The Leaving of Liverpool

by Lyn Andrews

  ‘But I did.’ The words were choked.

  ‘If ever there’s anything . . . anything at all, I can do for you, Phoebe-Ann, will you come to me?’

  ‘Oh, Rhys, I don’t know why you are bothering with me, after me being so cruel to you. I’m not worth it.’

  ‘Yes, you are, Phoebe-Ann and I’ll never forget you!’

  After he’d gone, she lay back and her mind wandered over the events of the last year. One short year and so much misery in it. She was too afraid to look forward, for the future just didn’t bear contemplating.

  As the days and weeks passed, Phoebe-Ann regained her strength, physically, but mentally she was exhausted, battling with all the conflicting emotions. The swelling and the bruising gradually disappeared and her face didn’t look half so bad, although her nose didn’t look quite right. She’d gone to the Dental Hospital and they’d been very kind and understanding and they’d worked wonders. Emily said she now looked just like her old self but she knew that that girl was dead. She would never be the same again.

  Alice called frequently and she’d helped Emily to reassure Phoebe-Ann that she wouldn’t be scarred. After almost a month, between them, they’d considerably lightened Phoebe-Ann’s spirits.

  On the following Friday, Alice called on her way home from work. ‘How’s the patient today then?’

  ‘A bit down in the dumps. She keeps examining her nose,’ Emily replied.

  ‘She’s going to have more than her nose to worry about.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I heard he’s coming out of hospital tomorrow.’

  ‘She’s not going back there, Alice.’

  Alice looked uneasy. ‘Will you come with me while I tell her?’

  Phoebe-Ann was staring morosely out of the window that overlooked the side of Bloom Street.

  ‘You can’t stay up here for ever; it’s about time you got yourself downstairs and even out of the house,’ Alice scolded, but in a kindly way.

  ‘I can’t! I can’t go out! Everyone will be looking at me and talking about me. I must be the scandal of Toxteth!’

  ‘Don’t flatter yourself. Besides, once they’ve all seen that you haven’t grown another head they’ll forget all about you and start on someone else. I think everyone sympathizes with you. Florrie Harper said you must have been a saint to put up with him for so long and that they’d all felt like cheering when your Emily chased Ma Malone. Your Emily’s a bit of a heroine in Mona Street, an’ the lads as well of course.’ She grinned at Emily.

  ‘Alice has got something to tell you,’ Emily stated quietly.

  A shadow crossed Phoebe-Ann’s face. ‘What?’

  ‘He’s coming out of hospital tomorrow, so I heard.’

  Phoebe-Ann looked stricken. ‘I can’t . . . I won’t . . . !’

  ‘You won’t have to go back there unless you want to,’ Emily reassured her firmly.

  ‘Where will he go?’ Phoebe-Ann asked.

  ‘Back to his ma, I suppose. He can’t see to himself. They’ve given him some kind of a chair with wheels, but someone will have to push him around, a bit like a baby in a pram.’

  Emily looked disturbed. She couldn’t see Ma Malone pushing him around the streets for everyone to mock and gloat at their predicament and say, ‘Serves them right.’

  ‘I suppose if he gets awkward about it, he could demand that you go back, Phoebe-Ann. You’re still his wife.’ Alice repeated what her mother had said that morning.

  ‘I’m not going back to him! I’m never going back to him! I should have listened to you all when you tried to warn me. Oh, I was such a fool!’

  Emily said nothing. It wouldn’t help Phoebe-Ann now for her to say ‘I told you so’.

  Alice had no such reservations. ‘Yes, you were a fool and you should have listened but it’s too late now. Still, never mind, I can’t see that he’d want you to go back.’

  ‘Why not?’ Emily questioned.

  ‘Well, things are sort of reversed now, aren’t they? Phoebe-Ann’s the strong one and he’s the cripple, an’ I should think he’s terrified of your Jack and Jimmy.’

  Emily thought she had a point and, by the look on Phoebe-Ann’s face, she knew her sister felt the same way.

  Chapter Twenty

  ALL JAKE COULD REMEMBER was walking back into the house and seeing the four of them wading in with fists flying. He remembered Jimmy Parkinson hitting him in the face and he’d stumbled. He remembered a wave of pain washing over him and then nothing until he’d come round in the austere, white-tiled ward in the Royal Infirmary. His ma and Vinny were standing by the bed but the first person he’d asked for was Phoebe-Ann until his ma reminded him what had happened. He’d been given something to quieten him and he’d slept but the next morning a doctor, accompanied by a sister and a nurse, had come and told him that he’d never walk again. They’d used fancy words and terms that he didn’t understand, trying to explain what had happened to him. In the end he’d just blurted out ‘What the hell is all that supposed to mean?’ and they’d told him.

  At first he hadn’t believed them but as he’d tried to move his legs – so hard had he tried that the sweat stood out on his forehead, and they’d not moved an inch – he’d realized it was the truth. He’d raged and cursed and finally wept like a child. He’d sworn and damned Phoebe-Ann and her brothers to all the torments of hell. Then he’d sunk into a black depression which hadn’t lifted at all. He had been sorry he’d beaten Phoebe-Ann and he really didn’t mind the fact that her brothers had come to exact retribution, but had the bastards needed to cripple him? He’d alternated between moods of fury and dire self-pity until they’d told him they could do no more for him.

  He demanded they take him home in an ambulance; at least people would see how badly he’d been hurt and wouldn’t mock, he hoped. It was a vain hope. The residents of Mona Street hated them all so much they were all on their doorsteps grinning and pointing.

  Vinny and Franny helped to get him indoors.

  ‘Get him in the house, the pair of yez, before they all choke laughin’,’ Ma snapped and the front door was slammed behind them. It was a hollow, ominous sound, like the door of a prison cell closing and he’d grown to hate the house, for it had become his prison.

  As the dreary, tedious days passed, he watched his brothers with something akin to hatred as they moved effortlessly around and came and went as the mood took them. Something he would never do again and they took it so much for granted, too, he thought bitterly.

  After four weeks he thought he’d go mad if he didn’t get out of the house. ‘I’m bloody sick of these four walls. Can’t one of you get me out for a bit?’ They’d all just arrived home and he felt even more trapped.

  ‘If yez think I’m pushin’ yez up the street wit them all standin’ on their bloody doorsteps and skittin’ me, yez ’ave got another think comin’!’ Ma announced. ‘One of youse lot can take him, I’ve got enough on me ’ands.’

  ‘Sod off! I’m not pushin’ him! Be like pushin’ a bloody pram!’ Seamus stated. ‘He got himself into this by marryin’ her in the first place! Bejasus! We warned him often enough.’

  ‘That’s a nice thing ter say, isn’t it!’ Vinny snapped.

  ‘It’s the bleedin’ truth, an’ now we’ll have to support him too! He can’t work.’

  ‘What’s all this “we”? You haven’t been doin’ much work yourself lately,’ Vinny shot back.

  ‘Not for the want of tryin’. There’s no bloody work to be had.’

  ‘Shut yez bloody gobs, the pair of yez! It’s not much ter ask, is it? Look at all the extra work I’ve got with him,’ Ma stated hotly.

  Jake felt as though they were talking about him as though he wasn’t even in the room or as if he were mentally retarded.

  ‘I didn’t effin’ well ask to be crippled!’ he bawled.

  ‘Well you are and there’s nothin’ you can do about it,’ Peader yelled at him. They were all still smarting with humiliation, for most of the b
lack squad, and in particular the O’Rourkes, had done nothing but poke fun at them. ‘I’m goin’ to fix that Welsh bastard. It wasn’t his quarrel. He’ll have to come back some time, he’ll lose his job.’

  ‘He’s gone. Back to where he came from,’ Seamus announced.

  ‘Shit-scared, I’ll bet!’ Peader mocked.

  ‘What good will it do beatin’ any of them up now? Just lose our jobs, like Seamus, an’ things are bad enough,’ Franny said gloomily.

  ‘Listen ter the little yellow bastard!’ Peader mocked.

  Ma lashed out with the wet cloth she was holding, catching Peader across the face. ‘Don’t you call ’im a bastard! He was born in wedlock like yez all were! If yer da was ’ere he’d belt yer. If ’e was ’ere he’d sort yez all out!’

  ‘I’m sick of hearin’ that! It’s all yer ever whinge on about and have done for years! Iffen yer da was ’ere! Iffen yer da was ’ere!’ Peader yelled at her, holding his cheek, which bore the red mark where the cloth had caught it.

  ‘Shut yer bloody gob or it’ll be me brush that yez’ll get across the head and not a bit of rag!’

  Jake felt weary. His battered spirits cried out for some peace and solace but all they ever did was scream and yell at each other.

  ‘I’m glad I’m goin’ back tomorrow. To get away from you two at least!’ Vinny cried, before he stormed out.

  ‘Where are yez goin’ now? I can’t move ’im by meself,’ Ma shouted after him, as Franny, Peader and Seamus all reached for their jackets.

  ‘Down to the ale-house. I’m not stayin’ here to listen to you moanin’ and whingein’ all day,’ Peader flung over his shoulder at her.

  When they’d all gone she stared down at Jake with annoyance. ‘Get no bloody ’elp from any of them.’

  ‘Ma, I didn’t ask to be stuck in this chair.’

  ‘An’ I didn’t ask for all the extra work. I get no peace. Our Seamus is right, yer shouldn’t ’ave married the bitch. Yer don’t see ’er runnin’ to look after yez. She ’asn’t even ’ad the decency ter ask after yez.’

  ‘I shouldn’t ’ave belted her,’ Jake muttered.

  ‘Yer shouldn’t ’ave married her. What am I goin’ ter do when they’ve all gone off? Our Seamus is no bloody good, he’s no ’elp an’ he’s got no money either.’

  ‘You’ll just have to manage, won’t yer?’ he snapped at her. ‘You’ll have to stay in more.’

  ‘Stay in! Stay in! That’s all I do. I can’t ’old me head up now an’ all this washin’ because yer can’t stop yerself from doin’ everythin’ under yer. It’s worse than when yez was a babby.’

  Jake burned with humiliation. ‘You’re a bloody-minded, bad-mouthed, old bitch!’

  ‘Start callin’ me names, meladdo, an’ I’ll not lift a finger to ’elp yer. Yer can sit in yer own muck all day an’ night!’

  Jake looked around for something to throw at her but there was nothing within reach. Instead he glared at her with such intense hatred that she slammed out of the room.

  She stuck it for three days after they’d gone back to sea. As she’d predicted, Seamus was no help to her at all. She saw the years ahead of her stuck in the house, loaded down with washing and extra chores, for a nurse had come in to see him and had told her that the house was a disgrace and that if she didn’t clean it up, she’d have the Board of Public Health down on her. She’d told her to use more bleach and Jeyes Fluid unless she wanted them all to go down with typhoid fever or dysentery. The hardfaced bitch had also told her to change Jake more often; he was getting sores that would turn bad if left. She’d fumed and ranted and raved for hours after the woman had gone. Well, she’d had enough of it. He wasn’t her responsibility any more. He had a wife. She could look after him. She’d done her bit, now it was that stuck-up, Orange, floosie’s turn, whether she liked it or not.

  ‘We’re goin’ out,’ she informed Jake.

  He looked hopeful, thinking the nurse’s words had had some effect, despite all her ravings to the contrary. ‘Where?’

  ‘Out, I said. An’ yer keep yer eyes straight ahead of yer. Ignore them all! I’m not havin’ yer shame me.’ She had started to pile together the old strips of sheets and towels on the table, together with the things the nurse had left her. She looked around for something to put them all in. Rummaging behind the sofa, she pulled out an old sugar sack and began to stuff them all inside it.

  ‘What are yer doin’?’

  ‘I’m gettin’ yer things together.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘I’ve had enough of yer! Yer goin’ back to yer wife!’

  He looked aghast. Hadn’t he had enough to put up with, enough humiliations. ‘I’m not goin’!’

  ‘Yez are!’

  ‘You wait until our Seamus gets in! You wait until the others come home!’

  ‘An’ what good will they do? Nothin’!’

  She dumped the sack on his knee.

  ‘You effin’, evil, old cow!’ he yelled.

  She cuffed him hard over the head. ‘Don’t yez speak to me like that! I’ve put up wit yer since yer were born, it’s ’er turn now!’

  Emily stared in astonishment at the spectacle on her doorstep. ‘What’s this?’

  ‘Where’s ’is wife?’ Ma demanded.

  ‘Why?’

  Albert appeared behind her. ‘What do you want?’

  ‘He’s ’er responsibility now, not mine. It was yer brother who put ’im in this chair, so now yer can get on with it!’

  ‘Oh, no, you don’t! He’s not staying here!’ Emily cried.

  ‘I’m not sayin’ ’e is. They’ve got that posh ’ouse. She can take ’im ’ome.’

  Emily was acutely aware that the curtains were twitching up the entire length of the street. She also felt a pang of sympathy for Jake Malone. ‘You can’t just dump him here!’

  ‘I can, an’ I am!’

  ‘What kind of a mother are you? Haven’t you got any feelings for him? He’s your own flesh and blood!’ Emily demanded.

  ‘An’ he upped and married her after I’d told ’im he was bein’ a bloody fool! It’s his own fault he’s like this. I’ve had enough! He’s turnin’ me house into a bleedin’ ’ospital an’ bag-wash an’ it’s stinkin’ ter high heaven an’ all!’

  ‘I would have thought it did that before this,’ Emily retorted.

  Ma Malone glared at her. ‘Yer can say what yer like, ’e’s not comin’ back with me!’ And with that she turned and stumped away.

  Emily and Albert looked at each other.

  ‘We can’t leave him on the doorstep,’ Albert said quietly.

  ‘How is she going to take it? What will she say?’

  ‘I’m not paralysed in me head an’ all!’ Jake roared at them.

  ‘No, you’re not. Give me a hand with him?’ Emily asked Albert.

  They left him in the kitchen while Emily went upstairs for her sister and Albert returned to the yard where he was mending a harness.

  ‘What was all the noise about?’ Phoebe-Ann asked.

  ‘It was your mother-in-law.’

  ‘What did she want?’

  Emily sat down on the bed. ‘She brought Jake round and left him. He’s in the kitchen.’

  ‘No! No! I won’t see him! I won’t!’

  ‘I’m afraid you’ll have to Phoebe-Ann. She said he’s your responsibility now and she’s right.’

  ‘I don’t want anything to do with him!’

  ‘Phoebe-Ann, you’ve got no choice, I’m afraid. He is your husband. He can’t hurt you now. In fact, I feel quite sorry for him.’

  ‘Sorry?’

  ‘Yes. It must have been awful for him to be dumped here. She just walked away and left him. Fine mother she is!’

  ‘Em, I don’t want to go back.’ Phoebe-Ann was near to tears.

  ‘I know what you’ve been through, and we’re all sorry it happened, but I know what Mam would have said.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You took your vows, free
ly, in a church and before God, to love, honour and obey, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. You’ve got to take him back, there’s no other way!’

  Phoebe-Ann began to cry and Emily felt sorry for her, but the time for tears and recriminations was past. He couldn’t stay here, it just wasn’t possible. Not only for his sake but she knew her brothers would turn him out. ‘Stop that and pull yourself together! You’re not a child, you’re a married woman. You’ve got to grow up, Phoebe-Ann.’

  ‘How can you say that to me after what he did to me?’ Phoebe-Ann wailed.

  ‘I know it’s hard, terribly hard, but, as I’ve already said, he can’t hurt you now. He’ll depend on you, not the other way around. You’ll have to be the strong one from now on.’

  ‘I don’t want to be!’

  Emily was getting annoyed. ‘For heaven’s sake, Phoebe-Ann, grow up! He’s your responsibility and what’s more you’ll have to be the bread-winner from now on, too. Dry your eyes and come down with me while we try and sort this out.’

  Reluctantly, Phoebe-Ann wiped away her tears. Emily had never spoken to her like that before. Didn’t she understand how terrified she was of him?

  Some of her fear diminished when she saw him. He looked as though he’d shrunk. Or was that because he was sitting in the chair?

  ‘I’ll make you both a cup of tea and then you can sort it all out between you,’ Emily said firmly as Phoebe-Ann sat down.

  Neither of them spoke until Emily had made the tea, poured it and then left the room.

  ‘I didn’t want to come here. That old bitch brought me!’ Jake blurted out, frustration and bitterness gnawing at his insides.

  ‘How . . . how are you?’

  ‘Don’t ask bloody stupid questions! I’m crippled, that’s how I am and by your bleedin’ brother!’

  ‘You beat me! You beat me senseless! What did you expect?’

  ‘Lots of men belt their wives every day but they don’t end up a cripple.’