gets up. “I’ll go get him. You should know Josh is here.”

  I turn in my bed. “What!? Why?” Oh God, now I don’t know what is going to happen. Does Chase hate me? Why is Josh here?

  My mom shrugs. “I guess he wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  I scoff. “Yeah, the man has impeccable timing.” I say sarcastically.

  “He just cares.” She replies cautiously.

  “No.” I object. “He just wants me when he can’t have me. He had over a year to care. I’ve moved on. I need to see Chase.” I say matter o factly.

  Just then Chase, Josh and Ariel come in, a group I never thought I’d see together. Chase smiles at me and my heart melts. I’m so glad he’s here. Ariel walks over to me and gently hugs me.

  “You scared the shit out of all of us. Are you okay?”

  I nod. “I am. I’m sorry.”

  She gives me a stern look. “Don’t you be sorry. It was the idiot who ran the light.”

  I nod and look to Josh.

  “Josh, what-” I sigh and look to Chase, Ariel and my mom. “Can you give us a minute guys? I need to talk to Josh…” I pause. “Then, Chase, I need to talk to you.”

  My mom interjects. “Hope, this can wait. You need to rest.”

  I shake my head in disagreement. “No, Mom. It can’t. If I’ve learned anything from this...it’s that feelings can’t wait sometimes.”

  She nods, “Okay. You heard her guys, let’s give them a minute.” She leads Ariel and Chase out of the room.

  Josh sits on my bed and creases his forehead as he waits for me to talk.

  I take a deep breath, I don’t know why he’s here, we cleared the air a week ago. I just have to tell him flat out, I don’t want to be with him.

  “Look, Josh. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be cruel, but I don’t have feelings for you anymore. I’m not really sure why-”

  “Wait Hope, before you say anything. I know you’ve moved on. I just, I saw all over social media that there was an accident and that you were hurt and I had to see you. I don’t want to cause you any more pain. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. It would kill me if you weren’t after we left things.”

  I sigh in relief. “Thank you. It means a lot that you came here. I’m sorry for assuming, I just I’m still groggy and I have a lot going on. Clearly.” I laugh and gesture towards the many wires all over my body.

  He shakes his head “Only you would find humor in this situation, Hope Richards. Only you.”

  I nod, “Yep, that’s me, inappropriate at the wrong times. But really, I hope that we can move past all of this. I am happy, truly happy for the first time in my life. So, I guess I should thank you for breaking my heart when you did, because you pushed me to be who I was meant to be in life.”

  He smiles, “Well when you put it that way, you’re welcome. I’ll get out of your hair, just… stay in touch okay. I don’t want to cause problems for you, but I’d like to keep up with your new life journey. Once you’re healed, clearly. Also, be careful damn, how do you always end up hurt one way or another? You klutz.” I laugh and he kisses the top of my head, then leaves. It feels good to know that we can be friendly and move on.

  I sit in silence for a second, waiting for everyone to come back in and I think of Saturday night. Chase and I were supposed to talk, but I couldn’t handle all the tension in the club. I reflect on the past few months, all the things we got to experience together. My first time with this type of job, my first time behind the scenes on tour and his first time back in the spotlight after his wreck. It’s funny how things work out because now here I am in the hospital from a wreck. Fate would intervene and make my stubborn self go through hell to realize I needed to say how I felt. Right then I realize I need to see Chase, I have to tell him I love him now, before something happens again. Before it’s too late.

  I reach over and press the nurse button over and over until a red haired woman comes rushing in.

  “Miss, are you okay!? Are you in pain.”

  Opps, “Ummm.. no.. well not any more than I was five minutes ago. I just-“ I feel a little stupid now, but oh well, better just tell her the truth. “Well. I need that man out in the waiting room. The really attractive brunette with tattoos. Can you get him please? Because I am hopelessly in love with him and I really need to tell him that.”

  I shrug and she gives me a warm smile. “I sure can hun. One minute.”

  My pulse quickens as I wait for my sweet, caring, rock star to come see me, and when he enters the room all is right in the world.

  “Hey.” I say enthusiastically, and I smile so hard my cheeks hurt. Or that’s the pain meds wearing off.

  “Hope, how are you? I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. Thank God you’re okay. If I lost you. I don’t –’’

  I laugh, “Whoa. Calm down Chase. I’m okay. I just I needed to see you. There’s something I wanted to tell you, because apparently I’m accident prone and I need to say this before I don’t have the chance.”

  He slowly sits on my bed, right where only moments ago Josh was. It’s a strange feeling, love. A year ago I thought I’d never move on. I thought I’d lost the person I was supposed to be with. I guess there are different types of love, because I did love Josh. It just wasn’t true love. As I look into the warm blue eyes of the man sitting next to me a feeling in my stomach assures me…this right here. This is true love.

  Chase smirks and I reach out and grab his hand.

  “I’m sorry.” I say quickly and he tilts his head in confusion.

  “What? Why are you sorry?”

  I smile, “Well…we never got the chance to talk.”

  He laughs loudly. “I guess not, someone had to go get in a car accident. Accidents are my thing, didn’t you know that?”

  I shake my head and pull his hand.

  “Come closer to me please, I want you closer.”

  He scoots closer to me, and I let go of his hand and try to give him a one armed hug.

  “Sorry, I can’t really hug you properly with a cast on my other arm.”

  I laugh and he gently wraps me in both arms. A feeling soars through me. One I've been hopelessly searching for. A feeling of home. He is my home.

  “Chase?” I question.

  “Yes?” He whispers in my ear, his arms still wrapped around me.

  I take a deep breath, hoping that this time my confession comes out better than a week ago. “I love you.”

  I say clearly.

  Breaking our embrace, Chase leans up to look at me and smiles.

  “I love you,” I continue. “I know I told you this when we fought, but I’ve loved you for a while. I just couldn’t tell my heart or you that, until everything blew up. I’m so sorry about Josh showing up and for not trusting you. I just want you to know that I trust you, Chase. Are we okay? Please tell me we’re okay, because I don’t ever want to feel how I did without you again.”

  Without saying a word he leans in, careful to keep most of his weight on the bed and presses his lips to mine. Only breaking our kiss for a second. I open my eyes and look to see his face only inches from mine.

  “Hope…” He whispers. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I should’ve talked to you before getting pissed off. I should’ve trusted you too. I love you more than anything. I wanted to tell you that Saturday and then everything happened. God I’m so thankful you are alive for me to tell you. I was kicking myself in the ass for not telling you how I felt before the wreck. I prayed that I would get the ch
ance and now that I have I’m never taking that for granted again.”

  I scoot over and he lays down next to me, making sure to be gentle to keep from hurting me.

  “So, about this crazy rollercoaster of a life we live…”

  “What about it?” He questions.

  “As soon as I get better. I want a weekend away, just us, before I move. Deal? Then we better hold on tight, because I have a feeling it’s going to get even crazier.”