Beat of the Heart

by Katie Ashley

  I drew in a ragged breath. “I’ll let the dust clear on his engagement, and then I’ll call him.” Dee gave me a skeptical look. “I won’t be selfish and deny him the chance to be a father. I promise.”

  “Okay then.” Dee glanced around. “Are you ready to get the hell out of here?”

  “Yes. Please.”

  As we started down the hallway, Frank stepped in front of us. A smile stretched across his face. “Boy, I bet AJ was sure surprised to see you, huh?”

  I exchanged a look with Dee. How was I supposed to play this one? “Um, he looked kinda busy, so we’ll catch him after the show.”

  Frank’s salt and pepper brows furrowed. “Oh okay.”

  Wagging a finger, I said, “Don’t say anything. Surprise, remember?”

  “Sure, sure. My lips are sealed.”

  “Thanks, Frank. Take care.” I gave him a quick hug before grabbing Dee by the sleeve and hauling ass down the hallway before I ran into anyone else.

  “You think Frank’s not going to ask AJ about seeing you?”

  “I’m hoping he’ll forget...or that AJ just won’t give a shit about me with his happily-ever-after.”

  “We’ll see,” he replied before we hustled outside of the arena and started going against the stream of fans rushing inside.

  Two nights later, I was back home and at work. There hadn’t been any calls from AJ, so I assumed he either didn’t know I had shown up or he didn’t care. I secretly hoped for the second because it made it easier to turn off the feelings I had for him. Pregnancy hormones didn’t make matters easier either. I cried way more than I wanted to admit.

  It was a relatively slow and quiet afternoon as Dee and I sat working on charts at the nurse’s station.

  “Oh hell no. You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.”

  Giggling, I didn’t bother glancing up from my paperwork. “Don’t tell me that Mr. Johnson has decided to take another nude stroll down the hall?” When Dee didn’t reply, I nibbled thoughtfully on the tip of my pen. “What is it about our post-surgery male patients that make them all go a little crazy? Just for once, I’d like to see some female patient go ape-shit on her meds.”

  “It ain’t Mr. Johnson flashing his Johnson.”

  “Oh?”

  Raising his voice, Dee practically shrieked, “No, it’s some crazy motherfucker who needs to turn his lying, cheating ass around right this instant!”

  Whirling around in my chair, I couldn’t believe he stood framed in the doorway, a bouquet of my favorite flowers—pink roses—draped in his arms.

  “Dev,” I whispered.

  My hand swept over my chest, my fingers digging into the fabric of my scrubs over my heart. After seeing AJ with a fiancée, I didn’t think my ticker could take much more shock. Yet, there he was standing right in front of me as if it were only yesterday we were a couple. His black hair still fell in waves over his forehead while his chocolate brown eyes still appeared warm and inviting. Of course, there were dark circles underneath his eyes that I didn’t remember being there before.

  He gave me a hesitant smile. “Hey, baby.”

  While Dee growled, I merely cocked my brows. “Baby? You have the nerve after everything you put me through to show up at my work and call me ‘baby’?”

  Dev’s broad shoulders slumped a little, and he swayed nervously on his feet. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to show up here and upset you.”

  “Too fucking late,” I snapped.

  “Can I just talk to you for a minute?” he pleaded.

  “Mimi, please let me call security and have them haul his sorry ass out of here,” Dee said.

  I patted Dee on the shoulder. “That won’t be necessary. I can handle the lying, cheating, bastard myself, thank you.” Narrowing my eyes at Dev, I said, “Leave now.”

  “Mia, please, just give me five minutes.”

  For reasons I couldn’t possibly understand, I rose out of my chair and motioned to the break room. “Five minutes and then you get the hell out of here, capiche?” Dev nodded before glancing nervously over at Dee as if he feared Dee was going to come barreling over to kick his ass. Instead, Dee just glowered at Dev until he disappeared into the break-room. Before I closed the door behind us, Dee wagged his finger at me. “Don’t you dare say or do anything with him that will make me hurt you later.”

  I scowled at him. “Give me a little credit,” I snapped, before I slammed the door.

  Over the last year, I’d gone over in my mind many, many times how I would react to seeing or talking to Dev again. After I’d caught him and Erin going at it on my kitchen counter, I’d never spoken to him again. I’d never sought out the reasons why he had done it. I’d just cut him out of my life as best I could. Sound familiar?

  Of all the scenarios of me seeing him again, most involved me going ape-shit on his ass, including nailing him in the balls repetitively. But now, I felt nothing more than slight anger, tinged with bitterness. And the fact I wasn’t still harboring homicidal feelings towards him really pissed me off

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I said, “You wanted to talk so talk.”

  “I guess you heard Erin and I broke up.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I was real heartbroken for you.”

  “Mia—”

  “I heard she cheated on you.” When Dev didn’t deny it, I snorted. “Hmm, the old adage of if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you, huh?”

  “I guess,” he murmured.

  “I would say I was surprised that she turned so quickly on you, but all the old crew knew what a cheap slut she’d always been.” I shook my head at him. “But yet, rumor through the grapevine has it you wanted to marry her—someone who was a complete one eighty from me. And so soon. I mean, Jesus, we dated for three years before you gave me a ring, but with her, you were barely together five months.”

  Dev ran a hand through his jet black hair. “I was a fool. And as for marrying her, that was just bullshit to appease my family. They’d been on my back forever about settling down.”

  “With me,” I spat.

  “Yes, they wanted me to marry you. They loved you as much as I did.” He drew in a ragged breath. “It’s a lousy excuse, Mia, but the pressure to settle down and be what my family expected me to be, it broke me. That’s why I let Erin get to me.”

  “Ah, so she made the first move.”

  He shrugged. “I let it happen—I let it screw up the best thing I ever had. You.” He exhaled a ragged breath. “But when it all comes down to it, what does it matter who started it?”

  “I don’t know. It’s an easier pill to swallow thinking you weren’t out scoping chicks—that the new piece of ass just fell in your lap.”

  Dev sighed. “Things were rough between us, Mia. You know that. After your grandmother died, you shut me out. You—”

  My hand flew up to silence him. “Don’t you dare bring Mama Sofia’s death into this! Regardless of whether I was in a fucking grief storm, you should have been there for me, standing by me and supporting me.” My voice wavered, and I grimaced at giving him those emotions. “That’s when I needed you most,” I whispered.

  “I’m sorry.” He eased the bouquet of roses he still clutched onto the table. “What can I say, but that I was an immature prick who wanted all your attention? When you couldn’t give it to me, I pulled an utterly selfish and despicable move by cheating on you.” He took a tentative step closer to me. “Regardless of what happened, I never stopped loving you, Mia. Not one day went by when I didn’t regret what I did, how I hated myself for hurting you.” He drew in a ragged breath. “How I wished it was you I was making love to, not Erin.”

  A shudder rippled through me at his words, and I despised myself for letting my firm resolve waver. I took a step back from him. “Don’t do this. Not now. It’s too fucking late.”

  “It’s never too late to right a wrong, is it?”

  “You broke my heart, Dev!” I cried, my voice raising an octave, causing me to betra
y my emotions.

  “Please,” he said in a half whisper.

  “Please what?” I demanded.

  “Please give me another chance.”

  My mouth dropped open in disbelief. “You don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  I shook my head. “You only think you want me back. Erin left you a month ago, and you’re reeling about being all alone.”

  “No, that’s not it. If it was just about being alone, I’d go out and find some new piece of ass.” He pinned me with his gaze. “But I’m here right now. Putting my heart out on the line, for you.”

  “You got spooked about marriage and us before. You would do the same thing again.”

  “Not with you. If you were gracious enough to give me a second chance, it would never, ever happen.”

  I gave a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, well, how about this one? I’m pregnant.”

  Dev’s serious expression turned over to shock. He blinked rapidly as he stared at me. His gaze fell on my abdomen, and for the first time, he noticed the bump beneath my baggier scrubs. “Um…wow.”

  “Told you. You’re completely and totally spooked.”

  “I won’t lie to you that I’m surprised. I mean, when we were together, you were never the maternal type.”

  “That’s true, but people change.”

  “Yes, they do,” he emphasized, and his meaning wasn’t lost on me. When I didn’t reply, he asked, “What about the father?”

  I shifted my gaze to stare down at the floor. “We broke up before I found out I was pregnant.”

  “And he doesn’t want to be in the baby’s life?”

  “He doesn’t know yet…I don’t know if he’ll ever know,” I admitted.

  “So, then I do have a chance with you,” he said softly.

  I snapped my head up to glare at him. “Just because I have a kid on the way, doesn’t mean I’m weak enough to take you back. I don’t need the baby’s father, and I sure as hell don’t need you.”

  “But couldn’t you want me?” Dev took another step closer to me. I tried ignoring how my body reacted to him being closer. Fucking pregnancy hormones! “I know you’re strong enough to do all this on your own, but you don’t have to. I’m here for you, Mia. I want you—with all my heart and soul.”

  “No.”

  “I’m not saying you should take me back today. Let me work hard for you—let me earn your trust back. Can’t you at least let me try?”

  At his words, I remembered AJ hugged up to Kylie, the diamond ring on her hand glittering in the light. Pain raged through my chest, and for a moment, I fought to breathe. Through my own stubbornness, I had fucked things up for us. There was no going back with AJ even if I wanted to. I would tell him about the baby eventually, and he would be its father. But he would never be my lover again…my boyfriend…my husband. He belonged to someone else now. And even though I knew I had loved him—that I loved him still—in the end, I’d only had two weeks with him.

  I’d had three years with Dev.

  Fate and destiny were two things Italians believed very strongly in. Maybe my destiny had just walked back into my life.

  I took a step toward Dev. “If you think you’re just going to waltz back into my life and have me fall into your waiting arms, you’re fucking crazy. You want me after everything you’ve done, then you’re going to crawl on hands and knees through broken glass to get me.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “And that’s without any promises of reconciliation.”

  He surveyed my words thoughtfully. “I’ll do whatever I have to do, Mia. I swear that. And when it’s all said and done, I will prove to you that I’m worthy of you.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “We’ll see.”

  “AJ?”

  At the sound of Mia’s voice, my eyelids popped open. Staring up at the tiles on the ceiling, I groaned as my head throbbed like a motherfucker.

  “Are you okay?” Mia questioned softly.

  My gaze spun wildly around the room. I was still in my clothes, but I was reclining in a hospital bed. “What the fuck?” I muttered.

  “You’re at St. Joseph’s. You fainted and hit your head.”

  The moment my eyes locked on Mia’s concerned filled brown ones it all came back to me in a rush. My gaze left her eyes to trail down her body. It froze on her swollen belly—the place where my child grew.

  “How far along are you?” I demanded in a hoarse voice.

  Licking her lips nervously, Mia replied, “Nineteen weeks.”

  My fists clenched involuntarily at my sides. “You’re almost five months pregnant, and the thought that I should know never crossed your mind?” I growled.

  The tone of my voice caused her to jump, and remorse instantly filled me that I’d scared her. “I’m sorry, Mia. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

  “I know.”

  Wincing, I pulled myself up in the bed. “Do you have any idea what this is all like for me?”

  Tears sparkled in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

  I barked a laugh. “I would think after handcuffing me to a shower there was some part of you that wanted me to suffer.”

  She shook her head. “I was angry with you then.” Glancing down at the floor, she murmured, “More than anything, I was hurt.”

  “So because of some misunderstanding you would be so vengeful as to not tell me I had a child on the way?”

  Mia jerked her head up and glared at me. “I did try to tell you. I came to your show in Jersey City.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “It’s true that I didn’t tell you right away. I wanted to wait until I was sure I wasn’t going to miscarry. Once I was out of danger, I got in touch with Frank.” She swallowed hard. “Then when I got to the room where you all were backstage….I saw you with her.”

  “With who?”

  “Your fiancée, Kylie,” she spat.

  “Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you talking about? I’m not engaged, least of all to her!”

  Mia rolled her eyes. “Oh please, AJ. Aren’t we passed the point of lying to each other now? I saw you with my own eyes, and Dee did too. You were all hugged up to her and flashing her engagement ring around to this group of people.”

  My mind spun frantically trying to process what she was talking about. And then it hit me. “Did she have dark hair?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh Christ,” I moaned. When I swung my legs out of the bed, Mia bolted up from the chair. I held my hand up. “Wait, I can explain.”

  “Like you did the last time?”

  “Once again, you’ve completely missed the mark. Her name is Andrea, and she isn’t my fiancée. She’s Jake’s step-sister—you met their shared sister, Allison, at the farm, remember? She’s marrying a suit from the label who Jake introduced her to. They’d all come down from New York for the Jersey show. I’ve known her since I was twelve—she’s like a sister to me, so yeah, I was all hugged up to her because I was happy.”

  Mia paled as her hand came to cover her mouth. “Oh God…” she murmured.

  I drew in a deep breath, trying to steady my fucking Merry-Go-Round emotions. “Look, I know men have fucked you over in the past so badly that you like to react first and ask questions later. That’s understandable. But you can’t pull that shit anymore. It’s not just about me or you. There’s a kid—my kid—to think about.”

  Tears welled in her eyes before streaming down her cheeks. “I know. But when I thought you were engaged, all I could think of was how if I showed up, I’d ruin your life.” Staring down at her hands, she whispered, “I didn’t want to be like my mother.”

  Even though I should’ve been mad as hell at her, I couldn’t help reaching over to cup her face in my hands, pulling her head up to look at me. “I never would have thought you tried to trap me, Mia. And regardless of what your mother did, your dad could never think you ruined his life.”

  “I know.”

  Dee appeared in the doorway. “
Looks like you came around.”

  “Yeah, my head hurts like hell.”

  “So does my back.” He eyed me before snorting. “You’re one heavy motherfucker.”

  I laughed. “Sorry man.”

  “Look, since AJ seems to be all right now, I think you two need to get out of here.”

  Mia shook her head. “But I have my patients,” she protested.

  “I’ll cover for you.”

  “Dee, I can’t let you do that.”

  He held up a hand to silence her. “This isn’t up for negation, Mimi. You’ve put this shit off for too long. In case you missed the memo, you two have a lot to talk about, so get your asses out of here. Now.”

  Mia scowled at Dee as she headed for the doorway. I trailed behind her. In silence, we walked down the hall to the elevators. “Even though Dee’s covering my patients, I don’t want to go far. Is the hospital cafeteria okay?”

  I nodded. “Sure.”

  The elevator dinged, and we walked in. We were the only ones on board. “So, um, have you felt okay?”

  Mia made a face. “I got pretty sick around the two month mark. I’d say it was morning sickness, but since I was sick morning, afternoon and night, it was a little more than that. I had to get on an insulin pump full of vitamins to regulate me.”

  Great, I’d not only knocked her up, but she’d had a hard time with the pregnancy. All alone. Shifting on my feet, I stuffed my hands in my jean pockets. “Yeah, my sister, Cris, had a really horrible time with nausea and shit. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  “It’s okay. I’m feeling much better now.”

  “You look good,” I said.

  “Thanks. The nausea made it hard for me to keep food down, so I haven’t gained a lot of weight.”

  “Mia, don’t do that.”

  “Do what?” she asked, as we stepped off the elevator.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” As we walked into the noisy cafeteria, my hand came to rest at the small of her back. “You’re beautiful no matter what size you are, so get it out of your head that being pregnant and gaining weight is going to make you unattractive or undesirable to anyone…especially me.”