Fragile: Book One in The Everett Gaming Series

by Sera, Drew

  “The forehead is mine, remember?” Colin said. I hadn’t realized he was watching my moves with her.

  “I thought I’d provide double coverage tonight.”

  When I leaned back, my side bothered me some. Every now and then it bothers me. Something had just occurred to me. I had stood inches from her, naked from the waist up a few minutes ago. She would have seen my scar but she didn’t ask and she didn’t let her eyes linger on it. She hadn’t flinched or looked horrified when she saw it either. Many times when Colin and I are with a sub from Irons, the girl will stare at it. Some have even asked me about it and there have even been some who have tried to touch it. I even still get that from Matt and Colin. But here was this girl who didn’t seem to notice it one way or another.

  I was exhausted and wasn't too interested in watching TV. I just wanted to be next to Sydney right now and make sure she was okay after the dungeon mishap. After a half hour or so, I noticed Sydney’s eyes kept closing and then would re-open. She was tired but I knew she wanted to be out here and it made her feel better. I could see she was fighting to stay awake though. Sydney needed her rest.

  “Sunshine, it’s okay to close your eyes and rest,” I whispered to her.

  She went ahead and closed her eyes. I gave her cheek another kiss and whispered for her to sleep well. I knew Matt was watching Sydney and I. I didn’t care though. Let him look.

  What had me concerned was that every now and then, I’d feel her hand shaking under my tee shirt. I didn’t know if she was cold or if it was just an effect of this evening. Matt and Colin are better versed in this sort of thing. I didn’t want to draw attention to her though. I felt her cheeks and forehead each time I felt her hand shake. It was a little cool in the house and thought maybe another blanket would help. I didn’t want to move though to get it. Moving meant uncurling her hand from inside of my shirt and it meant waking her up. I looked over at Colin, not at all surprised to see that he wasn’t watching TV, but was watching us.

  “Is she cold?” He asked as he stood.

  “No, not really. But I don’t want her to wake up cold. Toss me that blanket.”

  Colin got the throw off the arm of the couch and walked it over to drape it over Sydney. He snuggled up on the chaise behind her.

  Next thing I knew was that I felt a pulling sensation on my chest. Sydney was whimpering. My eyes shot open. Fuck, I had fallen asleep and now Sydney was in a nightmare.

  “Col,” I said and reached over Sydney to push on Colin’s shoulder. He woke right up and helped me wake Sydney up.

  Her hand had been opening and closing against my chest and had pulled on some of my chest hair. Matt was now crouched by me and put his hands out over Sydney’s legs to keep her from kicking us or hurting herself. He wasn’t touching her but acted more as a shield. I tried to get her hands in mine, rather than take hold of her wrists. I placed her hands flat against my chest while Colin sat behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

  “Baby, wake up. Sydney, it’s a dream. Just a dream,” Colin whispered.

  She was awake now and alert. I hate seeing her coming out of these fucking nightmares. She looks so scared and unsure of what’s going on when she fully wakes up. Her eyes were wide and wild and she was breathing fast. She saw Matt and I think she felt ashamed. Her head dropped and she looked downward.

  Sydney’s hands tried to close into fists against my chest as she began to cry. She yanked her hands out from under mine and began to run to her room in hysterics.

  Counselors sometimes say a person who has been under stress sometimes just need some time to themselves. Sydney has had tons of time alone and alone time wasn’t what she needed. I wasn’t going to stand by and “give her space and time” anymore. She had enough of that and now it was time for someone to step in and tell her how it’s going to be. She needed to be held and just allowed to cry her eyes out and be comforted as she did it.

  I caught up to her quickly wrapping one arm around her waist and the other arm around her chest just under her collarbones. At first she fought against me, which I was expecting, but I held her firmly against me. I stood holding her while she fought against me until she got it out of her system.

  “Let it out, sunshine. I have you and will hold you. We can do this all night, sweetheart.”

  I kissed her head and looked over at Matt and Colin. Colin sat on the coffee table and Matt sat on the chair, both of them watching. Sydney cried hysterically in my arms for a while before I felt her body get heavier. She was giving in to me and trusting that I’d hold her and take care of her, just as I said I would. I wouldn’t let this girl down.

  Eventually she let me pull her down to the floor. I held her between my legs so that her back was to my chest and my legs were on either side of hers. It was meant as a position of safety and security. She leaned against me and hadn’t said a word. Her crying had subsided and her breathing was returning to normal. She turned so that her side was pressed against my chest and I felt her hand opening and closing over my chest muscle. She was so tiny in my arms.

  Being there for her and holding her fulfilled something in me. Something I didn’t know was even there. I didn’t know exactly what it was or even how to explain it, but it made me feel good.

  “Sunshine, do you want to go lie down?” I asked her but didn’t get a response.

  I had a feeling she was zoned out again. I don’t know what her bad dreams were about but they obviously take their toll on her. I wanted her to respond and answer me. I needed her to. I squeezed her a little tighter hoping that would spark something. I lowered my head and whispered in her ear.

  “I know it’s difficult, sunshine. I know what it’s like to be lost and unable to talk or respond. I know you’re trying. I’m here for you and won’t give up. I won’t leave you.”

  I stopped talking because I knew it’d just come across as rambling to her. I knew Colin was standing by and probably could do better with her and be more effective. Matt probably could too. I was waiting for Colin to throw me the fuck out of his house and tell me that I was making things worse.

  Matt and Colin were speaking quietly and then Colin came over and crouched in front of Sydney. He was going to pull her away from me. I knew he was because I wasn’t helping matters. He made eye contact with me and I was bracing for the “get out” speech when Sydney turned to face me. She straddled my lap and let her head rest on my shoulder facing my neck. She wrapped her arms around me tightly and it made me feel good.

  “Don’t let go of me. P-please stay with me. I need you, Anthony.”

  Her words pumped life back into my body that was barely breathing. She needed me. This girl still trusted me with everything. I held her close and looked up at Colin. He had set his hand on Sydney’s back and was smiling at me.

  “Please, Anthony, Sir. Promise?”

  Promise. She was asking me to promise something. She was probably terrified to ask for me to promise.

  I turned and looked into those deep blues and nodded. I made the motion of drawing the letter X over my heart to symbolize my promise.

  “Cross my heart, sunshine.”

  She smiled and squeezed me into a hug. After that, Matt and Colin helped me get into bed with Sydney. Matt adjusted the lights while Colin turned the sheets back. He stood next to me as I got under the covers with her glued to my body.

  “Are you going to be okay tonight?” He asked me. I knew he was referencing to us staying alone. Up until tonight, Colin had been staying in here with us. I was confident I could handle it and if something came up, I knew where he and Matt were.

  After they left us alone I kissed her forehead and gave her another squeeze.

  “Don’t tell Colin I kissed your forehead. He thinks he has a monopoly on kissing your forehead.”

  I hadn’t expected a reaction but I heard a small giggle. That giggle made me feel like I was forgiven for the dungeon issue tonight.

  “Sunshine, I’m right here and not going anywhere. If you w
ant to talk, I’m here. If you wake up from a bad dream, I’m here.”

  “Thank you, Sir.”

  Sir. Fuck me. Her Dom is going to be the luckiest fucker around. And he better treat her like a princess too. I forced myself to stay awake until I was sure she had drifted off to sleep.

  I woke up to hearing pieces of another fucking nightmare. She was begging for someone to stop doing something and she kept repeating the word “fire.” I know it has to do with her wrist burns and it guts me to hear her being tortured in the slumber world.

  “Sydney, sweetheart. It’s just a dream.” I pulled her into my arms trying to offer comfort. When she began crying, I picked her up and carried her over to the sitting room. I sat down and held her against me in a blanket. She was shaking in my arms. I had to know what she was scared of. If it was me, then I needed to get Colin.

  “Easy, sunshine. I have you. You’re safe with me. You do know that, right?”

  I felt her head making the nodding motion.

  “Am I scaring you?”

  “No, Sir.” She started to sound like she was going to say something else, but stopped. I gave her a few moments to see if she’d continue and was very surprised when she did without my prodding. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Absolutely, sunshine. Anything.”

  “You and Colin make me feel safe.”

  I was happy to hear she wasn’t scared of us. She apologized to me for not being very talkative earlier when she was crying on me.

  “Sydney, I know sometimes you get locked up inside your mind and can’t communicate. I get it. I’ve been there. But as long as you try, it’ll be okay. But if you don’t start releasing some of this bottled up shit, it’s going to catch up to you. I want for you and I to try something that will help. Each night, you and I are going to sit in here before bed. You get to ask me anything you want about the lifestyle and I get to ask you anything I want.”

  “Okay, I will try.”

  Huh, I thought to myself. That was simple.

  Chapter 47

  Saturday, November 9th

  Colin

  I woke up at 7:00 a.m., showered, shaved and headed downstairs. Matt was in the kitchen reading the paper and sipping on coffee.

  “Morning, Col. Sleep okay?”

  “Fine. Did you hear anything from them?”

  “No. I checked on them around 3:30 and they were both asleep. She was curled up in his arms.” Matt paused and then added, “Col, he’s really good with her.”

  I knew what he was getting at. Yes, I knew it too. Anthony would be perfect for her.

  “Matt, I know. Did you see him last night at dinner when you complimented him on how he relaxes her? He pretends he didn’t do anything and that she doesn’t responded to him the way she does.”

  “He’s humble and modest.”

  “And stubborn. Every time I’ve tried to tell him how good he is with her, he withdraws. I don’t want him withdrawing from her.”

  “He wasn’t withdrawing last night after something triggered her in the dungeon. He was right there with her. Did you see him take charge with her last night and let her cry in his arms until she couldn’t cry anymore? Tell me, how many other times have we seen him hold a woman that intimately? We haven’t. He does the aftercare and puts everything he has into that. I’ve seen him give aftercare and it’s nothing compared to how he was with her last night.”

  I nodded in agreement. I wasn’t denying anything Matt said. It was all dead on. But getting Anthony to admit to that was going to be a project.

  “Matt, he’s like that when we co-top too. He’s very attentive during sex and with the aftercare. He and I both are. But he checks his feelings at the door. They never enter the room. They never have.”

  “I know. What I’m saying is that I think Sydney is going to be the one to turn him inside out. Have you seen the way he looks at her? It’s intense to say the least. Whether he admits it or not, he cares about her.”

  I sat at the breakfast bar thinking about them. I shook my head at Anthony’s stubbornness.

  “I wish…” I started to speak but then found myself biting my tongue. Matt gave me a look encouraging me to say what was on my mind. “I wish he would consider a sub. Not just one to play with at Irons. But a live in sub. I know he’s not into it, but I really wish he was.”

  Matt was quiet for a few moments before he spoke.

  “Whom are you wishing that to benefit the most? Anthony, because he needs someone Sydney, because she wants and needs a Dom? Or you?”

  “Me? Why me?”

  “Come on, Col. You are so wrapped up in this girl and the only way you are going to be able to breathe when she leaves here is to know that she’s going to be okay without a shadow of a doubt. And the only way for you to know that and feel secure with that is for Anthony to take her. Or you.”

  He finished his coffee and then went back over to the stove. On his way by he slapped me on the back. What if he was right? I didn’t have a chance to entertain that thought at the moment because I heard Sydney and Anthony heading towards the kitchen.

  Suddenly I was aware of the feelings I had when I saw the two of them walked into the kitchen. It was a comforting feeling and I felt better.

  Matt continued making breakfast as Sydney climbed up on the barstool next to me and Anthony went over to swipe some strips of bacon Matt had just put on a plate. Matt tried to shove him away but Anthony got a handful of bacon. I shook my head at him while Sydney laughed. The three of us guys all stopped to look at one another. There was something about hearing her laugh in my kitchen.

  “Baby, did you sleep some?”

  She said she woke up from a bad dream but that Anthony held her and sat up with her for a while. I knew what Matt was thinking about when he heard her say that she had another nightmare. He’s on me to make an appointment for her with the doctor that had helped Gina. I’d call Chris Anderson on Monday.

  I needed to talk with Anthony about what his thoughts were on us going to Irons tonight. I bounced this back and forth in my head last night. After the dungeon incident last night, I didn’t want to let too much time pass before we went back. That would create a wedge and during the distance she’d let her imagination conjure up something more frightening.

  After we talked about the dungeon incident last night, Sydney went outside to sit on the patio and write in her notebook journal I gave her. I wanted her to write down anything about last night that she may have felt that she wasn’t ready to talk to Anthony and I about.

  Anthony and I sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen watching her out on the patio. I liked seeing her on my patio and around the house. She brightened it up, despite dealing with a lot of shit.

  “What do you think about going to Irons tonight?”

  He didn’t think too much of it but then said that he understood why I thought it was important for us to not allow too much time to pass. So we decided we’d go tonight and he and I would try to find some scenes for her to watch.

  For the rest of the afternoon, we worked on presentation poses again. I knew many Doms liked the presentation pose to be accompanied by the sub’s head tilted downward. The head down thing always bothered me. It was hard for me to separate my personal and professional feelings where Sydney was concerned.

  I had given Sydney instructions that next week when Anthony and I come home from work that she is to greet us as if we were Doms who expected that type of greeting. We also worked on other pieces of etiquette. Sydney was a quick learn and she was eager to receive critiques and practice.

  Chapter 48

  Saturday, November 9th

  Sydney

  Colin and Anthony are so nice to me, though I’m not sure if I deserve it. I’ve been enjoying working on the training protocols with the guys. I overheard Colin talking to Matt about how Evan wants to scene with me. I just hope I’m good enough. It’ll be my first chance to prove to Colin that I can follow directions if given a chance. I can’t screw it
up. It’s a chance to get away from Howard for good.

  I wish the bad dreams would stop. I hate having to wake the guys up with them. They worry and I don’t want them to worry about me. I have to admit though; I really like the way they make me feel when they hold me. I never thought I’d like that, but I really do. Anthony lets me hold onto him at night. I basically hold onto him in a death grip but it helps me fall asleep. He’s so strong, yet he’s soft to lean against at night. I love how he holds me at night. He holds me so that I never feel trapped but I feel like he has a good grip on me.

  There is something about Anthony’s eyes that captivates me. When he looks at me, I feel like I’d always be safe with him. I feel protected when I’m around both of them, but especially Anthony. I just can’t put my finger on why I feel like that with him.

  He said something to me last night that made me feel like it might be okay for me to open up to him. The way he talked about understanding how I felt when I didn’t feel like I could talk made me trust him more. I don’t think he’d understand what to say to me unless he truly understood.

  After I wrote in my journal for a while, I went inside and Colin wanted to work on some more stuff from Evan’s list. Evan told Colin he wanted to be greeted when he gets home in the evenings with his sub in the present pose. We’ve been working on that and I’m pretty sure I have it down. But then again, I’ve been terribly wrong before.

  I’m kind of glad Anthony and I will start talking more in the evenings. He said it would just be the two of us and that I can ask him anything about the lifestyle. I’m excited about this because I have so many questions. Howard never let me ask much of anything.

  Chapter 49

  Saturday, November 9th

  Colin

  “Colin! Good to see you guys back this evening,” Blake said as he approached the three of us when we arrived on the main floor. Anthony headed over to the couch that we occupied last night.