Suited For Love

by Coleman, Lynn A.

  By the time Krispin walked out into the hallway, Gary was striding into his office. Gary was like that, always business, all the time. Gary hadn’t so much as flinched when Krispin had handed in his typewritten letter.

  “Come in, close the door,” Gary said as he settled in behind his glass-topped desk.

  Krispin sat down. “What’s up?”

  Gary closed his eyes and paused. “Krisp, I thought you’d have changed your mind by now. Please, tell me what I need to do for you to stay with the company. Name it, and it’s yours.”

  Krispin leaned back in his chair. “I’ve lost my edge, Gary. I’m no good to you or the company.”

  “Hogwash. Look, you can work from home…from across the world. I don’t care. I don’t want to lose you. You saved our bacon too many times. I need that brain of yours working for me.”

  “Gary, you have my word. I’ve signed all the contracts. I’ll never reveal the codes. You know that.”

  Gary folded his hands and padded his thumbs together three times. It was one of those habits his partner exhibited under stress. Gary’s showed up when he wasn’t getting his way. “I know. Besides, I’ll sue you for everything you’ve got and your future earnings if you ever break one of our contracts.”

  Krispin’s spine tightened. A flicker of Jessica Kearns displaying the same reaction when he threatened to sue passed before his mind’s eye. Interesting. “You and I both know that will never be the case; that’s why you agreed to buy my portion of the company.”

  “That’s the part that bugs me, Krisp. After all this time, you allowed me to buy you out. You could have held on to your share, maintained your interest in the company. If you did that, I wouldn’t have had nightmares every night for the past three weeks. What gives? You and I have been at this for seven years.”

  “All the more reason to trust me, don’t you think?” Krispin shifted in his chair.

  Gary narrowed his gaze. “Is this that God junk you’ve been philosophizing about?”

  “No.” Was it? His mind hadn’t been able to settle on anything about anything since leaving Squabbin Bay. “Nah, I was considering this when I left for vacation, Gary, and that was my first vacation in five years. I’m burned out.”

  Gary raised his hands in surrender. “All right.” He lifted a small bundle of papers. “Here’s the check and the contracts. Have your lawyer go over them. Legal’s gone over them with a fine-toothed comb, but you need an attorney. I won’t have it any other way.”

  “All part of the corporate process. Not a problem.” Krispin took the pages from Gary. “Gary, I do appreciate all that you’ve done for me and my career.”

  Gary nodded. “Don’t make me regret my decisions, Krisp.”

  “You won’t. And I promised to be available for consultations.”

  “You and I both know that will only last for a short time. The industry changes too fast to be out of the loop for more than six months.”

  “I understand.”

  “So on a personal note, where are you going? What are you going to do with yourself?”

  Find myself? How sixtyish does that sound? “I’ve rented a cottage for the summer months in Maine.”

  “That must have set you back a bundle.”

  “Not too bad.” Squabbin Bay was remote enough that summer rentals were easy to come by. Not that Krispin felt inclined to tell Gary that secret tidbit he’d discovered quite by accident while searching for a place last month.

  “Well…” Gary held out his hand. Krispin got up and shook it. “I’ll see you around.”

  “Thanks, Gary.”

  Gary nodded, picked up his phone, and punched in a number. Krispin left the room like so many other times before, unsure of his place in the company. That was just Gary’s way. Some of the folks who had come to work for them had quit because they didn’t like Gary’s personality, or lack thereof. It never bothered Krispin, never until today. Why now?

  Because it’s directed at you, he reminded himself, and exited Gary’s office as swiftly as possible. Twenty steps later he was alone in his office, looking down at the Merrimack River. Krispin leafed through the pages and looked at the six-figure sum on the check. In two years it would have been three times as much. Was it worth it? Was Squabbin Bay the only place he could deal with this God issue?

  He’d given up on not believing. God seemed plausible, but Krispin knew he had to change his life. He wasn’t even thirty years old and already feeling like he’d lived a lifetime with little or nothing to show for it. All his accolades meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. If he wanted to, he could have worked, or still could work, on encryption programs from any remote location that had a strong Internet connection. He knew from Randi and Jordan that the only high-speed access to the Internet in Squabbin Bay was provided by a satellite service. He’d been working on computer programming since he was twelve. Mathematics he understood. He had even downloaded the Bible onto his iPod. God stuff…well, that didn’t make sense.

  He glanced at the check again. If frugal, he could live for many years off this check. Or he could invest the money. He didn’t need to decide at the moment. His phone rang, jarring him back to the office work that still needed to be done before he left the company.

  Five calls later and at least an hour on the computer, everything in his office was purged of his personal information. Once he removed the couple of boxes containing his personal belongings, there would be little evidence that he’d worked here for the past seven years. He looked at the family pictures that used to sit on a small table between two chairs. His parents stood arm in arm with a picture of Haleakala Crater on Maui in the Hawaiian Islands. The crater supported no vegetation, no life, just rock and rubble from the old volcano. He’d thought it odd they would see the photo as picturesque, but then again, he’d given them the trip as an anniversary present.

  He picked up the simple wooden frame and brushed the glass with his thumb. He loved his family, but he wasn’t close to any of them. They’d been brought up to be totally independent of one another. Conversation at the table that involved getting to know what one or the other had been doing rarely happened. They ate together because that was the rule of the house. But conversation wasn’t a part of it. Conversation at a dinner table took on a whole new meaning when he went to college. Everyone talked. People gathered in small groups and talked about everything. The first few months Krispin offered little into the conversations. But slowly, as time passed, he’d speak more and more, to the point where he decided he liked this level of conversation. He discovered that many families used that time to connect with one another. He wondered if Jess experienced that with her family. Somehow, he imagined they probably did. Mr. Kearns didn’t seem like the kind of man to keep his personal opinions to himself. The day Krispin left Squabbin Bay, he’d given Krispin a lot to think about.

  “Hey, Krispin.” Judy Enwright stood at the door. They had dated several years ago. But Judy had wanted more than a casual relationship. He decided from then on he wouldn’t date any of the women who worked for the company.

  “Hi, Judy. What can I do for you?”

  “Just wanted to say good-bye.” Judy stepped closer. Her eyes burned with desire. Krispin turned around and picked up one of the boxes as a shield.

  She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. “Since you’re no longer going to work here, whadaya think about us getting back together again?”

  No way. “Judy, I’m flattered, but I’m leaving town, leaving the state. Long-distance relationships never work out.”

  “What about…”

  “Judy, thanks, but no thanks.”

  “Well, I never!” Judy huffed.

  Krispin tried to soften the blow. “Judy, you and I weren’t a good match. I’m sorry. You’re better off trying to find the right man than just any man. I’m sorry I used you.”

  Judy’s eyes watered.

  Krispin put down the box and cradled her in his arms. “I’m so sorry. It was
a mistake.”

  Judy sniffed. “I know. But…”

  “Shh, don’t you worry any more about this. I’ll be praying for you to find someone.” At that moment Krispin knew he really would be praying for her and for all the other women he’d used in his past. He felt like a cad, totally unworthy of anyone’s love. He had abused love, used love to get what he wanted. He had never really loved anyone. “I was horrible to use you that way. I’m very sorry.”

  “You pray? I thought you didn’t have any use for God.”

  “I don’t. I mean, I didn’t.” Krispin released Judy and picked up the box. “Judy, I don’t know much about God, but I’m trying to learn.”

  “Is this why you’re leaving? To go find God like a monk or something?”

  Krispin let out a nervous chuckle. “You know, Judy, I hadn’t thought about it like that before, but I guess you’re right. I’m going to live like a monk.”

  “Man, that’s just crazy.”

  “More than likely, but I’m not good enough for anyone right now. I can’t function in business, and my personal life is zilch. I don’t know who or what I believe in at this point in time. Trust me, you’re better off not knowing me.”

  Judy laughed. “You weren’t that great to begin with.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  Judy laughed again. “See ya around, Krispin. I can’t picture you living like a monk. Good luck.”

  Krispin knew he was getting into this God stuff probably a little too deeply. Then again, maybe not. Hopefully he’d find the answers he was looking for. He hadn’t found them in success, in women, in adventures—everything he’d experienced in life to this point had left him dry and unfulfilled. Why?

  Five

  Jess clicked the power switch to the winch, which pulled the pot out of the water and up to the side of the boat. The power winch and pulley were something she’d purchased to make her life a little easier. Her father had hauled the pots up by hand for years, but even he admitted to liking the new system.

  She hoisted the metal cage on board, took out the four lobsters, and placed in a new bait bag. The boat rolled with the waves. Her sea legs held, and all was right in the world. Krispin Black was no longer a threat, and the monthly meeting of the co-op last night had breathed a collective sigh of relief. No one was more grateful than Jess.

  The memory of Krispin, pale faced, lying on the dock, floated back into her mind. It had been six weeks since the chilling event, and still his image was as real as when it actually happened. Flashbacks came more than once a day. She blinked away the image and praised the Lord that Krispin Black was still alive. “Lord, thank You again for helping me spare Krispin’s life. Be with him right now, Lord. Make him aware of You and Your love and grace for him.” She had started praying for Krispin that way right after he left town.

  She was grateful to see no more messages from Krispin Black in the weeks since he’d replied to her e-mail. The check had been mailed to him yesterday morning, a fact that the entire co-op had been pleased to hear. All thought Mr. Black to be a fair and honorable man. Of course they didn’t know of his rude suggestions. Dena and her father knew, but no one else. Jess hadn’t even told Randi, though she rarely saw her old friend anymore. Marriage and expecting a baby had a way of changing a person’s desire to hang out with single friends. Or maybe it didn’t change the desire but kept a young woman busy with other, more important things. She and Randi still talked, just not as often.

  “I need a new best friend.” Jess plopped the lobster pot back into the Atlantic. Krispin’s image popped back into her mind. Jess laughed out loud. “No way.”

  She finished with the last pot as the sun stood over the horizon and started to warm everything with its golden rays.

  “Jess, come back,” the radio crackled.

  Jess picked up the old bulky gray microphone. “Hey, Dad. Over.”

  “Just thought I’d warn you before you came in this morning. Word has it Krispin Black is back in town. Rented the same cottage for the summer. Over.”

  Great. “Thanks. Over.”

  “Jess, are you going to be okay with this? Over.”

  “I’ll be fine, Dad. Thanks for letting me know. Over.”

  “Over and out.”

  Jess returned the mike to the hook. If she could go days and weeks without speaking with her best friend, then it ought to be as easy as sliding on ice to avoid Krispin Black. And that’s what she intended to do.

  ❧

  Two weeks later, Jess caught her first glimpse of Krispin Black in the grocery store.

  “Hello,” he said as he walked past her, pushing his cart farther down the aisle.

  “Hi,” she replied. A bit stunned that he didn’t say anything else, she felt tempted to turn her cart around and follow him. But she remembered their last conversation in this very store. Jess finished her shopping and headed out to the car.

  As she placed the last bag into the trunk and pulled down the hood of her VW Bug, she saw him nearby, getting into an old, completely restored Mustang. Daddy’s dream car, she mused. “My dad would be so jealous if he saw your car.”

  Krispin chuckled. “I picked it up when I was fourteen from an older lady who had saved it for her son when he went off to fight in the Vietnam War. I mowed her lawn and took care of her hedges for two years to pay for the car.”

  “Impressive. You didn’t strike me as the mechanical type.”

  “I’m not.” He leaned against the side of his car and folded his arms across his chest. “But I wanted that car. Rot and decay had taken their toll after twenty years, but I’ve enjoyed refurbishing it.”

  “Why are you here?” she blurted out, and slapped a hand over her mouth.

  “It’s all right, Jess. I understand your reluctance to have me in the area. I want to apologize for my behavior before. It was crude, rude, and socially unacceptable. I came here to reevaluate things.”

  But why here? she wanted to ask, deciding against it. There was no sense getting to know this man further. “See you around.”

  Krispin nodded and immediately turned away from her. Is he trying to stay away from me as much as I’m trying to avoid him?

  ❧

  Krispin squeezed the steering wheel, trying to rein in his frustrations. He’d been debating moving to Squabbin Bay ever since deciding to try and live his life like a monk. He knew Jess would be a temptation to break the commitment. She was more beautiful than he remembered. On the other hand, given the opportunity, they could become friends, he was certain of that. But he wasn’t ready to handle friends. He wasn’t ready to handle much of anything yet.

  Ten days earlier he’d managed to get up the nerve to confront his questions of faith, the Bible, and religion in general and had met with Pastor Russell, the pastor of the same church where he had met Jordan and Randi the Sunday after the accident. Not knowing where else to go, he settled on that church because he trusted the few people he’d met from there. During that meeting Pastor Russell had led Krispin in a prayer of commitment to God. His body trembled at the awesome leap of faith he was making, yet a peace washed over him unlike any he’d experienced before.

  But Krispin had put off going to church in order to avoid seeing Jess. He prayed for her daily. He knew she wouldn’t appreciate his presence in town. Not that he would blame her. His suggestive tones and comments had been completely out of line. But it felt good to apologize to her.

  He turned the key, and the engine roared to life. Earlier that morning, he’d signed a lease to rent one of the old warehouses. He didn’t have a place to build a kayak at his cottage and found the old fishing warehouse to be perfect for his needs. The closer it came to building the boat, the more nervous he felt about being able to do it. He’d never done anything like it before. Restoring the car had been easy. He’d simply purchased the refurbished parts and put them in. If he couldn’t do it, he had hired someone who could.

  This project he planned to do by himself with a little help from an onli
ne forum for kayak builders. He’d read and reread all about building the small boats. He now owned enough tools to make any carpenter proud. Learning how to use the tools would take a lot more practice. Purchasing a bunch of wood to get a feel for cutting and gluing seemed the practical way to go. With any luck he’d be able to build something that would float. In truth, he’d love to have someone show him how to use the various tools. Thankfully, detailed videos and instruction manuals could be found on the Internet, not to mention the home makeover shows on television.

  Krispin drove to the cottage he had rented for the summer. He had sublet his condo in Manchester for the next six months. If all went well in Squabbin Bay, he’d stay the full time. If life in this secluded area didn’t work out, he’d relocate someplace else for a while. His desire was to stay put until he understood what having God in his life meant. He understood he was going to heaven, but living the Christian life day to day would prove difficult, he imagined. So many of his worldviews were turning upside down. Some blended well with scripture, like being kind to people, not murdering anyone, and other basic moral truths. But the reality that his morals weren’t the same as God’s standard was hitting him hard. He felt an even greater responsibility to all the women he’d known. And truthfully, he knew he wasn’t worthy of someone like Jessica Kearns. From everything he’d seen and heard around town, she was a good, clean, and wholesome person. Unlike himself.

  When he arrived at the cottage, he found the red light of his answering machine flashing. He pushed the button. “Hi, Krispin, it’s Pastor Russell. I’m having a barbecue at my house tonight. If you’d like to come, you’re more than welcome. Call me.”

  Krispin froze. Should he go to such an event? He felt too unworthy to be around the pastor and his family. Krispin picked up the phone and dialed the pastor’s number.