The Travels and Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen

by Rudolf Erich Raspe

  THE TRAVELS AND

  SURPRISING ADVENTURES OF

  BARON MUNCHAUSEN

  RUDOLF ERICH RASPE (1736–1794) was born in Hanover, Germany of humble parentage. He studied natural sciences at the universities in Leipzig and Göttingen before becoming a university librarian and professor. He first gained fame for his poetry, translations, and scholarly papers, one of which Goethe called “a milestone of German science,” and another of which led to his election to the Royal Society of London. His expertise in mineralogy also led to his appointment as curator of a gemstone collection held by the local count. But in 1775 he fled to England after it was discovered that he had been secretly selling the count’s jewels to support his lavish lifestyle. In London he befriended many notables, including Benjamin Franklin and Horace Walpole … and continued to pursue schemes that often led to trouble, such as industrial spying in the nascent business of steam-engine manufacturing, and planting precious stones in supposed mineral fields he “discovered” and sold to speculators. He wrote The Travels and Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen in Cornwall, in the southwest of England, having moved there to pursue his geological research. It is presumed he had met the real-life Baron Munchausen (who lived in Göttingen), but the book would later be seen as less a (terribly) exaggerated portrait than a defiant spoof of the prevalent rationalism of the Enlightenment. Soon after its completion, however, Raspe was forced to flee to Scotland when it was discovered that he had fleeced another employer. He later moved to Ireland, where he died in Kilarney of typhoid.

  DAVID REES is a comedian and former political cartoonist whose books include Get Your War On and How to Sharpen Pencils.

  THOMAS SECCOMBE (1866–1923) was a writer and assistant editor of the Dictionary of National Biography.

  WILLIAM STRANG and J.B. CLARK were renowned artists who collaboratively illustrated Sinbad the Sailor and Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. Strang was also a noted portraitist whose subjects included Thomas Hardy, Rudyard Kipling, and Vita Sackville-West.

  THE NEVERSINK LIBRARY

  I was by no means the only reader of books on board the Neversink. Several other sailors were diligent readers, though their studies did not lie in the way of belles-lettres. Their favourite authors were such as you may find at the book-stalls around Fulton Market; they were slightly physiological in their nature. My book experiences on board of the frigate proved an example of a fact which every book-lover must have experienced before me, namely, that though public libraries have an imposing air, and doubtless contain invaluable volumes, yet, somehow, the books that prove most agreeable, grateful, and companionable, are those we pick up by chance here and there; those which seem put into our hands by Providence; those which pretend to little, but abound in much. —HERMAN MELVILLE, WHITE JACKET

  THE TRAVELS AND SURPRISING ADVENTURES OF BARON MUNCHAUSEN

  Originally published by Rudolf Erich Raspe, London, 1785; this edition is based on the text published by Lawrence and Bullen, London, 1895

  © Melville House 2012

  Introduction © 2012, David Rees

  First Melville House printing: September 2012

  Melville House Publishing

  145 Plymouth Street

  Brooklyn, NY 11201

  www.mhpbooks.com

  eISBN: 978-1-61219-124-9

  Library of Congress Control Number: 2012947875

  v3.1

  INTRODUCTION

  BY DAVID REES

  The book in your hands proves it’s possible to be bludgeoned half to death by whimsy.

  Readers who have never before encountered Baron Munchausen, or know him only from Terry Gilliam’s 1988 film, may be surprised by the chaotic extent of his exploits—and the fathomless absurdity that serves as catalyst, obstacle, and handmaiden throughout this text.

  The first item in Munchausen’s extensive travelogue is the description of an elderly couple in a tree. (Why were they in a tree? They were harvesting cucumbers—“in this part of the globe that useful vegetable grows upon trees.”) A terrible storm tosses the tree—and its occupants— high into the air. How high? I was expecting an answer of twenty feet or so. In fact, they were tossed “at least five miles above the earth.” This is our first indication that the Baron’s is not a typical itinerary.

  The brief saga of the storm-tossed cucumber enthusiasts is perhaps the least outrageous event in the entire work, but it displays many of the qualities you will come to recognize as typical of the Baron’s narrative: unusual botany; extreme weather; a keen eye for the quantifiable (“considerably larger than twenty full-grown vultures;” “as near as I can calculate, I was near four hours and a half confined in the stomach of this animal”).

  And, of course: death. (When the cucumber tree falls back to earth it crushes a despot, upending the local political order.) Make no mistake: The Travels and Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen is a surprisingly violent book.

  How violent? Animals are turned inside out (when they’re not being cut in half); a man’s decapitated head flies through the air, decapitating other men; a bridge of Munchausen’s design is adorned with skulls; communities are decimated. “When they all lay dead before me, I felt myself a second Samson, having slain my thousands.” According to my back-of-envelope calculations, the body count in this book is approximately fifty billion lives.

  As he traipses from one catastrophe to the next, trailing clouds of gory as he comes, the Baron earns his place among other titans of fiction. About halfway through the Surprising Adventures—shortly after Munchausen grabs a bear’s paws and simply waits for the creature to starve to death—I finally realized which classic character Munchausen most resembles, thanks to his omnipotence, the relentless forward thrust of his twin impulses to build and destroy, and the casual cruelty of his chaos-making: God. (“[W]e saved as many of the white people as possible, but pushed all the blacks into the water again.”)

  We rarely worry about Munchausen’s fate: Even as he’s fighting crocodiles, dispelling lions with loose gunpowder, or hitching a lift on the back of a drunk eagle, we trust in his capacity for the narrow escape and the eventual triumph. You may find yourself, in fact, vaguely resenting the good Baron for his invincibility, and wishing the stakes were a little higher for the man.

  Perhaps it’s best to think of Munchausen not as a protagonist in the traditional sense, but as the personification of a proactive psychological attitude. If, like me, you sometimes see the universe as a cheerless conspiracy to deny oneself peace of mind, you may take inspiration from the Baron’s nonchalance and good humor even as he’s sold into slavery, or confronted with vast islands of ice, or with a wolf chewing its way through the horse that leads his sled, or with Gog and Magog in the flesh.

  Indeed, it’s the Baron’s sanguineness as much as the specifics of his adventures that lend this book so much of its strange charm, and we wonder how much of this charm was to be found in the original (that is, actual) Baron Munchausen. Is the man’s personality refracted within these pages? It’s hard to tell, as the particulars of The Travels and Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen are almost as surprising as the adventures themselves (see this edition’s Afterword). The book’s messy, peripatetic provenance recommended it to amendation, corruption, and confusion as authors piled on and scores of enthusiasts tried to make a little money off the good Baron’s back.

  Tall tales, like our merry baron, pay little heed to international borders; don’t be surprised if some of the adventures recounted herein sound familiar. To take just one example: I first learned of the phenomenon of frozen speech—a music
al equivalent is encountered by the Baron in Chapter VI—from the stories of Pecos Bill I read as a child. (Pecos Bill was the legendary American cowboy celebrated for lassoing a tornado—an exercise so culturally and meteorologically specific that one can almost forgive Munchausen for not attempting it himself.) Such is the genius of tall tales—like obscene playground rhymes and urban legends, the best ones sacrifice pedigree in favor of ubiquity, and become more powerful thereby.

  A word of caution: As intimated above, this is not a book to be read in one sitting, or even in long stretches. The cacophony of destruction, the surreal lack of scale— not to mention the absence of any narrative logic—may fatigue even the hardiest of readers. The intensity of The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen recommends that it be consumed in bursts. This is not consommé to be sipped in deference to its subtlety; it’s tequila to be slammed, shot and shared with enthusiasm.

  Did I mention the man can speak nine hundred and ninety-nine languages?

  TO THE PUBLIC.

  HAVING heard, for the first time, that my adventures have been doubted and looked upon as jokes, I feel bound to come forward and vindicate my character for veracity, by paying three shillings at the Mansion House of this great city for the affidavits hereto appended.

  This I have been forced into in regard of my own honour, although I have retired for many years from public and private life; and I hope that this, my last edition, will place me in a proper light with my readers.

  AT THE CITY OF LONDON, ENGLAND.

  We, the undersigned, as true believers in the profit, do most solemnly affirm, that all the adventures of our friend Baron Munchausen, in whatever country they may lie, are positive and simple facts. And, as we have been believed, whose adventures are tenfold more wonderful, so do we hope all true believers will give him their full faith and credence.

  GULLIVER. X

  SINBAD. X

  ALADDIN. X

  Sworn at the Mansion House

  9th Nov. last, in the absence

  of the Lord Mayor.

  JOHN (the Porter)

  CONTENTS

  Cover

  About the Author

  Epigraph

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Introduction

  Dedication

  CHAPTER I.

  The Baron relates an Account of his first Travels—The astonishing Effects of a Storm—Arrives at Ceylon; combats and conquers two extraordinary Opponents—Returns to Holland

  CHAPTER II.

  In which the Baron proves himself a good Shot—He loses his Horse, and finds a Wolf—Makes him draw his Sledge—Promises to entertain his Company with a Relation of such Facts as are well deserving their Notice

  CHAPTER III.

  An Encounter between the Baron’s Nose and a Door-post, with its wonderful effects—Fifty Brace of Ducks and other Fowl destroyed by one Shot—Flogs a Fox out of his skin—Leads an old Sow home in a new way, and vanquishes a wild Boar

  CHAPTER IV.

  Reflections on Saint Hubert’s Stag—Shoots a Stag with Cherry-stones; the wonderful effects of it—Kills a Bear by extraordinary Dexterity; his Danger pathetically described —Attacked by a Wolf, which he turns inside out—Is assailed by a mad Dog, from which he escapes—The Baron’s Cloak seized with Madness, by which his whole Wardrobe is thrown into Confusion

  CHAPTER V.

  The effects of great Activity and Presence of Mind—A favourite Hound described, which pups while pursuing a Hare; the Hare also litters while pursued by the Hound—Presented with a famous Horse by Count Przobossky, with which he performs many extraordinary Feats

  CHAPTER VI.

  The Baron is made a Prisoner of War, and sold for a Slave—Keeps the Sultan’s Bees, which are attacked by two Bears—Loses one of his Bees; a Silver Hatchet, which he throws at the Bears, rebounds and flies up to the Moon; brings it back by an ingenious Invention; falls to the Earth on his Return, and helps himself out of a Pit—Extricates himself from a Carriage, which meets his in a narrow Road, in a manner never before attempted, nor practised since—The wonderful Effects of the Frost upon his Servant’s French-horn

  CHAPTER VII.

  The Baron relates his Adventures on a Voyage to North America, which are well worth the Reader’s Attention—Pranks of a Whale—A Sea-gull saves a Sailor’s Life—The Baron’s Head forced into his Stomach—A dangerous Leak stopped à posteriori

  CHAPTER VIII.

  Bathes in the Mediterranean—Meets an unexpected Companion—Arrives unintentionally in the Regions of Heat and Darkness, from which he is extricated by dancing a Hornpipe—Frightens his Deliverers, and returns on Shore

  CHAPTER IX.

  Adventures in Turkey, and upon the River Nile—Sees a Balloon over Constantinople: shoots at and brings it down; finds a French experimental Philosopher suspended from it —Goes on an Embassy to Grand Cairo, and returns upon the Nile, where he is thrown into an unexpected Situation, and detained six weeks

  CHAPTER X.

  Pays a Visit, during the Siege of Gibraltar, to his old Friend General Elliot—Sinks a Spanish Man of War—Wakes an old woman on the African Coast—Destroys all the Enemy’s Cannon—Frightens the Count d’Artois, and sends him to Paris—Saves the Lives of two English Spies with the identical Sling that killed Goliah, and raises the Siege

  CHAPTER XI.

  An interesting Account of the Baron’s Ancestors—A Quarrel relative to the Spot where Noah built his Ark—The History of the Sling and its Properties—A favourite Poet introduced upon no very reputable Occasion— Queen Elizabeth’s Abstinence—The Baron’s Father crosses from England to Holland, upon a Marine Horse, which he sells for Seven Hundred Ducats

  CHAPTER VII.

  The Frolic; its Consequences—Windsor Castle—St. Paul’s—College of Physicians, Undertakers, Sextons, &c., almost ruined—Industry of the Apothecaries

  CHAPTER XIII.

  The Baron sails with Captain Phipps—Attacks two large Bears, and has a very narrow Escape—Gains the Confidence of these Animals, and then destroys Thousands of them; loads the Ship with their Hams and Skins; makes Presents of the former, and obtains a general Invitation to all City Feasts—A Dispute between the Captain and the Baron, in which, from Motives of Politeness, the Captain is suffered to gain his Point—The Baron declines the Honour of a Throne, and an Empress into the Bargain

  CHAPTER XIV.

  Our Baron excels Baron Tott beyond all Comparison, yet fails in part of his Attempt—Gets into disgrace with the Grand Seignior, who orders his Head to be cut off—Escapes, and gets on board a vessel, in which he is carried to Venice—Baron Tott’s Origin, with some Account of that great man’s Parents—Pope Ganganelli’s Amour—His Holiness fond of Shell-fish

  CHAPTER XV.

  A further Account of the journey from Harwich to Helvoetsluys—Description of a number of Marine Objects never mentioned by any Traveller before—Rocks seen in this Passage equal to the Alps in Magnitude; Lobsters, Crabs, &c., of an extraordinary Magnitude—A Woman’s Life saved; the Cause of her falling into the Sea; Dr. Hawes’s Directions followed with Success

  CHAPTER XVI.

  This is a very short Chapter, but contains a Fact for which the Baron’s Memory ought to be dear to every Englishman, especially those who may hereafter have the Misfortune of being made Prisoners of War

  CHAPTER XVII.

  Voyage Eastward—The Baron introduces a Friend who never deceived him; wins a Hundred Guineas by pinning his Faith upon that Friend’s Nose—Game started at Sea—Some other Circumstances which will, it is hoped, afford the Reader no small Degree of Amusement

  CHAPTER XVIII.

  A second Visit (but an accidental one) to the Moon—The Ship driven by a Whirlwind a Thousand Leagues above the Surface of the water, where a new Atmosphere meets them, and carries them into a capacious Harbour in the Moon—A Description of the Inhabitants, and their Manner of coming into the Lunarian World—Animals, Customs, Weapons of War, W
ines, Vegetables, &c.

  CHAPTER XIX.

  The Baron crosses the Thames without the Assistance of a Bridge, Ship, Boat, Balloon, or even his own Will; rouses himself after a Long Nap, and destroys a Monster who lived upon the Destruction of others

  CHAPTER XX.

  The Baron slips through the World; after paying a Visit to Mount Etna, he finds himself in the South Sea; visits Vulcan in his Passage; gets on board a Dutchman; arrives at an Island of Cheese, surrounded by a Sea of Milk; describes some very extraordinary Objects— Lose their Compass; their Ship slips between the Teeth of a Fish unknown in this part of the World; their Difficulty in escaping from thence; arrive in the Caspian Sea —Starves a Bear to Death—A few Waistcoat Anecdotes—In this Chapter, which is the longest, the Baron moralizes upon the Virtue of Veracity

  SUPPLEMENT.

  Extraordinary Flight on the Back of an Eagle over France to Gibraltar, South and North America, the Polar Regions, and back to England, within Six-and-Thirty Hours

  Preface to the Second Volume

  CHAPTER XXI.

  The Baron insists on the Veracity of his former Memoirs—Forms a Design of making Discoveries in the interior Parts of Africa—His Discourse with Hilaro Frosticos about it—His Conversation with Lady Fragrantia— The Baron goes with other Persons of Distinction to Court; relates an Anecdote of the Marquis de Bellecourt

  CHAPTER XXII.

  Preparations for the Baron’s Expedition into Africa—Description of his Chariot; the Beauties of its interior Decorations; the Animals that drew it; and Mechanism of the wheels

  CHAPTER XXIII.

  The Baron proceeds on his Voyage—Convoys a Squadron to Gibraltar—Declines the acceptance of the Island of Candia—His Chariot damaged by Pompey’s Pillar and Cleopatra’s Needle—The Baron outdoes Alexander— Breaks his Chariot, and splits a great Rock at the Cape of Good Hope