Bound to the Past (Starville Series Book 1)

by Lauryn Michaels

  “Iʼll be fine, I swear. Iʼm not stupid, Iʼll get back on my feet. But not now. Not yet. For a few more days, please leave me alone. I need some more time to myself to process everything. Please.”

  Nicky stared at her, speechless. “Is that what you really want?”

  Sara nodded again. “I need to put Jack behind me and find a way to move on with my life. And I will, I promise. I just need more time,” she repeated slowly, new tears already rolling down her cheeks.

  Nicky handed her a Kleenex, shaking her head. “I wonder how you can possibly have any more of those left.”

  Sara gave her a weak smile.

  “Next time I come over, Iʼm gonna have to bring a row boat to get across the living room,” she continued, managing to pull another faint smile from her. Then she sighed. “Jackass flew back to Chicago last week but left his bike at Brentʼs. Wanna go put some lovely graffiti on it with me?”

  This time Sara even chuckled between sobs. “Maybe some other time, thanks.”

  “Good. Now Iʼll go, if you promise to eat something.”

  Sara nodded. “I promise.”

  Nicky pressed a quick kiss on her damp cheek. “Call me if you need anything”

  She was already at the door when Sara suddenly ran to her. “Why, Nicky? Why did he do this to me?”

  She hugged her tight. “I donʼt know, hon. I really donʼt.” But that son of a bitch better start running if I ever see him again!

  ***

  Sara sat on the couch for a long time after Nicky left, thinking about their conversation. She meant what sheʼd told her friend. She was smart. She did know she needed to get back on her feet. Sheʼd sworn to herself that sheʼd never let another man destroy her, and yet here she was again.

  Nausea shook her before she could finish that thought, and she barely made it to the bathroom. God, she really was miserable. As she went to the sink to wash her face, the reflection she saw in the mirror made her flinch. Her hair was a tangled mess, her eyes red and puffy. How could she have fallen so low?

  Much to her surprise, her stomach chose that very moment to growl, reminding her that she hadnʼt eaten anything since the night before. Even though her nerves were shattered and her stomach revolted at the thought of food, Sara knew that she needed to get something down. Chocolate, she decided, heading toward the kitchen. Chocolate always helped her feel better, and maybe the sugar would even alleviate the bitterness she was feeling inside. With that hope, she opened a box of cookies and took a sip of cold milk. Amazingly, she felt better.

  On impulse, Sara went to the den and sat at her computer. She hadnʼt written a word since Jack had left her. Heck, she hadnʼt really written anything since the day he was arrested. Sheʼd been so caught up in Jackʼs troubles that she had put everything else to a halt. Well, maybe Nicky was right. Maybe it was time she put her own needs first, for once. It was time to stop grieving and take back the reins of her life.

  Sara turned the computer on, gnawing on her lower lip as the file opened. She could do this. She didnʼt need Jack to write, she was strong now. Confident. She could start over―would start over, by herself.

  Her hands moved to the keyboard. She took a deep breath. Before she knew it, her fingers started to scurry over the keys.

  ***

  “Tonight. Dinner. My place. No excuses.”

  Sara shook her head even though she knew Brent couldnʼt see her. “But I―”

  “No excuses, I said,” his voice barked through the phone. “It’s time you get out of the house, Sara. All youʼve done lately is write and clean.”

  She slanted a guilty look at the duster in her hand. Brent was right, but she didnʼt care. Cleaning and writing were the only things that succeeded in calming her nerves now that cooking was out of the picture, since the mere thought of food was repulsive to her. If anything, it distracted her and made time go by faster. Not to mention her house was spotless.

  “Come on, hon,” Brent continued in a softer tone. “Iʼll grill some burgers, itʼll be fun. Nickyʼs coming, too―itʼll be just like the good old days.”

  The good old days. The “before Jack“ days. Sara sighed, crouching down to dust one of the lower shelves of the bookcase. “Okay. Iʼll be there around six.”

  “Thatʼs my girl. See you then.”

  She tossed her phone onto the shiny desk and stood up, but had to lean against the bookshelf when a violent wave of vertigo made her reel. Her stomach turned over. She barely managed to wait until her head stopped spinning before rushing to the bathroom. When she came out of it a few minutes later, she lay down on the couch and closed her eyes, feeling weak, tired, and still extremely nauseated. Lance rested his muzzle on her chest with a whimper.

  “Iʼm going to be fine, baby,” she murmured, stroking him lightly. Well, she hoped so. The truth was, it was the fourth time this had happened in the last week. At first, sheʼd thought that it must be the pain from Jackʼs leaving that was making her sick, but as the days passed, she couldnʼt keep pretending that there was nothing wrong. Maybe sheʼd caught a virus or something. Whatever it was, it was time to make a doctorʼs appointment.

  A few hours later, she was sitting in the waiting room of a medical clinic in Dallas, waiting for the results of the few tests the doctor had run on her. She was so tense that she jumped when the nurse opened the door and called her name. “Ms. Milano? Dr. Colby would like to see you now.”

  Her heart thudding, Sara nodded and stood. She had chosen to make an appointment there because she didnʼt feel like seeing Doc and answering the countless questions he would ask about Jack, but she started regretting her decision as the nurse led her to an empty room and left. Everything felt so impersonal, so…lonely. She could definitely use a friendly face right now.

  As if reading her mind, Dr. Colby walked in with a big smile on his face. “Ms. Milano, I have your blood work results. Congratulations. Youʼre pregnant!”

  Sara gave him a blank stare. “Huh?”

  Her expression must have looked comical, because the doctor chuckled. “Youʼre expecting a baby, dear.”

  Sara blinked at him, trying to make sense of his words. “You mean, Iʼm…pregnant? Me?” she finally croaked, incredulous, plopping onto the chair behind her. It was impossible. She and Jack had always been careful. She was on the pill, for Godʼs sake! Sheʼd taken it religiously every night before going to bed, and… Well, maybe not so religiously, she remembered suddenly. The night of Brentʼs birthday, she hadnʼt had her pills with her, because she hadnʼt known that theyʼd end up spending the night at the Haydensʼ. She didnʼt think skipping it only one time could make a big difference. Apparently, she was wrong. But Jack had made love to her with so much passion that night that she had completely forgotten about it. Her heart still ached at the memory.

  She was so lost in her thoughts that she didnʼt notice the concern on the doctorʼs face until he spoke. “Are you all right, dear? Maybe you werenʼt prepared for the news?”

  She shook her head and raised her gaze to him. Flashed him the brightest of smiles. “Iʼm fine, thank you. Very fine. I'm fantastic!”

  “Very well.” Dr. Colby returned her smile and glanced at the chart in his hands. “Youʼre about eight weeks along, and everything appears to be just fine at this point. Are you feeling any discomfort, besides the nausea?”

  “I feel a little weak and light-headed, sometimes.”

  “I see. Iʼm going to prescribe you some prenatal vitamins. If you would like, I can refer you to an ob-gyn in this clinic who can follow you throughout the pregnancy. Sheʼs really good.”

  Sara nodded, but her mind was already drifting again. She was so excited! Of course, she was also scared to death. As much as she loved children and had always hoped to have her own someday, sheʼd never fathomed raising one by herself, without being married or having a stable relationship. Yet the thought of carrying a baby inside her was giving her back the life sheʼd felt lost in the last two weeks. A baby. Jackʼs baby.

&nbs
p; Life was smiling at her again, after all.

  She drove back home still feeling overwhelmed, but so thrilled she knew she would go insane if she didnʼt share her wonderful news with somebody. She couldnʼt tell Brent and Nicky, though—not before she told Jack. Despite the way heʼd treated her, he was the father of the baby and had the right to know about it. Not now, of course. Not when the wound was still open and bleeding in her heart, not when she woke up crying every night, uselessly reaching out for him in her bed. She did need to tell someone, though.

  Sara grabbed her phone and dialed a few numbers. After a couple of rings, she heard a click but didnʼt even wait for an answer. “I have so much to tell you! Are you sitting down?”

  Carson chuckled. “Hold on a sec. Okay, Iʼm sitting. Shoot.”

  In one breath, Sara told him everything that had happened since the last time they’d seen each other, from Jack leaving her until the latest, wonderful news. When she finished, she heard Carson fumble for words for the first time since sheʼd met him.

  “Sara… are you sure you didn’t just read me the synopsis of your latest book?”

  “I know, right?” She laughed. “Maybe Iʼm crazy, Cars, but Iʼm so happy!”

  “You’re not crazy, kid. Babies are a miracle. It’s only right to be happy. By the way, just so you know, youʼre going to pack your bags and get yourself, Lance, and the cats ready to come stay at the ranch for a while.”

  She shook her head. “Now you’re being the crazy one.”

  “Iʼm serious, actually. You’re expecting a baby and going through a lot. You need a change of pace. Besides, Maria is going to be thrilled about this, and I can speak for her when I say that we both want to take care of you and spoil you rotten.”

  Sara’s heart warmed at his words. He was right. She might not have Jackʼs love anymore, but she was loved. And staying somewhere that didnʼt constantly remind her of Jack could do nothing but help her get over him. “You know what, Cars? Thatʼs a wonderful idea,” she said. “When can I come?”

  “Tomorrow too soon?”

  She smiled. “Tomorrowʼs perfect.”

  Chapter 31

  Jack looked out his office window without really seeing the imposing Chicago buildings in front of him. The sky was gray, though, he knew that much. It had been gray since heʼd been back, which seemed appropriate for his mood. He felt so apathetic, so empty. He only wished he could close his eyes and sleep for a few years. Damn, he hadnʼt slept in so long.

  A knock on the door made him shout a clipped, “Come in,” but he didn’t turn around until Frank and Raymond sauntered into his office.

  “I really hope you’re coming up with a super-innovative software idea or an outrageous marketing strategy. Otherwise I have no idea what the hell you do, spending so much time in front of that window,” Frank started, sliding into one of the leather chairs by Jackʼs desk.

  “Don’t listen to him, boss. You’re still on leave and arenʼt even supposed to come to the office if you donʼt want to.”

  Raymond’s usual diplomacy made Jack smile, despite the pain he felt inside. “Are you two here for a reason, or you just came to bother me?” he joked, sitting at his desk.

  Frank shrugged. “I just came to bother you. What about you, Ray?”

  “I wanted to show Jack the estimated turnover for the next twelve months,” the other man said, handing him a pile of papers. “As you can see, this year’s profits were well ahead by almost fifteen percent and—”

  “Blah blah blah.”

  Raymond slanted Frank a dark look before turning back to Jack. “Also, I wanted to ask if you already have plans for Thanksgiving,” he continued. “My wife complains that she hasn’t seen you in ages and would love to have you over. Frank is coming, too,” he added with a grimace.

  Jack forced another smile. “Thanks, Ray-Mill. Unfortunately Iʼll be out of town for Thanksgiving, but please, tell Susan I’ll be more than happy to come some other time. Sheʼs right, I havenʼt seen her and little Maggie in forever,” he said, grabbing the can of soda on his desk and popping it open.

  There was another knock on the door, and this time Raymond’s timid secretary peered in. “Sorry to bother. Mr. Miller, there is a phone call from Seattle for you on line three. Itʼs urgent.”

  “Isn’t it always,” Raymond mumbled, standing up to follow her out.

  “So?”

  Jack took a big gulp from the can and turned to Frank, who was looking at him with an amused grin on his face. “So what?”

  “When are you going to tell me that you got your memory back?”

  He gave him a surprised stare, then shook his head with a huff. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “Ridiculous, you say?” Frank snorted. “Is that why you called Miller by the nickname you gave him five years ago?”

  “I called him Ray—which, I believe, is a pretty common short form of Raymond.”

  “Actually, you called him Ray-Mill. But anyway… Tell me, then, how do you know that you ‘havenʼt seen little Maggie in forever,ʼ when neither of us have told you about her?”

  This time Jack gasped for air. “I’m sure Ray mentioned his daught—”

  “Cut the crap, Jack. Thereʼs a reason Iʼm the one of the best attorneys in the United States. So, how long have you been remembering?”

  He hesitated a split second, then blew out a resigned sigh. “A while,” he admitted.

  “Meaning?”

  “More or less, since Max hit me in jail. At the beginning, I didnʼt remember much, though,” he added at his friendʼs glare. “It was mostly quick flashbacks I mistook for dreams.”

  Frank shook his head in disapproval. “Why didnʼt you tell me?”

  “Donʼt take it personally, I didnʼt tell anybody.”

  “Not even Sara?”

  Jack stiffened. “What does Sara have to do with anything?”

  “I believe she has everything to do with it,” the older man mumbled, then took a deep breath. “I talked to her yesterday.”

  “Good for you.”

  “She sounded really good.”

  Jack chugged down his Coke. “Is there something you want to tell me, Frank, or are you just trying to get on my nerves?”

  “I donʼt see how talking about Sara would get on your nerves. After all, youʼre the one who dumped her, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Because you donʼt love her.”

  Jack looked away with the excuse of tossing the empty can in the trash can beside him.

  “Which is good, you know,” Frank continued when he didnʼt answer, “since sheʼs still staying at her cowboy friendʼs ranch.”

  Jack narrowed his eyes. Okay, now, that got on his nerves. It was a good thing heʼd already gotten rid of the can, otherwise he would have smashed it against the wall. “Youʼre playing a dangerous game, Devereaux.”

  “Iʼm merely informing you of the facts.”

  “Nobody asked.”

  Frank shrugged his words away. They kept quiet for a while, but as the silence stretched into awkwardness, Jack grunted a barely audible, “Howʼs she doing?”

  “Who?”

  “Who the hell have we been talking about?”

  Frank bit back a smile. If looks could kill, heʼd be dead already. “Saraʼs fine.”

  “Is she really?”

  “Yes, sheʼs really. She did go to a few doctorʼs appointments in the last weeks, but—”

  “What?” Jack leaned forward across the desk. “Why did she go to the doctor? Is something wrong? Is she sick?”

  “She didnʼt say. All I know is that her friend took her to a big clinic in Dallas and drove her back to the ranch after every appointment. Donʼt worry, though, Iʼm sure it was nothing serious. As I said, she sounded happy on the phone.”

  He frowned. “Happy?”

  “Well, yes. You know, joking around, laughing…which is more than I can say about you.” Frank sighed again as Jack slid him a glare. “Saraʼs doing good, son. Youʼre
the one Iʼm worried about. Youʼve lost so much weight since youʼve been back―not to mention those black circles around your eyes. Have you been sleeping at all?”

  “Iʼm fine.” Liar. Heʼd never felt so miserable, not even during the three years heʼd spent in jail.

  His lie apparently didnʼt convince Frank, either. “Dammit, Jack, stop being so stubborn!” he blurted. “Youʼre clearly going through hell without Sara, yet for some reason your hard head wonʼt let you go back to her! Look, I donʼt know what the heck got into you to leave her when youʼre so obviously in love with her, but for your information, I heartily disapprove of your behavior. Sara is a sweet, loving girl, and she didnʼt deserve to be treated like that,” he said in one breath, his tone one of a disappointed father.

  Jack listened to his tirade without a comment. Suddenly, he rose and walked to the window. “She didnʼt deserve having her future ruined by a lowlife like me, either,” he muttered, his absent gaze fixed outside.

  Frank gave him a long, puzzled look before his words registered. “My God. This is why you left her, isnʼt it? Because you think sheʼs better off without you?”

  “I donʼt think it. I know it.”

  “What I know is that youʼre an idiot.”

  Jack whirled around to look at him, rage darkening his eyes. “Just who the hell do you think you are, huh? What do you think you know about me? What do you know about the shame of living like I do, with my dark past always lurking around the corner and the awareness of not being worth a damn?”

  Frank stood, strode up to him, and put his hands on his shoulders, shaking him slightly. “For the love of God, Jack, itʼs been ten years since J.T. was killed. You need to get over it! Put the past behind you before itʼs too late, son, or youʼll end up destroying your future, too.”

  Jack shook his head. “I canʼt…”

  “You have to! Open your eyes, will you? J.T. is gone, and nothing is going to bring him back―but youʼre no longer the little scoundrel he saved from the streets. Youʼre an extremely smart, brave, and determined man. You have created a successful business from nothing, despite all the horror that happened in your life. How can you not see this? How can you think that youʼre worth nothing?”