Pull At My Heart

by Ellie Malouff

  “Come out with it already. You’re freaking me out, lad.”

  He nods. “Right. Okay. I’ll just say it.”

  “Please do.”

  “I’m going to New York with Ruth.”

  My jaw drops. “Come again?”

  “You heard me, ya bastard.”

  “How on earth did this happen?”

  “Well…” he says, and teeters his head side-to-side.

  A laugh bursts out. “I should probably ask Ruth.”

  “Probably,” he says.

  I’m smiling. “Well, congratulations, mate. You finally got the girl.”

  “You knew this was going to happen the whole time, didn’t you?”

  “I knew you’d never let her go.”

  “You’re right. I couldn’t let her go. Love is hard,” he confesses and I’m in total agreement. “I’m sorry, though, about the renovation. I’m going to need the money to—”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s okay. This is your life, mate. You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. I’ll be okay. I can put it off for a few years. The way business is, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “What about when the fine women of Cork find out you’re off the market? Business could take quite a dip.”

  That makes me laugh and smile a little bit. “Changes are all around.”

  “That they are,” Dylan says and then stands up. “I should get back out there.”

  “Hey mate,” I stop him. “I really am happy for ye.”

  Dylan nods and shares a rare smile.

  After he’s gone, I pull out the bottle of Jameson I’ve been keeping in the desk drawer and take a drink. I wasn’t lying. I am happy for Dylan and Ruth, but I’m a little heartbroken, too. The renovation has been dashed for the time being and I’m kicking myself about it. It was foolish to let myself believe that my dream of being a chef was on the verge of coming true. Since when did I get anything I wanted in life?

  Julie

  “I’m ready,” I tell Javier and he nods at me. I’m not sure how long we’ve been in the car, but it’s been long enough to gather my courage and pray to every conceivable god that Aiden isn’t in the office. As we cross the parking lot, I don’t see his car, so that’s a very good sign.

  Oh deities, thank you.

  “CloudSoft Solutions, how may I direct you?” Leonna asks a caller from behind the front desk. She spots me and then quickly taps a few buttons and takes off her headset. “Julie, please wait.”

  “Okay.”

  “Mr. Kelly asked me to provide you with your travel arrangements back to the States.” She hands over a file folder.

  “Oh,” I say, and glance at Javier. His jaw tightens visibly.

  In the folder, I’m not exactly surprised to find a lease buy-out application, although I wouldn’t put anything past Aiden, like leaving me screwed in that department. I decide then and there that I will fill it out and make them pay Eoghan for all this madness. I shuffle that behind the document that I care about most, my airline ticket.

  “I’ve forwarded these to your email, and they’re available to you in the CSS portal, too,” she says, ever the professional.

  I’m still staring at my ticket.

  Tomorrow. 11:00 a.m.

  The first leg is to London, and then it’s across the Atlantic on a journey back to San Diego via Washington DC and Dallas.

  Tomorrow. 11:00 a.m.

  I have less than twenty-four hours left in Ireland.

  I have less than twenty-four hours left with Eoghan.

  I swallow back the sadness and dig deep to find my power. I want to get my things and get the fuck out of this office as quickly as possible. Time is short.

  “Before you leave, I’ll need your ID card,” she says, and when I meet her eyes, I can tell there is regret there. It’s the first time I’ve seen her crack since the day I first stepped foot into this place.

  “Okay,” I say on autopilot and hand it over to her.

  “It’s been a pleasure working with you,” she says with more emotion in her voice than I have ever heard. She dons her headset once again and answers an incoming call.

  Javier and I head for the door and he swipes his ID card to let us in. I don’t bother with the elevator, opting for the stairs, taking them two at a time on the first flight.

  “When do you leave?” Javier asks from behind me.

  “Tomorrow. Eleven in the morning.”

  Once again, he doesn’t respond.

  When we get to our floor, I march directly to my desk. There is an empty box on my chair.

  “How considerate,” I mumble.

  There’s not much to pack, just a couple photos of my family and the one of Cara and I at graduation. There’s my Rey Pop! figure that my team gave me after I took them to see Star Wars on the big screen one afternoon. That was a good day. I felt like a superstar manager. After that, there’s just a little plant that Brigid gave me out of the blue that I can’t take with me.

  “Will you take this?” I ask Javier.

  He nods solemnly and puts it on his desk.

  Members of my former team poke their heads up out of their cubes like prairie dogs. I should say goodbye to them. I should try to encourage them. That would be the professional thing to do, but I’m not feeling very professional at this moment, so I lower my head and don’t turn their way again.

  As I pack the rest into the box, I glare over at Aiden’s empty office. All the gratefulness I felt earlier that he’s not in the office has been replaced by a rage monster that’s growing bigger by the moment. If I can’t take my rage out on Aiden, Deidre is the next best option. She’s been standing in her office, watching me pack as if she hasn’t just ruined my life. I plop my box onto the desk and cross the hallway to go to her office. She backs away from the glass and waits for me with her arms crossed.

  I step into her office, uninvited, and close the door. She faces me with an unreadable expression on her face. I have no idea what to say first, so I start with the facts.

  “I’m all packed up. I have my travel arrangements.”

  She nods ever so slightly. I don’t know how I expect her to respond.

  “This isn’t right, you know,” I tell her and feel my resolve crumbling, my throat tightening.

  “I know,” she says.

  “Then why? Why are you helping him?”

  She lets out a held breath and looks up at the ceiling. “Sometimes this company is cutthroat.”

  “So, you want to get ahead? That’s why?”

  “I have a son. He has special needs.”

  “Oh,” I say a little weaker. “I never knew.”

  “I never told you.”

  “We could have been allies, not rivals. I would have helped you.”

  “It’s not that simple,” she says earnestly, and I wonder if it’s because she’s not that different from me and Brigid.

  “Did Aiden do something to you?”

  She fusses with her hair and looks away. “Aiden demands loyalty.”

  “Aiden is the least loyal person I know.” The words come fast and harsh.

  She shakes her head and brushes past me to go sit behind her desk.

  “Wouldn’t you agree?” I ask, refusing to back down.

  “Why do you think I was so cold to you when he brought you here? We didn’t need another manager. We were all set. I was more than willing to take on the new support team, but he insisted that he needed you here. I didn’t understand how that was possible in a professional sense. No offense, but you’re not even thirty and relatively new to management. I’ve put in fifteen years.”

  The dark suspicion I held inside my heart for a while now is illuminated. Aiden didn’t bring me here based on my merit. He did it because he had an ulterior motive.

  Bile rises in my throat.

  She must sense my dismay, because she quickly goes on. “But then I saw that you were brilliant at the job.”

  It’s a small relief to hear, because I have always ro
cked my job. I know I’m good at it.

  She’s not looking at my face anymore. Instead, she’s staring down at her hands. My worry turns to her. “Was he punishing you for something?”

  Deidre looks back up at me. “Honestly, I don’t know. We’d always been chummy, but I’ve maintained my professionalism with him, always. He’s often told me that I’m a stick in the mud, but this job is essential for my family’s life. I would never jeopardize it. I think he’s always hated that a little bit. Promotions have been hard to come by with him, but he’s finally given me a chance.”

  “Once you helped get me out of the picture,” I say.

  “Sorry,” she says. “It was nothing personal against you.”

  I let out a big breath and try to let my anger at her go. “I know.”

  “Listen,” she says. “I don’t know what happened between the two of you and you don’t have to tell me, but if I were in your shoes, I’d report it.”

  “I’ve considered it,” I tell her.

  “Good.”

  Deidre stands up from behind her desk and extends her hand. “Safe travels and best wishes.”

  “Thanks,” I say. As we shake hands, I realize it’s wrong for me to be mad at her. Deidre isn’t a proxy for Aiden. She never was, and I can’t let her think that I blame her for any of this. “No hard feelings, Deidre. In this world, women have a hard-enough time getting ahead. It’s Aiden. He’s the problem here.”

  A flicker of acknowledgement crosses her face, and she swallows hard.

  “Take care,” I tell her.

  “Good luck,” she replies quietly.

  I leave her office and get the shock of a lifetime.

  Aiden Fucking Kelly.

  He’s standing at my desk and looking in my box.

  “Making sure I don’t steal any pens?” I ask from behind him.

  He turns to look at me and for whatever sick and twisted reason, he smiles.

  “Please step aside,” I say, but he doesn’t budge. I cannot bring myself to look at him directly.

  “Everything sorted?”

  “Yeah,” I blurt out, barely able to hold on to my composure.

  He takes a step closer to me and I take a step back.

  “It didn’t have to be this way,” he whispers.

  My stomach clenches and words have escaped me. My disgust is only outweighed by my desire to get the hell out of here.

  “We would have been great,” he goes on. “But instead of spreading your legs for me, you spread ’em for some loser taxi driver.”

  “Shut up,” I muster.

  “Tell me, what does he have that I don’t?”

  And for the first time, I’m able to meet his eyes.

  “Everything.”

  He scoffs at that, then takes one step closer and grabs my arm.

  “Take your hand off me,” I demand through clenched teeth.

  “Make me,” he sneers.

  But I don’t have to. Javier crowds our space and rips Aiden away from me.

  “Hey! Watch yourself, García.”

  Javier pushes him against my desk and gets in his face. “You like feeling powerful over women?”

  “Fuck off,” Aiden responds, and pushes at Javier without moving him an inch.

  My friend is fierce and a Goddamn warrior. I had no idea he could be so tough or that he would be this strong, but I always knew that he would do whatever it takes to protect those he cares about. Some might think he’s a pushover. He is anything but that. Javier is loyal to his friends.

  The immediate satisfaction of watching Javier rough up Aiden dies. Everything slows down and it’s like I’m watching in slow motion as Javier raises his hand to Aiden’s throat and starts to squeeze. Panic floods me, but I’m stuck in place. Frozen and terrified.

  “Cerdo,” Javier growls in a long drawl.

  Swine.

  Aiden’s breath is shallow as he desperately tries to pull Javier’s arm away. Javier doesn’t let up. I glance back at Deidre, who is watching this play out from behind her desk with one hand on the receiver to her telephone. Finally, I wake up and pull at Javier. “He’s not worth it,” I shout, and now everyone is looking. “Please.”

  Javier immediately lets him go, shoves him one more time for good measure, and grabs my box off the desk. “Vamos,” he says, and we take off before Aiden even knows what happened to him.

  Our coworkers stare and whisper at us as we make our way to the stairs. The humiliation is like a heavy weight on my chest and I’m honestly surprised I don’t trip over my own feet, making matters worse. We reach the door to the stairwell and I take one last look over my shoulder. Aiden is still standing there, his tie askew, his face red, his gaze filled with loathing. But his hatred for me isn’t half the caliber of my hatred for him. He’s ripped me away from my life and my love. I hope he rots in hell.

  Fiona

  Eoghan

  The English Market has always been my favorite spot in the city. Sure, the tourists flock to it, but I’ve been coming to the indoor market for years to buy my groceries. I know just about every trader in the place. We get along great, since they love to talk about food as much as I do. So, why I’m here after just learning that my dreams have been put on hold seems a little bit like self-inflicted pain. But I’m here, and I figure that if I can’t cook for people downstairs, I can at least cook upstairs for Juliana.

  I dread telling her about the delay in the kitchen renovation. Knowing her, she’ll be as heartbroken for me as I am about it. At least she’ll be thrilled for Dylan and Ruth. She’s wanted to see them together since she stepped foot on this island. I still don’t know how those two made it work. I suppose that, sometimes, love is more powerful than any condition, and that brings me a little bit of comfort in the situation.

  After picking up a batch of sugar peas and a few shallots, I head to my favorite fishmonger and select the freshest sea bass they’ve got. Tonight’s supper will be a recipe I’ve been excited to try, pan-fried sea bass with a beurre blanc sauce.

  As I walk back home, I think about this city of mine. One-by-one, my younger brothers left it, and now it’s Dylan’s turn. He’s just like a brother to me. I was certain that we’d end up like Harold and Seamus one day, two old dodgers sitting in the pub while the younger generation is at the helm. Obviously, the conversation would be a little heavier on my end, but you never know, Dylan could become chatty in his old age. Now, I’m not so sure about that future. Something that feels an awful lot like disappointment is weighing on me, making it hard for me to think of much else. The most dependable person I know has let me down, and it feckin’ blows. It seems like that happens more than not in my life.

  The pub is already full by the time I get home. Thankfully, our new waitstaff is in place. Bran is also working tonight. I try my best to dart through the pub and get upstairs, but as I pass by the bar, Dylan stops in his tracks and his mouth drops open, and then Ruth does the same.

  “What’s going on?” I ask.

  They both turn to look at each other and then look at me.

  “What is it?”

  “Julie’s waiting for you upstairs,” Ruth says.

  My heart drops into my stomach. “Is something wrong?”

  “She’ll explain everything,” Dylan says, and nods at the door to the stairwell.

  “Okay,” I say, and rush through the crowd with my grocery bag in tow. I take the steps two at a time.

  “Juliana?” I shout out as I climb the last few steps to our flat.

  “I’m here,” she responds, and I can tell that something’s not right just by the shaking sound in her voice.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask as I get to the top and look around for her. When I spot her, I don’t understand what I’m seeing. She’s standing by her bedroom door, with her suitcase. “What’s going on?”

  She’s a mess. Her face is tear-stained and her eyes are swollen. She shakes her head and wraps her arms around her torso. “I’m moving back to San Diego.” />
  The grocery bag slips from my arms and crashes to the floor. The shallots roll toward her.

  “What? What do you mean?” I ask.

  “I got transferred back to San Diego.”

  “You’re leaving?”

  She nods her head and closes her eyes. My brain refuses to compute this.

  “You’re leaving now?”

  “Tomorrow morning at eleven.”

  “Tomorrow morning at…?” I mumble and take three steps toward her, but then stop in my tracks, as if some self-preservation mechanism has switched on. “Did you just find this out?”

  “I found out last night, after you left with Brigid.”

  It’s a punch to the gut and all my breath escapes me. She lied to me all night long. She lied to me this morning. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me last night?”

  “Because I wasn’t ready then. I didn’t know how to tell you. I wanted to…” she stumbles over her words. “I wanted to be with you last night.”

  And everything clicks into place. Her intensity, her pleas, her words—always in my heart. Christ, even her desire to have me bare. She was ending things with me.

  “How is this possible? How can you do this to us?”

  “I’m sorry,” she says, but doesn’t meet my eyes.

  Desperation grips me by the throat. “But you love me. I heard you say the words one night while you were sleeping. You love me, Juliana.”

  “Of course I love you, Eoghan. I can barely remember life before loving you.”

  “Then how? Explain this to me.”

  “Because I have to. Aiden has sent me back. I now report to someone in San Diego.”

  “That fucking langer. I’m going to kill him,” I blurt out and grab for my helmet.

  “What are you doing?”

  “He can’t do this to us. I won’t let him,” I say, and turn to go.

  She quickly catches up to me and grabs on to my arms. “Stop, Eoghan. You can’t fix this. It’s already done.”

  “Maybe he’ll change his tune after I—”

  “Stop!” she shouts. “Just stop. You can’t fix it. Trust me, it’s over.”

  “It’s over?” I ask her and feel myself crumbling.

  “My job here,” she says quickly.