Faith in Rayne

by Dannie Marsden

Rayne had walked to the sheriff’s office and looked through the newest wanted posters, had a nice chat with Hawks, and asked if he could handle things in town. She was eager to go look at some of the land she had been told about at the land office. When he gave her the okay, she thanked him, grabbed her hat, and walked out whistling. She was walking past the hotel dining room when she happened to glance in and see Lisbet sitting at a table. With curiosity, she walked inside.

  “Lisbet, Miz Rebecca.” She approached the table.

  “Well hello, Deputy, how are you this fine day?” Rebecca asked.

  “Oh, I cain’t complain. The sun is up, not a cloud in the sky, and no sign of trouble from the men at the saloon. And much to my delight, I get to see Lisbet. Overall, I’d say it’s shaped up to be a mighty nice day indeed. How about you?” She flashed a smile at them both.

  “Oh, I agree it’s a fine day. I was just getting acquainted with Lisbet. I do believe I like her,” she finished with a smile directed at Lisbet.

  “She is easy to like. Lisbet is very special,” Rayne replied, her eyes on Lisbet.

  “Well, I do believe I’ll leave you two to chat.” Rebecca winked at Lisbet, as she stood.

  “Rebecca, just a moment please.” Lisbet looked at Rayne. “Where did you go after you left Etta’s and Harry’s last night?”

  Rebecca fidgeted in her seat, a reaction Rayne figured was clearly her saying she was uncomfortable being present at this exchange.

  Rayne was shocked at the question, and a tad uncomfortable at the fact that it was asked in front of someone else, but without a moment's hesitation, she answered, “I drove the wagon back to the livery station and walked back to my room.”

  “You didn’t stop at the saloon and see Maddie?” Lisbet asked flatly.

  “No. Straight to my room. Why?”

  Rebecca answered before Lisbet could, “I found Lisbet leanin’ against a wall, cryin’ her heart out. Seems Maddie approached her and told her that you spent the night with her. You can imagine the confusion and hurt Lisbet here felt after what she told me had been a wonderful afternoon with you.”

  “I see.” Rayne took her hat off. “Lisbet, can we talk privately?” Rayne hoped Lisbet would agree, but understood if she might not want to.

  “No, I think I’d like my friend Rebecca to stay,” Lisbet replied, nervously.

  “Alright, may I sit down?” And when Lisbet nodded, Rayne pulled out a chair and sat.

  “I understand why you asked; I gave ya all the reason in the world. After I woke up from bein’ shot and bangin’ my head on that rock, I couldn’t remember nothin’ before bein’ here in Telluride. I remembered Etta, and the folks here. I remembered bein’ the deputy but nothin’ else. One day, I asked why Maddie was bein’ so nice and nursin’ me and all. She told me it was cuz she loved me, that she and I were courtin’, and that that's what ya do for the woman ya love. She said that no one here supported us, and that most would do anything to see that we weren’t together. She said that Etta, especially, didn’t want us happy, that she hated Maddie and that Harry would do or say anything that backed Etta. I believed her. Lisbet, please don’t cry…” Rayne watched the tears start to fall from Lisbet’s eyes.

  “Keep going. I’m alright.” Lisbet attempted to compose herself.

  “Look, I know I can’t make up for my mistake, and no amount of defendin’ myself is gonna fix it. But I swear, I wasn’t in my right mind when I slept with that woman. I never once felt about her the way I do about you, and even when I wasn’t thinkin’ straight, I knew my heart wasn’t in it. I…it was physical, nothin’ more.” Rayne knew she wasn’t making things any better. Hell, she even had to admit it sounded like a stretch.

  She must have looked completely dejected, because Rebecca intervened with a hand on Rayne’s arm. “Lisbet, I know that you got no reason to believe me, but I know Maddie real well. When she sets her mind on somethin’, there's nothing much that’s gonna stop her. Remember I told you that ya get to the point that ya can tell when someone's heart belongs elsewhere? Rayne always had that look to her. Even after Maddie wormed her way into Rayne’s bed. When I see this woman look at you, I can see the love in her eyes. I never saw that when she looked at Maddie. In fact, come to think of it, I’d say the look she has where Maddie is concerned reminds me of someone tryin’ to get out of the way of a stampeding herd of wild pigs. Hm, maybe a den of snakes is a more accurate description. What do you think, Rayne? Do you think of Maddie as a wild pig or a bunch of snakes? I’m thinkin’ snakes…she is a snake for sure. Hell, even pigs wouldn’t want anything to do with her.”

  Lisbet choked on the tea she’d just sipped. Rayne just looked at Rebecca in shock.

  “Oh come on, Rayne, admit it, you agree with me,” Rebecca teasingly scolded.

  Rayne shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head slightly. She wasn’t about to disagree with Rebecca. The more Rayne thought about Maddie’s actions, the more she saw that Maddie was indeed a snake in the grass. “You just might be right about that, Rebecca. Lisbet, fact is, yesterday was one of the best days I’ve had here. It was because I was with you and Ben. I ate supper with my family and dearest friends. I enjoyed laughin’ and talkin’, and when I left their place I went straight to my room and right to bed. Soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. This morning, I got up and went to the land office and was just gonna head out to look at some of the places up for sale. Why don’t you come with me? You should have a say in how it looks and all. What do ya say, just you, me, and Ben? I’ll have ya back before anyone knows you’re gone. Come on, please? Think about it, finding our place, something that we can make our own.”

  “I suppose we could talk about what to do with your tart. I'm getting a little tired of her tellin’ me how much fun you have with her and that I should leave you alone. It's just about time that she gets a taste of her own medicine.”

  “Does that mean you’ll go with me? Check out some of the ranches with me?”

  “Yes, I would like to see what you are envisioning for our ranch. I do need to go and see if Etta would mind watching Ben. I don’t think he should be around for adult conversation. Rebecca, thank you so much for everything you've said and done. I do believe I’m hearin’ what you’re saying.”

  “Good, that snake can slither on to her next victim, unfortunately. Remember, ya just gotta decide who has the most to lose; them’s the ones that likely don’t play fair. Right about now, I’m thinkin’ Maddie knows she is on the losin’ end of things. Meanin’ she is gonna say and do just about anything to make ya not believe in Rayne here. Now, ya’ll head on out and have fun. I’ll settle up with Martha.” She reached for her glass of tea.

  Rayne stood and stepped behind Lisbet’s chair, her chivalrous side showing. She followed behind Lisbet as they exited the dining room and went to the mercantile to speak to Etta.

  †

  As they rode through the countryside, they made small talk. Occasionally, Rayne would ask a question about someone she happened to think about, like Tom or Bessie, and Lisbet would fill her in on what was going on with them before she had left Willow Spring.

  Rayne kept her eyes focused on the road ahead of them. “Lisbet, just spit it out. I can see by the twitch in your jaw that ya got somethin’ on your mind.”

  “I just been wonderin’, since we left the dining room, but I ain’t sure I wanna ask. Rayne…how? Were things with Maddie better than they were with me?”

  “What? I don’t…” Rayne stammered.

  “I want to know, Rayne. I wanna understand why, if it wasn’t something you enjoyed, it happened more than once. I can handle it. I promise I won’t break down into a sobbin’ mess. Least not in front of you.”

  “I ain’t got a good answer for ya, Lisbet. I cain’t tell ya that it was loneliness, cuz you dealt with it. I suppose the only answer I got is that I was weak. I let my body overrule my head and heart. Was it better than with you? No, fact is, she didn’t satisfy me. It always left me with a hollow
feelin’,” Rayne replied, sorrow and regret in her voice.

  “Then again, I ask, why did you keep doin’ it?”

  With a strained chuckle, Rayne replied, “Kept hopin’ it’d end differently? I don’t know, Lisbet. I do know that whatever the reason, it stopped when I stopped takin’ the laudanum all the time. And I can promise you that it ain’t gonna come back.” Rayne looked at Lisbet.

  Lisbet sighed, as she looked at Rayne and struggled with her fears and her desire to believe Rayne. She wanted to believe her, but she could still remember the pain she felt the moment she saw the redhead in Rayne’s bed.

  “Ya ain’t gotta decide right now. I know it’s gonna take some time. I just need to know that you’ll give me a chance.”

  Lisbet looked away from the dark-haired woman. “I’m here with ya, ain’t I?” She drew her gaze back.

  “Yes, yes you are. One day at a time.” Rayne smiled. A smile that was a mixture of sadness, longing, and relief. “Unless I miss my guess, that right there is the first ranch on my list.” She pulled her horse to a stop and pointed ahead of them.

  Before them, in a clearing, sat an expanse of lush, green grass, acres surrounded by a wooden split rail fence. There was a big ranch house, a large barn, and corrals nearby. On one side in the distance, you could see majestic, snowcapped mountain peaks, on the other tall aspens that in the fall would turn shades of yellows, oranges, and reds. The air held the aroma of sun-warmed, sweet wild flowers, and the silence was broken by the occasional chirp or chatter of insects. It was, in Rayne’s mind, ideal. “Yup, this is almost perfect. What do you think, honey?”

  “I think it has possibilities.” Lisbet smiled. “Maybe we should ride on down and actually take a better look? Maybe, oh I don’t know, walk around, take a good look at the house and barn. I mean, I think it would be good to know it’s not gonna fall down on us, don’t ya think?”

  “Oh yeah, I guess that would be a good idea,” Rayne said sheepishly. She had been so excited just seeing it. “Land office says there’s a small fishin’ pond on the property, as well as a hot spring. Last fall, when I arrived here, I met an injun who told me that the hot springs can help with all sort of ailments. That might be worth a try.”

  They rode down to the ranch. Just as Rayne suspected, it was amazingly beautiful. Rayne stopped at the barn and jumped off the wagon with the reins in her hand. She tethered the team to the fence.

  Rayne reached up and placed her hands around Lisbet’s waist and helped her down. With her hands still holding on to Lisbet, who stood in front of her, Rayne was lost. She was so close she could smell the soap Lisbet had used to wash up that morning. She could see the strong, steady beat of Lisbet’s heart. And she could feel her own fingers trembling with the need to keep touching Lisbet.

  It was Lisbet pulling away that brought Rayne back to her senses.

  As her hands dropped, they each took a step back. Rayne tipped her head back and closed her eyes. There was no denying the attraction and desire that existed between them. Of course, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was trust.

  Rayne looked back at Lisbet. She couldn’t blame the blonde; she accepted the way things had to be and acknowledged that it was going to take time to rebuild the trust she had broken. She reached for Lisbet’s hand. “Let’s go look at the house. Howard assured me it would be fine for us to walk through it.”

  With a sad smile, Lisbet reached for the outstretched hand and simply said, “Thank you.”

  Rayne gently gave the hand a squeeze. “I understand.” She cleared her throat and continued, ”So Howard, over at the land office, told me that the kitchen in this house is good sized, has one of them newer stoves, and has a water pump right in the kitchen. He says it’s a damned nice home.”

  “Rayne watch your language,” Lisbet teased.

  Rayne mumbled, “Uh yeah, sorry about that.” Lisbet simply chuckled.

  As they walked through the main door, Lisbet’s breath caught. The front door opened directly into a huge living area. The fireplace had been positioned in the center of one wall, with a beautiful pine mantel above it. Off to the right of the living area, was a doorway to what Lisbet found to be the kitchen. A stove sat against one wall, with cupboards and counters on one side. On the opposite wall stood an ice box, a sink, and a water pump. “Oh Lord, Rayne, can you imagine not having to bring in buckets and buckets of water each day?”

  “Yup, that would be somethin’ wouldn’t it? Let’s take a look at the upstairs,” Rayne suggested.

  As they walked back into the living area, off the back wall were steps that led to the second floor. The upstairs was comprised of the bedrooms. A larger room overlooked the road and, off to the right, the entrance to the barn and corrals. Across the small hallway were three smaller rooms.

  “This is huge, Rayne. What in the world would we ever do with all these rooms?” Lisbet asked.

  “Ben needs his own room, and we’d have room for guests. I mean, I’d like Tom and Sally to visit us, maybe at some point my ma would come out…I don’t know…” Rayne replied, as she thought about all the room in the house. She would love for her mother to visit. They had begun to communicate through letters after the death of her father but had yet to see each other. Whenever it did happen, Rayne wanted a room for her mother to stay, and this, to her way of thinking, was perfect.

  “Oh I don’t know, it’s just so big,” Lisbet said, as she walked around the room.

  “Well we don’t gotta decide right now, and there’s still a couple of other places to look at, though none with the acreage this place has. But honestly, just considerin’ the price they want for this ranch, this is the better deal. I swear, some folks are just out to rob a person blind.” Rayne walked to the window. “Come look at this, darlin’.”

  Lisbet walked over to where Rayne was and looked out the window.

  “Over by the barn.” Rayne watched Lisbet’s reaction to the sight in front of them, she smiled.

  In the meadow near the barn stood a doe with her two fawns, who were busy playing. The doe would lower her head, take a mouthful of grass, then look up with a watchful eye on her babies as she chewed.

  For Rayne, nothing in her wildest imagination could be better than seeing Lisbet watch the scene below them. Rayne reached out and wiped the tear that fell from Lisbet’s green eye. “What is it, darlin’?” Rayne stepped behind and wrapped her arms around the blonde.

  “It’s just…it’s beautiful and perfect, and I’m tryin’ to figure out how to forgive you. God, I want to, Rayne. I’m just so afraid. I can’t…I can’t have my heart broken like that again,” Lisbet cried, her chest heaving through the tears as she lost the battle to contain them.

  “I know, darlin’. I won’t ever put you in the position to have it broken ever again,” Rayne said into Lisbet’s hair.

  Lisbet turned in Rayne’s arms and buried her face. Her tears fell into the blue fabric of Rayne’s shirt. Through her sobs, she asked, “Do you have any idea what it did to me to see that woman in your bed?”

  Rayne’s shame burned in her heart. How was she supposed to answer that without it sounding like she was just begging for forgiveness? So she answered the only way she could, “Darlin’, I know how I woulda felt. And I know how hard it woulda been for me to understand and forgive. And the fact that I put you in a place that ya gotta decide that is unforgivable to me. I cain’t begin to tell ya how ashamed I am that I slept with her and that I hurt you like I have.”

  “Damn you, Rayne, why can’t I just walk away from you? Why does it hurt to breathe when I even think about it?” Lisbet pounded her fist into Rayne’s shoulder.

  “Maybe for the same reason I cain’t imagine a life without you, cuz you are my life.”

  The couple stood there for a while with Lisbet letting her tears fall and Rayne just holding her. Rayne knew one thing and one thing only, should Lisbet forgive her, she would never put her through this kind of pain ever again.

  Eventually, the tear
s ended. While Rayne offered to head back to town, Lisbet insisted that they stay and walk around the rest of the ranch. Through the huge barn and corrals to the pasture, Lisbet had to agree it was indeed beautiful. She watched Rayne and knew without a doubt that Rayne wanted this place. While it was going to take some time, Lisbet knew in her heart that her family would live and be happy here. She could see them laughing in the living area in front of the fireplace. She would be mending socks while Rayne read to Ben. She could see herself and Rayne upstairs making love, as Ben slept across the hall. “Rayne why don’t we get the horses and ride along the fence? I’d like to see the rest of the place.” She smiled when she saw Rayne’s face light up.

  Lisbet was truly amazed at how large the ranch was. There were sectioned off areas to accommodate moving the cattle, as well as fields for growing corn or hay. Lisbet was impressed with the place, and though she knew they should at least look at other ranches, she knew this was the one. “Rayne, how about we take a look at the barn again? We should probably know what the loft looks like before we make a decision. I mean, I know we got other places to look at, but that should be somethin’ we keep in mind.”

  Lisbet reached for Rayne’s hand for help up the final rung of the ladder that led to the loft of the barn. Up against the wall that Lisbet faced were bales of hay that had been left when the previous owner moved out of the area, and the floor boards were covered with layers of loose hay.

  Once Lisbet was on the floor, Rayne put her hands on her hips and looked around. She carefully walked to the far end of the barn, inspecting beams and joints, while Lisbet walked to the large doors that stood open to the expanse of land down below. “It looks to be sound.” Lisbet leaned her shoulder against the door frame.

  Rayne walked up behind her. “Will ya look at that view.” She took in the unblocked view of the valley below them and the acres that surrounded the ranch.

  Lisbet walked to a bale and sat down. She bit on her bottom lip. “We’ll have to keep Ben from comin’ up here.”