Almost a Family

by Donna Alward

  “Okay, munchkin. Let’s go see your mama.”

  He carried Sara inside and went straight to the information desk, Molly trailing behind.

  “I’m looking for Kim Shaeffer’s room number, please.”

  The woman behind the desk peered at her computer screen over her glasses, then looked up owlishly. “Who is visiting?”

  He smiled his most charming smile, eyes twinkling. “Her daughter and her sister.”

  The woman wasn’t fooled. “And you are?”

  Without missing a beat, he winked at the woman and answered, “Her husband.”

  Molly saw the woman’s lips twitch slightly before she handed him a slip of paper and shooed him on his way.

  They crowded into the elevator. Molly knit her brows together and hissed, “That was shameful.”

  Jason shrugged, unconcerned as he hit the button for the proper floor. “It’s immediate family only. It’s no big deal.”

  Molly stiffened her spine. It shouldn’t bother her that Jason Elliot got a kick out of pretending to be her sister’s husband. It shouldn’t matter that he could still turn on the charm and women simpered. But it did, and she was severely annoyed with herself for letting it affect her. He’d probably done it simply to antagonize her, she thought, and shoved her hands into her coat pockets. After tonight, she was going to avoid him every chance she got. She was here to look after Sara and Kim. That was it. She wasn’t here to take nauseating walks down memory lane with Jason. What would be the point?

  The doors slid open and she looked up at Sara, happily ensconced in Jason’s arms, clutching her handmade card in pink mittens. It was a fetching picture, her blondeness next to his dark looks. They stepped out, and Jason led the way to the proper ward.

  It smelled like hospital—sickness and antiseptic and yesterday’s meatloaf. All hushed voices and white scrubbed floors and stainless steel.

  He checked his paper, then continued down a hallway until he stopped in front of a half-opened white door.

  His eyes lost their flippancy as he suggested quietly to Molly, “Why don’t you go in first and make sure it’s okay?”

  She nodded and took a step into the room, her heart beating quickly in her chest.

  “Hey,” she said softly and smiled a little at the sight of her sister lying silently in the bed.

  Kim was wearing a blue hospital gown and an IV was connected to her arm. But her color was much better than Molly had expected.

  “Hey, yourself.” Kim attempted a smile, but the bruise on her left cheek held her back, making it more of a grimace. She touched her limp blonde hair with her free hand. “I look a mess. Where’s Sara?”

  Molly perched carefully on the edge of the bed. “Outside with Jason. God, sis, you look horrible.” She grinned, but it didn’t cover the worry she felt as she looked down at her sister. “I brought the five-minute repair kit. Are you up to it?”

  “Please,” Kim said, and, with a gasp, pushed herself up to a semi-sitting position. Molly rose, went to the end of the bed and pushed a button to change the angle so Kim was sitting more comfortably.

  She pulled a small bag out of her purse. With quick, deft strokes, she brushed out her sister’s hair and pulled it up in a perky, cute ponytail. “Why didn’t you tell me Jason was the next door neighbor?”

  She said it casually, but there was steel was beneath the question and she knew Kim heard it.

  “Would you have come?”

  Molly adjusted the elastic, frowned and pulled it out to begin again. “I don’t know.”

  Kim held still while Molly pulled her hair up again. “I needed you to come. I knew if you knew Jason was involved, you wouldn’t.” They kept their voices hushed, knowing he was just outside the door.

  “You haven’t mentioned it in two years. That’s how long he’s lived there, right?” She gave a final tug on Kim’s hair. “There. That’s the best I can do.”

  “It hasn’t been washed since the surgery,” Kim lamented. “I’d kill for a bottle of shampoo and conditioner.”

  Molly took out make up and began putting foundation on a white wedge-shaped sponge.

  “You don’t talk about Jason. I know that. So I never mentioned him. But as you have probably guessed, he’s a godsend to Sara and me.”

  Hmmph, Molly groused to herself. Almighty Jason the great savior. Perfect Jason, while self-centered Molly was the one to run away. If only people had heard her side of things. But she’d left town, making that her fault, she supposed. And Kim had a point. Jason was the one topic she avoided at all costs. Even if Kim had tried to mention it, Molly would have shut her down.

  “We’ll discuss it later. Now hold still.” She made the words gentle, knowing it wasn’t Kim’s fault she was defensive about Jason. She finished dotting on the sheer foundation, added a hint of mascara, a touch of blush to give her sister a little healthy color and a swipe of lip gloss.

  “Now you look presentable. Except for your clothes, but there’s nothing I can do there. Can I get Jason and Sara now?”

  Kim nodded. “Thanks, Mol. I didn’t want to scare her.”

  Molly stepped outside the door, smiled and took Sara from Jason’s arms. “Let’s go. Your mama’s waiting,” she said lightly and carried the little girl inside with Jason on her heels.

  “Mommy!”

  Sara squirmed with delight at the sight of her mother, and Molly’s eyes stung sharply at the unadulterated love in that one word. “Remember, you’ve got to be careful, Sara. Just sit on her bed easy, okay? Your mom’s still pretty sore.”

  “How’s my best girl?” Kim held out her arm to her daughter, wincing slightly but beaming as Sara snuggled in for a big hug. “Gosh, I missed you!”

  “I missed you, too. Aunt Molly helped me make you this.” Her tiny hands held out the card.

  “Wow! You did a great job! Maybe Uncle Jason can put it on my windowsill with my other cards. Is that okay?”

  Molly perched at the foot of the bed while Jason took the chair beside it.

  “Have you been good for Aunt Molly and Uncle Jason?”

  Molly got a strange surge of feeling hearing their names paired together like that. It made them sound like a couple, and if they’d been married years ago like Jason had wanted, it would be true. She kept her eyes from finding his. Long looks were just another thing she had to avoid.

  Sara nodded enthusiastically.

  “If I asked them, would they say you’ve been good?”

  Jason chuckled. “She’s an angel.”

  Molly touched Sara’s hair. “Remember, we can’t stay long. Your mama’s still pretty tired.”

  “I remember, Aunt Molly.”

  Kim hugged her daughter close, careful of her tubes. Jason stood, hovering by the bed. “Have you eaten dinner?”

  Kim smiled wryly. “Some chicken and cold mashed potatoes. Gotta love hospital food.”

  “Do you want something? Molly and I can go to the cafeteria before it closes and grab you a snack.”

  “I’d love a hot chocolate and a chocolate chip cookie, if you think you can sneak it in.”

  He nodded and led Molly outside. “I thought they could use some time alone.”

  “I agree.” The fact that they happened to agree on anything seemed some sort of progress. They headed to the elevator and waited for a down arrow. Except time alone for Molly and Sara meant time alone for them, too. Molly struggled to keep things light. “Did you have dinner yet?”

  “No. I didn’t finish at the clinic until ten minutes before I picked you up.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He looked sideways at her. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault. I’ll grab something at home later.”

  Silence fell and Molly wished the elevator would hurry. Things were awkward now, no matter how hard she tried for it to be otherwise. Being around Jason was incredibly difficult, because simply looking at him was a reminder of all they’d shared. And of all they’d thrown away. Staying neutral around each other, with a
ll that history pushing at Molly’s memory, made it impossible to think of him as only an old friend. They’d shared too much.

  “Molly?”

  Jason was holding the elevator, and she blushed. “Sorry.” She stepped inside and turned while the doors slid shut, keeping them in a square cocoon of intimacy.

  Oh, wasn’t this grand? She could smell him, the same scent he’d worn since forever. Her heart pounded foolishly. There’d been a time when they would have taken the opportunity to steal a kiss in an elevator; now they stayed on their respective sides and tried fruitlessly to pretend the other wasn’t there.

  After what seemed like forever, the elevator stopped and they walked to the cafeteria. Wordlessly, Jason got two hot chocolates, a bag of chocolate chip cookies and poured himself a coffee.

  Molly took a large Styrofoam cup and poured her own coffee. Then at the cashier, she put her hand on Jason’s arm, a silent offer to pay.

  “I’ll get it,” he said.

  He handed the woman at the register a twenty-dollar bill.

  “Thank you,” Molly murmured, trying not to feel beholden.

  “Forget it.”

  His voice was low and husky and Molly felt shivers erupt on her skin. She and Jason were over. They had been for a long time. He infuriated her and she wished he’d simply disappear for the next few weeks so she could look after her sister and niece without interference. She wanted that almost as much as she wanted to know if he still tasted the same. If his arms still felt as strong and sure around her. If it still were possible to lose herself in his delicious brown eyes.

  They found a table in the corner next to several boxes of Christmas decorations that had been taken down but not put back into storage. Molly blew on her coffee and braved a look up.

  “Kim couldn’t tell me much about what happened,” she explained quietly. “How much do you know?”

  Jason took a deep breath, his dark eyes clouding over with pain. He toyed with his coffee cup. “She was coming home from work, driving the old highway. It was snowing and you know how slippery it gets.… She tried to stop. A man was coming through the light and couldn’t get stopped for the red. Kim had the right of way, but it was too slick. She saw him, but lost control coming into the intersection and he hit her, then spun off and took out a pole. Car’s totaled.” He took a breath. “They rushed her into surgery. The ER was busy, apparently. There were over forty accidents that day.”

  Molly’s face blanched. “My God.”

  Jason swallowed. “Someone called nine-one-one. I was listed as her emergency contact. By the time I got here, they’d already taken her into the OR.”

  Molly pushed away the coffee. She should be horrified at what Kim had been through, but for some odd reason, she was stuck on the fact that her ex-boyfriend was her sister’s “in case of emergency” number, and that she, as Kim’s only family, wasn’t listed. Sure, it was far more practical for it to be Jason, as Kim’s next-door neighbor. Yet the knowledge, the exclusion, still stung.

  “What happened to the other driver?”

  Jason pushed back his chair, his expression clearly closed. “He died.”

  Molly’s stomach dropped as the seriousness of the accident sunk in. Her only family could have been gone in an instant. The man who had died—surely he had a family who now missed him terribly. It easily could have been Kim. With that quick realization came the knowledge that she had done her sister a terrible disservice by distancing herself.

  “Thank you for telling me,” she murmured. “I didn’t know how to ask Kim…didn’t want to upset her. Does she know about the other driver?”

  The pain she saw in his dark eyes answered her question, even as he nodded. “She knows. The look on her face when she found out is one I’ll never forget.”

  Molly stared up at him. It was becoming increasingly clear Jason had deep, genuine feelings for her sister. Molly had no right to be jealous of the intimate nature of their relationship, but she felt it all the same. It made no sense for her to resent their closeness. She’d left Jason years ago, and he was free to be close to whomever he chose. But she did resent it. Maybe if she’d been a better sister, Kim would have needed him less.

  When they returned to Kim’s room, Kim was snuggled up with her daughter, who was on the verge of drifting off to sleep.

  Molly put the sack of cookies on the table and smiled gently, more conscious than ever of how precarious life could be. Sara needed her mother. If Kim had been the one killed… Molly’s smile wobbled. She would have lost a sister. Sara would have lost a mother, and then who would she have had?

  “She misses you.”

  Kim smiled back, a perfect beam of maternal love. “I miss her. I’m going crazy in here.”

  Jason put down his cardboard tray of cups. “Any news on when we can spring you?” he inquired softly.

  She shook her head. “It’s still too soon. My ribs need more time, and I’ve had major abdominal surgery. There’s no way I could look after Sara myself.”

  Her eyes moistened and her bottom lip quivered. “Thank you, both of you. I know it’s such an imposition…”

  “Don’t be silly. Where else would I be?” Molly chided softly.

  “In Calgary, doing your job.” Kim sniffed away her tears. “I know how important it is to you.”

  Molly shrugged, wishing her sister hadn’t felt it necessary to point out the importance of her career in front of Jason. “You’re important to me.”

  Sara’s eyes opened fully and she sat up. Jason grinned and gave her a cookie from the sack and a sip of the cooling hot chocolate. “We’d better get going,” he suggested. “You’ve got some contraband here and then you need some sleep. We’ll come back soon.”

  Molly chuckled. “I don’t think we’re going to be able to keep Sara away now.”

  She rose while Jason shoved Sara’s arms into her jacket. “Say bye to Mom,” he told her, and she did, giving Kim a huge kiss, and then snuggled into Jason’s shoulder. Molly winked at Kim as they left.

  It wasn’t until they were crossing the parking lot that Molly felt Jason’s hand at the small of her back, the gentle pressure making the skin beneath her coat tingle. She looked up at Sara; she was sleeping already, her face nestled against Jason’s neck, lips dropped open in fatigue.

  He’d be a wonderful father, she thought as she stared up at him. He’d always wanted to be one, and she wondered why he wasn’t by now. He had so much going for him—he was breathtakingly handsome, had a successful business, wanted a family. What woman wouldn’t want him?

  Except her, obviously. She hadn’t been ready for a family and hadn’t been willing to give up her dreams for his. Now she had everything she wanted in her life in Calgary. Right.

  They reached the car and she waited while he gently tucked a sleeping Sara into her seat. He came to open her door and reached around her body to put the key in the lock, his bulk pressing against her back. For a moment, just a moment, she let herself lean back against his weight, the frosty clouds of their breath mingling together in the air. She heard him swallow close to her ear, was dimly aware of the lock springing open in her door, then shuddered at the first contact of his lips on her hair.

  What was he doing? His lips, warm in the cold winter air, touched the tender skin of her outer ear. All thoughts of what she wanted evaporated as she half-turned, resting her hands on his sheepskin collar and lifting her lips to touch his.

  They were soft yet commanding, and she watched with fascination as his eyelids drifted closed, the long, dark lashes resting on his cheeks. His gloved hand reached up under her hair, cupping her neck, the gesture so familiar she felt like weeping as she leaned into him and her eyes slammed shut.

  He tasted of coffee and a hint of toothpaste, but more than that, he tasted familiar. For years she’d forgotten that particular flavor, but now, it was like walking straight into the past. A taste that was only Jason Elliot, and it shook her to her toes.

  Then he pulled back, rele
ased her hair and heaved a huge breath.

  “I’m sorry,” he murmured, and his long arm reached behind her to open her door.

  “Me too,” she answered quietly, sliding on to the seat as he shut the door behind her.

  Sorry that it had ended so soon. And sorry that she’d come home. Everything just got a hundred times more complicated.

  Chapter Three

  They were both silent on the drive back. Molly had nothing to say; her lips were still tingling from the taste of Jason’s mouth on hers. She told herself they were quiet because Sara was sleeping in the back, but she was only fooling herself. She had no idea what to say to Jason at this moment. Her mind was effectively wiped clean. His hands gripped the wheel and he stared out the windshield, never glancing in her direction. His jaw, his beautiful rugged jaw, was set, hard and condemning. She wasn’t sure if he was mad at her or at himself, and she didn’t really want to find out. It was crystal clear he was angry, and she wasn’t up to getting into it.

  The kiss had been more, and less, than she’d remembered.

  He drove down the hill on Regent Street, then turned down King, heading along the river, dark and black in the January evening. Molly looked around her, first at the cathedral then at the stately old Georgian homes on Waterloo Row and the stretch of shoreline, commonly called “The Green”, which was not green at all now, but held an unearthly glow as the streetlights shone on the blanket of snow. When she’d been doing her undergraduate degree, she’d spent a lot of time in this part of town, going for beers at their favorite pub on Thursday nights, grabbing lunch from one of the small restaurants snuggled in between office buildings, or studying on a bench under stately elm trees. Now, driving past it in the winter dark, she felt so far removed from this town and that part of her life that she knew she had come back a stranger.

  What must have been going through Jason’s mind to make him touch her in such a way? And what equal madness had made her turn into his arms, lifting her face to his like a sunflower to the sun? It solved nothing, didn’t change the past or the ways they’d hurt each other. All these years she’d thought they’d made a clean break, but twenty-four hours after her arrival home, and he’d already had his mouth on hers. It had to be simple curiosity—it was the only explanation that made sense.