Bitter Memories

by Margaret Mayo

  ‘I used to, when Juanita was alive,’ he told her. ‘She loved it here. I’m afraid I only stay now when business dictates.’

  Instantly Tanya felt ashamed of her traitorous thoughts and was glad she had not voiced them aloud.

  ‘If You’re hungry there’s plenty of food in the kitchen,’ he said.

  Tanya frowned. ‘Does that mean You’re leaving?’

  ‘Isn’t it what you want?’ His tone was clipped, his face expressionless.

  ‘Of course not. You can’t bring me to a strange place and then just dump me. I might as well have stayed where I was. Take me back if You’re not happy with the situation.’

  ‘I don’t want to do that, Tanya, and you know it.’

  Their eyes met and warred for several long, painful seconds, then he heaved a sigh and pulled her into his arms. ‘Oh, Tanya mio, why do we argue like this?’

  She did not answer; she simply allowed the warmth of him to flood into her, allowed feelings to rise, and marvelled that she could feel like this when seconds earlier she had wished herself a million miles away.

  ‘It is not what I want at all,’ he murmured in her ear. ‘I want this to be an enjoyable week for you, for us, I want us to get to know one another all over again—and, of course, I also want you to enjoy our carnaval.’ He said the word proudly. This annual event meant a lot to him, as it did to most Tinerfeños.

  But that was a secondary consideration, she realised now. His main aim was for them to resume their relationship of nine years ago. She ought to have known, ought to have guessed what he had in mind. Or perhaps she had known, and that was why she had agreed to come. Perhaps deep down she wanted to carry on where they had left off. Didn’t her body still crave his? Wasn’t it still as wonderful between them?

  ‘Tanya?’ He lifted her chin, compelling her to look at him, and desire flared within her.

  ‘I want to enjoy it too,’ she whispered.

  CHAPTER SIX

  TANYA woke the next morning to rain and grey skies, and she could not believe it. This was the first time since she had been out here that she had seen rain. Some days had been cloudy, yes, but they had always cleared quickly, leaving blue skies behind. Now the sky looked as though it would remain like this for the rest of the day, and it was much cooler too than in the south, suggesting it would be sensible to wear sweater and trousers, not suntop and shorts.

  She yawned and stretched and looked around the bedroom. The furniture here was not quite so overpowering as in Matilde’s house. It still had a fairly heavy look to it, but it was in a pine shade rather than dark oak, and the rugs at the side of the bed were in a sea-green and cream weave which matched the bedspread.

  It was the largest of the three bedrooms, and Alejandro had insisted that she take it. She guessed it was the one that he and Juanita had shared, and no doubt it held too many memories for him ever to use it again. But it hadn’t helped her, sleeping in the same bed as he had, and she had spent half the night wishing he were there beside her.

  Through the window she could see clouds boiling around the peaks of the Anaga mountains, stormy and dramatic, a very stirring background to the city.

  Yesterday had turned out all right after all. She had fixed them a salad after they had finally made their peace, and then they had walked around Santa Cruz. She had told him about Manuel, who he really was, assuring him that there was nothing between them, and he had accepted her word, though she had seen for a moment his anger when she brought up the boy’s name.

  They spent some time standing on the promenade along the outer sea walls, watching the big ships come and go. ‘Santa Cruz is a major port as well as an administrative and commercial centre,’ Alejandro told her.

  However, it was the preparations for the carnaval that impressed her most. There was a huge stage and backdrop in the main square, the Plaza de España. ‘This is where all the judging takes place,’ Alejandro informed her, ‘where the groups of dancers and singers perform, where the heats for the carnival queen, both children and adults, are held, and where the grand final for the reina del carnaval is played out to its conclusive and glorious moments,’ He was very enthusiastic about it, and Tanya could not help feeling some excitement too.

  Later, much later, they found a quiet little restaurant, and then he took her back to the apartment. Half expecting him to say that he was going to stay the night, Tanya was surprised when, after a disappointing kiss on her brow, he announced his intention of leaving.

  ‘It is best,’ he said. ‘You are too beautiful; you arouse in me great desire. If I do not go now, mi cariño, I will be unable to go at all.’

  Tanya felt great excitement at the thought of him spending the night in her bed, but she knew it would be insanity, and something she would deeply regret later. She must never forget that it would mean nothing to him. ‘And you would be breaking your promise,’ she pointed out.

  ‘Indeed, but I will think of you, alone here in your bed. Perhaps you will think of me a little too?’

  ‘Oh, I expect I shall think of you,’ she said, ‘But not in exactly the same way. I shall be thinking how relieved I am that you’ve gone home. And I’ve no doubt Inocente would be relieved too, if she knew of the situation.’ It helped her to bring in the other girl’s name, helped her remember what a swine he was. It was all too easy to forget; he could be so charming, so attentive; he could make her feel that she meant everything to him.

  The last few hours of peace might never have been. He drew in a harsh, angry breath, mentally withdrawing from her, his eyes a hard core of jet. ‘I thought I had convinced you that Inocente is no more than a good friend. It seems I was mistaken.’

  ‘No, you didn’t convince me,’ retorted Tanya. ‘You can say what you like, I know only what my eyes tell me, and when she finds out that you’ve installed me here I guess she’ll be one very angry lady. Unless you don’t tell her.’

  ‘Of course I shall tell her,’ he said. ‘I have nothing to hide. You are grossly mistaken in thinking that she would be hurt. She understands what my relationship with you is.’

  Tanya looked at him, her head on one side. ‘Really? Then she knows more than me. What did you tell her, that we’re just good friends as well? I should be interested to hear what you consider our relationship is.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter what I told her,’ he answered sharply. ‘What is of importance, is why are you being particularly difficult.’

  ‘Am I?’ Tanya feigned innocence. ‘I hadn’t realised.’

  ‘Maldito sea, Tanya, you know very well you are. Why do you keep harping on about Inocente? Why cannot we forget her, enjoy ourselves, recapture some of our past magic?’

  Past magic? Yes, it had been that all right, until she had seen his father’s letter about Juanita and the nightmare had begun. She would never forget that moment, or the way Alejandro had left England without so much as a word. How could they ever get back on to any sort of footing after that? ‘It is not possible,’ she said faintly.

  ‘Not possible because you are being stubborn,’ he growled, gripping her shoulders so hard that he hurt. ‘If you relaxed and let go a little you would see that there is still a lot of pleasure to be had.’

  ‘Maybe I don’t want pleasure of that sort.’ She eyed him stonily, bravely.

  ‘Why?’ he snarled, and then, as a sudden thought struck him, ‘Is it because of Peter? Do you have some sort of hang-up where he is concerned? Do you feel it would be disloyal to let yourself get close to another man?’

  ‘Of course not,’ Tanya cried, ‘but You’re living under a delusion. You and I were never that close; there is nothing to recapture.’

  ‘Pardon me.’ His eyes grew steely. ‘I thought there was.’ And as if to add emphasis to his words he slid his hands down to her bottom and pulled her hard against him.

  It was impossible to stop the flood of feelings, especially when he lowered his head and touched his lips to hers. It was like putting a match to a dry piece of paper—she
ignited immediately. ‘Actually, the magic is still there,’ he muttered against her mouth. ‘All it needs is a little encouragement.’

  Tanya could not answer him. Her lips were parted against his, her whole body throbbing, and every thought of denying or rejecting him had fled. It took no more than a touch to have her melt in his arms, the briefest brush of his lips, the feel of his hard body against hers.

  However much hatred she might feel, there was no denying the strong physical chemistry that bonded them together, or at least bonded her to him. Alejandro had no sense of loyalty. He had played around with her even though he had another girl back home, and now he was doing the very same thing, pushing Inocente into the background while he renewed his affair with her. Probably, once she had gone back to England, he would marry Inocente—that seemed to be the way he worked.

  Yet even while her mind admitted all this her body still craved his. She hadn’t the strength to reject him. Her mouth moved against his and her hands slid upwards to cradle his head. She put her all into the kiss, drinking eagerly from his mouth, feeling her whole body pulse and race and grow warm.

  It was Alejandro who called a halt, who finally, gently, put her from him. There was a question in his eyes. ‘Unless you want me to stay the night?’

  Yes, yes, yes, her heart clamoured. No, no, no, insisted her mind. She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

  ’Then I’ll leave now, while I still have the will-power. But I’ll be round early tomorrow.’ He cupped her face between strong brown hands. ‘You are still as lovely as I remember, still my beautiful Tanya. Hell, I missed you. I wish…’ He broke off suddenly. ‘Buenas noches, amor mio; miss me a little bit.’

  He had gone then, leaving Tanya wondering what he had been going to say. What did he wish? Was it something to do with their breaking up? Had he been about to offer explanations? Whatever, she wouldn’t have accepted them. There was no possible reason he could give for leaving her, other than he thought it time to put an end to their relationship.

  Today she would be strong, she decided the next morning as she stood beneath the refreshing jets of the shower; today she would not let him kiss her. It spelled disaster; it fuelled the very real desire that, much to her disgust, still lay buried deep inside her.

  He had not said exactly what time he would come. ‘Early’ to Tanya meant perhaps ten or eleven or even early afternoon, certainly not before nine, which was when he came hammering on the door.

  Inevitably her heartbeats quickened, and she checked her appearance in the mirror by the door before opening it. Her smile of welcome faded somewhat when she saw that Alejandro was accompanied by a small boy.

  ‘We have company today,’ he said as he moved inside. ‘Tanya, this is my son, Manolo. Manolo, esta es la señora de quien hablé.’

  Very correctly the boy held out his hand and Tanya took it, all the time thinking, Alejandro’s son! Alejandro had a son! She was shocked to the very core. ‘It is good to meet you, Manolo,’ she said, her tone faint.

  The boy did not speak, merely looking at her shyly. She judged him to be about seven, dark-haired, slim and with big brown eyes like his father’s. Other than that he looked nothing like him. Tanya guessed that the boy took after his mother, with his fine straight nose and slightly pointed chin.

  ‘The children’s carnaval queen gala is being held this afternoon and Manolo wants to see it,’ Alejandro informed her. ‘His favourite cousin has entered; isn’t that right, Manolo?’

  The boy frowned. ‘No comprendo, Papá.’

  Tanya expected Alejandro to speak to his son in his native language; instead he said patiently in much slower English, ‘You want to see Doña?’

  Manolo smiled widely, his even white teeth shining. ‘Sí, Papá, sí. Espero que ella gane.’

  Alejandro frowned. ‘Manolo, please speak in English. Tanya will not understand what you are saying.’

  ‘I am sorry, Papá,’ said the boy at once, and hesitatingly to Tanya, ‘I did not know you could not speak my language.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ she said with a careful smile, admiring the fact that he could speak English so well. He made her feel very inadequate.

  ‘Papá, puede—I mean, can I have a look around?’

  ‘Of course,’ Alejandro said, ‘except in the room Tanya is using; it is the big bedroom. You must not go in there; it would be very rude.’

  ‘OK, Papá.’ And he skipped off happily.

  ‘I trust you slept well.’ Alejandro looked at Tanya and smiled warmly.

  She nodded. ‘Very well, thank you. Why didn’t you tell me you had a son?’

  He shrugged. ‘The need never arose, and as a matter of fact I don’t know whether you have any children either. We seem not to have had any deep, meaningful conversations. Perhaps it is time.’

  ‘No, I haven’t any children, and no, I don’t want any indepth talks,’ answered Tanya tartly.

  ‘You’re angry with me for not telling you about Manolo?’

  ‘Not really; it has nothing to do with me, has it? It’s a surprise, though, I must admit.’ More than a surprise, a shock of the highest order.

  ‘You wish I hadn’t brought him today?’

  ‘Heavens, no!’ exclaimed Tanya at once. ‘He’s—he’s very welcome. It will be nice to have—other company.’

  ‘You mean a chaperon?’ His brows rose and he looked at her quizzically, but there was a quirk to his lips, and Tanya knew. that he had been thinking the same thing.

  ‘Things do seem to get a bit tense between us,’ she agreed. ‘It might help having him with us. What time does the judging start?’

  ‘Not until four. I thought we might take Manolo to the beach.’

  Tanya nodded. Amazingly the rain, which had looked set in for the whole day, had cleared, and although the skies weren’t particularly clear the sun shone at this moment. ‘An excellent idea.’ A beach meant crowds, no chance of their getting close. Yes, it was a superb suggestion.

  ‘I guess you haven’t done much swimming since you’ve been here.’

  Tanya confessed that she hadn’t. ‘But it’s my own choice. A boy pushed me in a lake when I was little, and I’ve been terrified of water since. Charlene made me learn to swim, but I’m not very good and I don’t enjoy it.’

  ‘That’s a pity.’ Alejandro frowned. ‘Manolo swims like a fish; I taught him myself at an extremely early age. But never mind; today you need not be afraid. I will personally keep my eye on you.’

  Tanya was not sure whether she liked the reassurance. She would much prefer to sunbathe while Alejandro and his son enjoyed the water.

  ‘Have you eaten?’ he asked next.

  ‘I’ve had a bread roll and some marmalade,’ she said, ‘and there’s still some coffee in the pot if you’d like one.’

  By this time Manolo had finished his tour of the apartment and was bouncing up and down on the white leather settee. ‘I think we should go,’ said Alejandro, ‘before I have no furniture left. We’ll show Manolo the ships first. They are a passion of his. It’s his ambition to join the Navy when he grows up. He wants to be an admiral. Or he might be an explorer like Christopher Columbus,’ he added with a laugh. ‘He has big ideas for so small a boy.’

  It was about twelve by the time they reached Las Teresitas, and Tanya could not believe what she saw. Tenerife being a volcanic island, almost all of its beaches were black sand, at least the ones she had seen. Here it was white.

  ‘Am I seeing things?’ she asked Alejandro.

  He spread his hands expansively. ‘The biggest manmade beach in the world. Four million sacks of sand were shipped here from the Spanish Sahara.’

  ‘I’m impressed,’ said Tanya.

  ‘It’s a favourite bathing spot for all Santacruceros,’ he told her. It was dotted with palms and an occasional stand that sold cold drinks, et cetera. There was parking along the road for hundreds of cars, and Manolo was out like a flash and down on to the sand. Alejandro smiled fondly. ‘Let’
s join him.’

  Manolo was already pulling off his shirt and trousers, anxious to get in the water, and Alejandro followed suit. In fact they seemed to be having a race, and Tanya watched them, smiling, thinking what a wonderful relationship they had.

  They both had their swimming-trunks on underneath, and the moment they were ready they dashed towards the sea. The skies had cleared altogether now, and the water was a wonderful blue-green. Father and son played together like porpoises.

  Tanya spread her towel and stripped off her own sweater and cotton trousers. She too had put on her bikini before coming out, and now she smoothed in sun-cream before lying back to enjoy the warmth of the sun. It did not feel quite so hot as in the south, but it was hot enough. She closed her eyes and relaxed, listening to the sound of youths shouting, children squealing, mothers consoling, and then she felt cold water dripping on to her stomach.

  When she opened her eyes both Alejandro and Manolo were standing over her, laughing, shaking their wet hands over her body. ‘We’ve come to get you,’ said Alejandro.

  ‘Yes,’ said the boy.

  ‘We refuse to let you lie here.’

  ‘We want you to join us.’

  ‘Do I have any choice?’ asked Tanya, sitting up.

  ‘None at all,’ answered Alejandro.

  ‘Is the water cold?’

  ‘Not once You’re used to it.’ He held out his hands and she took them, allowing him to pull her to her feet. Contact, even something as innocent as this, triggered a sudden warmth through her body, but she knew she had to be careful because of Manolo. What his father had told him about her, she was not sure, but it could be nothing more than that they had met in England, certainly not that he was after some sort of affair with her now.

  Tanya walked reluctantly with them towards the ocean which had looked so beautiful from her position on the sand but which now looked positively menacing. There was so much of it, and it was so deep and so strong, and she was so afraid.

  Sensing her hesitation, Alejandro took her hand. ‘I’ll be with you every inch of the way.’ And to his son, ‘Tanya does not swim very well; we must look after her.’ So Manolo took her other hand, and between them they led her into the water.