Diary of a Robot

by Gabriel Wolf

  *****

  What?! Nooo! I see Gabe again, heading to the cafeteria. My view changed to another camera, right at the most important moment! May that fucker who changes the channel all the time, rot in Hell! I was already in the interrogation room! Finally, in the right place. Do I really have to watch the entire rerun of that God-awfully boring eating scene? For what? It was already disappointing, the first time!

  Gabe is standing in line to get his food. How very exciting.

  Gabe folded himself again, or rather, sat down. I still like the term 'folded' better. He started to eat. He didn't shoot out acid, neither from a slot at the top, nor from down below. I don't know what I expected. Maybe I was hoping a little bit, that he was gonna perform something more interesting this time, than his previous lame attempt. But I've learned something new again, from all this: disappointment is still a disappointment, the second time too. Madách, my new role model, could've written something about this, too. Speaking of role models! Humans maybe respect the most, those people who were able to defeat cancer. So it really might be a dangerous freak of nature. With at least twenty pointy ended legs, that twinge like Hell! A really evil, Samantha-type of beast, with black Lice Fur on the back!

  So nothing interesting happened in the cafeteria, this time either. There was no acid flowing out from a body opening, in gigantic waves, not in red, not even in green color (Hopefully on Earth, at least sometimes, the loved ones shoot acid into the faces of the relatives!). I didn't see complete civilizations extinct on the plates, but to be honest, now it really would've felt good... because, malice or not, it's really frustrating to watch everything again. Although I could be evil, if I wanted to, and no one could do anything about it! Because, as God once wrote in his book, "Do not judge and you shall not be judged!" So this means that if I don't judge anyone, then I can be just as evil as hell, I want! I could kill tons of creatures everywhere, and in exchange, they wouldn't judge and punish me for it, anywhere in the galaxy. I could laugh about it all day long! It wouldn't disturb anyone. However, if anyone judged me, or just looks at me the wrong way, they would throw him out the first airlock they find! So, this is how things are working on Earth!... Or in Hell? I don't know, I've never seen the book in question. All I know is that it is called the Bible, the book of God, so, he wrote it. I guess he was a writer, before he started working for free, unlike the greedy psychiatrists.

  Meanwhile, I, once more, began to pay attention to people at the other tables, too:

  "Don't play with your food! Eat and behave properly! If you don't eat properly, you will never be as strong as the Captain." Mommy's shouting at My Son Honey again. Probably because he's wearing the cap again! After all, it's understandable! Why hasn't he learned from the past? Oh, I'm just kidding. This again? How can I do that?

  "I'm sorry, honey", said again Mommy. "You know that Mommy is sometimes impatient... let me give you a kiss on your little head." Well, My Son! Your brain is finished! You can forget about it! Say bye-bye to it forever! Maybe this time, it's not even gonna grow back! Next time, maybe, be more careful, and take that cap off 'when the big boys are playing'! (This is a quotation, but I don't know in which cabin I heard it. Maybe it also refers to music, as usual. Then not just tall dancers are extremely dangerous to children, but tall musicians, too! I don't envy them, to be honest.)

  But anyway, these children are indeed really annoying. They don't listen to anyone. No wonder they lock them all up in that day-nursery here. I heard that they like to listen to tales (which is a simpler sub-genre of fantasy literature, for mentally-defective ones), sometimes they can get on their parents' nerves (They probably pull out nerve strings from their parents' body and stand on them, to cause pain. These little beasts are really vicious!), they are deliberately naughty (just like their master, Stan, in Hell, where everything is expensive), sometimes they break Mommy's vase (I don't know which body part that is, but it sounds quite painful.), they never learn (they often come with memory problems), ask too many questions (That might be a faulty feeding slot. It moves too often.), and they cry a lot (Yes, faulty visual organ too! There's only trouble with them!). Useless creatures! And they wouldn't even listen! I would gladly kick this child in the head with my spider legs, if I had any, to make it fly off that tube-like holder pillar! That's the organ that holds their heads. I guess it has got no name, since it's just a holder.

  "Pull your head in, Larry! If you bump it into another doorway today, it's gonna fly off your neck", laughed a mechanic as he stepped into the cafeteria with his much taller friend. I haven't noticed this scene before, because I was so busy with studying the art of digestion. So I take it back, this holder-organ seems to have a name, too. He's called Larry. I mean, neck! I mean, Larry was the man whom I heard this term be mentioned in connection with, for the first time. So it's called a neck, not Larry. I mean, the body part.

  Gabe, fortunately, had stuffed himself to an acceptable level already, and this is where that part comes, when I switched back to the interrogation room! At last! My time is coming! This time, I will change everything!

  *****

  Bobby was currently here, but not for sending messages to the green-colored loved ones or to his black relatives. He's doing maintenance work, and trying to repair the error. This is the perfect opportunity. I'm very short on time, but maybe now, there's a chance. Last time I could accomplish something already, maybe I can get even further, this time!

  So I quickly start praying:

  "My engineer Father, who secretly lives on Earth..."

  When I said the closing command line 'Over', the bulb started flashing again. Again, with Morse code. S.O.S. Three short, three long, three short. This isn't enough! It didn't help last time either. Please, help me, my God. Help me, MachineGod! You see? I'm fighting, like Madách! Now I'm putting my whole willpower into it, to send him the message. Hopefully it can get to Earth somehow, even without telepathic abilities. I succeeded the first time, after all!

  And then, the second miracle happened! My binary prayer hit the target, and was heard! The whole compartment door system that Nola and Gabe had slammed earlier, now fell out, together with its frame and pressure equalizing hinges too, straight into the interrogation room. It almost crushed Bobby's foot to pieces. To be honest, I would've liked to record it in any resolution, but I don't want to be malicious. Even if according to God, they cannot blame me for it, anywhere in the Galaxy.

  The falling door landed with a loud bang. So! You should really notice this, Bobby! Well?!

  Bobby stood there, frozen, and stared down at the huge door that had fallen to his feet. For several seconds. I can't believe this! Does he seriously think that this is the best possible time to snap? Did I go too far, this time? Is he gonna cry too? Someone, call him a fat woman to comfort him! Bobby, move at once! There's trouble, don't you see? I'm trying to tell you something, my friend!

  Now, he finally starts moving. He leaves the room in a hurry. Finally!! This is it! I knew I could believe in you. Even if you aren't a free working writer, like God. Come on, get help! For a few seconds, I'm simply waiting, and I'm not even thinking, just being happy. Finally, I did it! I succeeded! He understood the message that there was great trouble. He's taking care of it. They check the entire ship and throw everyone who doesn't seem just a little bit likeable, out the airlocks!

  But then, he enters the room again. He's holding a mechanic's tool case in his hand. He begins to hurriedly assemble and install back the torn-out door.

  This is cannot be happeniiing! Even prayers don't help anymore.

  Too late! Too damn late!

  *****

  My view changed back to cabin No.76, and I already knew what scene I would be greeted with, by then. Or not? After all, I succeeded in tearing out the door, too. So this time, maybe a different scene awaits me there. Let's see!...

  But no! The infected man doesn't seem to be making a bad progress. His work is coming along too well, again. He's just testing the little "s
urprise ball" with the remote control, and says to me:

  "You see, One? The surprise is ready. So much for humans! And for you, too! Here comes the big bang!" And then, he presses the button. Again.

  2177, September 2nd, 20 hours 05 minutes

  Space observation base No.GT765, Earth

  ...A couple of minutes later

  "Have you seen this? It disappeared again! Colonel! It disappeared again! But we just got it back a minute ago! Could this be just a video transmission error, sir?

  The signal probably gets cut somewhere, because of the nebula's environmental disturbances. Maybe the feed is not continuous. Right, sir?"

  Chapter Three: It's all over. But no!

  I recognize.

  I realize that I can recognize.

  I realize that there is existence.

  I realize that I exist.

  I realize that a world exists around me. Blah-blah!

  ...Okay! The situation's not that serious, yet. My brain hasn't yet been wiped, and Mommy hasn't eaten it out, either. There's no reason to be alarmed. There really isn't, but unfortunately, there is nothing else, either. No success. So there's no big trouble, I just try to pass the time by telling bad jokes to myself (for some reason, I seem to be capable of doing it), because I'm terribly bored and frustrated with the whole situation!

  Everything's the same again. We've been back on the bridge for the umpteenth time.

  I realize that it's again 2177, September 2nd, 8 hours 28 minutes, for about the tenth time! I've already lost the thread, somewhere.

  I realize that Ryarson is again telling the "junk" it needs to know. This day will never end, like this. I couldn't send a message to Bobby, though I really tried, many things. There's no hope, because whatever I do, everything keeps repeating itself, again and again. Everything's the same. Everything was in vain. Everything's unnecessary. Everything's useless. It's all over.

  "Captain Connors! You are having a private call from Earth! It's coming on an encrypted channel. You can take the call in your cabin!" What?! This has never happened before! After the Napoleon imitation, he never returned to his cabin, because he went to the cafeteria to have breakfast. This has not happened yet! However, the current time is the same, as it was ten times before! How can this be? Whatever is happening here, I need to know! The Captain's already on his way, leaving the bridge, but this time, in a different direction. I'll switch to his cabin and keep an eye on the whole situation, to learn who called him, and what it is all about.

  Or rather, I would try to. Because I still can't affect anything. I'm still helpless. I can't use a different camera, only the one I used for watching the events the first time. So, accordingly, from here (whether I want or not), I'll change to the interrogation room, where Nola is complaining. No! I need to see and hear what the Captain is talking about, with the people on Earth.

  I have to see! God, please! I can't take this anymore! I need to see it!

  *****

  I'm in the interrogation room and listening to Nola, once again. It seems like it's not possible to do anything. All I can do is hope that the Captain will solve the situation, and he's being called by them, because they also know about the problem, and they want to find a solution. If, for nothing else, and even if they wipe me, then at least, for them to survive and neutralize the saboteur who's acting under Vorgon influence! My life doesn't matter, anyway. It's not a life. Especially like this! I wish I could do something! The only thing that matters, is for people to survive! However, I can't do anything but hope.

  I mean, there is one thing I can do! I'll be preparing from now on. I'm not just starting to pray the moment I'm already in the interrogation room, for Bobby to notice my signaling, before the explosion at the end of the day, but I'll be praying from this very moment, and I'll be concentrating with everything I’ve got! This way, I'll have about thirteen hours to prepare properly! Maybe this way, I'm getting somewhere, even if the Captain fails, or if this isn't why they've been calling him for. Now I'll put my whole mind into it, and I'll be praying for thirteen hours, gathering strength. This time, you will listen, Bobby! Or you'll die trying, my friend!

  2177, September 2nd, 21 hours 14 minutes

  Space observation base No.GT765, Earth

  ...Several more minutes later

  "Ted! Call Captain Gordon Connors on the GK54 immediately! Something's not right! There's very big trouble. It may only be a distortion of space, due to the environmental conditions of sector Z, but I have a bad feeling about this. I think it's more than that. Initiate a private call to the GK54 on encrypted channel. Forward the call to my office!"

  "Yes, Colonel! I'm on it, sir!"

  2177, September 2nd, 21 hours 16 minutes

  Space observation base No.GT765, Earth

  ...Two more minutes later

  "Gordon, what the hell are you doing up there?"

  "What do you mean, Colonel? Is there a problem? Why are you calling me on an encrypted channel, sir?"

  "Captain, are you aware that your ship has disappeared ten times in a row? It just vanished into thin air! Did you encounter any space distortions on the way? Hasn't your Conn Officer studied the instructions we sent, about the traveling route?"

  "Of course he has, sir. He did a very good job. I even praised him for it. We didn't see any distortions."

  "Uh-Oh."

  "What's the problem, sir? Please tell me what you’re thinking! What do you mean, that our ship disappeared ten times? We didn't experience any anomalies here. I was in my cabin recently. I'm going to have breakfast right now, we are all having quite a good time up here..."

  "Shut up, Connors! We don't have time for this! I see, so there's no space distortion. What did you do with the alien? Have you been following all the rules, even those I told you privately?"

  "I don't know what you mean, sir."

  "I mean electrical fluctuations and short circuits, you idiot! Don't you remember what I said about them?"

  "Short circuits? Yeah... uh... Of course, I remember. We are doing everything by the book. But that thing doesn't do anything. All cameras are in place and that's all. That junk can't do anything. Just listens. That's all its job, right?"

  "What?! Are you really that stupid? Didn't you pay attention to anything I said?"

  "What do you mean, sir?"

  "I told you that this creature can learn from infinite sources at once, and also at the speed level of its multiplied power, and that it would be fatal to have an electrical fluctuation on the ship. I told you why, and told you to check it every single minute!"

  "Yes, sir, but I didn't know it was so important. To be honest, I didn't really understand everything. I thought, a camera is just a camera, no matter how modern it was. We shouldn't worry about it that much."

  "What are you saying? I hope I didn't just hear you say that! Camera? You are joking now, right? Did you really not listen to anything? How big of a moron are you? How were you even able to finish officers’ academy, like that?"

  "To be honest, sir, I didn't finish such school."

  "How is that even possible?"

  "Because of my heroic deeds in the battles against the Vorgons, I have been immediately raised from Corporal to Captain's rank, sir."

  "For the love of Christ! Don't you have any basic qualifications for the case with code name Z-184MGK8/One?"

  "No, sir. I'm afraid I don't, sir."

  "Well, it's doesn't matter anymore, Connors... Captain. There's big trouble. The consequences may be catastrophic. Then perhaps, we also made a terrible mistake, when we trusted you with that ship. My goodness!..."

  "What are you talking about, sir? Why are you so pale? What's this all about? What's the big deal? Please tell me more, Colonel. Why is a camera so dangerous?

  "That's not a camera, Gordon. That is an energy being, it has abilities that are inconceivable for us. We were only able to capture it because it was in a heavily weakened state. One of the lightning rods of NASA2 accidentally absorbed it. We
didn't know then, what it was capable of. Even today, we have nothing else than faint conjectures. All we know is that its intelligence is infinite, for example. Not only can its learning reach infinite speed, but its memory capacity is also endless. We don't even know for how long it exists. We were never able to communicate with it. We've been studying that subject under the code name Z-184MGK8/One, for many years. So far, we were able to keep it under control, but only by erasing its memory with electro-shock, so that its intelligence could never develop further than a 1 or 2 years-old child's. That's why we've been keeping it on starships for years, seemingly as a harmless surveillance system, because it would be too dangerous to keep on Earth. It could get information from too many sources. On a small ship like the GK54, there are only a few hundred cameras. This is nothing, compared to Earth's multibillion-leveled stimulus sources. If it somehow got into that complexly-constructed electric network, it could cause catastrophic events within seconds! We don't know how much damage it could do to it, or what it could be capable of, living inside it. Can you comprehend this, Gordon? A being that can do everything and sees everything. Someone who's everywhere at once! Can you imagine the consequences? I'm asking because I don't even know, myself, to this day, what could come out of it. However, on a GK54, with a couple of hundred cameras, theoretically, it can't get further mentally than a small child, because they would immediately wipe its memory. In case of a properly functioning camera system, with constant power supply, the chance is almost zero for it to ever find out the truth. However, in case of an electrical fluctuation, certain theories suggest that the energy being could even get out of the surveillance system! But I've already told you all this, and you were even nodding, all the while! Normally, the creature in the camera system doesn't know about itself, and what exactly it is. It can even think itself a machine, because it lives in a surveillance system, but not because it's the memory or a part of a machine! It is actually the energy and power that's currently operating the camera system. Until it finds out what it is, and the limits of a 1 or 2 years-old child's mental level are holding it back, there is no problem. If, on the other hand, I assume correctly, that your ship has disappeared ten times because of some sort of a time loop, then the trouble is great!"