Impossible Choice

by Sybil Bartel

  Talon studied me. “First aid kit.”

  “Planning to cut yourself?” I said it sarcastically to avoid talking about why he had it with him.

  “Don’t know what kinda shape we’ll find him in.” His tone warned me I was walking a thin line.

  Talon didn’t deserve my wrath but I just couldn’t stop. “What do you have in there? You going to put a Band-Aid on him?”

  His eyes turned to steel. “Clean dressin’s, painkillers, antibiotics. I even have tiny little pills that’ll put you right to sleep.”

  I knew he’d been a Hospital Corpsmen, trained by the Navy before he went greenside and joined a marine Force Recon unit as their medic. He’d had a prestigious job and he’d seen plenty of combat but I still sneered. “Fancy yourself a paramedic now?”

  His expression turned colder than ice but he didn’t say a word.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, looking away.

  They called the flight and Talon silently led me with a hand at the small of my back all the way to our seats in first class. His mood was so dark, I couldn’t even muster enough nerve to thank him for the tickets.

  After takeoff, Talon took my purse from my lap and tucked it into his messenger bag. “Go to sleep,” he ordered without looking at me.

  I stole a glance at him. Tired circles darkened the skin under his eyes and until this very moment, it hadn’t occurred to me that he was worried about Buck too.

  “I’m sorry,” I said quietly.

  When he didn’t reply, I pushed the armrest up and leaned into him. Two rigid heartbeats later, he let out a sigh and lifted his arm. I rested my head against his chest. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

  “Quit apologizin’.”

  The husky catch in his voice made me feel worse. I said the first thing that popped into my head. “He’s going to be okay.”

  Talon didn’t reply.

  Chapter Five

  “Wake up, Sugar.”

  I blinked my eyes open and reality slammed home, crushing my heart.

  Talon looked at me cautiously. “We’re almost down. You wanna use the restroom?”

  I rubbed my fingers across my forehead, pushing against my tension headache. “Okay.”

  Talon was up and out of his seat in a flash, stepping back in the aisle.

  His abrupt movements took me off guard. “Did you sleep?”

  Not making eye contact, his jaw tight, he shook his head. “No.”

  Not sure what to say, I nodded and went to the restroom. I washed my hands and smoothed my hair. Every second that ticked by, my anxiety at seeing Buck amped up. I was a nervous wreck by the time I made it back to my seat.

  Talon was standing in the aisle holding a Coke. “Drink quick, we only got a few minutes.”

  “Thanks.” I only managed a few sips before the stewardess came by, smiled at us then apologized and took the drink.

  Talon didn’t even glance at her. Sitting stiffly in his seat, staring straight ahead, he was radiating coiled tension.

  Frowning, I glanced at him. “Cut it out, your nervous energy is killing me.”

  A look of surprise flashed across his face then his body sunk a little lower in his seat, his shoulders slumped infinitesimally and an insincere smiled touched his lips. It was as if he commanded himself to give the appearance of calm but forgot to actually be calm.

  “Nothin’ doin’, Sugar, nothin’ doin’. It’s all good.” He took my hand, squeezed once then let go.

  He was full of shit but I was too much of a mess to call him on it.

  The plane landed and Talon turned all business. He led us through the terminal at a quick pace and if it weren’t for my heart threatening to beat out of my chest, I’d swear nothing happening was real. I felt like a jack-in-the-box, a hair’s turn from being sprung into anxiety. I didn’t know how my feet moved forward. All I knew, I was terrified.

  “Game face, Sugar.”

  It was all the warning I got.

  No. Oh my God. No.

  Despite his service cap, I could see that his head had been shaved and two jagged ugly red welts with staples every inch crisscrossed the left side of his scalp. His left arm was in a sling, bandaged all the way up to the short sleeve of his service uniform. His huge six foot four frame was slumped motionless in a waiting area seat and his eyes were closed.

  I didn’t realize I’d stopped moving until a hand pushed gently at my back. My hands flew to my mouth to stop the gasp but it was too late. Ice-blue eyes opened and unerringly met mine.

  I was in the empty seat next to him in a heartbeat. I gently touched his head and a chant started in my mind, repeating as if my sanity depended on it. He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive...

  Buck made no move to touch me. “You’re thinner,” he said in his deep quiet voice.

  I burst into tears.

  “Damn it, Talon.” Buck pushed himself up in his seat with effort. “I told you not to bring her.”

  I cried harder.

  “Get her on my other side,” Buck barked the order at Talon.

  Talon’s hands were at my waist in a flash, lifting then escorting me to the seat to the right of Buck. I sunk down and wrapped my arms around Buck, burying my face in his neck.

  “Shh, shh, baby, don’t cry,” Buck soothed, draping his huge arm around me.

  He smelled like soap and musk and Buck but he also smelled like metal and burning and antiseptic and the thought of what must have happened to him sent me into a tailspin.

  Biting my lip and sucking in stilted breaths through my nose, I desperately tried to stop the ugly sobs and regain control. Buck didn’t like public displays and I knew I was pushing his limits but I couldn’t stop the tears. I wanted both of his arms around me. I wanted his head to not look like Frankenstein. I wanted to take back what’d happened to him and I never wanted him to get hurt again. “I’m suh-suh-sorry.”

  “Shh, it’s okay. I’m alright, baby, stop crying.”

  At the sound of his voice, I managed, just barely, to get myself under control and look up at my wounded warrior. Battle scarred, he was still the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. Oh my God, he was beautiful. And he was alive. “I love you,” I whispered.

  A storm kicked up in his eyes and he inhaled sharply. “Wipe those tears for me,” he quietly commanded.

  I no sooner swiped at my face and his lips were on mine. The heat was instant. Heart pounding, stomach fluttering, desire pooled low in my belly, and my lips parted on a moan. Buck pulled back.

  Snaking his hand up my neck, he cupped the back of my head and his forehead touched mine. “I missed you,” he whispered.

  “Must not be feelin’ too bad, Deer Hunter.” Talon chuckled.

  Buck turned to Talon. “You’re shit for directions.”

  Talon grinned. “That may be, but I’m not stupid enough to try an’ keep Sugar from gettin’ to her man.”

  Buck released his hold on me only long enough to shake Talon’s hand. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

  “Don’t mention it.” Talon took the seat I’d vacated. “What’d they give you?”

  Buck’s eyebrows drew together. “I’m good.”

  Talon reached into a chest pocket on Buck’s uniform, pulled out a bottle of pills, read the label, and returned them faster than Buck could stop him. “That’ll work. When’s the last time you dosed?” Talon checked his watch.

  “I’m fine.” Buck glared at Talon.

  Talon looked at Buck like he wasn’t impressed. “Painkillers don’t work unless you take ‘em.”

  “Back off,” Buck warned.

  Talon smiled a smile of resignation. “You’re a surly son of a bitch. I’m goin’ to grab food before the next flight. Y’all behave.” Talon shouldered his bag and saunter
ed off.

  Buck turned his attention back to me, dragging his gaze over my flushed cheeks, across my lips and tracing a line from my neck to my shoulder. I felt every inch as if he were touching me. Slowly, he caressed my face then in one swift movement, he pulled my hair clip out, dropped it in my lap and sunk his fingers into my hair.

  “You’re beautiful.” Deep, rough, his voice penetrated to my soul and all I wanted to know in that moment was how long I’d have him.

  It was pointless to ask, because nothing would be enough, but it didn’t stop me. “How much time do we have?”

  Buck smiled. It was a tired half smile but for him, I knew it was a happy smile. “Two weeks.”

  My heart sank. I’d been hoping for a month but more than that, I was outraged that two weeks was supposed to be enough time for his wounds to heal. It didn’t seem nearly long enough but I didn’t say anything. I snuggled into him and my hand brushed across his hard stomach and started to wrap around his side. But when I felt the lump under his clothes, I froze. “Where else are you hurt?”

  “I’m fine, Layna.”

  Fine? He was fine? Fine would be coming home in one piece. Fine was not looking like a scarred road map of bloody welts. “You can tell me now so I can get over it or you can wait till we get home and I will shred your clothing and inspect every inch of you. And believe me, it will not be pleasurable.”

  Buck broke into a huge grin. “Yeah, I really missed you.”

  “Screw you.” He was trying to change the subject.

  He fisted a handful of my hair and brought me just close enough so that our lips were almost touching. “Can’t, we’re in an airport.”

  His scent, his hand holding me firm, the way he took charge, he knew every button to push to make me melt. “Buck,” I pleaded for him to close the distance between us, completely forgetting I was angry.

  “Marry me.”

  I stilled. His pretty words in the airport before he left for Afghanistan floated down around me. I’m coming back for you, Layna, and I’m going to marry you. He hadn’t asked. Buck didn’t ask for the things he wanted. Just like he didn’t ask me to have his baby, he’d told me he wanted me carrying his child. But now he was asking and every minute of doubt I’d suffered the past few months crept up and blindsided me. Part of me wanted to crawl on his lap and say yes over and over. The other part was flipping between irrational anger that he was hurt and the anxiety of knowing he wanted children right away. I was nineteen. Was I ready for this?

  His eyes held mine. “What are you waiting for?”

  I didn’t take offense at his question. He knew I loved him. I loved him so much I was terrified of losing him. But was that reason enough to marry someone? I sucked in a nervous breath and feathered my hand across his chest. Not thinking about what I was saying, or maybe knowing exactly what I was doing, the words spilled from my mouth. “You tell me everywhere you’re hurt and I just might.”

  Buck didn’t hesitate. “Thigh, abdomen, arm, head.”

  Jesus. I reached for his left leg with shaking hands. The lump of bandaging through his uniform was wrapped around the entire middle section of his thigh. “What happened?”

  A cold distance spread across his features. “IED caught me off guard. I took shrapnel.”

  Like Talon, Buck had a marine mask. Unlike Talon, Buck’s was completely pervasive. He turned into a warrior. I’d seen it once before when he and Talon had gotten in a fight. Just that glimpse, and I knew Buck had the ability to turn off emotion and block physical pain. I’d been terrified by it. The man I knew behind closed doors was not a ruthless machine. He always maintained his edge and never gave up control but he wasn’t emotionless. Buck had told me I did that for him. He’d said I was his emotion, the one woman who made him feel. And right now I wanted to know how much he was suffering. “How bad are you hurting?”

  His intense stare didn’t waver but the coldness melted. “It hurt knowing I could’ve died without you being mine.”

  My heart splintered. I knew an admission like that cost Buck. He did not accept weakness in himself. I didn’t want to be what caused him fear, not when I knew he would give his life for mine.

  A tear slipped down my cheek. “I am yours.” And suddenly, there was nothing truer or more important than those three words. I was his, I had been his since the first time he’d locked eyes with me.

  “Then marry me.”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  Buck blinked. “Okay?”

  Gorgeous blue eyes, hardened, battle scarred body, this marine who lived, fought and loved with honor wanted to marry me. Me. I smiled wide. “Yes, I mean yes.”

  Buck crushed me against him with his good arm and brushed his lips against mine like I was the most precious thing in the world.

  “My Layna, my feelings, my love,” he whispered in my ear.

  It was the closest Buck had ever come to telling me he loved me.

  Chapter Six

  When we boarded the plane, the flight attendants were tripping over themselves to accommodate anything Buck wanted but he ignored them. Talon chuckled to himself and I tried to squash my unfounded jealously.

  Joy and nerves waged a silent battle, making my heart soar and my legs tremble. Watching Buck’s wide shoulders and strong back walk down the aisle, I could hardly believe he was here, let alone asked me to marry him. Not even the slight limp in his step shadowed the fact he was a marine—my marine.

  We settled in our seats and Buck draped his good arm around me.

  Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “Hi,” I whispered.

  “Wife,” he whispered back.

  “I love you.” I smiled.

  Raising his injured arm, he gently swept his thumb across my bottom lip. “I want to kiss you.”

  My breath hitched. Buck didn’t kiss in public, not intimately. He was unfailingly private. It was a matter of respect to him and he protected me at all costs. But right now, I didn’t care what the world saw. “Kiss me,” I begged.

  Curling toward me, lifting his wounded arm to block the other passengers and give us privacy, Buck lowered his mouth to mine and I lost all reason.

  I moaned as Buck plunged in. Desire seared through me as his tongue intimately danced with mine, mimicking everything I knew his body could do to me. A low guttural sound vibrated in his chest and he pushed deeper, stealing my breath. I wanted to crawl on his lap and lose myself in him. His strength, his scent, all musk and power and man, I didn’t care where we were, I let my hand roam over his stomach.

  Buck dragged his lips along my jaw and nipped at my ear. “You’re killing me, woman.”

  Shivering from his touch, his words, I tilted my head to give him better access to my neck and my eyes fell across his lap. Straining against his uniform was the evidence of his desire for me and I forgot about everything else.

  I reached for him.

  “Christ,” Buck cursed in a rough whisper, his hand flying to mine. Grasping me tightly, he brought my fingers to his mouth and bit, hard.

  I yelped in surprise and then I couldn’t help it, I giggled.

  A slow, feral smile spread across his lips. “Keep that up and I will try my damndest to get you pregnant at thirty thousand feet.”

  A rush went through me. “Promises, promises.” I might’ve rolled my eyes but my heart was pounding in my throat.

  Buck’s smile dropped and he gripped my chin. “Count on it.”

  I swallowed.

  “You got a problem with that?” he asked with quiet calculation.

  Did I? I turned away from his stare. Every time Buck touched me I forgot who I was. I couldn’t think straight and part of me knew he could coerce me into anything just by looking at me. Was it enough to want something just because the man I loved wanted it?

  “
Don’t pull away from me. I’ve never hidden from you. You know what I want.”

  I nodded because I did know.

  “Look at me.”

  I sucked in a breath and dared to glance at him. “I’m scared,” I admitted.

  “I’ll take care of you.”

  That was never a question in my mind. “I’m not ready.” Would I ever be ready? I’d never thought about children before meeting Buck. It’d been an impossibility.

  Buck studied me for a moment. “You will be. You’re strong. You’re a fighter.”

  That didn’t mean I would make a good mother. I looked away again because I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I was tired and I wanted something, anything, with life, with him, to be easy.

  But Buck wasn’t done. He brought my face back to his. “You need someone to love besides me.”

  It was as if he’d slapped me. I didn’t know if I was insulted or angry or completely flabbergasted that he’d turned his want into my shortcoming. “I am not some pathetic, needy person who...”

  Buck put his fingers over my lips. “Don’t turn this upside down, you know what I’m saying and you know where it’s coming from. This is something I want to give you, give us, together. I’m not insulting you. I don’t take the decision of sharing you lightly. You know you’re enough for me, this isn’t about that. I want to give you more.”

  Rationally, I knew this was coming from a good place in his heart, but in that moment, all I saw was the overbearing marine who was used to giving orders and the words flew out of my mouth unchecked. “You want to give yourself more.”

  Buck leaned forward, his nose inches from mine. “I am not having this conversation in front of three hundred people,” he said in a furious whisper.

  Overwhelmed by everything, silent tears began streaming down my face.

  “Fuck.” Buck pulled me into his arms. “Shh, baby, don’t cry. I’m sorry, this wasn’t the right time to bring it up. We’ll talk later.” His hand ran up and down my back.

  I choked on a mountain of guilt. “It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start an argument.”