Suited For Love

by Coleman, Lynn A.

  “Hello,” Pastor Russell answered on the first ring.

  “Pastor Russell, Krispin here. Thanks for the offer, but I’m busy tonight.”

  “Oh, all right. Maybe next time.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” Krispin mumbled.

  “Krispin? Is everything all right?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve been reading the Bible like you suggested. I’m still having trouble understanding some of it, but I’m seeing more and more of my life as being unfit for God.”

  “Ah, well, just remember, your sins were forgiven when you asked Jesus into your heart. Everything from your past has been wiped clean. In fact the Bible tells us God throws our sins into the depths of the sea. In other words He forgives and forgets.”

  “How? I remember them.”

  “Because He, being God, is able to forgive and forget. We, being human, have a hard time doing that. Even harder is forgiving ourselves for the things we’ve done.” Pastor Russell paused. “Krispin, would you like to talk some more about this? I’ve got an hour I can spare before family arrives.”

  “Thanks, but I’ll be fine. I’m sorry to impose on your time.”

  “Like I said before, you’re not an imposition. If you change your mind, you’re still welcome to come for dinner.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate the offer.”

  “You’re welcome. Forgive yourself, Krispin. You’re a new creature in Christ. Your slate has been wiped clean.”

  Krispin couldn’t quite put his head around that thought. But it made sense on some level. A hard drive can be wiped clean, but what was on it was still there until it was written over many, many times. Just how clean was God’s hard drive? “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

  They said their good-byes, and Krispin went to work putting his groceries away, including the two frozen dinners he had purchased. Eating out, even ordering takeout, was getting boring in Squabbin Bay. Lobster wasn’t his favorite food. He could purchase a steak rather than go to the Dockside Grill. Cooking for one had never been one of his favorite things to do. Girlfriends and dates had come in handy with regard to dinners. Picking up fast food for lunch, ordering with the others in the office, all seemed to work just fine and provided an eclectic menu. Adjusting his eating habits was just one of the many obstacles involved in moving to a place so far away that it boasted only one traffic light—a blinking one at that—and one grocery store. Secluded places like this were good for vacations for someone who hadn’t grown up here—but not regular life.

  On the other hand, those were the very reasons he’d come to such an out-of-the-way place to reexamine his life and priorities. He sighed. Living here would definitely be an adjustment.

  ❧

  Jess watched Jason set the phone in the cradle. “You invited Krispin Black to dinner?”

  “Yes, is that a problem?”

  How do I answer that? “Well, kinda.”

  “Jess, I know he threatened a lawsuit.”

  Jess waved it off. “That isn’t the problem.”

  “Then what is?”

  “Nothing. Never mind. Is he coming?”

  “No, I don’t believe so.”

  “Okay, whatever.” Jess scurried off. How do you tell your pastor, who’s also your stepbrother, your fears of being attracted to such an ungodly man? You don’t, she reminded herself, and went back to the kitchen to help her stepbrother’s wife. “Hey, Marie, what can I do to help?”

  “Grab the potatoes off the stove and drain them, please.”

  “Sure.” Jess took the hot pot over to the sink and poured the contents into the colander. “What else?”

  “How are your potato salad skills?”

  “I’ve gotten much better since I learned Dena’s recipe.”

  “Great, make that. The family loves it.”

  Jess chuckled. “Where’s the bowl?”

  “Third cabinet on your right. Everything else is in the fridge.”

  “Got it.” Jess went to work. She wanted to ask Marie why Jason would be inviting Krispin Black to the family picnic. Of course the man needed salvation, and with Jason’s job, it probably went hand in hand, him wanting to reach out to a lost soul. But still…why now? Why here? She was filled with so many questions. She wasn’t afraid of Krispin. She was afraid of her own reactions to him.

  “Hi, Marie. Hi, Jess.” Dena walked into the room, carrying a pan of double-chocolate brownies and a two-gallon cooler of grape lemonade, and set them on the table.

  “Hi, Mom,” Marie and Jess said in unison.

  “So what can I do, Marie?” Dena went straight to the sink and washed her hands.

  “Marinate the steaks.”

  “No problem.”

  “I’m so–o–o glad you decided on beef tonight,” Jess purred. “I’ve seen too much seafood lately.”

  Dena chuckled. “Your father can still lobster, Jess. You don’t have to do it every morning.”

  “Yeah, I know, but I don’t have too much to do with the co-op right now. Come fall, Dad’s going to have to go out pretty near every morning.”

  “You’ve spoiled him. He probably won’t want to lobster.”

  Dad came in carrying a huge watermelon and kissed all three women on the cheek. “Hey now, I resent that remark.”

  Jason followed him in. “Amber and David should be here in a couple minutes.”

  “Chad and Brianne will be here after she finishes feeding the baby,” Dena offered.

  Dena’s cheerful smile set Jess thinking back on all the planning and how much it meant to Dena to have the entire family together. Oddly enough, Jess felt fully a part of this family. Dena had a way of doing that. Unlike her own mother, Terry. Their visit last week had been strained on several occasions. Jess felt like Terry was trying too hard. Terry’s other children and husband weren’t all that thrilled with Jess’s visit. And despite their obvious discomfort with her visiting, she knew she’d go to her bio-mom’s house for a visit again. But she didn’t have the same sense of belonging and being a real member of the family like she did here.

  “Hello, anyone in here?”

  Jess’s eyebrows lifted. “Grandpa?”

  She turned toward the doorway where her grandfather stood, nodding and grinning warmly. Grandpa and Grandma Kearns hadn’t come back to Squabbin Bay since the lobster poaching charges against him had been dropped.

  Jess left the potato salad and ran to her grandparents. “Grandma, Grandpa.” She hugged them hard. Tears edged her eyes. “It’s so good to see you.”

  “And you, sweet one.” Grandma Kearns smiled.

  “I love you, princess. I’m sorry.” Grandpa hugged her. He’d been guilty of gambling in Florida and had lost just about everything he owned. Jess’s father had to bail him out financially, leaving her dad with no money going into his marriage with Dena. At first Grandpa had been bitter and angry. Then as time passed and he got the help he needed, he accepted he was addicted to gambling and had ruined his retirement, life, and reputation. If the community of Squabbin Bay hadn’t loved him so much before he had his problems, he would have served a lot of time in prison. In the end, he was doing well. And Grandma Kearns now handled the finances.

  “Grandpa, I forgave you a long time ago. You know that.”

  “I know. I just wanted to say it in person.”

  Her father placed his hands on her shoulders. “Hey, Mom, Dad. It’s good to see you.”

  “Good to see you too, son. How’s that pretty wife of yours?” Grandpa Kearns winked.

  “She’s just fine. How was your trip, Mom?”

  “Fine. I’m a little stiff, but your father stopped just before we got here so we could walk around a bit and stretch our legs and joints.” Jess’s father gave his mother a kiss on the cheek.

  Jess thought back on all the hurt that her father had gone through when he discovered his own father had been the cause of everyone’s misfortune that summer. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift, Lord. Thanks.

  She slipped away from
her father and grandparents and made her way toward the kitchen. The house buzzed with people as everyone arrived. Six children, eleven adults, two dogs, one cat, and a pet frog running about made up the entire gathering. Jess loved her family. And they loved her. What more could she want?

  A man who loves me, her heart cried out to God. Not just any man, the right man, she amended. Trevor had proved to be such a huge disappointment in the boyfriend department that she didn’t even want to date anymore.

  The doorbell rang. Jason went to answer it. Jess glanced up to see Krispin Black. She swallowed and walked back to the kitchen.

  Six

  Krispin paused. He’d tried to avoid Jess by coming early to explain his actions about not accepting the pastor’s invitation, yet there she was…I should have known better. “Welcome, Krispin. Let me introduce you.” Pastor Russell pulled him through the front door while shaking Krispin’s hand.

  A whirlwind of names swirled around him as he greeted each one. “I’m sorry to intrude, Pastor Russell. But I was wondering if I could borrow you for a moment. I promise it won’t take too long.”

  “Sure. Excuse me, folks.” Jason Russell escorted Krispin to his private office in his home. Once inside the small room, Krispin’s palms began to sweat. “Pastor, I need to confess something to you.”

  “Relax, Krispin. Take a seat. What do you feel you need to confess?”

  “I turned down your dinner invitation because of Jessica Kearns. You probably know I threatened to sue her.”

  Pastor Russell nodded.

  “Well, it’s worse than that. I made a crude comment to her, suggesting a way she could pay me back without using money.”

  “I see. So you’re avoiding church in order to avoid Jess?”

  “Yes. I don’t want to make her more uncomfortable. I knew it was a problem returning to Squabbin Bay, but I also knew that if I were going to find the answers about God, I’d find them here. Should I leave town?”

  “Have you apologized?”

  “Yes, but…” Krispin rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not that easy. I’m attracted to her. She’s a temptation to my newfound faith. I’ve been attracted to her from the moment my eyes focused and saw her leaning over me. But I can’t have a woman in my life.”

  “I understand. I’ll speak to Jess.”

  “No, please don’t. I mean, I don’t want her to think I became a Christian to have her. I can’t see how I’d be worthy of any woman’s love, but if God sees fit one day, I’d like the woman, even Jess, to be able to see my faith in Christ first. Does that make sense?”

  “Yeah, it does. All right, I won’t tell Jess. And I’ll be mindful to invite you when Jess isn’t coming, how is that?”

  “Wonderful.” Krispin sighed and got up from his chair. “I won’t keep you from your family. I just couldn’t live with myself, deceiving you.”

  Pastor Russell extended his hand. “Thanks for filling me in.”

  Krispin took the proffered hand. “Thanks for not knocking me out for my crude remarks to Jess.”

  Pastor Russell tightened his hand around Krispin’s. “I’m human, Krispin. And I understand you weren’t saved, but even by human standards, that was a very rude proposition.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Remember, she is my sister.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Good. Now, go on home, and I’ll handle the family.”

  “Thank you.” Krispin exited the house by way of the front hall, missing the glances from the living room. As he closed the door behind him, he saw Jess with her hands across her chest and a stance that meant she wasn’t about to be bullied around. “Hi, Jess.”

  “What was that about?”

  “I needed to apologize to Pastor Russell for turning down his dinner invitation.”

  “Why?”

  Krispin swallowed. He wasn’t ready for this conversation. “It’s personal, Jess. Can we leave it at that?”

  Her eyes widened. “Why are you here, Krispin?”

  “I just told you.”

  “No, I mean here in Squabbin Bay.”

  “It seemed like the right place to be.”

  “What about work?”

  “I sold my partnership back to the others.”

  “Why?”

  “Jess, forgive me, but these things are my personal matters, not yours.”

  She opened her mouth, then closed it. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “Jess, I do have one question for you. Would it be a problem for you if I went to church?”

  “You?”

  Krispin looked down at the ground and scuffed his shoe against the pavement. “Yeah, me. Would you have a problem if I attended here?”

  “Ah, no, I guess not. Are you sure?”

  Never more sure of anything in my entire life. “Yeah, I’d like to hear Pastor Russell preach.”

  “I can’t stop you from coming to church, Krispin. It’s a free country. You can go to whatever church you like.”

  “Thanks, I promise to stay out of your way. Good-bye, Jess.”

  “Bye.”

  Krispin felt her penetrating gaze sear his shoulders as he walked back toward town and to his cottage. All in all, things went very well. He didn’t confess to Jess that he was now a believer. He’d rather have her see it in his life.

  ❧

  Jess returned to the family with a million questions. The first and foremost was what was going on with Krispin Black. He seemed almost lost, but not really. He didn’t seem as arrogant as he had after she’d nearly killed him. Had she caused the man to lose his drive, convictions? Dear Lord, say it isn’t so.

  “Jess, what’s the matter?” Dena came up beside her and wrapped a loving arm around her shoulders.

  “Hey, Mom, sorry.”

  “Is it Krispin Black?”

  Jess nodded.

  “Did he do anything?” Jess felt Dena stiffen.

  “No, nothing like that. He seems different. Less of a man somehow. I’m afraid the accident took away who he was.”

  “You know the Lord could have used that to get ahold of him.”

  “I suppose. He’s just so unsure of himself. He didn’t make one leering comment.”

  “Well, that’s a good sign.”

  Jess chuckled. “I guess it is. I’ve just come to expect a certain behavior from him, and when I didn’t see it, it bothered me.”

  “Honey, I’m glad he wasn’t rude again. But I still don’t think it’s wise for you to be alone with him.”

  “Oh, I agree. It’s just that Jason invited him to dinner tonight.”

  “Jason? Why would he? Oh, he doesn’t know.”

  “Right.”

  Dena sighed. “Jason has a very open heart to so many. He’s so much like his father in that respect. They see a man in need, and they reach out and go the distance, plus some, to help. I guess Jason saw that need in Mr. Black.”

  “Yeah. Krispin asked if I had a problem with him coming to church. I told him it was a free country. But I wanted to tell him to go someplace else. I’m not very loving, am I?”

  “You’re being cautious. I tell you what, if Mr. Black comes to church, why don’t you sit with your father and me?”

  “I might just do that.”

  “Good. Now it’s time to get back to the family. Clear your head, say a prayer, give yourself a moment, then come back and join us. By the way, I think Brianne’s pregnant again. She’s looking awfully pale. But they haven’t said anything yet.”

  Jess chuckled. “You get pleasure out of that, don’t you?”

  Dena laughed. “Not that she’s sick but that I have another grandbaby on the way, you betcha. Another one to love and spoil and let the parents do the raising.”

  “What about when it’s my turn?”

  “Oh, honey, I’ll love your children just as much as I love my other grandchildren. You’re so much a part of my family I can’t imagine you not being here.”

  “Thanks, Mom. That means the w
orld to me.”

  “Terry blew it last week?”

  “Afraid so, but she doesn’t have a clue. She loves her family, but there really isn’t room in her life for me at this time. Maybe someday. I have the mother I never had; my life is full.”

  Dena hugged her. “I love you, sweetheart. Remember, when all is said and done, your father and I love you very much.”

  “I know, and I appreciate it.”

  Dena smiled and winked. No words were spoken, but Jess knew Dena saw into her heart, her longing to be a wife and a mother, to have her own family one day. “It’ll happen, Jess. Trust the Lord.”

  Jess sniffed. “I am.”

  Dena gave Jess a kiss on the cheek and left her to finish putting her emotions back in place. Thank You for my family. For Dena, she’s such a special gift, Lord, to Dad and to me. Jess paused, then asked, What’s going on with Krispin Black?

  ❧

  Krispin found himself aware of Jess in the congregation but refused to give her more than a passing thought. Instead he prayed for her on a regular basis. She seemed relaxed enough when he walked past her and nodded hello.

  It had been three weeks since the family dinner invitation from Pastor Russell. And they had had three more discipleship meetings. Pastor Russell wanted him to become part of the mentor program in the church, where they teamed up seasoned Christians with new converts. The available men at this time were Wayne Kearns, Jordan Lamont and a Greg Steadman. Krispin had been praying over the choices. He liked Jordan, but his baby was due in the next few weeks. Wayne seemed like a silly idea, being Jess’s father. So Krispin settled on Greg Steadman. Greg was also a lobsterman and had a wife and six kids. They were hard-working people, and Krispin was sure Greg didn’t understand business. Not that Greg needed to, since he worked for one of the larger fishing companies. He sometimes went out for weeks at a time, which was a drawback for being Krispin’s mentor, but Pastor Russell explained that those long sea voyages happened during the winter months, not the summer.

  So Krispin found himself pacing back and forth in his shop, waiting on Greg Steadman, his mentor. The old wooden planks that made up the flooring were thick and uneven from years of use.

  The large door creaked open. A man with burly shoulders and a huge brown beard stood in the doorway. “You Krispin?”