The Travels and Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen

by Rudolf Erich Raspe

  CHAPTER XXIV.

  The Baron secures his Chariot, &c. at the Cape, and takes his passage for England in a homeward-bound Indiaman—Wrecked upon an Island of Ice near the Coast of Guinea—Escapes from the Wreck, and rears a variety of Vegetables upon the Island—Meets some Vessels belonging to the Negroes bringing White Slaves from Europe, in Retaliation, to work upon their Plantations in a cold Climate near the South Pole—Arrives in England and lays an Account of his Expedition before the Privy Council—Great Preparations for a new Expedition—The Sphinx, Gog and Magog, and a great Company attend him—The Ideas of Hilaro Frosticos, respecting the Interior Parts of Africa

  CHAPTER XXV.

  Count Gosamer thrown by Sphinx into the Snow on the Top of Teneriffe—Gog and Magog conduct Sphinx for the rest of the Voyage—The Baron arrives at the Cape, and unites his former Chariot, &c., to his new retinue—Passes into Africa, proceeding from the Cape northward—Defeats a Host of Lions by a curious Stratagem—Travels through an immense Desert— His whole Company, Chariot, &c., overwhelmed by a Whirlwind of Sand—Extricates them, and arrives in a fertile Country

  CHAPTER XXVI.

  A Feast on live Bulls and Kava—The Inhabitants admire the European Adventurers—The Emperor comes to meet the Baron, and pays him great Compliments— The Inhabitants of the centre of Africa descended from the people of the Moon, proved by an Inscription in Africa, and by the analogy of their Language, which is also the same with that of the ancient Scythians—The Baron is declared Sovereign of the Interior of Africa on the Decease of the Emperor—He endeavours to abolish the Custom of eating live Bulls, which excites much Discontent—The advice of Hilaro Frosticos upon the Occasion—The Baron makes a Speech to the Assembly of the States, which only excites greater Murmurs—He consults with Hilaro Frosticos

  CHAPTER XXVII.

  A Proclamation by the Baron—Excessive Curiosity of the People to know what Fudge was—The People in a general Ferment about it—They break open all the Granaries in the Empire—The Affections of the People conciliated—An Ode performed in Honour of the Baron—His Discourse with Fragrantia on the excellence of the Music

  CHAPTER XXVIII.

  The Baron sets all the People of the Empire to work to build a Bridge from their country to Great Britain—His contrivance to render the Arch secure—Orders an Inscription to be engraved on the Bridge—Returns with all his Company, Chariot, &c., to England —Surveys the Kingdoms and Nations under him from the Middle of the Bridge

  CHAPTER XXIX.

  The Baron’s Retinue is opposed in an heroic style by Don Quixote, who in his turn is attacked by Gog and Magog—Lord Whittington, with the Lord Mayor’s Show, comes to the Assistance of Don Quixote—Gog and Magog Assail his Lordship—Lord Whittington makes a speech, and deludes Gog and Magog to his Party—A general Scene of Uproar and Battle among the Company; until the Baron, with great Presence of Mind, appeases the Tumult

  CHAPTER XXX.

  The Baron arrives in England—The Colossus of Rhodes comes to congratulate him—Great Rejoicings on the Baron’s Return, and a tremendous Concert—The Baron’s Discourse with Fragrantia, and her Opinion of the Tour to the Hebrides

  CHAPTER XXXI.

  A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Magog, &c. —A grand Court assembled upon it—The Appearance of the Company—The Matrons, judges, &c. —The Method of Writing, and the Use of the fashionable Amusement Quizzes—Wauwau arrives from the Country of Prester John, and leads the whole Assembly a Wild-goose Chase to the Top of Plinlimmon, and thence to Virginia—The Baron meets a Floating Island in his Voyage to America—Pursues Wauwau with his whole Company through the Deserts of North America—His curious Contrivance to seize Wauwau in a Morass

  CHAPTER XXXII.

  The Baron harangues the Company, and they continue the Pursuit—The Baron, wandering from his Retinue, is taken by the Savages, scalped, and tied to a Stake to be roasted; but he contrives to extricate himself, and kills the Savages—The Baron Travels overland through the Forests of North America to the Confines of Russia—Arrives at the Castle of the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky, and gallops into the Kingdom of Loggerheads—A Battle, in which the Baron fights the Nareskin in single Combat, and generously gives him his Life—Arrives at the Friendly Islands, and discourses with Omai—The Baron with all his Attendants goes from Otaheite to the Isthmus of Darien, and having cut a Canal across the Isthmus, returns to England

  CHAPTER XXXIII.

  The Baron goes to Petersburgh, and converses with the Empress—Persuades the Russians and Turks to cease cutting one another’s Throats, and in concert cut a Canal across the Isthmus of Suez—The Baron discovers the Alexandrian Library, and meets with Hermes Trismegistus—Besieges Seringapatam, and challenges Tippoo Sahib to single Combat—They fight—The Baron receives some Wounds on his Face, but at last vanquishes the Tyrant—The Baron returns to Europe, and raises the Hull of the “Royal George”

  CHAPTER XXXIV.

  The Baron makes a Speech to the National Assembly, and drives out all the Members—Routs the Fishwomen and the National Guards—Pursues the whole Rout into a Church, where he defeats the National Assembly, &c., with Rousseau, Voltaire, and Beelzebub at their head, and liberates Marie Antoinette and the Royal Family

  Afterword

  TRAVELS OF

  BARON MUNCHAUSEN

  CHAPTER I

  [THE BARON IS SUPPOSED TO RELATE THESE ADVENTURES TO HIS FRIENDS OVER A BOTTLE.]

  The Baron relates an account of his first travels—The astonishing effects of a storm—Arrives at Ceylon; combats and conquers two extraordinary opponents—Returns to Holland.

  SOME YEARS BEFORE MY BEARD ANNOUNCED approaching manhood, or, in other words, when I was neither man nor boy, but between both, I expressed in repeated conversations a strong desire of seeing the world, from which I was discouraged by my parents, though my father had been no inconsiderable traveller himself, as will appear before I have reached the end of my singular, and, I may add, interesting adventures. A cousin, by my mother’s side, took a liking to me, often said I was a fine forward youth, and was much inclined to gratify my curiosity. His eloquence had more effect than mine, for my father consented to my accompanying him in a voyage to the island of Ceylon, where his uncle had resided as governor many years.

  We sailed from Amsterdam with despatches from their High Mightinesses the States of Holland. The only circumstance which happened on our voyage worth relating was the wonderful effects of a storm, which had torn up by the roots a great number of trees of enormous bulk and height, in an island where we lay at anchor to take in wood and water; some of these trees weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the wind so amazingly high, that they appeared like the feathers of small birds floating in the air, for they were at least five miles above the earth: however, as soon as the storm subsided they all fell perpendicularly into their respective places, and took root again, except the largest, which happened, when it was blown into the air, to have a man and his wife, a very honest old couple, upon its branches, gathering cucumbers (in this part of the globe that useful vegetable grows upon trees): the weight of this couple, as the tree descended, over-balanced the trunk, and brought it down in an horizontal position: it fell upon the chief man of the island, and killed him on the spot; he had quitted his house in the storm, under an apprehension of its falling upon him, and was returning through his own garden when this fortunate accident happened. The word fortunate, here, requires some explanation. This chief was a man of a very avaricious and oppressive disposition, and though he had no family, the natives of the island were half-starved by his oppressive and infamous impositions.

  The very goods which he had thus taken from them were spoiling in his stores, while the poor wretches from whom they were plundered were pining in poverty. Though the destruction of this tyrant was accidental, the people chose the cucumber-gatherers for their governors, as a mark of their gratitude for destroying, though accidentally, their late tyrant.
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br />   After we had repaired the damages we sustained in this remarkable storm, and taken leave of the new governor and his lady, we sailed with a fair wind for the object of our voyage.

  In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, where we were received with great marks of friendship and true politeness. The following singular adventures may not prove unentertaining. After we had resided at Ceylon about a fortnight I accompanied one of the governor’s brothers upon a shooting party. He was a strong, athletic man, and being used to that climate (for he had resided there some years), he bore the violent heat of the sun much better than I could; in our excursion he had made a considerable progress though a thick wood when I was only at the entrance.

  Near the banks of a large piece of water, which had engaged my attention, I thought I heard a rustling noise behind; on turning about I was almost petrified (as who would not be?) at the sight of a lion, which was evidently approaching with the intention of satisfying his appetite with my poor carcase, and that without asking my consent. What was to be done in this horrible dilemma? I had not even a moment for reflection; my piece was only charged with swan-shot, and I had no other about me: however, though I could have no idea of killing such an animal with that weak kind of ammunition, yet I had some hopes of frightening him by the report, and perhaps of wounding him also. I immediately let fly, without waiting till he was within reach, and the report did but enrage him, for he now quickened his pace, and seemed to approach me full speed: I attempted to escape, but that only added (if an addition could be made) to my distress; for the moment I turned about I found a large crocodile, with his mouth extended almost ready to receive me. On my right hand was the piece of water before mentioned, and on my left a deep precipice, said to have, as I have since learned, a receptacle at the bottom for venomous creatures; in short I gave myself up as lost, for the lion was now upon his hind-legs, just in the act of seizing me; I fell involuntarily to the ground with fear, and, as it afterwards appeared, he sprang over me. I lay some time in a situation which no language can describe, expecting to feel his teeth or talons in some part of me every moment: after waiting in this prostrate situation a few seconds I heard a violent but unusual noise, different from any sound that had ever before assailed my ears; nor is it at all to be wondered at, when I inform you from whence it proceeded: after listening for some time, I ventured to raise my head and look round, when, to my unspeakable joy, I perceived the lion had, by the eagerness with which he sprung at me, jumped forward, as I fell, into the crocodile’s mouth! which, as before observed, was wide open; the head of the one stuck in the throat of the other! and they were struggling to extricate themselves! I fortunately recollected my couteau de chasse, which was by my side; with this instrument I severed the lion’s head at one blow, and the body fell at my feet! I then, with the butt-end of my fowling-piece, rammed the head farther into the throat of the crocodile, and destroyed him by suffocation, for he could neither gorge nor eject it. Soon after I had thus gained a complete victory over my two powerful adversaries my companion arrived in search of me; for finding I did not follow him into the wood, he returned, apprehending I had lost my way, or met with some accident.

  After mutual congratulations, we measured the crocodile, which was just forty feet in length.

  As soon as we had related this extraordinary adventure to the governor, he sent a wagon and servants, who brought home the two carcases. The lion’s skin was properly preserved, with its hair on, after which it was made into tobacco-pouches, and presented by me, upon our return to Holland, to the burgomasters, who, in return, requested my acceptance of a thousand ducats.

  The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the usual manner, and makes a capital article in their public museum at Amsterdam, where the exhibitor relates the whole story to each spectator, with such additions as he thinks proper. Some of his variations are rather extravagant; one of them is, that the lion jumped quite through the crocodile, and was making his escape at the back door, when, as soon as his head appeared, Monsieur the Great Baron (as he is pleased to call me) cut it off, and three feet of the crocodile’s tail along with it; nay, so little attention has this fellow to the truth, that he sometimes adds, as soon as the crocodile missed his tail, he turned about, snatched the couteau de chasse out of Monsieur’s hand, and swallowed it with such eagerness that it pierced his heart and killed him immediately!

  The little regard which this impudent knave has to veracity makes me sometimes apprehensive that my real facts may fall under suspicion, by being found in company with his confounded inventions.

  CHAPTER II

  In which the Baron proves himself a good shot—He loses his horse, and finds a wolf—Makes him draw his sledge—Promises to entertain his company with a relation of such facts as are well deserving their notice.

  I SET OFF FROM ROME ON A JOURNEY TO Russia, in the midst of winter, from a just notion that frost and snow must of course mend the roads, which every traveller had described as uncommonly bad through the northern parts of Germany, Poland, Courland, and Livonia. I went on horseback, as the most convenient manner of travelling; I was but lightly clothed, and of this I felt the inconvenience the more I advanced northeast. What must not a poor old man have suffered in that severe weather and climate, whom I saw on a bleak common in Poland, lying on the road, helpless, shivering, and hardly having wherewithal to cover his nakedness? I pitied the poor soul: though I felt the severity of the air myself, I threw my mantle over him, and immediately I heard a voice from the heavens, blessing me for that piece of charity, saying—

  “You will be rewarded, my son, for this in time.”

  I went on: night and darkness overtook me. No village was to be seen. The country was covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with the road.

  Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to something like a pointed stump of a tree, which appeared above the snow; for the sake of safety I placed my pistols under my arm, and laid down on the snow, where I slept so soundly that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. It is not easy to conceive my astonishment to find myself in the midst of a village, lying in a churchyard; nor was my horse to be seen, but I heard him soon after neigh somewhere above me. On looking upwards I beheld him hanging by his bridle to the weather-cock of the steeple. Matters were now very plain to me: the village had been covered with snow overnight; a sudden change of weather had taken place; I had sunk down to the churchyard whilst asleep, gently, and in the same proportion as the snow had melted away; and what in the dark I had taken to be a stump of a little tree appearing above the snow, to which I had tied my horse, proved to have been the cross or weather-cock of the steeple!

  Without long consideration I took one of my pistols, shot the bridle in two, brought down the horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the Baron seems to have forgot his feelings; he should certainly have ordered his horse a feed of corn, after fasting so long.]

  He carried me well—advancing into the interior parts of Russia. I found travelling on horseback rather unfashionable in winter, therefore I submitted, as I always do, to the custom of the country, took a single horse sledge, and drove briskly towards St. Petersburg. I do not exactly recollect whether it was in Eastland or Jugemanland, but I remember that in the midst of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making after me, with all the speed of ravenous winter hunger. He soon overtook me. There was no possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid myself down flat in the sledge, and let my horse run for our safety. What I wished, but hardly hoped or expected, happened immediately after. The wolf did not mind me in the least, but took a leap over me, and falling furiously on the horse, began instantly to tear and devour the hind-part of the poor animal, which ran the faster for his pain and terror. Thus unnoticed and safe myself, I lifted my head slyly up, and with horror I beheld that the wolf had ate his way into the horse’s body; it was not long before he had fairly forced himself into it, when I took my advantage, and fell upon him with the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected attack in hi
s rear frightened him so much, that he leaped forward with all his might: the horse’s carcase dropped on the ground, but in his place the wolf was in the harness, and I on my part whipping him continually: we both arrived in full career safe to St. Petersburg, contrary to our respective expectations, and very much to the astonishment of the spectators.

  I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the politics, arts, sciences, and history of this magnificent metropolis of Russia, nor trouble you with the various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had in the politer circles of that country, where the lady of the house always receives the visitor with a dram and a salute. I shall confine myself rather to the greater and nobler objects of your attention, horses and dogs, my favourites in the brute creation; also to foxes, wolves, and bears, with which, and game in general, Russia abounds more than any other part of the world; and to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of gallantry and activity, as show the gentleman better than musty Greek or Latin, or all the perfume, finery, and capers of French wits or petit-maîtres.

  CHAPTER III

  An encounter between the Baron’s nose and a door post, with its wonderful effects—Fifty brace of ducks and other fowl destroyed by one shot—Flogs a fox out of his skin—Leads an old sow home in a new way, and vanquishes a wild boar.

  IT WAS SOME TIME BEFORE I COULD OBTAIN A commission in the army, and for several months I was perfectly at liberty to sport away my time and money in the most gentleman-like manner. You may easily imagine that I spent much of both out of town with such gallant fellows as knew how to make the most of an open forest country. The very recollection of those amusements gives me fresh spirits, and creates a warm wish for a repetition of them. One morning I saw, through the windows of my bed-room, that a large pond not far off was covered with wild ducks. In an instant I took my gun from the corner, ran down-stairs and out of the house in such a hurry, that I imprudently struck my face against the door-post. Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent my intention; I soon came within shot, when, levelling my piece, I observed to my sorrow, that even the flint had sprung from the cock by the violence of the shock I had just received. There was no time to be lost. I presently remembered the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened the pan, levelled my piece against the wild fowls, and my fist against one of my eyes. [The Baron’s eyes have retained fire ever since, and appear particularly illuminated when he relates this anecdote.] A hearty blow drew sparks again; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace of ducks, twenty widgeons, and three couple of teals. Presence of mind is the soul of manly exercises. If soldiers and sailors owe to it many of their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are not less beholden to it for many of their successes. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine black fox, whose valuable skin it would have been a pity to tear by ball or shot. Reynard stood close to a tree. In a twinkling I took out my ball, and placed a good spike-nail in its room, fired, and hit him so cleverly that I nailed his brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him, took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over the face, laid hold of my whip, and fairly flogged him out of his fine skin.